Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Back On The Grid

"Looks fine to me, pussies."

I forgot how much moving sucks the high, hard one.  Fuck my butt this blows.  The good news is we finally have Internet so I can resume my normal Tuesday duties.  I know, I know, THANK GOD! Amiright?  I'm still in the process of unpacking my fucking life from all of these boxes so here are some talking points today while Cakes and Ide gay sex each other to how awful of a place the entire state of Florida is.

Dick Sherman needs to shut his pie hole already.  This rivalry between he and Crabtree is a pretty odd one.  And stupid one.  Apparently this dopey fucking spat began in 2013 because of a celebrity softball game or some shit.  Whatever.  I really don't give a rat's ass how it started.  It's moronic and Sherman is making himself look pathetic.  Sherman claims to be the greatest corner in the league, yes?  And his contract reflects that, right?  Then why is he spending so much time talking about a receiver that pretty much defines mediocrity?  They're division rivals, I know.  But who cares?  You didn't see Darrelle Revis calling out Brian Hartline every chance he got.  Enough with the Crabtree shit.  It's fucking lame.

This Toledo water crisis has been cracking me up.  Everyone is acting like it's the beginning of the extinction of man.  Sure it's annoying not being able to use water and having to drive 30 minutes one way to get it; but I'm pretty confident that life as we know it will go on.  It's not until Toledoans CAN'T have water where they actually want water.  And as far as "we can't shower!" goes...I've spent enough time around people in Toledo to know they are used to skipping showers on the reg.  Should have been an easy transition for most citizens.  But whatever you do, DO NOT joke about the water crisis on social media.  People are SUFFERING IN THE STREETS GOD DAMMIT!!

So Kevin Love to the Cavs is pretty much a done deal then.  I mean, at this point anything less than the NBA finals is a complete and total LOL, right?  Where would that rank in the history of all time sports letdowns if the Cavs miss the Finals this year?  Top 5?  I would think so.  I mean, the Heat managed to make the Finals in year one with a roster that looks to be inferior to the one the Cavs are currently constructing.  The Cavs have to win at least two games in the NBA finals with this roster, IMO.  Anything shy of that is a failure assuming the team doesn't suffer any catastrophic injuries along the way.

On a sad note, neck AIDS got the best of David Wilson and forced him into early retirement.  I really do feel bad for Wilson.  He seems like a good kid and he said all the right things to the media when announcing the bad news.  I can't imagine what that would be like and he handled it with the grace of a true professional.  He's one of those guys I hope finds success elsewhere.  And I can't thank Wilson enough for being the cause of this gem of a GIF below.  That'll be it today.  I can think of no better way to end a blog.



Anonymous said...

Iceman will become the Florida sports fan that just points out deficiencies with every other program. Ugh. Thank God you moved there post-Heat. Wouldn't want you latching on to a fashionable champion since you talk about Ohio and its sports like something you escaped.

"Everyone is acting like it's the beginning of the extinction of man."

Are you really trivializing an entire region from being denied DRINKING WATER?! The fuck? You do realize what all water actually goes into, right? I get cracking jokes on hilarious Toledo, but your argument on an entire area not having water AT ALL and bitching about it is pretty fucking grim. Shower jokes are funny, laughing at likely your family for only being able to drink bottled beverages for an entire week plus (no coffee! for those that drink that shit) is cruel.

Hilarious that you point out the sad note as some shitty RB getting back AIDS.


Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ discovering that Ide's moral high ground starts at the Toledo region's fresh water supply. What. The. Fuck.


Grumpy said...

Ide probably owns stock in a bottled water company.

GMoney said...

I am appalled by Ide's pro-Toledo stance. This is very unbecoming and unsettling. This is why environmental regulations exist.

I think that those are reasonable expectations for the Cavs but I'll go further and say title or bust.

T. Iceman said...

Ide is just taking the opposite side of every one of my TAEKS. Which is fine because he's making himself look like a fucking idiot which is always welcome. The guy who rips on Toledo the most on this blog is now their #1 supporter. #ToledoAid. Okay. Makes sense. Im not surprised I'm not the first one to call him out for being a grubby fucking twat.

G$ sacking up with title or bust. I would almost agree with you but I think as long as they equal what that first Heat squad did you can say it was success. 2 Finals wins. Especially since the Cavs have been so shitty as of late. Wiggins has to be pissed even though he's saying the right things. I'm pretty impressed by how he's handling this. Very Canadian of him.

LOL. I can't get over Ide being pro Toledo. He'll probably move there now and it'll be TOTES better than Brooklyn. He should be best friends with Toledo's hottest celebrity in no time. Who is that, even? Ide...care to enlighten the room?

Mr. Ace said...

The Toledo stuff is a pretty big deal. And it's pretty likely to happen again. Gross. And the Toledo brass came off like dumb ducks for pushing back test results every hour for a day.

Sherman is doing his best Jordan impersonation. He is using a slight as motivation and destroying the other guy. I get it...and I love it because he's fucking awesome. I'm sure he'll move on to something/somebody else after this year.

We should all buy Iceman hoodies to welcome him to Florida.

T. Iceman said...

It just cracked me up that people who still live in Toledo were acting like there were dead bodies being carted off the streets by the truck load. If that was really happening it was more likely because of the obesity than the poison algae water.

I get wanting to dominate your opponent and get in their head and all that shit, Ace. But Crabtree isn't this dominating receiver where Sherman needs those tactics to slow him down. He's average. Sherman made his point in the NFC championship game but now he needs to move on.

GMoney said...

The only team that would beat the rumored Cavs roster is SA and they have never gone back to back so I'll call my shot.

Feel Seems GIF is the GOAT.

Toledo = Chernobyl...who would have ever thought Li'l Detroit is worse than Detroit???

McCarthy > Scherzer...FACT

Jeff said...

Florida > Ohio, especially Toledo, IMO. Ides compassion for Toledo is hilarious. New job is nice but commenting from my phone sucks which is why I don't comment as much. Your loss, probably not, but whateves

GMoney said...

You should never take a job that blocks this site. You know who doesn't block this site? Handjobs.

Cakes said...

The water crisis annoys me because of the constant crawl of pointless news on the bottom of the screen. Did you know that you shouldn't drink the water? You didn't? Well channels 13,24,36 and 11 have you covered. DON"T DRINK THE FUCKING WATER!

Luckily for me, BG was in the clear. That didn't stop my crazy pregnant wife from buying a whole Culligan jug even though I explained to her that our water source didn't come from the lake. She didn't care. She asked me to THINK OF THE BABY! I guess facts aren't good enough for her.

Once again it's nice to know that society is teetering on the brink of collapse at any given moment.


T. Iceman said...

Whew! Comments really blowing up today. I really know how to write em.

T. Iceman said...

Spurs must be desperate. They're hiring women to help coach the team. Ace is gonna go out and buy a pink and my Hammon jersey.

Cakes said...

All Hail Willie Snead

Prime99 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prime99 said...

Ide's moral high ground today was phenomenal. Racism? Good. Mandatory C-sections for all women? Sweet! Playing a Nazi in a movie? Of course! Making fun of Toledo's drinking water? GTFO MOFO! Not cool, BRAH!

GMoney said...

The Cavs just moved ahead of San Antonio in Cakes NBA and RB Rankings simply due to not employing a les-bot.

Gregg Popovich done got soft.

Since Z, Seal, Jeff, Cakes, AND Li'l Strut all have kids on the way (and soon), I think that I will have to write up my One Week Dad Guide To Fatherhood tomorrow or later this week. It will be packed to the brim with huge errors!

Cakes said...

Nice, G$! I was actually going to request that you do something like that.

GMoney said...

Jerry Jones slut pictures...YES!

T. Iceman said...

Girls love an old Texas coot with endless cash! But gross. Really gross, ladies.