Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Today is THE DAY

Sup BRAH!  CHA BRAH!
By the time that any of you roll away from Big Jim and get out of bed this morning, I will already be at Ohio Buckeyes Hospital preparing for the birth of my heir and future Queen of America. She$ is scheduled to be induced at the ELITE time of 5 AM--2 days past our original due date. She is ready for this to be over. So am I.

At some point today (hopefully...I am not known for my patience), little Jetera LeBron Sean Taylor Carry The Flag #MACtion Hawks Pizza & Drive Thru Money will be brought into this world and my life will never be the same. I mean, it probably will, I'll just be more tired all the time.

This should be an anxiety-filled and scary day for the legend. They say that the average labor time for your first kid is something like 12-16 hours. ON AVERAGE. I told the wife that she gets two hours before I go back home. I also have a ton of ELITE jokes to unload during the day that should have all of the medical people there in stitches. It's a damn shame that I won't get to use this one though as it is pure gold:

"She$'s contractions just started but I'm not going to take her to the hospital until she uses two in the same sentence"

That's just a little pregnancy/English class humor for you right there that will go wasted. In other Money Shot contributor news...

As we all know, Iceman has made the big move to Gainesville this week. Sorry, Florida. Also, Mr. Ace emailed me the other night saying that all of the issues that went down with his dad within the last week or two did not work and more procedures/surgery will be required. That stinks and we all wish Big Ace the best. Ace has asked to go on a temporary hiatus from his Thursday posts until things can get back to normal in his life and that is an easy request to grant. Take all the time you need. Let's hope that we can get him back in time to deliver shitty football gambling advice.

We probably should have spaced out our life-changing events a little bit better but whatever. I'd bet good money that Iceman wasn't expecting that his cross-country move would be rendered inconsequential by the two of us this week! I plan on having something up tomorrow but I have no idea what it will be and I've asked Iceman to write something for Friday but he doesn't have the worldwide web in his new digs yet (maybe) so who knows.

This baby better be white...LET'S DO THIS!  I'm gonna crank Master Of Puppets in the Delivery Room so everyone can stay hype.

31 comments:

GMoney said...

The wait is on...

Anonymous said...

An historic day at the money shot!

Here are famous people your kid will share a birfday with:

Henry Ford!

Bud Selig!!!!!!!

Tom Green!

Carlos Arroyo!!

Kevin Pittsnoggle

Last...but certainly not least..my dog turns 3 today.

--Drew (birfed in my COY year...the year of Drooler)

GMoney said...

Not gonna lie...this is really boring and we've only just begun.

Anonymous said...

Good luck. There is nothing worse than the waiting part. When the nurse isn't paying attention, turn the pitocin up a few notches. That'll speed things up. Welcome to a new world of sleepenss nights and shitty diapers!
-OH Nate

Jeff said...

I'll be about 2 weeks after you. Can't wait! Congrats to us for becoming irrelevant people to our relatives.

GMoney said...

Doctor came in and said that things should start moving along some time in the afternoon...THEN WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE!!!

I know why. For support and to take a monster shit in the Delivery Room. Nailed it.

Prime99 said...

We didn't go to the hospital until Mrs. Prime's contractions were 4 or 5 minutes apart. We went in at 5am, baby arrived at 11:16am. Howevah, Running Zack was 5 days early. Much different sitch.

I hope everything goes well, BRAH!

Anonymous said...

I've heard your wife is gonna be the one taking the monster shit in the delivery room. NAILED IT.

--Drew

GMoney said...

By the way, tomorrow's post is a bunch of hot topics from NFL Camps including plenty of Browns talk so don't go shooting your load today wanting to discuss the hilarity of Josh Gordon's contact buzz.

GMoney said...

If it happens, it happens. We will name it Drew.

Anonymous said...

I would be honored.

No comments from Grumpy today. No doubt in my mind that he's on his way up to Columbus for this birfing. Grandpa Grumpy wouldn't miss it.

--Drew

Nibbles said...

This blog is getting soft.

A year from now, Mrs. Nibbles will be coming here for advice on the best cloth diapers to buy.

T. Iceman said...

That would be so great if your new kin shared a birfday with Ide or Cakes. Or Dut...who I must say has been blowing up the comment section since you decided to take the robot thing off for him. LOL!

No Internet as of today so I am making arrangements for a surprise guest poster on Friday.

T. Iceman said...

Just found out there's an ice cream shop in NYC called Big Gay Ice Cream. There's no doubt in my mind Ide is a regular there.

Grumpy said...

Why wasn't Cakes dispatched to live Tweet this event?

Cakes said...

Good Luck, G$! My spawn is still only an alien-looking being on an unltrasound picture. I'll be looking to you and Seal for all of the parenting tips that I shouldn't do.

I wonder how many times G$ will watch the same sportscenter this morning. Over/Under is 5.

Prime99 said...

No Internet as of today so I am making arrangements for a surprise guest poster on Friday.

/crosses fingers it's Rich Gannon

Grumpy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GMoney said...

Silly dumbass...you never post real names here link or not.

I've been napping off and on. The delivery room couch isn't very comfortable though. Wife just took the epidural and I'm jelly because u want drugs, too.

Price Is Right comes on soon at least.

Anonymous said...

Good luck buddy... 6 more days for us.

Seal

Anonymous said...

"Just found out there's an ice cream shop in NYC called Big Gay Ice Cream. There's no doubt in my mind Ide is a regular there."

Yeah, I lived about 8 blocks from it the 2 years before I moved to Brooklyn. I went once. They had funny names, but really like only 3 flavors. The Snickerdoodle/cinnamon ice cream sandwich was fucking cash money though. Those fags nailed that.

Ide

GMoney said...

Christ, is The Stube open yet? I have enough time to walk down there for a Schlitz or two.

T. Iceman said...

I announced this on twitter yesterday...we are officially Florida Gator football season ticket holders. Anyone interested in coming down for a game...don't contact me. That goes double for Cakes. The last thing I need is Cakes bitching the whole time about how the entire country wrongly proclaims the SEC the best football conference.

GMoney said...

He'll save that for the message boards!

Bring your swamp ass to The Swamp.

Cakes said...

Congrats on aligning yourself with some of the worst football fans in the country. At least Florida doesn't have to dangle fireworks and free donuts to fill up the stadium like you know who. You know what? Maybe it's a slight upgrade for you. Good for you, buddy.

The thought of G$ heading down to the Stube for a copuple brewski's to pass the time made me LOL. I want photos if it occurs.

Anonymous said...

Good luck, G$! Hopefully the spawn takes multiple dumps during Sunday of Week 1 of the NFL season. Watching you clean up poo, ranks high on list of things to do.

Excellent point, Cakes! How has the fact that Michigan has to beg people to go to their games now not been discussed here? Is dollar dog day the next promotion? Hokester would be all over that I'm sure.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

G$.....dare you to ask for a blow job.

--Drew

GMoney said...

From who?

Gaaaaaaaah, this is taking forever and we aren't even close. They broke her water about an hour ago though so hopefully that can speed shit up. I am losing patience. Plus, She$ is watching The Talk which might be the worst show ever. Sorry Chen.

Anonymous said...

Take another nap and enjoy the quiet before the storm. It was about 8 hours for ours after they gave the wife the meds.
-OH Nate

Cakes said...

I'm sure we'll talk much more about that clusterfuck in the coming weeks, Damman. Sure am looking forward to it.

Once the work day ends, can we expect live tweets leading up to the birth of your child, G$? Have you visited the cafeteria yet? Are you currently looking for a pig man? Do they sell junior mints in the vending machine?

Grumpy said...

My bad. Didn't think of that.