Tuesday, July 08, 2014

The Pot Loving, Alcoholic Elephant In The Room.


"Fuck you, Cleveland" - sincerely, a black faggot.



So America's birthday was over the weekend and people all over the U. S. of mother fucking A celebrated in many different ways.  Me?  I drank until I puked.  Friday I decided to venture back to the motherland of Napoleon Ohio and party my dick off at a house on the river.  It was surprisingly a good time which is shocking because Napoleon mostly sucks.  It felt good to drunkenly piss in the Maumee river again.  But we're not here to talk about my ELITE weekend.  We're here to talk about a certain dipshit, cock master who is in the process of completely ruining his own life.

Josh Gordon.  What a peach.  I'll start by saying I wrote this on Sunday so here's to hoping no one talked about this yesterday in the comments.  If so, oh well.  I suppose we'll continue that conversation because colossal dipshittery deserves its own day.  Moving on...

Fuck Josh Gordon.  Fuck this guy so hard.  Can we finally bury this loser, Browns fans?  I'm still reading shit on Twitter from fans and cock lovers like Tony Grossi saying that Cleveland needs to hold onto Gordon.  No.  For what?!  It's time to part ways for good and ditch the baggage. Wake the fuck up already.  This pig fucking colostomy bag will never learn his lesson.  I know this because here we are less than a month away from Gordon's suspension appeal hearing and he thinks the best thing to do is go for a drunken joy ride in North Carolina on the biggest DUI bust weekend of the fucking year.  In the month before Gordon was supposed to be fighting for his NFL life, he is found in a vehicle with pot AND gets a DUI.



Does this sound like a guy who's eventually going to put it together?  We might as well slap 14 on his back and start calling him Blackmon.

I don't fucking care that he's only 23.  And I certainly don't fucking care how talented he is.  Talent means jack and shit if you have the mental makeup of a 6 year old.  This guy is a disease and needs to be removed from the team.  Make him someone else's headache.  From a sports stand point, Gordon has burned bridges with me that will never be repairable.  From a human stand point, I understand addiction is a real problem and I hope he gets the help he needs.  That's the extent of the sympathy he gets from me.  Because guys like this piss me the fuck off.  All of the talent in the world but zero respect for the fact that about .2 percent of football players even make the NFL.  People who urinate in the face of the genetic lottery don't deserve to play professional sports and I find it really hard feeling sorry for them.

Instead Cleveland needs to start focusing on how they're going to replace Gordon and how they're going to keep the guys who actually give a shit about this team and their own lives.  This should be the end of the Josh Gordon experiment and SHOULD be a lesson to the front office.  That lesson is stop taking chances on guys with substance abuse problems.  This should also be a wake up call for John Manziel who was caught, YET AGAIN, partying his ass off.  Pictures indicate Johnny Ballsack was about to rip a few lines of coke in the bathroom.



Unless anyone has another logical explanation as to why he was rolling a dollar bill up like a straw.  It's time to stop partying and time to get fucking serious.  The Browns are even screaming it in your face so knock it the fuck off.  As an NFL player, the party life is a dangerous life and can get you in deep shit quick.  I don't know how much bigger of a sign Manziel needs to get his NFL life together.

I guess partly shame on us when it all comes down to it.  Gordon is a fuck but we're suckers too.  Shame on us for not wanting to believe the blatant red flags.  For thinking that he could turn his life around.  For thinking that he cared more about football than drugs and being a fucking dipshit.  For believing that good things can happen to Cleveland football.  The reality is that Gordon is just another feather in the hat of Browns sorrow.  The best thing we can do is move on and try and repair the damage left in Gordon's destructive wake.  I'm officially over this waste of space and you guys should be too.  Thanks for fucking nothing, asshole.

32 comments:

Grumpy said...

I'm with G$ on this one; let's wait and see where rock bottom is with this guy. It's more entertaining than rehab.

Anonymous said...

There are going to be some terrible Hot Cakes today...can't wait.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I think it's time to cut bait with this guy. Even with the chance that he'll become a hall of famer somewhere else. If he stays in Cleveland, it won't happen that way. He'll continue to be a train wreck. That's just the way things work.

As for Johnny F...take a weekend off, bro. It's not the worst thing in the world.

-Damman

GMoney said...

For once, I can say that I agree totally with Iceman and this might be his most coherent post yet. Get rid of this fucking guy. He's embarrassed you enough.

But, as Grumpy eluded, let's take a different course with Gordon. How about NO ONE helps him since he isn't looking for it anyway. Let's see if he can get into the Stallworth/Carruth territory that he is creeping up on slowly. See how this plays out with no interference from qualified professionals. Let gordon keep doing felonious things with PJ Hairston and Fats Thomas. I want to know where he goes from here.

We had a great look at that with the volatile and bizarre Titus Young Sr but his story just ended with him passing out at a cell phone store. I want an Al Cowlings like sitch for Gordon.

Didn't see anywhere in this post where you admitted that I was right about Gordon not being a top 5 receiver. You should probably put that back in there post haste.

#windians

GMoney said...

And you know damn fucking well that Gordon will get scooped up by Bill Belichick and all of a sudden become a choir boy. You just know it. But oh well, that won't happen in Cleveland.

Anonymous said...

Great post... get this asshole out of Cleveland. Makes total sense that one of the potential best receivers to ever play in Cleveland would work out this way. He has to go - no more bullshit.

Damman said it best with Manziel - take a weekend off, bro.

Really starting to hate Manziel.

Seal

Jeff said...

This train wreck is a great watch. #Wreckthisleague, amirite?!?!

Gotta cut ties with Gordy. At least you have a Sammy Watkins. Oh wait, but you do have the Bill's first rounder next year! Yay Browns!

GMoney said...

I figured it out...Josh Gordon needs to start spending all of his time at the Grown & Sexy Lounge. It almost makes too much sense.

T. Iceman said...

I might actually be beginning to enjoy Manziel's party shit. Only because he's slowly making me a prophet. Seal is almost Team Iceman. I think one more Vegas pic and I'll have him. Manziel is about to do something really fucking dumb (well...dumber than the shit he's already done) and when he does I'm gonna be there smiling in all your fucking faces. Just wait. It's coming.

Drew is correct...prepare yourself for a ton of hot Cakes TAEKS today. They're going to be painful.

G$ was right about Gordon...it WILL be awesome to watch him go the way of Rae Carruth. Good call on that.

Speaking of Carruth...he gets out of prison in 4 years in October. That's gonna be an interesting day. I watch this show called "The Killer Speaks" where they go to prisons and interview convicted murderers so the person can tell the world what happened they way they remember. Mostly it seems like these guys are telling the truth since at this point all of their appeals have been exhausted. One episode I watched, they interviewed the guy Carruth hired to kill his girlfriend and let's just say it sounds like there's gonna be people after Rae after he gets out. This dude fucking LOATHES Carruth and he's a lunatic to boot. Awesome show and highly recommended.

T. Iceman said...

So far batting .1000 with Browns fans. It seems you're all finally starting to realize this guy is fucking poison. Don't worry, Cakes will change that percentage. I'm sure he thinks we can still trade Gordon to someone who doesn't have Internet. Or a newspaper. Or ears. Or friends. Or a fully functional brain.

GMoney said...

But his contract is so cheap! FART NOISE

Get him the fuck away from your non-criminal players before he turns the entire team into the Mean Machine.

Cakes said...

There is no reason to release him. Will he play down for Cleveland ever again? Probably not but that doesn't mean we should relinquish control of his contract. If he's going to completely go off the deep end, it's going to be in orange and brown damnit.

It's fun to play preacher and indignant fan but it doesn't make any business sense to let him go. Even if we get a fifth rounder in two years, it's better than nothing. In the mean time, GET YO POPCORN READY because this guy is clearly insane. There is still a whole summer left for this guy to go crazy.

Are we still bitching and moaning about Masterson not getting his three year deal worth 50 million? What a fucking disaster he has been this season. Maybe, just maybe, the front office knew what they were doing.

Anonymous said...

I'm not ready to dump Johnny yet. I just said he needs to maybe think about taking a weekend off. I'd like to at least see him on the field playing in a game before I'm ready to kick him to the curb.

Cakes, at what point would you cut Gordon? I guess I'm confused at this "business sense" that you speak of? It makes business sense to keep a guy that smokes weed every day and has no intentions of being a great player or teammate? And will not play for who knows how long?

Masterson...bad

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Cakes- the windians front office doesn't know what they're doing. They just couldn't afford Masterson. Haven't you realized that you're a farm team for real organizations that attract fans and can spend money?

The browns have nothing to lose by keeping Gordon on the roster. If he's suspended for the year, they don't have to pay him. Why not keep him and see what happens?

I don't see anything about Manziel doing blow on espn. Obvz it didn't happen. At least Manziel is smart enough to use a drug that's out of your system after a few days.

Dut

Cakes said...

If, and this is the biggest of if's, he can turn it around and play football again, the Browns have an all pro receiver for their team or as trade bait. As Dut mentioned, they don't have to pay him anything next season and it doesn't count as a year on his contract. He won't be allowed to be around the team next season either. I'm not saying it's going to work out for Gordon. He may smash a bong over some cops head tomorrow and end it all for real. But if there is even the slimmest possibility of him returning to the league, I want the Browns to be the team that benefits.

T. Iceman said...

"There is no reason to release him."

How about for starters, it sends the wrong message? Would the Patriots keep Gordon? The Steelers? Any team that has won a Super Bowl in the past decade? No they wouldn't. Because these teams have established a winning culture. Part of that winning culture is that if you're a fuck up then you can go be a fuck up on someone else's team. Go poison the well elsewhere. That's what the Browns need to start doing with these guys and maybe they can start to turn shit around.

WHO is going to trade for Gordon? That's fucking hilarious. There isn't a single team that would offer a thing for Gordon at this point. Because there is absolutely no guarantee he's going to play another down or get and stay clean.

Anonymous said...

Do people actually listen to Dut when he write's things? I sure as hell hope not.

Just to shut you up on your "tribe is a farm league for blah blah blah"... ok maybe from post John Hart 90's teams until 3 years ago this could be true. But when we resign Brantley, Kipnis, Santana, and go out and get Swisher (even though I hate him), it proves that this is no longer. Brantley and Kip are great young talents that we would have lost in the past to the Yankees of the world.

Seal

GMoney said...

By keeping Gordon in the organization, you are telling the rest of the world "WE CATER TO IDIOTS"! Sure, rock solid organizations take risks on people who have way less of a rap sheet but that is because they have a sturdy foundation and top notch leadership. The Browns do not have that AT ALL.

The only thing left to see is whether or not Josh Gordon can out-do Aaron Hernandez. That would be truly special.

Cakes- the windians front office doesn't know what they're doing. They just couldn't afford Masterson. Haven't you realized that you're a farm team for real organizations that attract fans and can spend money?

LOL STRONG TAKE! Don't forget to #votekluber! Yeah, rallying the non-existent fans around such an ELITE cause will surely work!

Anonymous said...

I think Iceman's right on Manziel. Something really dumb will surface soon....like him getting video taped snorting lines off strippers asses. It will be awesome...but, it will finally be trouble for him.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Lesbihonest, the Browns are a shitty organization led by a shitty owner, a shitty coach and a new qb who likes to get shitty wasted every weekend. That's not the place for Gordon to turn it around.

And in Gordons defense he blew a .09 and smokes weed. He clearly makes some bad decisions and needs to work on his priorities, but acting like he is this loose cannon lost cause fuck up is stupid.

And Johnnys issue isn't getting hammered and blowing rails, it's doing it in front of people constantly. The NFL is full of guys who do what he is doing they just aren't asking for the attention like he does.

Browns Bad.

Anonymous said...

"Browns bad."

What a scalding hot TAEK that is...

Prime99 said...

Props on the James Van Der Meme, Ice!

Josh Gordon is so dumb. It's not hard to stay out of trouble and still have fun. Especially when you're a millionaire. Addict or not, he has to be so stupid to get caught time and time again.

I also enjoyed Iceman's suggestion that Johnny's rolled up bill could be an antenna for his money phone.

GMoney said...

Or the rolled up money could have been a condom for Long Johnny Silver.

You are too close to so many lost causes on a daily basis, Ape, that you can't even sniff them out anymore. Dude has failed every drug test that he's ever taken and celebrated that with a DWI while partying with fucking terrible people. Just because he can catch a football doesn't mean that anyone should be chomping at the bit to give him a sixteenth chance in life.

Mr. Ace said...

G$...that's a fair point. I just don't equate what he's done with eventual Carruth level fuckery. He hasn't even Ray Rice'd a chick yet. I still think the Browns should cut him, but that's more of a Browns being the Browns thing than a Gordon thing.

GMoney said...

You misunderstood that possibly. We are ROOTING for him to go full Carruth/Hernandez. Maybe murder isn't the next logical step for a drug addict but maybe an armed robbery gone wrong. I mean, he's going to go broke at some point this year drawing zero paychecks and with a gigantic addiction to feed. Maybe he shoots some poor Apu while trying to rob the Kwik-E-Mart? One can only hope.

12 year olds with crackhead parents need help. 24 year olds who can't stop smoking bud despite it costing them millions and millions of dollars need to be ignored.

Prime99 said...

Josh Gordon's contract demands: "Pay me in bud."

Anonymous said...

Josh Gordon hanging out with a guy who beats up high school children at YMCA's is great. PJ Hairston is the best. I'd love nothing more than to see an NBA player get punked by a high school kid at a YMCA and take him to knuckle city. Hilarious.

Ide

Cakes said...

The kid is 23 years old. I'm not willing to set him free only to blow it up in two years somewhere else. We have wasted so many 2nd round picks and this guy is actually good. He's fucking stupid but he's talented.

Keep him as your property. Maybe he finds The Lord (LOL) and turns it around. Maybe he blows up in spectacular fashion and we all enjoy the hookers and blow he leaves in his wake. At this point, I just don't see how it makes sense to cut him when it costs you nothing to see what happens.

Oh, and spare me with the Steelers and Pats love. Don't want to hear it. If you want to whine about the culture of losing that the Browns have created, go nuts. Use your tears to whack off to Tom Terrific and Rapelisburger. I choose to look forward and hope just for once, something might fall the Browns way.

Ps - how is our coach terrible, Ace? Dude hasn't coached one snap. Lazy hot take!

GMoney said...

Cakes is an embarrassment to homer fans everywhere. He wants to put Gordon on a 14 strikes and you're out program.

Anonymous said...

Cakes is bringing the heat today. Clearly, a week of basketball has worked up the aggression.

If we don't pay him then, fuck it, keep him. If he goes Len Bias on us, then oh well, contract voided. If he shows up on Instagram with Johnny, then can his ass.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Your coach is terrible because you're the only team that has ever wanted to interview him for a head coaching position.

GMoney said...

He's got you there. It's why Chip Kelly sucks because only the Eagles and Browns interviewed him.