Thursday, July 31, 2014

Strong Takes From Around The Shield

Looks eerily similar to The Hoyer Destroyer IMO
As mentioned yesterday, my life is likely worlds different today.  This post was written two days ago once Ape was officially placed on administrative leave and I realized that something/anything had to go up today.  Let's take a tour around NFL Training Camps to see what is going on and you better believe that we will be stopping in Berea.

Emmanuel Sanders says that Peyton Manning is a better leader than Big Ben - O RLY?  This is about as "breaking news" as someone saying that they support the troops.  Way to step out on a ledge there, Colonel Sanders.  Peyton is a better QB.  Period.  Comma.  But is he actually a better leader?  That might be a little more debatable.  I will point to my trusty Rings Index and it says here that Big Ben has 2 while Peyton has 1 and a shitload of chokes.  Sure, Peyton puts himself in the position to win a ring every year but that usually only leads to consistent failure.  I'm not saying that Ben is a better leader than Peyton here but I suppose I am saying that the RedHawks are better than Rocky Top.  This paragraph should get Iceman's blood beyond boiling.  Two is better than one though.

Marshawn Lynch is holding out - Well this is just stupid.  They already have made it known that they are going to more of a platoon due to the toll that Lynch has taken on his candy-fueled body which means that he isn't really part of the team's future plans.  So his way around that is to rack up fines.  I wouldn't pay him.  Running backs aren't worth big bucks.  With all of the Seahawks that should be getting pay raises, Lynch isn't one of them.  Sorry, bruh, get your ass to camp but not so fast that you run over fat chicks.

The Ray Rice situation is still a disgrace - It's bad enough that Goodell gave him only two games for beating the piss out of his girlfriend--on camera--because she asked the NFL nicely not to ruin the career and reputation of a women puncher.  But then sending some guy named Adolpho onto Mike and Mike to DEFEND the ruling just pisses me off even more.  The NFL is getting awfully flamboyant and arrogant with how they treat the fans.  Years ago, they suspended Big Ben for rape allegations (not even any charges filed as you recall) for SIX games--reduced to four--for "embarrassing The Shield.  We all know what happened with Pryor and that made no sense.  Still nothing has happened to Jim Irsay or Greg Hardy (actually convicted!).  I'm not going to say that this is the beginning of the end of the NFL because it isn't but Goodell absolutely HAS to curb the thuggery in the league.  It is BAD.  And don't get me started on Ravens fans giving Rice a standing ovation.  I would expect nothing less from the people who loved Ray Lewis and ignored his murder.

Brian Hoyer reminds Joe Thomas of Tom Brady - Wait--WHAT?

"He's a lot like Tom Brady,'' Thomas said Monday

Wow.  Just wow.  I just don't understand this.  Are Browns fans the only people in America that don't know that Brian Hoyer is garbage?  I feel like everyone should already know this.  Granted, he was the starting QB in the world famous Jimmy Haslam cackle game, but this guy (ahem) COULDN'T BEAT OUT BRANDON WEEDEN FOR THE STARTING JOB.  And now we've got people calling him Little Tommy Terrific.  Insane.

Speaking of Browns QBs... - Seriously, why did they even draft Johnny Manziel?  It's amazing to me how the team keeps leaking stories to the press in order to curb Manziel's partying because they clearly have no control over him and maybe the media and fans can help rein him in.  Why did you trade back up into the first round to take him if you had no idea what the experience was going to entail?  Why are you talking mad shit about him anonymously to Mary Kay Cabot?  It almost feels like they are trying to get Johnny to quit and they don't want him around anymore.  HE IS THE STARTER AND FACE OF THE FRANCHISE.  STOP LYING TO YOURSELF.  Good to see Josh Gordon at camp though!

That will do it for me filling in for Mr. Ace today.  I tried not to be a pompous cocksucker because that is his schtick.  I don't want to infringe on any copyrights.  Dad OUT!


Anonymous said...

Congrats again on da child.

Marshawn is incredibly dumb, so it wouldn't surprise me if he just sits out the year...a year of his prime.

I had forgotten about the Ben suspension. The Rice thing does keep looking worse and worse.

Brian Hoyer reminds me of shitty QB's....not Tom Brady's.

The Manziel stuff is hilarious. Leaking that they were "shocked" that Manziel was partying so much LOLZ.

Speaking of dumb franchises. Remember when the Lions drafted that fast TE Ebron in the 1st round even though they had MUCH bigger needs? He's having big issues CATCHING the football in training camp. Just a small issue for a guy that you are envisioning playing the Jimmy Graham role in the new offense.


Cakes said...


Who gives a shit if they leak the occasional disappointment to the press? If it stops him from ending up in a ice-filled bathtub as a unintentional kidney donor, I'm all for it. Can we hold off on judging Manziel and the Browns organization until at least ONE pre season game?

Gordon is only going to get half a season. If it's any more than that, the ginger hammer should be tarred and feathered.

Ben has been and will always be a rapist. I'd rather be rooting for a drunk who bangs models over a scumbag like that.

It's been real, Masty. I'm sure you'll end up starting a game in the world series for the Cardinals. That will make me sad.

Anonymous said...

Keep the Indians talk for facebook.

Marshawn is in a real no win scenario. Though, I hope he holds out so people will stop sucking Russel's dick when he inevitably digresses since teams won't have to worry about Lynch.

Hoyer may not be the QB of the future, but homeboy is undefeated. You can say he sucks all you want, but he has played well, and a lot of great qb's (Brady) were completely overlooked until they blew up. I'm not saying Hoyer is Brady, but I do think he doesn't blow dicks either. Certainly right in that middle ground. Let's judge him on what he does next. (ELITE reference)

Because the internet is wonderful I saw Expendables 3 last night. That is some hilarious action. I lost count of how many times Arnold said "GET TO THA CHOPPA". Wesley Snipes dropping tax evasion jokes and Harrison Ford claiming he learned how to fly by being a smuggler was all LULZ.


Anonymous said...

Congrats on the kid Gmoney.

What is going on with the Aldon smith situation? If Gordon is suspended for a year that guy should get a two year ban.


GMoney said...

Goodell is the worst.

Thanks for the congrats, peeps. I had to change my first two shitty diapers last night. It was quite a lol ordeal. My kid shits tar.

Grumpy said...

Ray Lewis was murdered?

Mr. Ace said...

Congrats on the birf! Naming your kid after Michael Irvin is a bold move.

Haven't people in the Steelers org always said Ben isn't a great leader? Like doesn't study enough film/stay late/ can't not rape women?

Lynch only has leverage if he is willing to hold out into the season. Dude is a monster and their rb production will fall way off without him. I doubt he takes it that long though.

The NFL really turned the Ray Rice issue into a dumpster fire. Just suspend him 4 games, let him appeal and take it to arbitration and get it knocked down to 2. NFL saves face and Rice only misses two games. Instead they went full tard...well I guess Stephen A Smiff went FULL tard.

Hoyer is ass. Like bottom 5 starting QB in the league ass. I get he won some games but that was on your defense, not him. I think you still have to start him because Johnny isn't ready, but please let's not forget who Hoyer really is as a player.

Ide doesn't know how to use digress in a sentence. LULZ. #Hipster burn

Hoping to get Big Ace home this weekend to recover for a couple weeks before going back in for another operation. Hospitals are the worst.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, that is awful. I'm blaming autocorrect.


Anonymous said...

Wait, who changes diapers mere hours after the birth? What kind of back alley hospital are you in that lets you change diapers the first night? I thought the wet nurses or what have you do that shit while the kid is in the hospital.


Prime99 said...

Ide, they may show you what to do the first time, but unless your kid goes to the NICU, you change the diapers. You basically get a crash course for a day or two on how to take care of a tiny human, before they kick you out and hope you don't let the baby die.

Congrats, G$! Excellent tweets yesterday also!

The Big Ben vs Ray Rice suspension is pretty fucking bad.

T. Iceman said...

Gordon's suspension is all or nothing, Cakes. He's getting 16 or 0.

"NFLPA spokesman Brian McCarthy confirmed to PFT that when the league's disciplinary penalties were established 20 years ago, "the union expressed the strong view that they needed to be stated and mandatory to ensure that all players be treated the same regardless of position, experience, level of ability, or competitive considerations." If the hearing officer determines the violation was "established," Gordon will be "bound" to the one-year suspension. In other words, Gordon's ban could not be reduced to six, eight, or ten games. If the hearing officer finds there was a violation of the league's drug policy, Gordon's one-year ban will stand. If no violation is established, Gordon will be free to play a 16-game schedule barring a short ban related to his July DUI arrest"

And it doesn't look good.

"No player has ever won a case against the NFL on the grounds he failed a drug test due to "second-hand smoke."

T. Iceman said...

I'm at a point in my life where I'm willing to accept G$ thinks Terry Bradshaw is the greatest QB to ever live because he has the most Super Bowl rings. You just can't fix the idiotic way people think.

T. Iceman said...

And congrats on the kid. I hope she wakes you up every 2 hours, every day until she's 18.

Cakes said...

If you can't trust PFT, who can you trust?

I've read AT LEAST three articles that state there is a shot to reduce the suspension. I'm not giving up hope. Iceman is always the Browns wet blanket.

Anonymous said...

Congrats again, G$.

Not that it matters anymore, but when did the NFL ever officially announce that was a year suspension for Gordon? Everyone assumed it was a year but I don't remember it ever being announced and all of the sudden Gordon is appealing. Why does this shit take so long?

Johnny will be starting by Week 4.

Holy shit, I guess the A's are going for it this year.


Anonymous said...

"I'm at a point in my life where I'm willing to accept G$ thinks Terry Bradshaw is the greatest QB to ever live because he has the most Super Bowl ring"

Can't really argue with that...

Congrats G$.

The A's are def all in this year - but pretty shocked they would let Cespedes go.


T. Iceman said...

Cakes is living in Browns Never-Never Land as usual. Fuckin grow up, Peter Pan. The full season ban is coming. Better prepare yourself now.

What kills me is if the only thing different in this Gordon case is the jersey color...say, black and yellow...Cakes would be all about the full season ban.

GMoney said...

What kind of back alley hospital are you in that lets you change diapers the first night?

Ohio Buckeyes Wexner Center! Yeah, I was hoping that someone would come in and do it for me but they were all too busy covering up some Ohio Buckeye crime probably.

Ray Lewis was murdered?

Yes? That would be some ELITE poetic justice.

Naming your kid after Michael Irvin is a bold move.

You poor dumb idiot. She is named after HBK!

I'd still suspend Gordon for a year simply for being a fucktard. You know what is at stake. When when of your "homies" lights a joint, LEAVE. When you stay, fuck you. Plus, you have failed a million drug tests in the past.

I love that deal for Oakland. Cespedes is solid but he's got one year left and I always love it when the little guy goes for broke. Yes, they can beat the Tigers now. Lester/Shark/Sonny G is just as good if not better than Max Weird Eyes/Annabelle/Trashman.

Anonymous said...

As per usual, I get my baseball updates through here, so yay Oakland! Kind of shocking they let Cespedes go though. I did enjoy watching his stupid left to home throws against the Angels, and being cockblocked on drafting him every year. At least the latter is likely to continue next year.


Jeff said...

Congrats again G$

Yoenis! Super Bowl!

Red Sox suck and Lester deserved better. Might just be a loan anyways

Nibbles said...

Next week, the tar changes into chocolate pudding.


GMoney said...


It's not an exact science but winners will always be looked at more positively. Brady and Montana will forever be considered to be more ELITE than Favre and Marino. Were they actually better? Maybe not. But winners set the rules.

Two is better than one. That is always the case except for DUIs and prison dicks and conversations with Grump.

GMoney said...

And please give it a rest on the "let's wait and see" crap regarding Johnny. The browns have lost control and are hoping that all of you can reel him in.

Cakes said...

Why would I care if somebody smokes weed, Ice? I would never be on my soapbox demanding suspensions for anyone in the league for that minor "violation". Except maybe the Steelers because FUCK THOSE GUYS.

I'm fully prepared for a year ban. We ALL have been for the past few months. Don't put me on trial for hoping that a TOP 5 receiver only gets 8 games when numerous media outlets have told me it's a possibility.

God! It really does feel like I'm arguing with a non-Browns fans when talking to you. It's almost like you don't want him to play.

I applaud Oakland for going for it but is pitching what they really needed? Didn't they already have one of the best ERA's in the league? Semmes like Yoenis is a pretty big bat to lose in the middle of that line up.

GMoney said...

Cespedes is good but he isn't ELITE. He's a .256 hitter with a lot of pop. They have a better chance of winning a title this year with Lester than in the next two years with Yoenis before he bolts in free agency.

I HEART THE RED SOX FIRE SALE. Nice 96 Marlins impression, jerks! Guess what: your rotation is going to be terrible for the next few years!!!

T. Iceman said...

"Except maybe the Steelers because FUCK THOSE GUYS."

I rest my case.

Dude. I don't know how many fucking times I have to explain this to you. I'm a fan. I'll always be a fan. But I'm not walking into these seasons with blind, misplaced fucking optimism anymore. I know what the Browns are and I'm not blissfully swan diving into almost certain disappointment. You can call that whatever you like but I'm calling it being a realist. I'm through being the "I look at that schedule and see 11-5" guy every god damn season. It's exhausting being a raging, blind homer like yourself and I'm just not doing that to myself.

And I sincerely apologize for tomorrow. I really do.

Cakes said...

When have you ever been an "I look at that schedule and see 11-5 guy every god damn season"? I can't remember you being that guy ever. Just have something positive to say about the team you allegedly like for once in your life. Even if you don't mean it. I just want to see if you can do it.

Oakland is definitely going all in. I guess I would to if my team were 25 games over .500. Time for the Billy Bean cream fest on ESPN!

GMoney said...

The best part is, Cakes, if this season fails for Oakland, they should fire him and we never have to hear about Moneyball again. Win win! BEAT DETROIT!

GMoney said...

Whoa...Tigers just got David Price according to MLB Network.

Anonymous said...

Iceman is now a Jags fan you guys. More his speed.


GMoney said...

I would be shocked if the ALCS isn't DET @ OAK. A lot of fuckers should/will get fired if that doesn't happen.

Anonymous said...



GMoney said...

David Price reminds Joe Thomas of Tom Brady.

Prime99 said...

Did Verlander come out and say that the Tigers only made this move because of the A's? If not, he should.

GMoney said...

Verlander had no idea that a trade was made. It's hard to get breaking news while jamming to Billy Squier in your Trans Am.

T. Iceman said...

I have plenty of positive things to say about the Browns, Cakes. But I'm also not going to sit back and moronically nod in agreement with every last move they make like you do.