|LOL Seal! Too much lard at breakfast.|
As I mentally prepare myself to go on the defensive from cyber food bullies today, it is important to remember a few things about today's topic.
1. As long as you can say "this is way better than it gets credit for" then you are fine. If you can say, "Kobe beef gets all the love but IMO pig dick is way better and packed with protein" then whatever.
2. There are no other rules.
We're setting this up like a giant, underrated meal. Deal with it. MEAL WITH IT.
Appetizer - Hummus. I am on a HUGE hummus kick at the moment because it is fantastic. Since it is made out of chickpeas (primarily...I think) and I eat it with pretzels, why it must be really great for me! Don't care. I love it. I picked up a thing of Sabra's "super spicy" this past weekend and it was weak as fuck. Tasted fine but I expected molten diarrhea. You lie, Sabra!
Soup - Tomato with Grilled Cheese. No one ever looks forward to this but when it gets served, you change your tune. If you don't like tomato soup then please move back to Iran. In college, my buddy Cap decided to take years off of his life one day by eating as many grilled cheese sandwiches (with tomato soup for dipping) as he could. He got to, I think, 9 and one bite of #10 before going to bed at noon and not being seen again for the next 24 hours. A few years later, he would wipe Juan Negro's semen on his face. Good times.
Palate Cleanser? - An All-Beef Hot Dog. We can keep arguing forever as to what is and is not acceptable to put on a hot dog but the FACT remains that a hot dog is delicious. You know those people who like to talk about how they are just pig sweepings and ground up raccoon pussies? Fuck those people. Just don't boil or microwave a hot dog. Hot dogs are fantastic, easy to make, easy to eat on the go, and kids love them which means more chances to eat hot dogs. Parenting is going to be easy!
Main Course - Pork Chops. I feel like these are criminally underrated. Watch any Food Network show and see if they even mention the pork chop. They never do. It is a simple cut of pig but packed with great flavor. Plus, if there is a little ring of fat on it, it is like getting a free piece of bacon. I would like to see the pork chop make a big comeback.
Vegetable - Cauliflower. We will never have a Food Post based around vegetables. You have my word, Mr. President--Jack Bauer
Side - Tater Tots. Why aren't these more popular? They are vastly superior to freedom fries IMO. Awhile ago, I made chili cheese tater tots at the house and I'm pretty sure that they got the wife pregnant.
Dessert - Handful of Chocolate Chips. I usually like to keep cookies or something in the pantry in case I have a sweet tooth at some point. But there are times when I forgot and the only alternative is a bag of Nestle chocolate chips that may have been in there for at least two years. You can never go wrong by dumping a nice chunk of that bag in your hand and then shoving them all in your mouth and chewing it like Tony Gwynn (no offense). I am at my sexiest when I eat a handful of chocolate chips.
There you go. Just a bunch of different foods that deserve more love for being great. I'll tell you one thing: you give me a pork chop and tater tots all day long and you can stuff your duck confit in a sack, mister. In conclusion, don't put ketchup on your hot dog. Whoops. Let's eat.