Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Open Forum: Go Home, America

They all swallow by the way...especially the Cubs fan.
For as much as I like to rag on soccer and The World Cup, you have to give them some credit.  Without it going on, there would be absolutely NOTHING to talk about.  I'm sure that we could drudge up some old faithfuls based around the words ELITE, OVERRATED, or Netflix but I'd rather mail it in instead.  But first!  Let's talk about the last soccer match that anyone in America will watch for another 3 years!

*I watched the second half and the overtime or whatever they call it that lasts an inexplicably long 30 minutes.  Big fan of Landry from Friday Night Lights/Todd from Breaking Bad breaking the scoreless tie.  I also had no idea that black people existed in Belgium.

*Big Rex was tweeting about how nervous and on edge he was.  Why?  "We" were completely dominated.  It was as though Hitler was playing for a tie that wasn't coming.  They didn't even try to score.  I haven't seen offense that bad since the 2002 Ohio Fuckeye Football squadron.

*That Howard guy was bananas.  I know nothing about soccer but you have to give it to that Common-looking fella.  His teammates were horseshit and he kept bailing them out.  It felt like when the rest of the Jets carried Mark Sanchez to consecutive AFC title games.

*That Bradley guy that everyone hates looks like a penis.  That right there is some hot soccer analysis.

*I really dislike the rabid bandwagon jumpers.  I really do.  I mean, I get that we all like to leave work early and drink but at what cost?  You're supporting the unsupportable!  And I still maintain that this is a fad and that will see only a slight bump in domestic interest here.  It's way more fun to support the troops and your country than it is to actually watch soccer.  Maybe I'm wrong though.  There is a first time for everything I suppose.

*I will NEVER understand those that proclaim that this run was a success.  1-2-1 is a failure EVERYWHERE.  That was Don't Treadwell's goal as a head coach!  Who strives for a 33% winning percentage.  I just don't get this.  I will never be able to wrap my head around Americans being underdogs at anything.  We shouldn't be losing to small European countries in anything.  The FACT that it is OK to most is fucktarded beyond belief.  Raise your expectations, bruh.

*The best part about being a gigantic hater is that I was always going to end up being right.  It was like the Trey Burke Sucks crusade that I lead.  As long as he didn't win the title then I was going to be right.  I had to sweat that one a bit but I was proven correct.  He does suck.  Just like Clint Dempsey and that black guy who went to Akron.

*Soccer sucks.  It always will.  And so do all fans diehard and bandwagon of American soccer.

*I BELIEVE THAT WE DID FAIL!   I BELIEVE THAT WE DID LOSE!  I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE GAY!  LOLOLOLOL!!!  ROLL TIDE!  SEC!  SEC!  SEC!  #MACtion...yeah, nerds, football starts soon

There is NOTHING else going on which is why you are getting a soccer post from a guy who hates soccer and does not understand it.  NHL Free Agency is underway as is the NBA but I don't feel like writing about that.  Baseball isn't very interesting at the moment.  No one is doing anything in football besides sucking Justin Bieber's dick.  Feel free to discuss what you want to and I'll sit back and enjoy knowing that I don't have to write anything for Friday.

In conclusion, have a good 4th of July.  Don't forget to get drunk and remember that fireworks are white trash.  God bless America (except for soccer).

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I will say that this World Cup converted me into a fan. I look forward to following the team and watching the process/development over the next few years. I'm not going to pretend that some weird game against Costa Rica that they lose in a year is going to devastate me...but, I'll be tuning in. They seem to have some good young players and I find it enjoyable to watch. I highly doubt that I'll ever be a rabid fan...but, I've bought in.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I agree with the assessment about the "run." You got lucky to beat Ghana because you caught them laughing at you in the first minute of the game, and who knows, maybe they were fixing games like Cameroon. Portugal wasn't very good and their superstar wasn't at full speed. The Germans dominated you and the Belgians spent so much time in your end you knew at some point they were going to score, I will say our goalie was absolutely fantastic. He save our ass so many times, if they get a bonus everyone on that team should give their share to him. Leading up to this everybody said how good Bradley was. From what I could tell, he jogged around aimlessly and consistently lost the ball at the worst possible times. I also think this was a down year for a lot of world teams so I believe the US will look back on this and see a blown opportunity. And if everyone had problems with the heat here imagine playing in a thousand degree heat in the desert wearing a burqa.

GMoney said...

That's pretty much what I'm saying, anon. How was this considered a success? I get that it was exciting for a lot of people and probably better than what we've shown but 1-2-1 is 1-2-1. That's horrible for the AFC South. That's even worse as a representation of Obamacare and Obama Nation. That's Bert Bielema's non-con record!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ at Drew trying to troll at me last night regarding Rick Porcello's miracle season. Yeah, because that negates the pure dog shit career he has had up to this fluke. What an odd troll failure that was.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ is on you brah....he's only 25. He's proving you wrong.

My only real disagreement with anon (probz Ide) is you can't really take credit away due to that Ronaldo douche being hobbled when the U.S. played without their best striker due to injury.

Bucks looking to add two 5* star recruits this morning....live on one of the ESPN's at 10...I'm sure all of you will tune in!

--Drew

GMoney said...

You think that Rick Porcello is budding into a superstar. I think he still probably sucks. I'll take my chances on being right. And AGAIN he has been pig shit (downgraded from dog) ever since he came into the league so props to you on going all in on the first bit of success that this #4 starter has seen in 4-5 years!!!

I hope that they get those two guys because I keep hearing about this underwhelming class for 2015! Underwhelming is a perfect word to describe Urban's tenure in Ohio.

Anonymous said...

Class is going to be a beast just like his last couple. Thanks for hoping for the best tho!

--Drew

Grumpy said...

In both games I watched, against Germany and Belgium, we were dominated. With the shot differential, if that were football we would have lost 35-0.

GMoney said...

It really was like watching the 2013 RedHawks again, wasn't it? I was expecting to see Austin Gearing storm the "pitch" to run a QB draw on 3rd and 17.

I refuse to be proud of a team that I just compared to an 0-12 worst team of the last decade in college football.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you on this whole soccer "fad." The U.S. failed. We were embarrassed on the big stage (although that goalie is the shit) I am glad it's over so all the shit on Twitter stops. 59 days until real football starts...

On a side note- I am participating on a team for the Naptown triatholon this weekend. I have had some ELITE prep this week of eating two meals from McDonalds and one from Taco Bell, with no physical training whatsoever. Good possibility I might have a heart attack during my portion.
-Ohio Nate

GMoney said...

I can't think of a better training regimen than alternating the McD's and Taco Bell drive-thrus. Have you tried the quesarito? It's average at best unfortunately.

GMoney said...

Claude Giroux arrested for repeated squeezing a male cop's butt...GO FLYERS!!!

Anonymous said...

The Quesarito is very ok. They use that fake Chipotle rice, where if they used the spicy chicken burrito rice, it'd be lights out.

Now, that spicy chicken cool ranch taco is aces. I tried to order 10 at once, because America, and they wouldn't allow it. I always seem to throw in that potato or buffalo chicken burrito. Just so many ELITE options there.

Soccer blows, but it was a cute distraction.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

I always crack up when people want to point to the ratings of World Cup coverage in an attempt to prove soccer is on the rise. Pump the brakes there, Cowherd. Of course the ratings of the WC are going to be high when all the band wagon fans are tuning in. Show me MLS ratings or other games not World Cup. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say those ratings aren't that good.

Soccer is so dumb.

Anonymous said...

You can put that pair of 5 star recruits in the bank for Urb. The class is now ranked 6th by ESPN. I think we'll be ok.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Iceman...sort of right. But, it's worth noting that ESPN has been getting some of their highest non-football ratings ever....and higher than the World Series the last few years....and I'm sure the WS gets higher ratings than regular season baseball.

--Drew

GMoney said...

It could just be a perfect temporary storm considering that NOTHING is happening besides soccer and America loves them some America. I guess we can get a better sense of the true interest by looking at the ratings domestically of the remaining games. My guess is that they plummet because soccer is not TRANSCENDENT.

Sounds like Urb got two more Percy Harvins today. Hopefully they will allow to accomplish anything as head coach of the Ohio Buckeyes.

Fun FACT: Ohio and the USMNT have both gone 0-2 in embarrassing fashion over their last two games.

Anonymous said...

Fun FACT: MU and USMNT have the same amount of titles, clocking in right at zero. Sources from both teams claim that titles will come soon, while everyone knows that's horseshit.

Ide

Anonymous said...

A DE and LB are not more Harvins.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Making a rare commenting appearance to attempt to justify my soccer fandom …

Like a lot of people, I'm all in on the USMNT. I'll watch every relevant match over the next four years leading up to the next World Cup. Yesterday was so tense (and ultimately a letdown) for me because I bought into this team a couple years back and actually followed them through qualifying for the first time. It's a long road to get to this point, and then you have a chance to steal a game you shouldn't win, and Wondo can't bury a shot into an open net in the 90th minute -- despite that being the very reason he was on the team. But I digress.

I don't think you can dispute that the interest in the national team is at an all-time high in this country. Will that carry over now that the World Cup is over for us? I doubt it. The level of play in MLS is still inferior to most other leagues in the world, but at least the league is now starting to produce some USMNT players and signing other internationals that have something left in the tank. Hell, I even bought a four-match ticket package for the Crew, but it was because I knew I'd get to see guys like Bradley, Zusi, Wondo, Landon Donovan and a couple other internationals come through Crew Stadium.

Soccer in general is never going to be as big as the NFL or NBA in this country. Could MLS someday match the popularity of MLB? I think so. And I agree that you can only read so much into the TV ratings. These World Cup games are one-off events, they're a reason to party, and everybody loves to root for the red, white and blue. It's like comparing NHL regular season ratings to Olympic hockey ratings.

With that, I'll see you all in 2018 in Russia, where GUS JOHNSON will be the primary play-by-play voice for Fox. Should be fun.

- Big Rex

GMoney said...

I'm going to tell Snoad about your soccer love and he is going to retroactively strip you of your 1999 NHS Football captaincy. SMH.

Drool, the only players that sign with Urb are the next Harvins. Have you learned nothing?

If I know anything about America though, it is that we as a people are way more interested in Ryan Johansen signing on long term with the CBJ. This is not going well. Granted, there is no almost zero chance that he leaves, but you'd still like to see this go a little smoother.

Andy Miele signed with the Red Wings. I hope that he eventually gets up with the big club. Hell of a scorer.

Anonymous said...

Fucking faggot gmoney go suck some more dick next time you think about asking about soccer. George Williams would have a lot to say about this.

T. Iceman said...

Anon thinks you're a fag. That's gotta hurt.

GMoney said...

Should I know who George Williams is? LOL you're dumb. Have a nice day, terrible troll!

Cavs are possibly going to offer Gordon Hayward a max deal (14 mill per year). That is a TON of money. I'd probably prefer Parsons over Hayward but I doubt that Parsons would want to move to lake erie.

Pistons fans, that Jodie Meeks deal is quite bad.

T. Iceman said...

The Pistons were 2nd to last in 3pt FG% last year and Meeks is a good 3pt shooter. They're paying 6 million a year for a scorer. And they need scorers. The contract isn't that bad especially when you see the Cavs are ready to pay 15 million a year for essentially the exact same player. Only white. Good move, Elmer Fudd Gilbert.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm a big fan of the Meeks deal. To say it's "quite bad" is worthy of plenty of LOLZ.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Whatever bananas offer that we sign Gordo to, Utah better match like they say they will. I am aware of how not good that offer is. But that still doesn't make a guy named Jodie worth 19 million.