Monday, June 16, 2014

The Cavaliers Hold The Keys: Part 2

Still has never lost to Oladipo, haters
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote part one of this discussion detailing the Cavs offseason. Since then, well, nothing has changed. No coach has been hired (reaching out to Captain STREMPH!) and trade rumors aren’t really hot and heavy at the moment (LOL at the Sixers rumored offer of #3 and Thad Young who blows and plays loser ball). Hell, maybe the offseason is already upon us if the Spurs won last night. Is the “LeBron opting out” saga running rampant? I hope so! I’m writing this on Friday because I am ridiculously busy all weekend. Thus, DEAL WITH IT. Ace, I hope that you are a champion today. Just know that.

So let’s just assume that the Cavaliers keep the #1 pick and are currently on the clock for the next 11 days. That’s not a bad thing at all. This is the most talented draft of the last decade. They literally cannot go wrong here. Iceman and I have already started our rotating NBA Mock Draft and, by rule, he gets to pick for the Cavs (while I get the non-existent Pistons pick…I was robbed!). I already know who he is taking in our spot. But who would I take if I had to pick right now? Great question. Let’s talk about each candidate

Andrew Wiggins, SG/SF, Kansas
PRO – an ELITE athlete, terrific two way player, can get to the rim at will
CON – fell for Bill Self’s bullshit, is not a good shooter, came up small in big moments, Canadian

Jabari Parker, F, Duke
PRO – can score A LOT, offensive game is already NBA ready, high basketball IQ
CON – plays no defense, went to Duke, a tweener forward (not quick enough for the perimeter and too much of a pussy to bang at the moment)

Joel Hans Embiid, C, Kansas
PRO – insane skill set, legit 7 footer with 20 foot jump shot range, blocks everything in the paint, unlimited ceiling, seems to improve every game
CON – may need a backiotomy, in foul trouble quite a bit, has only been playing basketball for four years

Like I said, I don’t think that the Cavs can go wrong with either of these guys. If they end up being a bust, it’s because of them. It won’t be the team’s fault. So who am I taking at #1 if it were my call?

First of all, I’m not taking Jabari Parker at #1. He is the safest pick but has the lowest ceiling and we have enough tweeners that don’t play any defense. I’m sure that he will be a fine player in the NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION but it won’t be in the 216. I wish him the best of luck but he isn’t what I am looking for. So which ex-Jayhawk am I taking? Does it even matter so long as @KUBoobs becomes Cavs fans?  Do I finally replace LeBron or draft the most talented center in team history?

As long as that back checks out, I’m sprinting to the podium to take Embiid. Granted, the back issue is a big thing that the team needs to have checked by at least ten different specialists, but as long as they say he’s good to go then he should be in wine and gold. Guys like this (and Anthony Davis) don’t come around often. This guy has only been compared to multiple Hall of Famers. Sure, he hasn’t played a ton and is a little raw but, like I said, he seemingly got better every game and LOOK AT WHAT HE DOES!!!  Most teams in the NBA have dogshit at center. If you have a good one, then you have an advantage every game. If you have one that can stretch the floor with a jumper, rebound, AND protect the rim then I don’t see how you let that go. Embiid is a fucking stud.

Then again, if his back is messed up, I go with Wiggins. They call him Maple Jordan for a reason. Although taking 3 Canadians in the top 4 over the last 4 years would be really weird. And then you don’t have to worry about LeBron breaking your heart again because you FINALLY addressed the elephant in the locker room (who plays the three LOL Gee).

There you have it. Should the Cavs not wheel and deal before the Draft, I’m building my team around Kyrie (he’s going to re-sign) and Embiid with gobs of cap space and youth to fill in the cracks. Not a bad spot at all.  Really looking forward to defending my position today.  Considering my track record of never losing an argument, I expect that to continue.


Anonymous said...

Embid is definitely the right pick, but the Cavs will TOTES draft Dante Exum.

I find it humorous that the Cavs still don't have a head coach.

Iceman....tell me how Ape's ass tastes.


Grumpy said...

I can wait until noon or until Prime wakes up, but I couldn't sleep trying to figure out how Stannis and all that cavalry got over the Wall.

Mr. Ace said...

Happy first day of the Spurs Championship reign, cocksmokers! The 2014 Spurs are the best offensive team ever ever. We would beat the 72-10 Bulls in 6.

Until the Cavs get a coach none of this matters. They should just invite Brown back to finish out his contract.

But yes, I would take Embiid. The NBA is filled with athletic wings and offensively gifted tweeners, but there aren't many Centers out there that can much what he already has and his future potential.

2 titles in the last 7 years isn't bad, eh Iceman! #math #overrated

Anonymous said...

Grumpy, wait for Dragons Talk dammit.

He took his boats (you remember they were sailing last time you saw them) around the east end of the wall and docked north of the wall.

Special grats to me for winning $100 on the Spurs and also on the Kings. People in NYC are fucking idiots when it comes to sports. Fuck bookies, I'll just troll the local sports fans.


GMoney said...

Iceman gonna eat da shit today. This is why you aren't permitted to call anyone OVERRATED. They just use it as bulletin board material. Hell, Rich Gannon probably beat his kids yesterday because he was tired of you calling him ELITE.

It's frustrating to not have a coach yet but I would imagine something gets done this week now that the Finals assistants can be talked to/HAND DOWN MAN DOWN.

You know what? It might be OK if the Heat stayed together and Melo joined with them because days like today after they failed would be even more ELITE if Melo were around to share the failure.

I think that the best part of the NBA Finals was that Tim Duncan--TIM DUNCAN--GUARANSHEED is a championship victory. That's incredible.

Yes, Grump, I am going to need a AAA TripTik of Stannis' journey as well but that can wait a few hours.

Mr. Ace said...

Remember when Iceman did his Finals prediction thing and tried to copy off your #ELITE Super Bowl system? Remember when he said the difference between Pop and Spo was a 1? Never forget that. His big adjustment for this series was benching Chalmers and giving Beasley significant run...In Game 5! #ELITE coaching move there, BRUH.

Spurs have won 33% of the NBA Championships over the last 15 years. #OVERRATED

GMoney said...

That's a great point. Leave the STREMPHY predictions to the ELITE, son.

Also: leave the stupid Jordan/James comparisons to Larry on Twitter because he just can't seem to help himself even though he knows it is wrong and pointless. You are embarrassing your bros-in-law when you do things like that. All they do is SMH.

GMoney said...

Back to the Cavs pick, I was trying to think of this on the drive in this morning while Golic was talking about Chuck Noll for some reason:

If the Cavs do go my way and re-sign Kobe, what other teams have built around PG and C? It's not a combo that is used much at all. Maybe I'm forgetting some glaring example, but nothing popped up immediately. I don't care. I still do it anyway. Embiid is a fucking hoss.

GMoney said...

Kobe? The fuck? I meant Kyrie OBVZ but I must having "raping white chicks anally" on the brain today.

Prime99 said...

There's the map, Grumpy and G$. Straight sailing shot from dragonstone to Eastwatch-by-the-sea. Braavos was where they got the money and that also works, as the show didn't give the detailed step by step process of acquiring the army. However, by boat is the answer you're looking for.

Ape isn't content with a championship. Must claim the Spurs are the best ever.

Anonymous said...

That map is terrible. Proves the point, but terrible nonetheless. The Neck is not north of Riverrun, that makes no sense as the story goes. If Robb posted up at Riverrun and was the King of the North, then why would he have to go north to the Neck to secure the Twins to fight the Lannisters to the south. Also, I always imagined Pyke being more north toward Winterfell so it was just a quick sail to Moat Cailin. Calling shenanigans on that map.


T. Iceman said...

My words won that title for San Antonio. You're welcome. I stand by my original statement that Ace should never be allowed to be happy. He behaves like a Buckeye fan most days.

GMoney said...

Whoa. Don't you say things that can't be taken back. He acts like more of an Occupy Wall Streeter IMO.

Just admit that you have never been right, open your ice cream shoppe in the Arctic Circle, and call it a day.

T. Iceman said...

I'm assuming the reason you're picking Embiid at one is because both Wiggins and Parker both play LeBron's position? This reads like a guy dead set on LeBron returning to Cleveland next season.

The Pistons took this long to hire a coach last season. They ended up with Mo Cheeks. Maybe the Cavs are waiting for OKC to fire your favorite coach, Scott Brooks.

Prime99 said...

Ide, I didn't draw the map myself you fucking nerd.

T. Iceman said...

I admitted I was wrong about the Spurs before the series was over. When I started this conversation the Spurs were struggling with the 8th seed and it appeared they were in a lot trouble. They struggled again with OKC when Ibaka came back. Shit...Ace even admitted he was worried at that point. But they turned it around and won in impressive fashion. I know Ace is out to humiliate since that's his style...hence the entire post dedicated to me. If that's how he's going to get his sexual excitement, then go nuts.

Mr. Ace said...

I am the least Fuckeye of everybody here. I called my shot a long time ago on this Spurs championship, and not in the LOL G$ picked the Redskins to win it all kind of way. We were the best team all year and I knew it. And then we obliterated the defending champs. So yeah, suck my ballsack.

I'm not a Wiggins guy, at least not above the b other two. I would take Parker over him because he is a sure thing, or as sure as a pick can be. I'm not a fan of guys who don't shoot well and aren't aggressive. Maybe that was just him not being comfortable in Kansas, but he should have been way more productive.

I'm also surprised to see Randle outside the Top 5 in every mock. I get that he will have to adjust his game, but there seems like a ton of upside with him.

Mr. Ace said...

I'll get my sexual excitement however I can take it. The Spurs buried every team in the big games of each series. That's what championship teams do. And you embarrassed yourself, all I did was show how awful your TAEKS are.

GMoney said...

I'm taking a HEALTHY Embiid because I see a guy on the same level as Anthony Davis. Davis is a better defensive player but Embiid has a way more advanced offensive game. If EVERYONE loves this kid then there is no reason for me not to.

It's not that I don't like Wiggins or Parker--I do--but you can not pass up on someone like Embiid IMO.

It has nothing to do with LeBron. If we hang onto the pick, the odds of him coming back in a month are terrible anyway.

T. Iceman said...

Tony Gwynn died. Bummer.

Anonymous said...


Great ending to a great season.

We start out where last week should've ended with Stannis rolling in like a boss. He totes wasn't useless this whole time you guys! This also gives mopey Snow a more interesting storyline. Also, Stannis is the shit. Fat Sam will continue to be fat and mostly awful.

The Children!! I completely forgot about that part and was so happy they included it. Granted they weren't throwing fireballs and blowing shit up in the book, it was still badass. RIP Jojen. He is still very much alive in the books, but since they have no interest in making the Reeds 1% as cool as they are in the books, I'm not totally mad. Meara is still a badass. That wight fight was tits too.

Dany still sucks. Locking up the nice dragons, while Drogon rolls around for VENGEANCE. She is going to suck for the near future.

Tyrion lives! Tywin and that whooa Shae, not so much. So long Lannisters. With Jamie and Cersei the only ones left, they pretty much lost their control especially since Margaery is about to step in. That cat fight is totally going to be fun. Varys rolling with Tyrion is interesting since he kind of disappears in the book.

Brienne vs. The Hound. Man, that was a great fight. That ball shot was cringe inducing until he got ankle deep in her snatch. That was some fine acting. I like to believe she really got hit. This also wasn't in the books but I think I see why they did it.

Arya leaves the Hound to die and robs him. Then she rolls to Braavos to go to ASSASSIN SCHOOL. Her story, which is already the best of the show, is going to be so much more bad ass.

So now the show gets to basically reboot as everyone's storyline just got flipped turned upside down (ELITE reference!). That's what makes the books so much fun, with the new one due out before next season, there should be a lot to look forward to.

My one complaint is the that didn't happen that everyone thought was going to. I'm pretty sad because people would have lost their shit had the show ended with killing . Oh well, I guess it will make next season more fun.


Prime99 said...

I know what you speak of, Ide and I was waiting for them to show that one more scene (which was the epilogue of Storm of Swords) to make everyone go nuts. Maybe they open Season 5 with it, and that's fine.

I also thought this was a great episode, though I felt myself getting distracted by how much content I thought they could squeeze into the finale. Overall solid job, and most of the book to show changes have made sense so good job on that. However, they were basically saving money on SFX by not introducing Coldhands yet (there's always next year.)

There's a line in the book about Tywin Lannister was said to shit gold, but in the end, he did not. LOL

Anonymous said...

Apparently if you put spoiler in brackets is erases the word. Damn blogger HTML voodoo.


Cakes said...

GOT was ELITE last night. They really know how to do a finale.

Ayra always kind of annoyed me but you're right, that storyline is going to be awesome next season.

The hound begging to be killed was kind of pathetic. I thought Telling Ayra that he should've "raped her sister bloody" was going to do the trick. Guess not.

The lack of Tyrion time was one of my only complaints. They did make up for it with his serial vengence sequence at the end.

All in all, this was the best season yet. Waiting until April to start season five is not going to be easy.

Windians back at .500!

Thank god basketball season is over.

GMoney said...

Are we sure that Tywin is dead? If Jon Snow can survive three arrows, why can't Father of the Year take two on the shitter? I'm not throwing in the towel on Tywin yet. I probably should though. Lannisters are fucked literally and figuratively.

Well then...I was not expecting Stannis to show up and go HAM. For being a turd for 99% of the series, that was quite ELITE of him. It took me awhile to figure out why he was that far norf but then I remembered that he took the white walker threat seriously.

Let me give Stannis some advice...make Mance your #4 below Melsandre and Davos. Give him and his people some worthless shit heap place like Winterfell and let the wildlings fight on your side, bruh.

Brienne's pitch to Arya was dripping with pedophilia. Chris Hansen should have outed her immediately. Uh, yeah, little girl...your mom wants you to ride with us in our windowless van because of an OATH!

Shae earned that death.

Soooooo Varys is just quitting King's Landing? I do like how midgets have to travel in a sealed box though. We should still do that.

And then there is Dany. Chaining up your "children" for the crimes of their sibling is WEAK SAUCE. She is a TERRIBLE queen by the way.

I assume that the death that Ide and Prime are alluding to is Tony Gwynn's and that is really low brow of you two.

Mr. Ace said...

Who's going out and getting drunk for Merica? USA USA USA USA USA USA USA!

GMoney said...

You're GHANA get drunk for an America loss? Good call!

Anonymous said...

Fun fact I just learned: the coach of Iran is named Carlos. What kind of Mexican wants to live in Iran?

Also, my buddy gave me a personalized Mexico jersey as a joke. I care so little about soccer that I will wear it proudly. Go beaners!