"How are the DUI laws in Illinois? Asking for a friend..."
It is official. CarmelOVERRATED Anthony is a free agent and will be seeking out his 3rd NBA team since getting drafted. I've never been shy about my opinion of Carmelo Anthony. He's a fuck. I'm not a fan at all. I think he's OVERRATED and his selfish demeanor on the court is going to make it really hard for him to win a title. Ever. The more I watch this guy play the more I'm at ease with the Pistons passing on him in the 2003 draft. It seems crazy to say but I think Chris Bosh was the player Piston fans should be upset the most about passing on. But that's another conversation. This post is about Carmelo and he wouldn't like me discussing other players in a post dedicated to just him.
I will say that I think opting out was the smart move for Carmelo. If he plans on not being Karl Malone when he retires he had to leave the Knicks. That team is an ass buffet and isn't winning a title any time soon. But now the pressure is on Carmelo because the team he chooses now will be critical. This is literally his last chance for a ring unless he can pull off a Gary Payton in the twilight of his career. God, I fucking hate Gary Payton. Carmelo's been in the league 11 years with zero titles to show for it and time is quickly running out. It may seem like he has time at 30 years old but he's a pretty worn down 30. I would say that he has probably 2 to 3 good seasons left in him before we start talking about how he isn't the same player anymore.
So now the rumors and debates begin. Where will Carmelo end up? Let's explore some of the rumors and options for Mr. OVERRATED. And let's not forget how big of a faggot Gary Payton is.
LOLOLOLOL! This team already has more drama than a Real Housewives episode with Howard and Harden competing to see who the bigger star is. Bringing in the biggest "Me First" guy in the entire National Basketball Association would make Kevin McHale's heart and balls explode at the same time. The Rockets would never survive the walking black hole that is Carmelo Anthony.
Another horrible idea. This one doesn't seem realistic since the new Big Four would all have to take massive pay cuts for this hilarious disaster to go down. And that's assuming LeBron stays in Miami. I can see LeBron and Carmelo both taking less money. Shit, maybe even Bosh. Buy Dwyane Wade doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would take less money at this stage in his career. He already has his rings, now I'm sure he wants his money. Because he's a selfish asshole. There's not only the money issue, there's also the attention issue. Wade has already shown he's not willing to take a back seat to anyone even though he is completely broken down. Even Bosh was bitching about touches during the playoffs this year. Now Carmelo comes in and demands a certain number of looks? Yeesh. I see it getting ugly fast.
This could actually work. Shawn Marion and Vince Carter both need to GTFO to the retirement home. Actually, keep Marion as a role player off the bench but put Carter out of his fucking misery already. The only other person that is any kind of diva about getting theirs is Dirk Nowitzki so the bitching would probably be minimal. There wouldn't be any more superstar power on that roster but Dallas has really good role players that can contribute. The center position needs some serious attention so even with Carmelo coming to Dallas, they aren't championship ready. But it's not the worst place for him to end up.
Sorry, Larry. This is the best place for Carmelo to land and his best shot for a title in the next 3 years. The questions is, how do you feel about having this dick turd on your team? Here's how I see it. Thibs is a top 5 coach in the NBA and has proven he can get the most out of his team even when it looks like the Bulls are dead. If anyone can get Carmelo to buy into any form of team basketball, Thibodeau is one of the few names on that very short list. Noah is a top 5 center, Rose is a former MVP and Jimmy Butler is on the verge of breaking out. And getting Carmelo means fans would never have to see Mike Dunleavy ever again. That last sentence alone should give every Bulls fan a semi. Finally...ditch Boozer and start Rose, Butler, Carmelo, Gibson and Noah. That's a pretty fucking killer starting lineup assuming Rose finally goes for gender reassignment surgery and gets his dick and balls back. I realize that the Bulls will have a hard time making the money work but if the Heat can make it work, so can the Bulls.
I think it's Bulls or bust for Carmelo. He needs a title NOW if he plans on ever winning one. Even though Carmelo wants to penetrate LeBron's mocha chili hole, he would go without a title in Miami. Houston is a powder keg waiting for the fire of Carmelo to cannonball into the middle of it and Dallas is just missing too many pieces. Should be an interesting couple of weeks while Carmelo Anthony figures out which fan base to piss off next. For the record, I hope this shit heel never wins a title. Fuck that asshole.