Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Summer of Carmelo


"How are the DUI laws in Illinois? Asking for a friend..."



It is official.  CarmelOVERRATED Anthony is a free agent and will be seeking out his 3rd NBA team since getting drafted.  I've never been shy about my opinion of Carmelo Anthony.  He's a fuck.  I'm not a fan at all.  I think he's OVERRATED and his selfish demeanor on the court is going to make it really hard for him to win a title.  Ever.  The more I watch this guy play the more I'm at ease with the Pistons passing on him in the 2003 draft.  It seems crazy to say but I think Chris Bosh was the player Piston fans should be upset the most about passing on.  But that's another conversation.  This post is about Carmelo and he wouldn't like me discussing other players in a post dedicated to just him.

I will say that I think opting out was the smart move for Carmelo.  If he plans on not being Karl Malone when he retires he had to leave the Knicks.  That team is an ass buffet and isn't winning a title any time soon.  But now the pressure is on Carmelo because the team he chooses now will be critical.  This is literally his last chance for a ring unless he can pull off a Gary Payton in the twilight of his career.  God, I fucking hate Gary Payton.  Carmelo's been in the league 11 years with zero titles to show for it and time is quickly running out.  It may seem like he has time at 30 years old but he's a pretty worn down 30.  I would say that he has probably 2 to 3 good seasons left in him before we start talking about how he isn't the same player anymore.

So now the rumors and debates begin.  Where will Carmelo end up?  Let's explore some of the rumors and options for Mr. OVERRATED.  And let's not forget how big of a faggot Gary Payton is.

Houston Rockets
LOLOLOLOL!  This team already has more drama than a Real Housewives episode with Howard and Harden competing to see who the bigger star is.  Bringing in the biggest "Me First" guy in the entire National Basketball Association would make Kevin McHale's heart and balls explode at the same time. The Rockets would never survive the walking black hole that is Carmelo Anthony.

Miami Heat
Another horrible idea.  This one doesn't seem realistic since the new Big Four would all have to take massive pay cuts for this hilarious disaster to go down.  And that's assuming LeBron stays in Miami.  I can see LeBron and Carmelo both taking less money.  Shit, maybe even Bosh.  Buy Dwyane Wade doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would take less money at this stage in his career.  He already has his rings, now I'm sure he wants his money.  Because he's a selfish asshole.  There's not only the money issue, there's also the attention issue.  Wade has already shown he's not willing to take a back seat to anyone even though he is completely broken down.  Even Bosh was bitching about touches during the playoffs this year.  Now Carmelo comes in and demands a certain number of looks?  Yeesh.  I see it getting ugly fast.

Dallas Mavericks
This could actually work.  Shawn Marion and Vince Carter both need to GTFO to the retirement home.  Actually, keep Marion as a role player off the bench but put Carter out of his fucking misery already.  The only other person that is any kind of diva about getting theirs is Dirk Nowitzki so the bitching would probably be minimal.  There wouldn't be any more superstar power on that roster but Dallas has really good role players that can contribute.  The center position needs some serious attention so even with Carmelo coming to Dallas, they aren't championship ready.  But it's not the worst place for him to end up.

Chicago Bulls
Sorry, Larry.  This is the best place for Carmelo to land and his best shot for a title in the next 3 years.  The questions is, how do you feel about having this dick turd on your team?  Here's how I see it.  Thibs is a top 5 coach in the NBA and has proven he can get the most out of his team even when it looks like the Bulls are dead.  If anyone can get Carmelo to buy into any form of team basketball, Thibodeau is one of the few names on that very short list.  Noah is a top 5 center, Rose is a former MVP and Jimmy Butler is on the verge of breaking out.  And getting Carmelo means fans would never have to see Mike Dunleavy ever again.  That last sentence alone should give every Bulls fan a semi.  Finally...ditch Boozer and start Rose, Butler, Carmelo, Gibson and Noah.  That's a pretty fucking killer starting lineup assuming Rose finally goes for gender reassignment surgery and gets his dick and balls back.  I realize that the Bulls will have a hard time making the money work but if the Heat can make it work, so can the Bulls.

I think it's Bulls or bust for Carmelo.  He needs a title NOW if he plans on ever winning one.  Even though Carmelo wants to penetrate LeBron's mocha chili hole, he would go without a title in Miami.  Houston is a powder keg waiting for the fire of Carmelo to cannonball into the middle of it and Dallas is just missing too many pieces.  Should be an interesting couple of weeks while Carmelo Anthony figures out which fan base to piss off next.  For the record, I hope this shit heel never wins a title.  Fuck that asshole.

38 comments:

Grumpy said...

I fucking hate Tuesdays.

Anonymous said...

I hate cocks in me ass. I would rather have cock in my ass then read on Tuesdays.

Mr. Ace said...

I think Melo to the Rockets would be the best option for both parties. Rockets already have their superstar (Harden not Howard) and Melo could step in be the immediate#2. And Harden controls the rock on that team so Melo wouldn't be able to play his ISO ball.

It seems like he is going to Chicago. I get it because it's the East and the easiest. I don't think they can keep everybody under the cap, even if they dump Boozer. And Thibs has done good things in Chicago, but let's not throw out top 5 until he makes the conference Finals.

Melo hasn't played December for over a decade, I don't think anybody is going to get him to do it now.

Jeff said...

Melo and michigan moving the meter this week.

Melo being a #2 is LOLZ and so is him taking less money, which I don't blame him for. You aint getting that salary forever. If someone is cray enough to pay you, take the money brah.

Anonymous said...

I really shy away from the topic bashing here....but, a day discussion on where Melo is going? Woof.

I think Chicago and Houston would make big jumps if he joins. He's smart to leave NY for either.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Ape- put Thibs in the top 5 then because he went to the conference finals in 2011.

I would prefer Kevin Love, but if that's not possible, then why not get Melo? He is not my favorite player, but losing to Washington also sucks balls. Might as well make moves while Rose still has a chance at coming back and Noah can walk.

Anonymous said...

Later LeBron, lets roll with that for the more ELITE topic of the day.

Ide

GMoney said...

Someone on Twitter (might have been Incarcerated Bob who has SOURCES) said not to rule out Cleveland as landing spots for Melo AND Bron. I about shit my pants from all the LULZ.

I think that Melo is better than everyone gives him credit for. I mean, this was the first year that he missed the playoffs in his career. That has to count for something, right?

This is probably the right time to go after him too. He sees the end coming sooner and he might sacrifice himself more to the cause than for his own stats. He needs a fucking ring.

If he doesn't go to Chicago then he is an idiot. Sorry not sorry.'

Larry is a homo.

GMoney said...

By the way, tomorrow is Iceman and I's annual rotating NBA Mock Draft. We only had to do it twice!

Anonymous said...

I'm takin my talents to ..............

LBJ

Cakes said...

I'm with Grumpy. I couldn't give any less fucks about where Carmelo Anthony ends up. Seriously.

Basketball season is over, bro.

T. Iceman said...

Listen Drew. Topics are scarce these days. It's the biggest sports story that matters. Because soccer doesn't matter ever. Well, second biggest now since LeBron just opted out.

Prime just deep throated Ape with Bulls 2011 conference finals. Thibs is no doubt a top 5 coach in this league. If he isn't I would like to see your top 5, Ace. Wait, I bet your top 5 is:

Popovich
Popovich
Popovich
Popovich
Popovich

LeBron opting out changes everything. I think this means LeBron and Melo are teaming up somewhere. It can't be a coincidence both buys opted out a day apart from each other.

T. Iceman said...

Then what should I talk about, Grumpy and Cakes? World Cup? Indians getting swept by the Tigers? Tom Hamilton's child porn collection? How Cakes wants a Manziel load in his asshole? Grumpy's fantasy to get raped in public by Raperburger? 300 year old oak trees in the Carolina's? I'm all ears, assholes. Get your tampons ready because there's another NBA post tomorrow. Fuckin babies.

Anonymous said...

I actually enjoy Tuesdays... good post, Ice.

Grumpy bitching about content is about as old as it gets around this site... Doesn't G$ constantly post, if you dont like the content, then dont fucking read it?

Lebron is either going to the Clippers or teaming up with Melo and going somewhere. Wow the amount of shit he will get if he teams up with another guy and goes somewhere will be hilarious.

No way Melo even listens to the Cavs. LOL

Just come home, fucker.

Seal

GMoney said...

Iceman, don't let the queers get you down. They're too stupid to realize that the best players in the league hitting the open market is a YUGE story.

Kind of confused by LeBron here. I would have guessed that he took the one year re-up. He's not really going to re-sign with Miami for 4-5 years now, is he? That doesn't make much sense.

If it isn't Miami or Cleveland for him than he is going to take another monster hit to his reputation for being a blatant ring chaser who has no interest in doing things the hard way anymore.

Cakes said...

Why yes, Iceman, literally any of those topics would've been far superior to the snooze fest that is Carmelo Anthony's free agency.

Can't wait to gloss over another NBA post tomorrow. At least we'll have that new show "Tyrant" to talk about. Anything to keep me from cutting my wrists. The season ended! GIVE IT A REST!

T. Iceman said...

For once I agree with G$. LeBron going to his 3rd team to win titles is going to be really damaging to his reputation. And I don't care what any player says...they're concerned about their reputation. Unless they're mentally insane like Ron Artest. But it looks like 3rd team is the direction LeBron's heading.

So at this point we're assuming LeBron and Melo are teaming up, right? I think the Lakers have the cap room for both LeBron and Melo, they have Kobe, Gasol and a lottery pick. I never really considered the Lakers an option before but this could work. It also gives LA a contingency plan for when Kobe finally completely breaks down.

Kobe OBVZ isn't the same player but I think at this stage in both careers Kobe > Wade. The only question is will Kobe be okay with two alpha dogs coming in and pissing all over his bushes?

T. Iceman said...

My goal is to post NBA every Tuesday until Cakes makes good on cutting his wrists.

T. Iceman said...

Seal and G$. Is it safe to say that if LeBron doesn't go to Cleveland all the fans will go back to wishing him death? The next chance he would have to go back would be around 33 years old. Would you even want him then?

Anonymous said...

LeBron at 33 is probably still going to be ELITE.

I think this is a power move to force Riley to make some big changes now instead of another year....and he stays there.

Iceman...numerous things you mentioned would have been more interesting than Melo....including soccer. I almost always find your NBA posts good...Melo does not move my peni tho.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

By the way....a story about Grumps getting nailed by Big Ben by his favorite tree would have been amazing to wake up and read today.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Good point, Drool. Especially on Grumpy getting raped on an oak tree.

Anonymous said...

I honestly believe most idiotic Cleveland fans (which are the majority) quietly still love Lebron and obviously want him back but front that they hate him because it's what Clevelanders are supposed to feel. If you like him and/or want him back, you are in the minority, but are also the smarter fan. Why the fuck would you not want the best player on earth back? Its stupid that any Cleveland fan woulndt want him back.

That being said, to answer your question... Yes, you will see again, the moronic Cleveland fans come out with the parade... because they arent smart people.

If I were Lebron would I come back? It truly depends where my priorities lie. If he is a homer and truly wants to try and win for Cleveland and live back home, then yes. If he wants to realistically win, not tamper with his reputation and legacy he stays or goes anywhere but Cleveland. (Although going anywhere but Cleveland totally diminishes his legacy IMO if he teams up with Carmello).

Seal

Anonymous said...

And to clarify where I fall on the Cleveland fan front, even most of you obviously think im in the idiotic category, I want him back and actually like him. I like watching him play, the guy is incredible. Im over him leaving - I was sour at first, but with what was on the table for him, I would have probably left too.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

1. Pop



2. Rivers
3. Carlisle
4. Spo
5. Vogel
BOOM.

Anonymous said...

Spoelstra is not a top ten coach. Did two weeks ago teach you nothing?

Ide

Anonymous said...

Shocked to see Vogel in a top 5 from a guy that I thought knew his NBA...

Seal

Anonymous said...

I love how the Heat's failure to win three in a row....while losing to an awesome Spurs team...makes Spoelstra not a top ten coach. Ide can be so dumb.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Ice, I believe that the Lakers only have Kobe and Nash on the books. Gasol should be a free agent if I recall. I honestly can not fathom anyone who is a superstar wanting to play with the 24 million dollar man for the next two years. Yeah, that's what I want if I'm a baller...someone old rapist shooting me dirty looks for passing the ball to someone not him.

I'm like Seal. I held onto the hate until he won a title. After that, what was the point? I even wrote about it and all of you applauded me for being such a grown-up.

I don't even think that this would be a question on where Bron would play next year...if the Cavs were owned by ANYONE else. Even Donald Sterling! There is a ton of young talent that is just going to be getting better and the new coach has a pretty solid reputation. LeBron LOVES the area, right, Savannah? The only hang-up is that fucking dwarf in the big chair.

Cakes, if you ever besmirch a mock draft again, I'm taking away your ice cream YEAR ROUND.

Mr. Ace said...

Vogels GM gave him a train wreck of a team to deal with by adding Turner and Bynum and dumping Granger. I don't know how much I can blame him for that.

And Pop will embarrass anybody in a 7 game series. Which is why I give Carlisle a lot of credit. And don't knock Spo too much.

T. Iceman said...

Doc Rivers at number 2? How hilarious. That cock was about to get fired until Boston traded for 2 Hall of Fame players. Then he goes to LA and can't even make the conference finals with the best PG in the league and a top 5 PF. Rivers is a joke.

Spoelstra is a better coach than Rivers. Spo has made the playoffs every year he's been a head coach and has won 2 titles in 4 years. Take a look at Miami's roster Spoelstra's first two years as a head coach. Hilarious. Yet he made the playoffs with a roster than won 15 games the year before he became head coach. Rivers would have been fired if not for Garnett and Allen.

Prime99 said...

Ape, where was Thibs before the Bulls? Helping Doc put together the D for the Celtics championship? Ah, yes- that's where he was. Doc wouldn't have a championship without Thibs.

Pop is the only guy I'd take over Thibs, though I agree with Carlisle and Spo in the top 5.

GMoney said...

I'm not sure that Spo can be compared to anybody because no one else has been put in the position to succeed immediately as he was. It's hard to judge him fairly.

My top 5 of Mount Rushmore +1 would be Pop, Thibs, Carlisle, Vogel (agree with Ape...NO ONE could do better with THAT team), and I think that Kevin McHale is a damn good coach.

Mr. Ace said...

Prime, I can't give anybody credit for what they did as assistants because that's for gays. So there's that.

I like Thibs. I truly do. But I don't think he has been under a whole lot of pressure while with the Bulls. With Rose being injured so much there have been no expectations. He has been getting great results, but I want to see what his teams do when expectations are there and there are no excuses.

I think Stotts at Portland gets overlooked as well.

T. Iceman said...

So you don't want to give a guy too much credit for making the playoffs with a roster that was missing its best player? LOL. Okay.

Mr. Ace said...

If he did it in the West I would. But the 8 seed in the West won more games than the Bulls this year. The Hawks won 38 games and made the playoffs. Making the playoffs in the East isn't any sort of measuring stick with or without your best player. So LOLZ yourself.

Anonymous said...

Agree with Ape.

Spo is a very OVERRATED coach. You act like going to the playoffs in the east with LeBron, Way of Wade, and Bosh is a fucking achievement. Anyone here could do the exact same things with zero coaching experience.

The way Spo handled substitutions to his LOL worthy performance in the finals is abhorrent. Toney fucking Douglas seeing real minutes? Fuck you for thinking he's good.

You may want to point at Way of Wade breaking down like an old Audi. Ok, but, was he really necessary to get all those minutes in the Charlotte and Brooklyn series? You went so precious on him during the regular season (smart move, btw) only to run him roughshod throughout the entire playoffs. Smart move, bruh.

Here's the question you should ask yourself when regarding Spo as a great coach (if you include him in your top 5, that would mean he is great): would he go to the finals the past 4 years in the west?

Ide

Anonymous said...

I want Love over Melo but you need to take one of them if you have the chance. If bulls can keep Gibson and butler an get melo I would do it in a heart beat but I'm not sure that is possible.

Pop is the only one I'm taking over Thibs. He has done more with less than any coach in the last few years.

MJ> LBJ

Larry