Monday, June 02, 2014

Starting The Week Off With Rapid Fire Takes

Enjoy this nightmare
Nothing happened over the weekend that required immediate attention and focus from this blogger so we're just going to address a bunch of lesser topics today.  I used to do this a lot.  You probably remember as avid fanatics of mine.  Plus, I had to drive to Dayton for my cousin's high school graduation party so that cost me some valuable laptop time.  Let's get to it.

*I've done "absolutely nothing wrong" - This weekend was a big one here in Columbus as The Memorial was played.  I have no idea who won because I'm writing this Sunday morning and it doesn't matter anyway.  The fun news is that Phildo Mickelcock is being investigated by the FBI for insider trading.  LOL!  Dude is so guilty.  I have a source at the SEC (ELITE speed on this non-existent person) and he says that Phil will spend the rest of his life in prison.  He is guilty as sin.  Remember how people hate Tiger for being a terrible husband and a surly competitor?  At least he isn't cheating on AMERICA.  Phil Mickelson is pretty much a terrorist IMO.

*The NBA Finals are set - Rematch, NOGG!  I'm pretty excited for this one for the same reasons that I probably stated last year.  Ape is already GUARANSHEEDing a Spurs title which is ballsy and could never backfire.  We should all root for the Spurs anyway because if the Heat lose, the likelihood of LeBron shitting all over those terrible Miami fans is much greater.  Also, if you root for the Heat, Smiling Pop will haunt you forever.  I am picking Miami to 3peat though and if this works as a jinx then I am perfectly fine with that.

*About the Conference Finals losers... - For the Thunder, we all know that Kevin Durant has a tendency to shrink in the clutch and that Scott Brooks is a below average game manager, but I blame Sam Presti who is always considered an ELITE GM.  When your team is playing Derek Fisher down the stretch then you haven't given them enough talent.  OKC was playing the entire second half on Saturday 4 on 5.  As far as the Pacers go, I'm glad to see that Frank Vogel is keeping his job because this is NOT his fault.  They have to let Lance walk.  George Hill stinks and Roy Hibbert needs to find his balls.  Outside of Paul George and David West, everyone on that roster is expendable.  The Pacers are a mess.

*MLB needs to fix this - OK, so if you aren't the biggest baseball fan, let me tell you how free agency works for the bigger names hitting the market.  Their previous team can offer them some sort of one year contract before FA begins.  That player almost always declines it because a bigger pay day is coming.  Once that is declined, they player comes at a cost.  The signing team has to surrender their first round draft pick.  For instance, the Yankees had to give up their first this year to Boston by signing Ellsbury.  These conditions were put on marginal guys like Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales.  The Red Sox ended up re-signing Drew a week or two ago.  Morales is still not playing.  Why?  Because no one wants to give up their pick for him and that condition ends once the draft happens this week.  This IS STUPID.  Once the season starts, that condition should cease to exist.  FYI, Morales is going to sign with the Yankees about a second after the Draft starts because Teix just hurt his limp wrist AGAIN.

*Just throw Josh Gordon in prison already - The guy who is clearly not a top 5 receiver got pulled over recently and of course there was marijuana in his hoopty.  His bro took the fall as cronies are expected to do but we're not dumb.  Gordon has learned nothing.  If he wasn't so goddamn talented, the Browns should cut his ass.  The problem is that he is really talented and keeps embarrassing himself and the organization.

*Who beats the Rangers for The Cup? - Game 7 in the West was last night and this Kings/Blackhawks has been all sorts of terrific.  I can't imagine the Rags beating either of them without Lundqvist putting together a once in a lifetime miracle series.  I hate the fucking Rangers.

That will do it for me today.  Did you pick up super-stud prospect Oscar Taveras for your fantasy baseball team yet because I DID.  DEAL WITH IT.  Good things happen when you're sitting at home on a Friday night watching the MLB Network!  Stay tuned for Ide's breakdown of the Red Viper/Mountain fight to the death!  SMILING POPOVICH WILL TUCK YOU IN TONIGHT!


Anonymous said...

Phil is innocent.

Happy the Kings won....great game.

I predict Heat in 6 over da Spurs.

I also predict that Josh Gordon never plays in the NFL again.


Grumpy said...

Phil is guilty; never trust left handers. Ide is probably a lefty.

Martinez for the Cup!

Can't wait until noon.

GMoney said...

I think that Ide can jerk guys off with both hands. Or four at a time as we learned on Silicon Valley last night.

Goddamn Kings...what a nightmare scenario for all the stud Jacket Backers out there. I'll be goddamned if I ever support all of those old Blow Jackets though. Go Kings, I guess???

Was sort of disappointed that Nicklaus didn't slip and call Matsuyama or Na a chinaman yesterday.

Jeff said...

"never trust left handers" Truth. I am one.

Go Kings for sure. I can root for Gaborik.

T. Iceman said...

This gives me almost absolutely nothing to write about tomorrow. Unless I do some sort of random number prong attack/comparison/breakdown on who's going to win the Finals.

I don't care how talented Gordon is. At this point, get him out of Cleveland and make him someone else's problem. CLEARLY the guy is missing the portion of his brain that controls intelligent decision making. It's just so hard for me to comprehend just how fucking stupid this guy is. It's very Pacman Jones-esque.

After really looking at that Pacer lineup...I have no idea how they've made the East finals two years in a row. That roster is not good. Stephenson feels like one of those guys who will take 20 steps backwards in the off season and show up next year out of shape and terrible. Hill has never been good and it makes me LOL he found a place where he can actually start without anyone in front of him being hurt. Hibbs might be the worst starting center in the league. When you're over 7 foot, you should never get zero rebounds in any game...especially the playoffs.

Anonymous said...

I don't think anything will happen to Mickelson. Placing a $225k 5 day call option is so fucking stupid he has to plead ignorance. Nobody has the balls to outright place that down with insider info. That's like killing a guy on a cops lawn (white guy) and staring the cop down while you do it.

His buddy that gave him the info (they other guy named in the report, who actually deals with Dean Foods co.) is TOTES going down.


Mr. Ace said...

George Hill was traded for Kawhi Leonard. Never forget.

GMoney said...

Phil is a terrorist. I have no proof backing this up but I feel like the government really hates white collar crimes and tries to nail these a lot harder than they do when a minority gets GOT.

Stealing Iceman posts ideas...ELITE!

T. Iceman said...

The Spurs did fleece the Pacers pretty bad on that one. Leonard could be a top 10 player next year and Hill probably plays with his own poop.

I'll come up with something. It'll just be a little more difficult now.

Jeff said...


We all know we are getting a garbage sale recap. Like how much you made, what you found while cleaning out the attic, how much some idiot paid for your comic collection etc.

GMoney said...

LOL at the notion that Kawhi Leonard could ever be a top 10 player in the league. Dude could be the greatest role player ever but he ain't no superstar. Why do I say this? He does nothing TRANSCENDENT(ly).

Seriously, though, he is really good at what he does but he's a glue guy. He will never be taking over games.

T. Iceman said...

First of all Jeff...I would never sell my comic collection. That is just absurd.

Second of all...there really isn't much else to report from my ELITE garage sale. We did cut the hours short yesterday (final day) because no one was showing up. Apparently Sunday is a shit day for a garage sale. Then I celebrated by watching the new X-Men movie. ELITE.

At the end of the day we made about $1,800 on shit we were just going to give away and I discovered the Cuss Book. Pretty successful, I think.

T. Iceman said...

Disagree on Leonard. He hasn't tapped into what he can really do yet because the core group of guys are still there. Once Duncan, Parker and Ginobili's corpse aren't around anymore, Leonard will be a stud. People consider Paul George a top 10-15 player in the league and I think Leonard will be better once he's "the man".

GMoney said...

I guess we will have to wait and see but my VISCERAL and GUTTERAL reaction is that Leonard is a consummate winner but not a superstar.

Mr. Ace said...

I'm torn on Leonard. Like Iceman, I don't think he has been given the chance to show all of what he can do. On the other hand, I'm not sure his skills, especially ball handling, are ELITE enough for him to be THE GUY. I think he will be great for a long time. But I don't know how a team with him as the man would do. Also depends on how long Pop is around. If he sticks around to see this team be turned over to Parker/Leonard then that would be huge. But I doubt that happens.

Paul George is better than Leonard and is verging on Top 5 in the NBA. We just said how awful the Pacers roster is. He dragged that team with him the entire year.

Anonymous said...


Welcome back.

Welp, starting off at Mole's Town was a fun way to get some killing out of the way. Nothing like watching a whore house get chopped up. Fun times. Gilly is the worst by proxy of Sad Fat Sam. This also means that next well will be all Castle Black, all the time. Which is just fine with me. This battle might make Blackwater look like a scuffle.

MISSANDEI TITTIES ALERT! Well, we can mark that one off the list. Nice job, black girl. I love that the only black love story in the show includes a black guy with no cock or balls (in the books, they do chop off both, btw). Way to stick your racial undertones where they count!

Dany still blows. Jorah will be fun now, however.

People are ragging on the Theon storyline, and I don't get it. I love watching that insufferable prick be tortured endlessly. Plus, the flayed man was a nice touch. Bloodiest episode ever? Yeah, probably.

Sansa actually brought some acting to the table! Bailing out Tommy Carcetti was a great scene. My main problem is this. THE STORYLINE IS OVER. They have caught up with the books. If I remember, the last chapter of the last book was Sansa building that Winterfell snow castle. So, umm, I guess it's all new from here on out.

Arya's laugh may have been my favorite thing about the episode. Maybe.

So there was a fight. That went about as well as expected. The look on Cersei's face when it was over was fun. She is a real twat. I was a great big fan of the sound effects when the Viper had his skull CRUSHED.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, they left out why they called him the viper. It's because all his spears are coated in a deadly venom.


GMoney said...

Dany sucks something fierce but the way she runs her Laundromat is quite ELITE. If you want to wash your clothes, you will do it nude.

Sooooo just because Lysa is dead, are they just going to turn around now?

Little weiner-boy Robyn needs to end this series as the King. That would be TOTES LULZ.

So we're all in agreement that we are rooting for Baelish who is currently trying to fuck a barely teenage girl, right? And he wants to do it because he loved her mother. This is an odd story.

I would have liked to see a scene or two with Simple Jack smashing beetles while Tyrion was taking notes.

If you were rooting for The Mountain to win then congrats as you are probably a Lakers or Steelers fan. I will let others figure out that analogy.

Good episode...the final few of this season should be interesting.

T. Iceman said...

I'm not a GOT fan and realistically probably never will be...but I have to say I have mad respect for the midget on that show. He's really cornering the market on high end movie/TV roles for midgets. Solid career for him. Good job.

Side note: my phone keeps trying to autocorrect "roles" to "Foles". Is this a sign Foles is destined to have a breakout fantasy year??

Cakes said...

Why would we cut ties with Gordon? If he is suspended for the year, the team doesn't lose that year of eligibility off his contract. He is still an ELITE talent. Why not hold on to his rights if he ends up ever playing again? If they just cut him, I guarantee the dude wins a Super Bowl MVP somewhere else. It would be a stupid move to let him go for nothing.

Twitter Exploded last night when the vipers head was crushed. It nearly matched Manziel levels for a second. That was an amazing episode. I can't believe how big of a dork this show has turned me into.

TRIBE SWEEP! Can't wait for them to kill the momentum this week!

T. Iceman said...

"Why would we cut ties with Gordon?"

Uhhhh...because he's a fucking moron that can't be trusted. How about that for starters?

Ace, if you compare Leonard's stats to George's stats while they were playing second fiddle, they're pretty similar. About 12PPG and 6 boards per game. Now you look that Leonard has been in the shadow of 2 (possibly 3) hall of fame guys and George was behind Danny Granger. Same stats and Leonard is trying to get his with waaaaaay better talent. That's why I think Leonard has the potential to be better than George. He is doing about the same that George did playing behind hilarious Danny Granger.

Cakes said...

Yeah, he's a fucking moron. NO ONE DENIES THIS. Doesn't mean he can't wake the fuck up and still have an awesome NFL career. Not likely but possible. Might as well be the team that holds the rights to him.

Forgot to mention Silicon Valley last night. GREAT way to end the season. Best dick joke ever.

Prime99 said...

Bummed about the Hawks, however, they are the team I cheer for that I'm consistently most proud of. Browns fans know nothing of this.

I really hate the Kings now.

Don't care who wins the NBA Finals. Either LeBron or Ape is happy. No one wins in this deal.

Good recap, Ide. GOT was awesome last night. Fucking Red Viper got too comfortable. Pretty sure his father was killed by a six fingered man, also.

I think Sansa is giving sexy looks, but she knows Peter doesn't want her for sex, he wants Robin to die so he can become Lord of the Vale. She is down to help that little shit die.

Anonymous said...

Team G$ and Iceman regarding Gordon. If the dude still doesn't get it after being busted for the 20th time and he still goes cruising with this thug buddies, he's never going to get it. The weed wasn't his! LOL. He obviously doesn't care about his teammates or winning, so he needs to go.


GMoney said...

Cakes, are you sure about the suspension year not counting? That doesn't sound right. A-Rod doesn't get an extra year because he is suspended for all of this year. God, that would be awful if it were the case.

Let's just all agree that you fucked up this FACT. You lie more than Ide when it comes to legally-binding contracts. You are an agent of evil and not an actual agent.

Sometimes, with bad dudes, you just have to let them go regardless of how talented they are. Addition by subtraction. Skins did the same thing with Rex Grossman. Too many abortions in the nation's capitol. He had to go.

Ice, your auto-correct is telling you that Foles is a role player and not a star.

I feel like Kawhi's ceiling is really good #2. Someone like Scottie Pippen. But you don't dare build the team around him solely. His game-winning OT strip block was fucking gorgeous. Not as gorgeous as Rusty Westbrook's down 4 three pointer that hit the top of the backboard LOLZ.

T. Iceman said...

"Doesn't mean he can't wake the fuck up and still have an awesome NFL career."


At what point has Gordon showed he is capable of waking up at all? YOU are the one who needs to wake up and realize thug ass fucking dipshits are who they are. This is who he is and who he'll most likely be forever.

Bet you think Justin BlackMan is gonna put it together at some point too. Well, fuck! While we're at it let's see if we can find a way to get BlackMan too. It'll be a dysfunctional match made in LOL heaven. Good God. Unreal how your brain works sometimes.

Cakes said...

My source on that year not counting is Tony Grossi. Take that for what it's worth but he said if Gordon is suspended the whole season, it doesn't count as a year on the contract.

Why should we just cut him for free? It's not hurting the team by keeping under contract. We don't even know what the suspension is going to be yet. Maybe it's only 8 games and we just lost a TOP 5 receiver for nothing. Stop bitching and moaning over a little herb. He could be one of the dumbest people on the planet but the dude can ball out if given the chance.

Even if he never plays a down for the Browns again, maybe he can be trade bait in a year.

GMoney said...

I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that Tony Grossi is wrong as fuck. Suspensions are lost years everywhere in every sport.

What sort of trade haul is a guy going to bring back who has failed 400 drug tests?

You are hilarious. Please don't ever change.

T. Iceman said...

Let's address this one point at a time.

"Stop bitching and moaning over a little herb."

What I'm bitching and moaning about is a guy with the brain function of a kindergartner. Much like we've tried to explain to you when it came to Ohio football sanctions, Cakes...RULES ARE FUCKING RULES AND YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM. You can think the rule is stupid all you want. You can think weed is harmless if you want. Go nuts. No one is trying to convince you otherwise. But if it's a rule then it's a fucking rule and you have to follow it. Gordon OBVZ doesn't understand this.

"Why should we just cut him for free? It's not hurting the team by keeping under contract."

So you don't think this is a distraction at all? Hearing Gordon's name pop up every other week about him doing something dumb as shit? Because the Browns have shown they handle distractions so well. LOL.

"He could be one of the dumbest people on the planet but the dude can ball out if given the chance."

He has been given a chance. Four chances, actually, by my count.

"Even if he never plays a down for the Browns again, maybe he can be trade bait in a year."

Silly bastard. No one in their right mind is giving anything up for Gordon at this point no matter how much talent he has. That shipped sailed last year. Any team in the league is now going to wait for the Browns to get sick of Gordon and cut his worthless black ass. Then if they want to take a chance on him, they gave up nothing for him while waiting for him to fuck up again.

It's time to just bury this fuck and move on.

T. Iceman said...

The Giants just cut Will Hill after his 3rd failed drug test, Cakes. Wanna give him a whirl too? HE'S GOT LOADS OF TALENT IF SOMEONE WOULD JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE!!! LOL.

GMoney said...

Iceman and I rarely agree on anything but this is one of them. If you have a problem, you get rid of the problem.

This is kind of like what the Pacers are feeling with Lance Romance. Sure, he gives it his all on the floor but is he worth the headache? Is that headache worth a multi-year commitment? How do you trust a guy that does what he does?

A lot of similarities there and it is why you all kiss my ring. I bring the ELITE points and analogies.

T. Iceman said...

G$ and I rarely agree on anything...but when we do, we bring the hottest of TAEKS.

Just talked to a guy who went to Pitt with Dan Marino. Said he watched Marino pull out a text book in the middle of a test and cheat his ass off. Wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was cheating. Also said he saw Marino do coke on several occasions at Pitt parties. I think they need to re-do that 30 for 30 and get some of this guys TAEKS on Marino.

Cakes said...

I don't think Gordon getting speeding violations is going to come close in media coverage compated to Johnny's next trip to the shitter. I'm willing to bite the bullet and let hime ride on the inactive list. You guys not wanting to wait for the league to rule on this latest issue is laughable. This is why I'm in line for the next HOT GM job in the league. I'm savy to the ways of the NFL.

Anonymous said...

Iceman stated the case perfectly. Cakes, I appreciate your unbridled homerism but you are way off base here.

Johnny F is throwing out the first pitch at the Indians game on Wednesday. How hilarious would a sellout be and then 3/4 of the fans leaves after seeing Johnny? There are enough crazy Browns fans out there that would this. #tribetown.


GMoney said...

unbridled homerism

Cakes has read one too many Billy Mumphrey stories.

Cakes said...

"unbridled homerism

Cakes has read one too many Billy Mumphrey stories."

This is awesome. I have no response.