Thursday, June 19, 2014

So You Think You Can Netflix

An Effective PETA add

Iceman mentioned it Tuesday, and G Money has resorted to lecturing his homeboy Johnny Football, so you know it is the dog days of sports bloggership. Don't get me wrong, I could easily wax poetically about the greatness of the Spurs DYNASTY, or even about how fucking awesome the world cup is, especially now that the US got 3 points in their first match. Or even the likelihood that Qatar is going to lose the 2022 World Cup because they're a horrible country.  But I know you knuckledraggers don't want to hear about that.

But I do know one thing that we all have in common, a love for ELITE entertainment. And I promise not to lecture you like Ide being a total TV Nazi, this is more of an educational experience that we can all share in. I love me some Netflix. I have watched more awful movies than I care to share in the search of the next great hidden gem. Today I will share the knowledge I have gained by drudging through awful entertainment so you don't have to.

TV Shows
House of Cards: WATCH THIS SHIT! WATCH IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I have only watched the first season, but I really really like this show. I am a person who believes that Washington DC is the most corrupt place on the earth and our government is mostly a sham, at least in the sense that its purpose is to serve us common folk. House of Cards illustrates this perfectly, and in a way that isn't exaggerated or hard to believe. Highly recommend this show.

Freaks and Geeks: I never watched this show when it originally aired, and since it only lasted 18 episodes I am guessing most of you didn't either. But during spring break I still had to show up to school, so I spent my days catching up on random shit that I thought might be interesting on Netflix. Freaks and Geeks did not disappoint. It's a smart and funny "dramedy" that features the people who have been owning the comedy genre for the past decade; James Franco, Seth Rogan, Jason Segel, and several others. It's a great show that doesn't take a ton of dedication because it's only 18 episodes.

Wilfred: This show is still on FX, but I don't think it gets nearly the attention it deserves. I think it's a great watch and Elijah Wood is a sneaky good actor.

Shows I am thinking about getting into:
Arrested Development
Sons of Anarchy (I love me some Charlie Hunman)
Derek: I find Ricky Gervais funny and enjoy his trolling of religious crazies on Twitter.

Shows I'm pretty sure I want to stay away from:
Orange is the New Black: From I've read I just don't think prison lesbian TV is my thing.
Mad Men

Horror Movies:
Devil's Pass: I'm assuming none of you are familiar with the Dyatlov Pass incident. I won't go into too much detail, but I group of hikers met a gruesome demise while traveling through this Russian mountain range, and the cause was determined to be "a compelling natural force". This movie is about a group of students who go to investigate the incident. It's a sort of Blair Witch Project/Cabin Fever mash up. It's an original idea that I enjoyed.

The Pact
V/H/S 2
Pontypool

Stand Up:
Joe Rogan Live: I find him smart and hilarious. Others probably find his crass and stupid. But if you're easily offended then you probably don't know good stand up anyways.

Tom Segura: Completely Normal
Eddie Murphy: Raw AND Delirious (OBVS)
Louis CK: Live at the Beacon Theatre (I think his Chewed Up special kind of sucked)
Bill Burr: Let It Go
Doug Stanhope

Dramas(or whatever manlier term you can think of):
Mud: Matthew McConaughey being a typical bro. Okay, not really, but it's hard for me to take him seriously as any thing other than that. But I liked him in this movie.

The Talented Mr. Ripley: Somehow this movie slipped past me for the last 15 years. I'm a pretty big Matt Damon STAN, after Rounders how could you not be, so finding this on Netflix was a surprise. It's a slow burn, but I love sociopaths. What can I say.

Deadfall: Again, Charlie Hunman boner.
The Road

Documentaries:
I could go on for quite a while with this list. This is the best genre when it comes to Netflix. So I'll just throw out 5 that I have recently enjoyed.

Dirty Wars: Exhibit 1234231232141234 why I think our government is bullshit.
Exit Through The Gift Shop: If you have any interest in art or enjoy graffiti with an eye towards social change like I do, then this is a can't miss.
Bully: A movie I think every kid should have to watch.
Blackfish: I wasn't able to watch all of this. I always knew that trapping enormous, intelligent creatures for our own entertainment was horrible, but this just drove that point home times a million. I'm glad Sea World has been getting killed since its release.
Detropia: A look into the decay that is Detroit from the perspective of locals directly effected by its collapse.

Everything Else:
TEDTalks: I fucking love Ted Talks.

The beauty of Netflix is that there is something for everybody. Even Grumpy can find some black and white films to bring back childhood memories of the roaring 20's. So go enjoy some of these suggestions and see what you think, and drop some Netflix knowledge in the comments.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Season 2 of House of Cards will fuck your world up, Ace. That show is insanely good. Frank Underwood will eat your children (and ribs) if you get in his way. Clair Underwood might be the scariest person ever.

Orange is the New Black is tits, literally. The women aspect of it isn't too much at all, and there are enough racist stereotypes to keep it hilarious. Plus Nicky Sobotka from the Wire is a skeevy prison guard with an ELITE mustache. Season 2 really ramped up the sex scenes, so that was something that was appreciated. I powered through season 2 in about a week. The binge option is the best option.

Exact same with Freaks and Geeks. Really pissed I didn't watch this a long time ago.

All 30 Rocks and all Its Always Sunny and all Archers. If those don't make for a quick time killer while your waiting for your exclusive to get ready, I don't know what does.

Don't forget that they have ALL the 30 for 30s. That is very important, because their documentary section is truly amazing.

Sherlock is now exclusive to Netflix and that show is really great. Same with Luther.

TED talks are fucking gay.

If you're into horror, check out Hemlock Grove. Its....interesting.

Again, continually praising Arrested Development as being amazing while ignoring the awesome 4th season is disappointing. Tobias needing to get his rocks off around an underaged girl will never not be funny.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I have no NetFlix knowledge and never plan to.

Ape....what are the odds that Qatar gets that World Cup stripped? I heard it's coming to Amurrrica if it does.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

That's just way too fucking much, Ide. How the fuck can you watch all that shit and still have time to get tagteamed by Paul Pierce and Eli Manning?

I always stop on Hemlock Grove when browsing but I never pull the trigger. Maybe I will give it a shot.

Drew, I don't know. This is going to play out for another few years before a decision is made. I would bet it stays in Qatar because some sketchy people were responsible for getting that bid, and they don't seem like the type of people you want to cross. The FIFA is so amazingly corrupt it's almost admirable. Like, it is widely known that hosting the World Cup goes to the highest bidder, but the event itself is still revered by the entire world.

As far as Muuurica getting the bid, the longer the process takes the better. If they announced tomorrow that Qatar was losing the 2022 WV then I wouldn't love our chances because that would still allow enough time for smaller countries without the infrastructure and facilities to possibly get it. But if they announce it in 2 years from now then I think the US is in great position because we already have the infrastructure and facilities. But I still think it stays in Qatar unless some major sponsors stay to pull out.

Mr. Ace said...

And I'm sorry for your lack of Netflix knowledge. You should work on that.

Grumpy said...

I stumbled on Mud one night and also enjoyed it. You have to watch SOA. Mrs. Grumpy and I are binge watching OITNB.

Anonymous said...

It should be noted that I've had a Netflix account for almost 4 years now. Besides, I recently dropped cable and keep a rotation of HBOGo, Hulu+, and Netflix as my sole source of entertainment.

Ide

GMoney said...

I will never use Netflix because I'm lazy and I don't need to binge watch anything. Plus, it probably annoys this site's worst people and that is huge.

I have no idea why you're a big fan of Charlie Hunman. He sucks at acting. Also, BIG FAN, his name is Hunnam, not Hunman.

If it's not on TV then it isn't TV. Burke will agree with this. I'm sure that your cute shows are great but if they have no channel then they might as well just be a webisode.

GMoney said...

FYI, a Joe Rogan AND Doug Stanhope fan! Gentlemen, give it up for the only person ever that enjoyed the bastardized Man Show!!!

What a turd. I've got a documentary that you can watch. It's called "Faggot" and it's about a Thursday blogger that makes everyone want to kill themselves due to horrible recommendations and incorrect vet practices and probably something about licking Manu's head, too.

Count it.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy is more technically savvy than Burke, G$, and Drew.

Also, Netflix is a channel on some cable provider, such as Comcast, so you're wrong on saying it's not tv. Awards also disagree with you.

You will soon crumble when you realize the depf of childrens programming on it, and that it can keep your kid at bay for hours on end day after day.

Ide

GMoney said...

Not on my TV.

Serious question though as I literally know nothing about Netflix. Can you watch shit live? Like, you say that you bailed on cable and have a bunch of online whatever. So if the Fuckeyes are playing on ESPN, are you capable of watching that with what you have or do you go somewhere?

Mr. Ace said...

Charlie told me his real last name was Hunman, but he changed it for Hollywood. You've never seen Green Street Hooligans have you?

I didn't realize how many knuckledraggers we had amongst us. Netflix is the way to go. If TV is your only medium for entertainment then you probably suck cocks and jerk off to laugh tracks.

I'm just trying to broaden your horizons. If you're content to just swallow the load of basic cable then have at it. Johnny Football totes has Netflix and is better than you.

Mr. Ace said...

Netflix doesn't have live shit. Netflix doesn't try to be a TV alternative. Hulu is a TV alternative, but doesn't have live shit, at least not like sporting events. But you can find an HD stream of just about any sporting event these days on the Internet.

Anonymous said...

G$, I stream ESPN/ABC live games on my tv via the internet. Honestly, smart tv's are the way to go. They may still be a bit pricey, but holy fuck, does everything get easier. All in, I spend about $65 a month for internet/subscriptions. I use my brothers HBOGo (it works on 5 devices and I have given that info away to EVERYONE, and never ran into congestion).

I can't remember off hand the cost, but you can buy NBA/NHL season passes online to watch every CLE/CBJ game. It's under 100 for the season. Within 5-10 years, cable will be totally obsolete.

I am probably on the far end of the technology spectrum here. Hell, most things now I can do off of my PS4 even easier. But, the easiest way to learn streaming is getting a smart tv. Then everything else kind of falls into place.

Ide

Jeff said...

"But you can find an HD stream of just about any sporting event these days on the Internet."

While this is true, it's a big fucking pain in the ass. Plus when your shitty internet provider decides to act up every 20 mins you get to watch "BUFFERING".

GMoney said...

Then it looks like I'll deal with it in 5-10 years and until then I will enjoy the shit out of watching live sports with no buffering.

LOL at me having basic cable. I pay for like 4000 channels of which I use about 20 and none have hardcore pornography.

Another question though: if I wanted to watch House of Cards (not House of Lies because that show is TERRIBLE), can it only be found on Netflix or are their other alternatives like illegal shit or DVDs or whatever?

Anonymous said...

Jeff, your wireless router is probably from the cable company. Those are complete shit and not built for cell phone use. Get a dual band router (~$100), and you speeds will increase dramatically with zero buffering issues. Also, don't get the cheapest internet. You're saving on cable/phone, go big on speeds.

Ide

GMoney said...

It all comes down to how you prefer to consume programming. I am absolutely not a binge watcher. I have to watch everything I'm recording that night because I don't want to run into any spoilers the next day while dominating the internet.

I'm content with where I am. After all, Big Brother starts in 6 days.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ being snobby about streaming games from your internet to your TV.

I'm perfectly fine with my cable.

G$...House of Cards is on DVD. Those DVD 's are also in Red Box machines.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I got a cable for about $60 that let's me hook the iPad to the TV and watch both Netflix and Amazon Prime. Actually, it mirrors the iPad, so I can surf the web on the TV.

GMoney said...

I'm not interested in anything with Prime in the title. Once he brought his missus to the comments to fight his battles, he and his Nickelback cover band were dead to me.

Anonymous said...

Not one person is being snobby. If anything you're being stubborn at the the mere notion of change.

Binge watching has its perks. There is no internet discussion or hype like GoT or True Detective, but those cliffhanger endings will make you bristle and the next thing you know it's 1am on a work day and you really need to know who fucked over Frank Underwood because SHITS GOING TO GET REAL NOW.

G$, I will let Prime convince you, but Netflix works like gangbusters on kids. Pro parenting tip.

You can stream it from your phone as well. I ran through a number of episodes at the gym on my phone. Great distraction for the treadmill/stationary bike.

Ide

GMoney said...

Why would I use Netflix on the tread when I have so many Bill Plaschke hot takes/trying to figure out what Pablo Torre is already?

I do plan on having my TV do the bulk of the parental heavy lifting. That just seems fair.

Cakes said...

I'm starting to think Netflix is a must-have. I guess we can afford the $8.00 a month.

Joe Rogan is awesome. I used to think he was just a meathead that did Fear Factor and the UFC but then I started listening to his podcast. He covers everything and has amazing guests every week. The dude is smart and hilarious.

T. Iceman said...

House of Lies. Documentary about Ide's life.

Two days ago Wheelz friend brought her 3 year old over and he fell over backwards while in a wheelchair because he thinks it's a game. The reaction suggested his arm had just been ripped clean from his body. Three minutes and a Batman cartoon later it was dead silence. These guys know what they're talking about, G$. The kids portion of Netflix will save your ass and your sanity.

The one downside to Netflix is that while it has a ton of great shit to watch, it also equal parts terrible shit. That means you're always running the risk of walking into a Grey's Anatomy marathon.

GMoney said...

MOTHERFUCKER APPARENTLY JOEL EMBIID BROKE HIS GODDAMN FOOT. FUCK! Can't draft him now.

Mr. Ace said...

Skip Bayless said you should still draft him. Can't miss pick.

Anonymous said...

The Cavs are now bringing in Dante Exum for a workout for the #1 pick. Its happening!

--Drew

GMoney said...

Holy shit...if we take another guard...I...I don't know. I still owe Drew one burned down The Q.

By the way, who else doesn't understand Simmons on Twitter saying that the Celtics are the frontrunners for Kevin Love? WITH WHAT? 6/17/Olynyk? That's a horrible haul. I hate Simmons. He does seem to believe that Parker is the guy at 1 now. I would lean Wiggins but whatevs.

Anonymous said...

G$...They have 2 first rounders in 2015 too. They could trade them 4 first round picks, Sullinger and Bass's expiring deal. They also have Brooklyn's 1st rounder in 16 and 18...and can swap in 17.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

If only Embiid was watching Netflix instead of breaking his foot...

GMoney said...

They're not giving up four first round picks for a one year rental. And I can't imagine that the Wolves want to trade with the Celtics again after getting ass-raped on Garnett.

Bringing in Exum for a workout probably means that the #1 pick is back up for sale. If Philly wants Wiggins (they do), then maybe 1 for 3 and 10 makes sense to them. If the Cavs move down to three in this scenario, I'm still taking Embiid there.

I'm probably being a cockbag over this. Putting Parker or Wiggins on this team is a really, really good thing. I just really like JoJo.

Anonymous said...

OBVZ they would be trading for Love and him agreeing to an extension. Not a rental.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Philly won't trade for #1 because either Parker or Wiggins will be there at 3. If not then they get Embiid and don't have to worry about rushing him back because Noel will be healthy. Noel and Embiid patrolling the paint looks pretty good on paper. And giving up two lottery picks in the most loaded draft since 03 to get a guy who could fall right in your lap is just idiotic. Philly would be dumb to trade up to 1 at this point.

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere that LBJ really wants to play with Kevin Love. Hot takes abound!

Ide

GMoney said...

I don't think that Philly wants Embiid though. Neither Parker or Wiggins will be there at 3 now.

I don't know why Love would sign an extension with the Celtics. They have no one. Everyone hates Rondo. I think he wants to play the FA game.

GMoney said...

Sounds like the Cavs are deciding between Tyronn Lue and David Blatt. Both sound like they would be positive hires IMO albeit untested.

T. Iceman said...

They may not want him more than Wiggins or Parker but I'm sure there is interest if Embiid is considered the no brainer top pick by most. If a guy everyone is saying was a lock to be the top pick pre foot injury falls to you at 3 then that's a win, right? Plus there is zero pressure for Embiid to play right away since Noel is already in Philly.

I think a recovering Embiid and whoever you grab at 10 is better than trading both picks for just Wiggins. I mean, it makes more sense, IMO.

Prime99 said...

Is be ok with the NBA giving the Cavs the #1 pick every year until they make the playoffs again. This shit is funnier each year.

GMoney said...

Well since Embiid is having surgery on the stress fracture Friday, this could be interesting. No way he goes in the top 5. BOS and LAL will be very tempted because they are assholes.

Feel bad for the kid. Back questions and now foot problems? That's going to be a tough sell.