Just when you think Ginobili couldn't get any gayer...
So there isn't shit else much going on right now unless you like douchy soccer, baseball or hockey. And I like none of them. So instead of pretending to like the above listed sports, let's predict a winner here for this NBA Finals rematch that has the basketball world by the franks and beans. I think G$ does this (poorly) with the Super Bowl or some other championship game. I don't know...rarely do I pay attention to the stuff he has going on. I know...I'm a great asset to this team. Here we go.
Point Guard - Spurs +2
Tony Parker continues to turn back the clock and is still a top 5 point guard in this league, IMO. Even though I fucking hate the Spurs, I can give props when it's due. I'll take Parker on one decent ankle over Chalmers or Cole on 15 healthy ankles any fucking day. Cole has shown flashes but Chalmers is about as turd as you get at PG. I'm shocked the Heat haven't been able to scoop someone like Darren Collison over the years and just purposely continue to roll with a bitch like Chalmers.
Shooting Guard - Heat + 3
There is no one better in the league than Dwyane Wade at looking like he just took a violent 2x4 beating to the back of the head when he gets accidentally grazed. He's always trying to make everyone believe he's about 4 minutes away from actually dying on the court. Maybe that's why Wade looks so impressive these playoffs. Because we're expecting him to die after faking one of these phantom injuries. At the end of the day I trust Wade way more than Ginobili's Corpse and Danny Green combined.
Small Forward - Heat + 4
Lebron is the best player on the planet and that's all that needs to be said. When you have the best player in basketball on your team you already have a distinct advantage over your opponent. Especially since LeBron has finally discovered that killer instinct gear since getting to Miami. You know...the one that says, "You will not be winning this fucking game today" while dropping 50.
Power Forward - Spurs + 3
I'm pretty sure Tim Duncan has been shooting water from the Fountain of Youth up his dick hole the past couple of seasons. He honestly doesn't look like he's lost anything. Very impressive. The Heat have a whole load of LOL at PF headlined by Shane Battier and Haslem. But OBVZ Spoelstra will be putting a center on Duncan. It would be idiotic not to.
Center - Heat + 1
I only give them plus one on this because Bosh can't defend in the post. For every point Bosh will score on Splitter from long range, Splitter will has the potential to at least match that by taking Bosh into the blocks. Bosh is a bag of pussies and Splitter is a very good post player, as much as Ace likes to dog him. The same goes if Bosh has to guard Duncan. Because Bosh has to play either Duncan or Splitter, right?
Bench - Spurs + 3
There is no doubt that the Spurs bench is far superior to the Heat's. Diaw has tucked the tits away and has been playing great. Patty Mills has also been surprisingly not awful. Shit. At this point I would probably take Mills over Chalmers and Cole if I were a Heat fan. That's how bad Miami's point guards are. The only guy you can count on off the Heat bench is Ray Allen. That is unless you think Rashard Lewis is going to light it up like he did in the last two games vs. Indiana every night. And you're fucking stupid if you think that.
Coach - Spurs + 1
Even thought Popovich is one of the best coaches in the history of the game, I don't think the gap between him and Spoelstra is that wide. Sure, Spoelstra has the gift of LeBron James. But let's not forget that Popovich has also been lucky to have guys like Parker, Duncan, David Robinson for his entire coaching career. This Heat team has made the NBA Finals four years in a row with LeBron, Wade, Bosh and pretty much nobody else. That is fucking impressive. I think Spoelstra deserves a little more credit than what he's getting for the success this team is enjoying.
Let's add this up. Spurs have the edge by a small margin of 1. So maybe this is the year I eat my words and the Spurs decide to finally win another title. Or maybe I just gave them the patented Iceman kiss of death and Ace will look like a fuck for the 7th straight year. A couple things I think we can all agree on is no one wants to see Ace happy and this series will most likely go 7 games while being just as enjoyable as it was last year. And Ace is a jizz jacket. Go Heat.