|'nuff said, bruh|
Bros. Seriously. BROS. The S’mores Blizzard at DQ should just be called "God’s jizz" because it is the best. I like ice cream but I don’t love it so this isn’t just Cakes and Grumpy declaring The Following to be ELITE after the pilot when it was CLEARLY terrible. I could not recommend this more. It is ELITE. I should also say that I’m not even a big fan of S’mores. Marshmallows are worthless and graham crackers are stupid plus camping is for gutter trash. But this thing is the GOAT. Plus, hot weather and cold treats go hand in hand. So why don’t we discuss COLD TREATS today?
There are no rankings or anything like that. I pretty much just pulled up a menu from an ice cream truck and am listing some items to discuss. If I forgot something that you like, relax and GIVE IT A REST. It is not an intended slight against your character and there is no need to challenge me to a duel. “Pistols at dawn” for not mentioning some weirdo Ben & Jerry’s flavor! Let’s get to it because all of us should have some fond memories of the ice cream truck randomly coming through your hood with a driver who should definitely not be allowed around kids.
*The Blizzard or Flurry or McFlurry - Combining ice cream with cookies/candy bar pieces is a really ELITE idea. Dairy Queen does it best though. Probably has a lot to do with The DQ Gang featuring Marcus Holmes. HUH HUH POTATO GUN.
*FlavorIce - Oh baby...sugar ice in a plastic sleeve! I saw these at the store last week but they weren't frozen. They looked weird to me. I passed on them. Had they been in their frozen state, I probably would have bought all of them.
*Those triangular Minute Maid popsicles that they sold in your school cafeteria - Remember these? Terrific. Purple > Orange > Red
*The Slushy/Icee - I prefer the slush but you always run into the same problem: the second half of your cup is always worthless. The first half is pure bliss though.
*The Astro Pop - This might also be called a bomb pop. I don't know. I'm thinking of those red, white, and blue popsicles that somehow taste just a little different at each other color. Love 'em and they represent America.
*The Fudgsicle - This sounds like a disgusting sex act but the chocolate popsicle is truly great.
*The Push-Up - One of my all-time favorites. It's probably sherbet that is in there and sherbet alone is pretty OVERRATED but if you give me an orange creme-cicle push-up and I will blow you forever. No homo?
*The Ice Cream Sandwich - Kind of a white trash option that leads the nation in being a mess but it has its charm.
*The ChipWich - Boom. Two cookies acting as a bun for an inch thick layer of ice cream? ELITE.
*Dippin’ Dots - ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE! These things are fucking terrible. Don't buy them ever. Do you want to know what the ice cream of the future is? It's ice cream.
*Lemon/Strawberry Chill - A hidden gem at MLB games and always tastes solid on a scorching ass hot day with 100% swamp ass.
*Klondike - I have a fondness for these as my grandma always had them in her freezer when we visited. They are average at best but, to me, they have sentimental value. I would do very little for a Klondike bar though.
*Choco Taco - THE BEN's favorite! Do they still sell these at Taco Bell? I feel like they don't. They really should.
*Frozen versions of the traditional candy bar - Snickers is without question on the Mt Rushmore of candy bars so you are 100% correct that the ice cream version would be tremendous.
*The Drumstick - IMO this is perfect and way superior over the chicken/turkey version. Waffle cones are ELITE. Ice cream is always welcome. Chocolate and nuts not being "Lamar's chocolate nuts" are a great topping.
I look forward to having my character attacked today for no apparent reason. Just know that if you don’t like ice cream then you should move back to Iran. Maybe you don't eat it much but you should at least enjoy it. Don't be a reggin'. Father’s Day is this weekend. I’m pretty sure that my wife got me new socks. FUCK YEAH! See you on Monday…try to not throw up this weekend.