Monday, June 23, 2014

Fare Thee Well, Hokester

Looks like I found the World's Worst Wet T-Shirt Contest
As I stated on Friday, I won’t be around much today if at all. I start my new gig as head ELITEman and will probably be running around all day meeting people and forgetting their name before the introductory handshake even ends. Can’t wait. If there is one thing that I am absolutely terrible at, it is mindless small talk and chit chat. FUN! With no Dragons Talk to save us this afternoon, I need to come up with a post idea that can stimulate conversation all day without needing much from me.

Got it. I can’t even remember the last time that we even mentioned college football around here. Well, that needs to change. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Oh great, another anti-Ohio post” or “He’s not going to write about how incredible EMU’s new all-gray field is, is he?” Nope, but let’s stay in that general geographic area and talk about MICHIGAN.

OK, you’d have to be a real homer to say that the Brady Hoke Era has been a riveting success. Sure, he’s better than Rich Rod but so is everyone. He’s an easy guy to like though due to his bulbous size and comically high-pitched voice. Even the dumbest Fuckeye fan has to admit that he is pretty good for the rivalry. The problem is that The Hokester is at a crossroads in 2014. He is under contract through the end of next season which means that that seat is scorching ass hot right now. Why? Because, at this point, you either fire the guy or extend him. Doing nothing is a killer on the recruiting trail and does nothing to help the program. A directionless program is a dead program. Having a lame duck is STUPID.

Be honest with yourself, Michigan Men, this Fall doesn’t look like it is going to be all that much different than the last few years. Hoke was brought in to re-establish the pro-style offense which he hasn’t done at all. The defense will still probably suck. I’m sure that there will be rapes and horrible QB play. Winning the Big Ten isn’t realistic. I think that the only way that he keeps his job is if he beats Michigan State or Ohio. Just win one of those while going 9-3 or so and that should be enough for an extension. Fail to beat either of your rivals again and it’s resume time for The Hokester (written in BBQ sauce).

For the purpose of today’s post, let’s assume that Brady Hoke is fired after this season. It isn’t much of a stretch to assume that anyway but I would love to hear the logic and reasoning from some who think he is safe/will return. The question is: Who does Michigan target as their next head coach? Do they go after the vaunted MICHIGAN MAN again? Do they beg a BRAH? How many times will someone hilariously mention Jon Gruden? Could you possibly make a play for Racist Gruden?

You know where I’m going with this. Oh yeah, if you can’t get the BRAH, then go get his non-Union black equivalent…David Shaw! Can you imagine the Big Ten getting a big steaming dose of STANFORD FOOTBALL? It nearly makes one’s dick hard. Perhaps this time, a guy with a pro-style offense will actually RUN that offense. Shaw is my pick for next Michigan coach even though it is probably unrealistic.

So that is the debate today…who will be Michigan’s football coach in 2015? I will try to show up at some point but no promises. DEAL WITH IT.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thoughts on the Hokester's future....

First of all, I don't understand why you would think Shaw would leave his alma mater for any job. He coaches a very nice football program....it's not like his alma mater is some MAC school. He's never leaving there until he gets fired.

As for Hoke...I see disaster coming. I don't see him beating MSU, ND or OSU this year...but, I also don't see Brandon firing him or extending him. I don't think Brandon's incredible ego will allow him to fire Hoke, since it was his hire...but, I also don't see Hoke doing well enough to earn an extension.....which will make for a really messy situation and some shitty recruiting for a year. So, my choice is that Hoke will be the coach in 2015. IF he were to get fired...once again you have to find a candidate that would allow Brandon to run shit...so, no way on a BRAH. I'll go with the Clemson OC Chad Morris.

One final thought....

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-TROIT BASEBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

--Drew

GMoney said...

I don't think it will be Shaw either but it's who they should go after simply for the upgrade to Stanford Football.

Anonymous said...

David Cutcliffe, Todd Graham, or Jerry Kill. No slam dunk hire, but adequate to marginally good college football coaches

Anonymous said...

No chance at Shaw, but that got me thinking; would WE ON ever hire a black coach? Probably not, but if they did, I hope it would be Ron English.

I actually think they will keep Hoke around. You don't really hear about a lot of Walmart Wolverines pissing and moaning about him as they did with RichRod. I hope they do keep in perpetuity, because, he can always be counted upon for hilarity and shitting up the place against rivals.

I made a shocking discovery this weekend at a Mexican restaurant. Watching the World Cup on Univision is hilarious after every goal. It makes the background noise of tie games more pleasant when some Mexican can say goal at the top of his lungs for an excess of 50 seconds. LOL US. Way to fucking suck with 3 seconds left. God soccer is terrible.

Ide

Jeff said...

Why hire Shaw? He can't beat Sparty either.

Mr. Ace said...

If Michigan wins 8 games Hoke stays and gets an extension. If they win 7 then I really don't know what will happen. If they win 6 he is gone fo sho.

They just fired Borges and brought in the OC from Bama. I can't believe he would leave that position without some sort of guarantee that the coaching staff would be intact for more than one year.

I wasn't happy with the Hoke hire when it happened. Obviously the success we had in year one made me change my mind. But he hasn't been able to do anything since then and everything that I thought when he first got hired is now looking like reality. Before Michigan his career record was barely above .500. He had been passed over for countless jobs before Michigan opened up, which is why he was only at SDSU and Ball St prior to Michigan. I don't know, man. I almost don't care about this year because either way I don't think it's good for the coaching position.

Anonymous said...

Some blistering takes today from the Walmart faithful.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Why would Michigan hire a coach that has seizures all the time? Bad take by anon.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

It looks like Michigan Football really moves the meter here.

It is pretty funny on Michigan fans were head over heels in love with Hoke after year 1 and now...not so much.

I could see them making a run at Les Miles again.

-Damman

T. Iceman said...

I agree with Drew on this one. Hoke should be the coach in 2015. It's gonna take a complete disaster for Brandon to fire his lover. Disaster being 7 or less wins this season. And if you look at the schedule, it is going to be hard to be worse than last season. But if it does happen I don't think you'll find a single Michigan fan that would disagree with the decision to fire a coach who has regressed each of the past 3 seasons. This is the first year that Hoke has all of his guys playing...with possibly the exception of 10th year senior Devin Gardner. Hopefully Hoke makes his first step in the right direction by putting Gardner back at WR and letting Morris or Speight handle QB duties.

T. Iceman said...

If Hoke gets canned the next guy needs to be a high profile guy with a proven track record. Until Hoke is actually fired, I'm not going to get my hopes up for a guy to coach this team. A lot can happen this season.

T. Iceman said...

It seems that G$ really drives the conversation on all of these topics.

Prime99 said...

Hey, so if Michigan folks drop the "State" from Ohio State, they should also drop it from Michigan State. That would be good fun!

As far as who should coach, who gives a shit? My vote is Chip Kelly, but he's busy raping the NFC East and Lane Kiffin's wife. Les Miles makes sense. David Shaw doesn't make sense for David Shaw. I'm sure Michigan would love to have him.

Anonymous said...

Chad Ford is reporting that Jabari tanked his Cavs workout, because he'd rather play in Milwaukee. LOLZZZZZZZZ!

--Drew

GMoney said...

Scotty Hartnell = Cup

T. Iceman said...

Rather play in Milwaukee? Does he love beer? Cheese? 30 foot snow drifts? Well, Parker is a Mormon so OBVZ he has some issues.

T. Iceman said...

I'm surprised none of the Indians fans want to talk baseball today. You would think they were swept in a series by the Tigers recently or something.

Prime99 said...

Cakes' employer's firewall magically gets stronger as the Indians play worse.

GMoney said...

sorry for being an absent father today, jerks. It's not my fault that I wanted to abort all of you.

T. Iceman said...

I guess I'll just throw this up here so you can hit at least 20 comments today. I guess the Hokester doesn't chub up readers the way you thought. Or Michigan fans don't overreact the way Fuckeyes do.

Anonymous said...

Or they are so used to being shit that dwelling on it is old hat.

Ide

GMoney said...

I guess that Ohio and Little Brother fans just aren't interested in college football anymore. They are basketball schools anyway.