Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Are You A World Cup Fan Or Are You A Real Man?

CAW CAW!  Where is The Trashman?
You may not have heard but The World Cup starts tomorrow in Brazil. People forget that this is the most popular sport in the world. However, in America, land of the free and home of the brave, it only matters every few years and even then we half ass our excitement. Soccer is trying to catch on here but I’m not sure how successful it actually is. Is it growing? Maybe. Every little kid plays soccer and the Pacific northwest seems to be eating it up.

But it still comes down to winning and losing. In America, that is all that matters. If you are never playing in the big games then we just don’t care. That is a FACT. Everybody wants to be Tom Brady. Nobody wants to be T-Bone Romo. That sort of logic transcends (Colin!) everything. Here in the US of A, we strive to be the best. We like to think that we are the best goddamn country in the world so when our soccer coach is going public about how the American team has no chance, well, that isn’t going to be popular amongst the masses. This German sack of dicks can rip Kobe Bryant (correctly) all he wants to but writing off your team before one game is played is an odd course of action.

Look, you guys know how I feel about this. I won’t watch. I don’t support the sport. I am rooting against my own country because I want to see soccer die within our borders. Play a real sport please. This isn’t American.

So today is about drawing the line in the blogging sand and choosing your side so we know where everyone stands.

Are you going to watch The World Cup? Are you all-in on Team USA? Will you actually watch games featuring other countries? Can you name any players on the team now that Landon Donovan isn’t around? Is it enough to just make it out of pool play? Do “we” have any chance at all to win the whole shoot-and-match (Jim Redd term!)? Basically, do you care about The World Cup?

Who’s joining me on the anti-America wall? You want me on that wall. YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL. I hope that we get embarrassed. But I will admit that I am mildly intrigued by Ghana having a witch doctor throwing curses at their opponents. THAT is an ELITE move right there. If you want me to concern myself with something that I hate, adding in some witchcraft is a nice start. Be happy that this is the only World Cup post that you will read here and it is just a means to identify who sucks and who rules. GO REST OF THE WORLD!

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm a very casual soccer "fan"...as in I don't watch all of these EPL games that are on all the time now...but, if someone is watching one I don't care about sitting down and watching as well. To answer your questions....

I am going to watch the World Cup.

Does "all-in" mean root for USA? If so, yes I plan on watching their games and rooting for them.

I will watch games with other countries involved. But, I don't foresee myself ever planning my day around one. But, if it's on TV...I'll probably watch while I surf the interwebz.

I can name six players on the team not named Donovan. One is a guy named Miz though...and I have no clue what position he plays, but I've seen his jersey on TV.

Considering they supposedly play in the toughest pool in the whole tournament...it would be good enough for me if they made it out as that would mean that they beat a couple really good teams.

I doubt that they have any real chance of winning it all.

I hope that they do well and am interested in their games. I don't care who wins it all though. That is the extent of my caring.

I do know I think five people that are headed to Brazil for this thing, which I guess isn't surprising since supposedly Americans bought more tickets than any other country.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Because every other country is poor.

I won't watch but I'll pay attention. I'm still shitty that Ghana flopped their way to a victory last year. That is a real pussy move and solidified my hatred of the sports for years to come.

Also, shit talking Latinos for no other reason than to troll interests me.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

I will watch a lot of it. I don't think that the US of A will make it out of pool play, but if they do that would be a great success. I'll pick my second country after pool play so I can root for some African country to have a huge upset and win it all.

The World Cup is fucking awesome.

GMoney said...

OK, that is one "hate Drew" and one "half-breed Ide".

Any team with a Miz has to be annoying.

The Spurs just scored again, Iceman.

GMoney said...

By the way, I was training all afternoon yesterday for my new gig (assistant jizz mopper) and this happened:

Trainer - I'll be honest with you. There are going to be times when you just have nothing much to do.
G$'s inner monologue - Oh I'll be just fucking fine with that thankyouverymuch.

Grumpy said...

Mr. Ace is a BIG World Cup fan. There's a surprise.

I'm ON THE WALL with you. Castle Black will still stand in the morning.

GMoney said...

Grumpy is hiding with Gilly like a bitch.

Jeff said...

Soccer sure does move the meter here. I could really care less. If I'm not doing anything when it's on I'll watch some, but like Drew said, I wouldn't plan my day around it.

I'd rather watch #2 make professional golfers look somewhat amateur.

Cakes said...

I might check out the Americans if they are on TV at some point but it will be completely by chance. I will not know when they play or who they play. It will be a total drive-by viewing.

To get me to watch a game (match LOL) featuring other teams will take an Indians rain out, self-destruction of my DVR, the wife wanting to go shopping or an armed lunatic holding a gun to my head. I mean who gives a shit about the rest of the world's teams? I'll read my sixth Johnny swan story before I care about that.

Mr. Ace said...

Oh, if you watch ESPN for more than 3 minutes you will know when they play. Everyone will know when they play.

GMoney said...

Aces!

Anonymous said...

Damn Fargo for taking that from me.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

I will never pretend to care about soccer. It's for queers too pussy to play football. My nightmare is that my future kids absolutely fucking love it. But fuck them...I'll still hate the sport.

Way to show up last night, Miami. What a joke that was. I was completely hammered because you can do that on a Tuesday when you don't have a job.

Anonymous said...

What is soccer?

-jsaul

Prime99 said...

I enjoy the World Cup enough, but it is hard to care when when the US coach admits defeat before it starts. The year the US got to the quarters was great, LOL Mexico, but soccer won't ever be my thing.

Soccer fans trying to convert people into fans is also very annoying.

Fargo was fucking great last night. Malvo doesn't fuck around. Funny that he's trying to collect a $100k bounty on six months of work then gives up immediately. He clearly doesn't care about the cash, just the whole killing people thing.

Cakes said...

Soccer fan is one of the worst kind of people. There's nothing better than telling one that the US has never cared, doesn't care now and will never care in the future. It makes me LOL every time. Once the US is eliminated, the country will go back to talking about pennant races and OTA's.

The more Malvo the better. Billy Bob is fucking fantastic. My favorite part last night (besides all of the ACES) was when he blatantly scared the kids when trying to find Lester at his old house. He's such a bastard and I love it!

GMoney said...

Iceman, I was really hoping for a solid write-up from your random "urban" basketball game at Glenwood on Monday afternoon with a bunch of ex-cons. Not an employed person as far as the eye could see! How is Nate Byrd still alive?

Until I see a 30/31 Trap (check with me) in a soccer game, it is dead to me.

Lester had everything coming up Milhouse and then he just had to approach Malvo. Huge mistake OBVZ. Did enjoy him sacrificing his chinaman wife though.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Ice, we need some info on that game at Glenwood.

@walterbehrman would not have sanctioned such an event.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot about that picture. That was all the LULZ. Which begs another question; what kind of faggots line up for a photo op after a pick up game?

My soccer knowledge is solely gained from the movie Ladybugs.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

That will be this Tuesdays post. It was pretty ELITE.

T. Iceman said...

Or I'll just tell the story after my drive home from Columbus today.

GMoney said...

No need to rush it. It has to be great and may need more time to breathe.

Lot of guys on that court that were probably cut by Walt Behrman.

Anonymous said...

I realize Cakes has a very simple mind, but to say the country doesn't care/Will never care is just ignoring the evidence. ESPN is spending MILLIONS on soccer rights....football stadiums like Seattle sell out fucking MLS games..lots of pubs/bars now open up weekend mornings because they get great business from soccer watchers. It's definitely becoming popular...has seemingly a ton of momentum.....and due to that people seem to care more than ever about the national team. That will only increase as it gets more popular.

--Drew

Colin Cowherd said...

Soccer is the future. So transcendent.

GMoney said...

LOL Drew. Soccer has less momentum than the turnstiles at Progressive Field.

For fuck's sake, the Crew don't even have a local TV deal in fucking Columbus!

Anonymous said...

You pick a local TV deal to prove your point? ESPN must have no business sense spending gobs of money putting it on their stations. Were football stadiums selling out 5 years ago for MLS games? Could MLS teams afford to pay guys, not named Beckham, like $8M a year? No to all those. There is lots of momentum.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

False momentum. Don't think for one second that Beckham wasn't a gamble to attract more peoe. Now, if you want to say the MLS is dogshit and always will be but, but the international play/EPL/etc is where the audience is, then that's valid.

However, I'd respond with 85% of viewer demographics are foreign.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Uhh...that Beckham point was my point...they are now paying Americans that much, because they can afford too.

Also, LOLZ at 85% of soccer viewers being foreign.

--Drew

GMoney said...

West coast bias. It's homos like Prime that keep American soccer afloat with his faggotry and comic books. No real American cares.

Fun FACT: every single person that has shot up a school before was a big time EPL fan.

T. Iceman said...

ESPN broadcasting soccer doesn't mean much. They broadcast WNBA games.

Anonymous said...

You act like the Galaxy was the fucking Yankees. They paid him waaay above market for his age, not for championships but FOR the attention. You act like the attention was there. Wrong.

Ide

Cakes said...

ESPN will gamble on anything. They have a million channels to fill with programming.

FACT: You can't get into a soccer discussion with a group of young adult males without somebody cracking up or cracking a joke within two minutes. SCIENCE!

Anonymous said...

Ide still is not following anything on the Beckham comment.

Iceman...don't be a tard. How much money does ESPN pay for the "right" to show WNBA games? Probably free and the NBA makes them do it as part of their contract. While my Google machine says NBC just paid $250M to show the English league. Just a tad different.

--Drew

GMoney said...

ESPN also airs Big Ten Football games so clearly money and interest is not an issue. Nailed it.

Here's the troof: A small sect of people in this great nation enjoy this "sport". To their credit, they are really vocal and annoying about it and put their time and money where dicks usually go. But I still stand by my statement that America will never support/follow a loser and we will never win this game. Ever.