|This little booger-eating Cubs fan is a combo of Buke, Larry, and Prime|
After 40+ games, you can pretty much see how things are going to go. I don't need another month or two to know that the AL Central race is already over and that the Diamondbacks, Pirates, Cubs, and Astros have already been eliminated from the postseason. So let's hand out some awards that mean nothing (just like AL pennant rings, Dut!).
Best Team AL: Detroit - They have the best record by far and will go the entire season without breaking a sweat. But you still have to win the games and they are. The last team to roll through a season wire to wire was the '98 Yankees and this Tigers team is not the '98 Yankees. They've peaked too early (I hope).
Best Team NL: San Francisco - We should have known that this was coming. They win a Series, miss the playoffs, win another series, and then miss the playoffs. Remember when they swept the Tigers two years ago? That was ELITE. I'm really happy that the Sauls were there to witness that.
Most Disappointing Team AL: Texas - This was a very coveted award as you could easily have given this to Cleveland or Tampa Bay and their idiot "genius" manager but I'll give credit to the team trailing goddamn Seattle in the West.
Most Disappointing Team NL: Cincinnati - I expected Pittsburgh to go back to suck this year but I didn't expect the Reds to be so mediocre. To be fair, they've dealt with a lot of injuries to important players but it's not like they were scoring a ton when they were healthy anyway.
Most Surprising Team AL: Oakland - HOW DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS! The A's have the best run differential in the league at +85. The next highest in all of baseball is the Tigers at +51. That says it all. I still think that the Tigers are better though because they beat the A's in the playoffs every goddamn year and it is annoying.
Most Surprising Team NL: Miami - Well, they're still over .500 so give them some credit. It would have been interesting to see how long they could stay in the wild card race had Fernandez not gotten hurt.
AL MVP: Derek Jeter - Eh, no one else is standing out so far and this would right the wrong from the year that Morneau stole the award from #2. Yep, Derek Jeter is the MVP every season. YEAH JEETS!
NL MVP: Troy Tulowitzki - We better acknowledge him before he gets hurt and you know that that is coming.
AL Least Valuable Player: Prince Fielder - You know, maybe he just sucks.
NL Least Valuable Player: Curtis Granderson - He has more home runs at Yankee Stadium this season than in his home park and is hitting well under .200. The Mets signed him to a 4 year/60 million dollar deal a few months ago.
AL Rookie of the Year: Masahiro Tanaka - This decision was made a lot easier after Jose Abreu went on the DL yesterday.
NL Rookie of the Year: Billy Hamilton - No one else is really challenging as George Springer has yet to be ELITE for the Astros. After a God awful start, BH has been pretty good for the underachieving Deads.
AL Cy Young Winner: Max Scherzer - Barely. I give him a slight nod over Tanaka just because it's harder to repeat a terrific season and he is somehow better. And when you take the ELITE Joe Flacco path to free agency, well, that has proven to be an ELITE decision. This is a two horse race.
NL Cy Young Winner: Johnny Cueto - This is not even close. Hopefully, he can stay off the DL. The Reds should be embarrassed that Cueto has a 1.25 ERA yet has 2 losses.
A few HOT TAEKS that don't fall under any of the above categories!
*Pretty sure that 2014 Mark Buehrle is the biggest fluke ever.
*The Indians are terrible but not because of why you would think. Masterson and Salazar have been bad while the other guys who you thought sucked have not. Strange season for the Tribe so far but they aren't making the fake playoffs again this season. Sorry, bros.
*I refuse to believe that Rick Porcello has finally figured it out. Dude blows. At least he isn't going bald like that faggot, Verlander, though. Kate Upton is such a fat loser. She will never be as ELITE as Marisa Miller.
*Isn't it hilarious that the Yankees unearth some weirdo that dominates every season. This year's main man, Yangervis Solarte, is currently 4th in the AL in BA. LOL!
*As someone who considers Joe Maddon to be about the most OVERRATED person in all of sports, I am more than happy to see the Rays fail miserably this season.
*What was my World Series pick before the season? Was it Yankees over Nationals? I'll stick with that. The Yankees are dealing with a lot of injuries with their standard class and dignity at the moment but I still like the makeup of the team. Big Dellin Betances out of the bullpen has been incredible unless you are against 6'8" giants that throw in the upper 90s with an unhittable curve ball.
Plenty of room for some hot takes today. Just know that the first thing that I plan on doing tomorrow once I enter the friendly confines is to buy and slam an Old Style. Because Old Style only tastes decent there. There will be no Steve Goodman played tomorrow night, bruh. I would love to get a pantsless selfie with Clark The Cub, too. Fuck the Tigers!