Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Cavaliers Hold The Keys: Part 1

Holy shit...I forgot that LeBron got Drew Gooden to The Finals
It was one week ago that your Cleveland Cavaliers shocked the world and did the only ELITE thing that they do anymore: winning the Draft Lottery. I know that I’m still shocked. I was not expecting this at all. The Cavs seem to only get good picks when the draft class fucking BLOWS. Now they are captaining the best Draft since 2003 (that they also started). People like Simmons can piss and moan all they want to but he was applauding his Celtics for tanking down the stretch while the Cavs were actually trying to get into the playoffs (although this was done in a bizarre and idiotic way). Teams that don’t tank SHOULD be the teams getting lucky in the lottery.

Anyway, we are actually going to split this post into two days (Day 2: TBA). It is both exciting and terrifying that the Cavs hold the big keys for the entire league this Summer. Not only do they have a ton of cap space but they also have the most coveted #1 draft pick since LeBron. I WANT to believe that there is no way that they can screw this up and you wouldn’t think that even they could. But you’ve seen this team operate ever since The Decision. It hasn’t really been a model of competency. We will talk about who they should pick at #1 on Draft Night later. Today, I want to talk about everything else.

If you ask me, the most important move this offseason is the hiring of our next coach. Mike Brown #2 was a disgrace. Everyone knew that that was stupid. It’s another black eye on an already battered and bruised spouse of a franchise. But the Cavs (now) are on the cusp of something big. If the first move is executed correctly, this downtrodden franchise can put the pieces in motion to not only be a playoff team, but to be a title contender immediately (yeah, I'm saying it). Sure, it requires a perfect scenario, but it isn’t all that far-fetched, bruh. I would assume that the coach comes first. Fuck this noise about Del Negro and Alvin Gentry and Adrian Griffin. Those are nobodies. I want George Karl. I’d be perfectly happy with Calipari or Billy Donovan or Izzo or Fred Hoiberg (although none of those guys seem all that likely). If you see the name “David Fizdale” come to the forefront—oh boy—now shit is getting, dare I say, HEATed. Needless to say, the Cavs CAN NOT hire another turd. Otherwise this beautiful post is as worthless as Sergei Karasev.

The whole Kyrie Irving extension mess got a little less cloudy this past week. How the fuck does he leave NOW? Then again, I asked that same question before The Decision LOLZ!  He’s getting a new coach (who I assume he will have at least some input on) and is about to get an ELITE talent to play with for the next four years. Yeah, he’s signing that max extension. He would be a damn fool not to.

Everyone else on the roster can be had though. The Cavs are already apparently fielding sign and trade offers on Luol Deng. I would be lying if I said that I would miss him. Sure, he’s a fine player but he’s too old and broken down to give big money to. There are markets out there for guys like Spencer Hawes, Tristan, and Dion if the return is right. Hell, there is even a market for Anthony Bennett. Speaking of which…

I’m tired of people ripping on the kid. News flush: that entire draft class was horseshit. ALL OF IT. Michael Carter-Williams and Oladipo are both average players. It isn’t like the Cavs passed on some once in a generation talent. They took the guy with the best offensive skill set. It’s not like Bennett’s career is over anyway. He just had surgery to correct a sleep apnea issue (that killed Reggie White by the way) so maybe we will see what he’s all about next year. Or maybe he sucks just like the rest of his peers. What I’m saying here is that I am not giving up on him.

That leads me to the #1 pick. Not so much as who they should draft, but that it is available to be had. And this pick is so goddamn gorgeous. Everyone in the league wants it. I was able to come up with only 8 players (obviously no PGs were included) that I would trade this year’s #1 pick for:

Carmelo Anthony, James Harden, Dwight Howard, Anthony Davis, Kevin Love, Kevin Durant, LeBron James, and Blake Griffin

That’s it. That’s the list. If I’m David Griffin and any other organization calls me and inquires about #1, I’m hanging up because I've got a dollar bill in my pocket and I'm not accepting spare change for it.  And only one of those guys is on the open market right now (although it would be ELITE if for some reason the Pelicans put Davis on the table).

Bros, I'm having many no homo dreams about Kevin Love this past week and I want him so badly.  He will be dealt before the Draft.  The aforementioned Simmons doesn't think that any other team could top our best offer (I agree).  Hell, some insiders like Chris Mannix think it's possible to get Love without giving up the #1 (I disagree)!  The problem here is obvious.  Love would have to agree to an extension before a deal is finalized.  Love for #1 and some filler would already be done now if he signed on for four years total (which would put him back on the market at 29 FWIW).  This pick is SO valuable that we would need an extension in place before acquiring someone like Love.

I have no idea how realistic this is and neither do you.  What we do know is that all of these guys talk to each other and work up shady deals that the public doesn't know about.  My dream scenario is for David Griffin to hire George Karl, re-sign Kyrie for 3 additional years (4 total after this option year), trade for Kevin Love by using the #1 and Tristan Thompson, and then (gasp) LeBron comes back ASAP.  Give us four years with Kyrie/LeBron/Love and others.  If Cleveland can't win a title with that then they never will.  THAT IS A DREAM DAMMIT. 

It's kind of cool that--for me at least--holding on to the #1 pick is the worst case scenario.  And that TOTES is a great place to be and something that Dan Gilbert does not deserve.  I'm just glad that Chris Grant isn't calling the shots anymore.  We'll talk about who they should pick if they keep #1 at a later date.  Either way, it should be a fun Summer in revitalized Cleveland.  First, there was Johnny Football and Josh Gordon's drug problems and now Kevin Love and LeBron are going to win 14 straight titles for the Cavaliers!


Anonymous said...


Holyyyy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You just wrote that you would trade the #1 pick for Dwight Howard. That might be the dumbest thing written on this blog........ever. You should be banned from making fun of NBA GM's for at least 5 years. I can't express just how dumb that thought is. Not to mention that you didn't include 20 yr old Drummond instead of Howard (not even saying that they should trade the #1 pick for Drummond...just shows how dumb that opinion is). I still can't comprehend that opinion. Holy fuck.

Way to not mention that the Cavs are interviewing Tyronn Lue for the head coaching job this week! LOLZ!!!!!!!!!

I highly doubt LeBron is coming back...which makes the Love Machine deal not happen. Cavs should take Embid and be very happy....but, you should probably get ready for your child's first Dante Exum jersey.

Dwight Howard for the #1....smh.


GMoney said...

I thought that Carmelo would get me the most shit. I was wrong apparently.

What is Howard's current contract? Something like 5-6 years? That's worth the unknown to me. OBVZ it will never happen but if a dominant center still means something in the league (and you argue constantly that it does) then Howard is mos def worth the #1 pick. I would make him stop being a dork though before trading for him. He's a gamechanger and a factorback and isn't close to 30 yet.

All I know is that while this is still a gigantic pipe dream, the day after the lottery, known Cavs haters Wilbon and Colin T were talking about how much #6 going back made sense now. That says something.

I would rather us interview weirdos like Tyronn Lue as opposed to our last coaching search which was "talk to Mike Brown only--hire Mike Brown again".

Jeff said...

He isn't close to 30? He turns 29 during next season. I would rather have Serge.

Speaking of Serge, Thunder in 6? I like it Ice!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Jeff. Howard turns 29 at the beginning of December. His best years are OBVZ behind him...he's had a big surgery in the last couple years and he's a horrendous leader. It makes ZERO sense. If you want a dominant center....then Drummond would make so much more sense since he's 8 years younger and has his best days ahead.


GMoney said...

28 is not 30. VICTORY!!!

But that really isn't the point at all today. If you disagree with Howard then just sub in Kosta Koufos and GIVE IT A REST.

I'm not trading for Ibaka with #1 when the guy that you could take at #1 is better.

Can we re-visit Ape's GUARANSHEED that the Spurs win it all???

GMoney said...

Please accept my humble apologies that look an awful lot like human feces for not doing my homework on a trade that will never happen that I'm not allowed to make.

Fine. There are SEVEN guys that I would trade #1 for (and I would also consider Philly's possible 3 and 10 package).

Jeff said...

You have to package that pick for a proven vet if you want Lebron back. He aint coming to Cleveland to play on a squad with a lot of potential and upside, but no playoff experience. His career is all about winning 'ships now and he doesn't want to waste a couple years helping young players get better. He needs a roster built for guaranteed playoff success. I think he finishes his career in Cleveland, but that is not the next stop for him.

Grumpy said...

Why would Love want to play on another non-contender, since the rest of your dream isn't going to happen?

GMoney said...

That's where the shadiness of the pro AFFLETE comes into play. They need to work this out amongst themselves like Bosh/James/Wade did during The Olympics.

Let's be honest, if you want to form a Big 3 and go for titles while still making 15+ million per year, I'm not sure you can do better than what I'm suggesting.

Grumpy said...

Can you get Cakes to live Tweet Iceman's garage sale?

GMoney said...

Might have to send Prime down to whatever they call Arco Arena now and get more info on this proposed Boogie/Gay/Love big 3 that they are trying to form. Worst Big 3 ever???

Prime99 said...

Sleep Train Arena! It's about 2 miles down the road from my house. I can go talk to Vivek and Mike Malone if you want.

Prime99 said...

What is the rumored trade?

GMoney said...

Something like McLemore and #8 for Love and they don't even care about an extension. They want Kevin Fritz-Love for one year so they can finish out of the playoffs out West in style.

Hmmmmm is Boogie Cousins worth the #1? Nah, he's got the talent but that attitude is just too awful.

T. Iceman said...

Thanks Jeff!! I'm not Ape so I'm not gonna come in and pound my tits about the Thunder's comeback. All I'll say is Spurs look to be in a whole shit load of trouble and Ape should be sweating right now.

And Drew is right. Drummond's ceiling is Shaq and he's only 20. If you're going to trade the #1 for a center, you trade for the young guy who has already shown he's going to be an absolute savage. Not the guy who's peaked and sucks at being a likeable person/teammate. Or if you're the Cavs you trade the #1 for Hibbs. LOL.

I'm still trying to figure out why you want Kyrie long term. He just can't stay on the floor and PG is deep in the NBA. The risk isn't worth it when you can get someone else almost as good but plays 80 games every year for less money.

GMoney said...

Oh come on. Kyrie is one of the 10-15 (at worst top 20) best players in the league and is still a baby. Let's also not gloss over the FACT that ELITE players don't tend to gravitate toward Lake Erie. Once you have one, you should keep him.

He played 71 games this year. I'll take that. Very few play all 82 anymore.

T. Iceman said...

You're right. Few play 82 anymore. But the difference is most get held out to rest in back to backs. Or the coach holds them out to rest for the playoffs. Irving missed games because of yet another injury. He gets hurt every single year. How much longer before his body completely betrays him like a Brandon Roy? I'm not denying Irving's talent. OBVZ he can play. But for what you're going to have to pay the guy is the risk worth it? I don't think so.

T. Iceman said...

And let's also not forget that Kyrie took a step backwards this past season.

GMoney said...

I blame Mike Brown for that. I blame Mike Brown for everything though.

It was a really fucking weird year this season. The first half was some of the most garbage shit-ball that you will ever see. But once Grant was fired, everything seemed to gel a lot better. I want to believe that that bunch is who we have. The team in which Kyrie and Dion combine to be a lethal backcourt that doesn't punch each other in the face.

Uhhh no. Outside of the Heat and Spurs, teams don't give maintenance days to their players.

Like I've been saying, this is all a lot of wishful thinking by a likely delusional fan but would anybody be all that shocked if it went down as I suggest?

We all know that Bron isn't going to a project team but I also think that he sees that the Heat have milked about all that they can from this group. Half of that roster is about to die. Although the West winner beating them in the Finals would make things a lot easier for him to walk.

But let's say that the Cavs roll #1/Tristan/and a future top 3 protected first rounder in 2016 for Kevin Love.

I refuse to believe that a starting five of Varejao/Love/LeBron/Waiters/Kyrie isn't a favorite to win the title immediately. That is a sick and youthful lineup. If Bron and Love are serious about Leroy Hoarding rings then this would be a pretty logical gathering spot IMO.

Or I'm full of shit. That is possible, too, yet unlikely.

Mr. Ace said...


T. Iceman said...

I refuse to believe that Waiters and Irving can co-exist on the same team. I would also try and move Bennett before Thompson.

GMoney said...

The thing with Thompson is you're going to have to pay him next year and while he's good for a double/double, I feel like that is his ceiling. We're paying AB in bitcoins and Bit-O-Honeys for the next three years.

If we shoot for the moon like I hope, you can't pay TT 8 mill per season or so like he will probably command on the open market.

Maybe I'm an insane person but I really like Dion Waiters. It was as if his little showdown with TH Jr in the Shooting Stars game turned on the light bulb for him. And then he hurt his knee throwing down the hammer on the Sixers.

Even if they can't swing a monster trade, there is definitely talent here which is why I think who we hire as the next coach is the most important objective this offseason.

Anonymous said...

Is it racist to call it 'field day' in a predominately black school? If not, you should introduce them to the time tested activities as tilling a field and letting them feel the sweet lash of the masters whip.


GMoney said...

If you make the right coaching hire first, then the dominos start to lineup for my dream scenario like so:


Hiring Vinny Del Negro or some other waste and they look like this:

__ 111111

Visual aids! Is there anything that I can't do?

Cakes said...

I get back from an EPIC 11-day vacation only to read about basketball. It was amazing watching Bar Louie explode into cheers when the Cavs stole the #1 pick again though.

GMoney said...

Since when is "up your own asshole" a vacation destination???

Anonymous said...

You went to Bar Louie on your vacation?

I'm happy I'm not you.


GMoney said...

I remember when your mother picked you up from Bar Louie.

Anonymous said...

In my aunts minivan for added effect. Well played, mom, well played.