"Unloading my shit in 3...2...1..."
BOOM! Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers. The Iceman is fucking back you slack jawed shit sacks. Before we get into how much you all missed my salty nuts, let me explain what happened. So you all remember a few months back when some nutless turd at my job ratted me out for the amount of time I was spending on my phone/interwebs, yes? Well, a few weeks ago my ex-employer finally finished the job and removed me from my duties altogether. I'M OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED!! That means I can finally take the chains off and bring myself back. The reason behind the termination was complete horse shit, FYI. I'm still waiting on a few details to be ironed out from the whole thing so I won't go into many specifics in case I'm still being spied on.
If you're that curious to know the dirty details of how shit went down, you all know how to reach me. Now let the celebration of the triumphant return of The Iceman continue!
I really don't know what to post today and haven't given much thought to it since I'm currently in Florida searching for a new place to permanently rest my ass in a few months. But what I do know is that when I come back for RibFest next year I'll be wearing a Tim Tenor jersey to honor the man that made RibFest a legendary event. I'll make Grumpy kiss the ring...er, jersey. What I also know is that house hunting in a college town blows grown up man penis.
I guess I'll just bitch about some things today then.
I wish the Browns would just shut the fuck up when it comes to all things Manziel. This kid is going to float off into the God damn stratosphere if the Browns don't get this media circus under control. They're making themselves look like a bunch of amateurs out there. Well...I guess that fits since the Browns have been playing amateur football since 1999. As if the fans of this shit hole team need more invisible hooks to hang their fleeting hopes on, yesterday Pettine added to it. APPARENTLY...Jon Manziel was "very impressive" at rookie camp and "succeeded in every aspect of the 3-day camp". Jesus, here we go. TOOT! TOOT! ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN!! LAST STOP, 4-12VILLE!!! When asked about Manziel's camp why can't you just say, "He did fine. Next question." and move on? Oh. Because we're the Browns and we can't make smart decisions.
Speaking of the Browns...Greg Little was picked up by the Raiders yesterday. Or Browns Lite as I like to call them. Christ. Can you think of a more Raider move than claiming Greg Little off waivers? I hope I always have the Raiders to bail me out when I'm feeling really crappy about the Browns.
Then there's LeSean McCoy calling himself the best running back in the NFL. The only person that agrees with you is Mr. Ape. Because he's an asshat homer. The LOLest part of this story is how McCoy admitted his own brother doesn't even consider him the best back in the NFL. Amazing. Listen. He's a great back and he's TOTES in the top 5. But he's not better than AP. Shit, just for craps and smiles...
Better than G$'s bitchin "ELITE" rankings, that's for sure.
That should give us enough shit to argue about today. But the important thing is that The Iceman is officially back. Uncork your finest $13 bottle of Rumplemintz and let's toast to my greatness. Can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hold me down. That's God damn right.