Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!


"Unloading my shit in 3...2...1..."



BOOM!  Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers.  The Iceman is fucking back you slack jawed shit sacks.  Before we get into how much you all missed my salty nuts, let me explain what happened.  So you all remember a few months back when some nutless turd at my job ratted me out for the amount of time I was spending on my phone/interwebs, yes?  Well, a few weeks ago my ex-employer finally finished the job and removed me from my duties altogether.  I'M OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED!!  That means I can finally take the chains off and bring myself back.  The reason behind the termination was complete horse shit, FYI.  I'm still waiting on a few details to be ironed out from the whole thing so I won't go into many specifics in case I'm still being spied on.



If you're that curious to know the dirty details of how shit went down, you all know how to reach me.  Now let the celebration of the triumphant return of The Iceman continue!

I really don't know what to post today and haven't given much thought to it since I'm currently in Florida searching for a new place to permanently rest my ass in a few months.  But what I do know is that when I come back for RibFest next year I'll be wearing a Tim Tenor jersey to honor the man that made RibFest a legendary event.  I'll make Grumpy kiss the ring...er, jersey.  What I also know is that house hunting in a college town blows grown up man penis.

I guess I'll just bitch about some things today then.

I wish the Browns would just shut the fuck up when it comes to all things Manziel.  This kid is going to float off into the God damn stratosphere if the Browns don't get this media circus under control.  They're making themselves look like a bunch of amateurs out there.  Well...I guess that fits since the Browns have been playing amateur football since 1999.  As if the fans of this shit hole team need more invisible hooks to hang their fleeting hopes on, yesterday Pettine added to it.  APPARENTLY...Jon Manziel was "very impressive" at rookie camp and "succeeded in every aspect of the 3-day camp".  Jesus, here we go.  TOOT!  TOOT!  ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN!!  LAST STOP, 4-12VILLE!!!  When asked about Manziel's camp why can't you just say, "He did fine.  Next question." and move on?  Oh.  Because we're the Browns and we can't make smart decisions.

Speaking of the Browns...Greg Little was picked up by the Raiders yesterday.  Or Browns Lite as I like to call them.  Christ.  Can you think of a more Raider move than claiming Greg Little off waivers?  I hope I always have the Raiders to bail me out when I'm feeling really crappy about the Browns.

Then there's LeSean McCoy calling himself the best running back in the NFL.  The only person that agrees with you is Mr. Ape.  Because he's an asshat homer.  The LOLest part of this story is how McCoy admitted his own brother doesn't even consider him the best back in the NFL.  Amazing.  Listen.  He's a great back and he's TOTES in the top 5.  But he's not better than AP.  Shit, just for craps and smiles...

1. AP
2. Lynch
3. McCoy
4. Charles
5. Forte

Better than G$'s bitchin "ELITE" rankings, that's for sure.

That should give us enough shit to argue about today.  But the important thing is that The Iceman is officially back.  Uncork your finest $13 bottle of Rumplemintz and let's toast to my greatness.  Can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hold me down.  That's God damn right.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

If Iceman is back, then what happened to Randall?

--Drew

Grumpy said...

You got terminated because you're an incompetent asshole.

T. Iceman said...

Randall was a Mexican immigrant G$ hired to blog on Tuesdays. Randall had to flee back to the homeland to escape the constant sexual advances G$ was making. It got ugly.

I'm gonna terminate all over your face, Grumpy. That's what's gonna happen.

Mr. Ace said...

OVERRATED!!!

McCoy is the best RB and I don't think it's that close. In TODAYS NFL he does everything that you can ask a RB to do and he is #ELITE at it. He's the only RB you can say that about. It's really a simple argument.

When has anybody ever given a fuck about the Browns? The answer is never. Of course Jimmy Haslam is going to crank up the media circus. You're the Browns, don't forget that.

Anonymous said...

So I am in Detroit for the week, ramping up for a new job with a new company...

Driving back to my hotel last night and found the Tribe/Tigers game on FM radio (97.1)... I just wanted to quickly comment that the Tiger radio announcers are really great. I seriously havent ever enjoyed listening to an away broadcast group, until last night. Dudes called the game completely fair (couldnt even tell if I somehow found a Tribe station in Detroit) with great insight and really knew what they were talking about when referring to the away team.

So cheers to your announcers, Tigers fans...

Seal

Jeff said...

Nice Seal? Apocalypse now?

Coach Cal will be sure to turn you angry again when he leaves for the association.

T. Iceman said...

Seal knows that it's an important day. That's why he commented.

Hold on a sec. He's the ONLY running back that does everything and is ELITE at it? I can't wait to hear you argue this point, Mr. Homer. Homerism is a real disease, kids. Unfortunately there is no cure.

Mr. Ace said...

Please feel free to argue against it. He's an ELITE runner. An ELITE pass catcher and ELITE in pass protection. I also think Charles is the 2nd best RB...but he needs to stay healthy to cement that. AD is a beast, no doubt. But he's not the best RB.

Good to have Seal back.

Did anybody watch the OVERRATED Spurs last night? What a bunch of underachievers.

GMoney said...

Hi, guys! Just G$ checking in from the central time zone. Welcome back, Iceman! I'm so happy that what got you back here was getting shit-canned!

Great RB rankings. One might even say that you stole them from someone smarter since that is EXACTLY my RB rankings from a few monfs ago. Go back and check the tape, bruh. I'm in your head.

I just don't understand what the Browns are doing. I mean, did they not know what drafting Football came with? Try as hard as you want to but the goddamn circus is here and it isn't going anywhere. You might as well embrace it and hope that people get bored instead of bullying the media and making them even more horny for Johnny. No one has ever defeated the media. I doubt that Jimmy Haslam is going to be the first.

GMoney said...

By the way, PFTC's boner medicine post on KSK is terrific.

T. Iceman said...

What about goal line back? Is McCoy ELITE at that also? If I need a goal line TD I'm not calling McCoy's number. Shit...I may even put Lynch at number one over AP. Pass catcher, savage runner, pass blocks and a lethal goal line runner. Lynch for sure is better than McCoy.

Mr. Ace said...

Lynch is an ELITE pass catcher? I would bet he isn't even in the Top 25 for receptions by RB'S last year. He also fumbled 4 times...compared to McCoy's 1. Peterson fumbled 5. Lynch and Peterson are Top 5 guys. McCoy is totes #1 tho.

I took the liberty of looking up some pass protection stats for RB'S. Turns out none of these guys are particularly good. And McCoy was bad under Andy Reid. From the games I watched last year I thought he did very well. MID is obvs the best.

I couldn't find any good goal line efficiency stats, but I'm sure they are out there. You can't hold Andy Reid choosing to pass or running a fucking tight end shuffle against McCoy for not getting goal line touches/TD's.

Anonymous said...

Julian from the Sheild shot his beard, er, wife last night. That's the announcement you wanted.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Glad you're back Iceman! Randall's takes were pretty weak. He deserved deportation.

Nice Seal is no fun. Feel the hate, let the dark side take over...

Mr. Ace said...

So when will we know why you actually got fired? I look forward to this.

T. Iceman said...

As soon as you admit that McCoy isn't the best RB in the NFL and that the Spurs are OVERRATED, Ape. When that happens I'll be happy to share with the world.

Prime99 said...

Ape, McCoy needs to work on his PADLEVEL running.

GMoney said...

McCoy is a system RB who, I believe, voluntarily played for Dave Wannstedt. Got to hold that against him IMO.

Mr. Ace said...

No thanks. I'll just assume it had to do with child pornography...because that's probably right.

T. Iceman said...

The only thing good to come out of Pittsburgh is Lawrence Fitzgerald. And fat toothless whores to make fun of.

Anonymous said...

I'm from Detroit.

--Jerome Bettis

T. Iceman said...

Jerome Bettis is the Spurs of NFL running backs. OVERRATED. He's no Rich Gannon, that's for sure.

Mr. Ace said...

Who OVERRATES Jerome Bettis other than Steelers fans? Stop making arguments with yourself. RS vs Iceman would be some major lolz.

Anonymous said...

I can see how one would interpret this as overrated:

With the Spurs' 122-105 win over the Oklahoma City Thunder in Game 1 of the Western Conference finals, the trio of Duncan, Ginobili and Parker achieved its 110th playoff win together. That moves them into a tie with Showtime-era Los Angeles Lakers teammates Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Michael Cooper for the all-time NBA record for playoff wins by a group of three.

Sorry couldn't help myself.

- J Saul

Mr. Ace said...

OVERRATED!!!

T. Iceman said...

Titles, titles, titles, titles. It's all about titles, yes? Or are we going back and saying titles don't matter anymore? Which one is it? The Spurs are starting to become very OVERRATED if they don't start winning titles again.

Mr. Ace said...

So now they are just starting to become OVERRATED if they don't start winning titles again....OK.