|NOT Field Day!|
*Are the Spurs in trouble? FUCK YES! Again, without Ibaka I was so fucking unbelievably certain
that this series would be over in 5. Mostly because that meant that Adams and Perk were the only bigs they could put on the floor. Now Ibaka is back and his presence is killing us. OKC is dominating the boards. I said Splitter was ass last week and this is exactly why, he's a giant fucking Euro pussy. Obviously, this isn't all on Splitter. There's a lot of blame to go around. I hope Pop changes up the rotations and Ginobili, Diaw and Mills get a lot more PT. Belinelli should get zero run, and Green and Splitter should see less time.
* LOLZ at G$ and his Cavs talk. Until Bron comes back into that locker room you are irrelevant...which I think you understand, but just wanted to point out.
*Bragging about making money at a garage sale is about the most white trash thing you can do. "Hey, you see all this stuff I paid $500 for when I bought it? I'll sell it to you for $20. I'M RICH, BIATCH!"
So today we are going to be talking about Field Day. The last time I competed, and note the word COMPETED, in Field Day it was probably 1996. I was a 5th grader in Ms. G's class and we had some serious athletes(not affletes as we were all white). I was never much of a speedster, so my forte was always more of the stremph variety...such as kickball/ long throw/ tug of war. I feel like those, along with the sprint, are the cornerstones of a solid field day extravaganza. Oh, and horrible fucking parents. Can't forget that part.
Well guess what, that shit is dead and gone. Or at least it is at my school. Here is a run down of the "stations" we had going for our field day. Mind you, I have absolutely no say over what goes on as far as these stations.
- Inflatable Castle/Water slide. Seriously, just a bunch of kids climbing up some inflatable castle and then sliding down the slide with a sprinkler attached to it. Somehow kids did this for 20 minutes straight and gave no fucks. I did go down it once yesterday because it was 90 degrees and the kids were at lunch. I want one now.
- "Game Station". This was my primary station. I basically came up with 5 games that I would have the kids play depending on grade level and respect for authority. We rotated between a) Bean bag slingshot launch: Which was meant to have kids aim at a bullseye on a tarp about 50 feet away, but quickly turned into kids launching them at their teachers, b) Sack Race: Exactly what is sounds like, c) Hula Hoop Pass: This is where I make the kids hold hands in a big circle and have to get their bodies through a hula hoop and then help their neighbor. You know, a real team builder. I also call this the ring of death because apparently there is one kid in every class who has ringworm, and d) I make up random shit for them to do for 20 minutes. My personal favorite. This is what happens when I get 50 kindergarten hyenas thrown at me. We play Simon Says and do relay races through the jungle gym.
- Slip N Slide. This is where I put together two tarps and coat them with dish soap and have somebody else spray the kids down as the go through it. Because stereotypes.
- Bike station. Kids literally get on bikes that have been salvaged and are on their last legs and ride them in a circle. There are some scooters mixed in. It stays friendly with everybody going in the same direction for about the first 15 minutes. The last 5 is demolition derby time.
- Snow cones and cotton candy. Crazy kids? Threaten them with missing out on cotton candy and snow cones as they watch their friends enjoy them. Problem solver.
But Field Day isn't what it used to be, folks. We are in a world of non-competition and it has filtered all the way down to what is supposed to be the most glorious day of an elementary schoolers life. Field day has become a watered down, kumbaya slumber party where everybody has to play nice and enjoy their treats. Everybody's a friend. Nobody loses. Everybody wins. And you can't make the kids with ringworm sit out because that's just mean.
And this isn't even about the pussification of Murica. It's about how awesome Field Day used to be. I don't think I ever won an event(I was the Buffalo Bills of Field Day), but I still enjoyed it, looked forward to it and remember it like it was yesterday. You and your classmates came out in your team colors. Everybody had their best events that they were participating in that day. And even though you knew you had some worthless teammates, you still cheered them on because you wore the same colors. What happened to the crab walk? How about the wheel barrow race? 4 man relay?
Forget about Memorial Day. I want Field Day back, America.
(I bet Ide was the crab walk king)