|Oh, my arm. It's broken!|
Monday night, Ken Rosenthal (and his stupid bowties) reported that Marlins super-stud pitcher, Jose Fernandez, was done. He is taking his electric stuff and personality to Dr. James Andrews for some Tommy John Surgery. In this humble blogger’s opinion, Tommy John is pretty ELITE. He has a way better ailment than Lou Gehrig no offense. Anyway, this really sucks for people who enjoy watching the game because Fernandez is incredible and was cranking out a Cy Young-like season and then between the 4th and 5th innings in San Diego over the weekend, it was all over. He’ll be out the rest of this year and a good chunk of next year and who knows if he will ever be the same.
Tommy John Surgery seems to be afflicting more and more pitchers every year now. It would be OK if this only happened to the marginal guys but when it claims Fernandez and Matt Harvey and Strasburg and others, well that sucks. Stop taking away all of the best young pitchers, you jerk! Or, you know, introduce yourself to Jut Verlander. Why is this happening more frequently today than in years past? I asked a couple of redneck experts about this on Monday night and these were their takes:
Mitch Williams thinks that it is because pitchers are pussies and don’t throw enough anymore. He seems to be one of those old guys that hates pitch counts and whatnot. John Kruk, who has one testicle mind you, thinks it has to do more with too much weight-lifting and not enough stretching. I think he is saying that it isn’t good when the muscles around the tendons change drastically while the tendons stay the same. And you know what, these two hayseeds might actually be on to something. Ozzie Guillen seems to think that guys are throwing too many sliders and whathaveyou and that, too, is interesting and entirely possible. Even HE could be on to something here!
That would be pretty crazy if all of the rest and limitations placed on these guys were doing more damage than good. I can definitely see the pros and cons of both. Maybe your arm needs to have more structure in its “life” than the peaks and valleys of start-two days off-long toss-day off-start and more of start-throw every day to some degree-start again. It’s interesting because we are in 2014 and modern medicine can’t seem to come to any consensus on how to prevent (or even curtail) serious pitching injuries.
And that is where we come in. I call on all of you medical professionals to diagnose why we are seemingly seeing an increase in major elbow issues among pitchers. This should be good. Get out your stethoscopes and anal thermometers because we’re playing doctor today. We, The Money Shot, can revolutionize the art of pitching. This could be a billion dollar idea, folks! Once we figure out how to defeat Tommy John for good, I would then like to solve the mystery of horrible-smelling asparagus piss. But one medical miracle at a time...