|I fucked your mom, Bron.|
Anyway, now the Cavs are searching for the 400th coach in the last 3 years. With Dan Gilbert in charge, you never know what is going to happen next other than it will be absurd…then it will fail…then we will try something even more asinine…until we settle on the uninspiring. I would like to submit as evidence all of those times that we tried to land Phil Jackson as well as the Tom Izzo flirting. Those home run swings lead to the ultimate ground ball to shortstop AKA Byron Scott. But we’re back up to the plate now and looking for all the gold INTENSITY star-stickers. Who is this year’s golden goose?
Apparently, it’s John Calipari!
On Wednesday, Cal did an interview with the Plain Dealer and talked about how much he wants to coach LeBron at some point. First of all, why is he talking to the Cleveland media? That would be like Steve Spurrier going on the record with the Houston Chronicle. It just doesn’t make sense. Second, this sort of heavily implies that the only path to Cal and Bron joining forces would be on Lake Erie which is TOTES not true. Bron could go up to Pat Riley today and demand that Spo be fired and Cal brought in and he would get his way. Third, I understand why the Cavs would be interested (they were in 2010 after all), but why would Cal think about the Cavs? Well, that might not be THAT far-fetched.
He already did what he set out to accomplish at UK. He won a title coaching HIS way. Big Blue Nation isn’t the most patient or grateful band of rubes either. They’re going to be up his ass every year that he doesn’t win a title. I can see how that would get old. Cal probably also has a bad taste in his mouth from his previous NBA coaching stint with the Nets. These guys are all egomaniacs who are constantly seeking to be called the GOAT. Winning a national title and an NBA title is probably very appealing to Calipari. LOL at going to Cleveland to reach that goal though.
I highly doubt that anything more than what has already been said becomes truth or FACT in regards to the Calipari to the Cavs rumor. I just feel like recruiting is such a gigantic aspect of what makes Calipari who he is that taking it all away and just being an x’s and o’s man does not seem like a smart idea. Unless he has something cooking with LeBron behind closed doors, of course. You know, something similar to how Bosh, Wade, and Bron tampered the shit out of their contracts during the Olympics and agreed to play together. Maybe they’ve agreed to make it work in Cleveland and then win all the titles! Yeah, that’s the ticket! John Calipari is coming to The Q and is leaving the door open for LeBron! It makes ALL THE SENSE! SUPER BOWL!
Oh who the hell am I kidding. He’s going to turn us down just like everybody does. We will hire Mike D’Antoni (worst coach ever). Kyrie will leave and rightfully so. Dan Gilbert will continue to embarrass. World keeps spinnin’. At least we're still better than the Knicks. Well, at least "less of a dumpster fire". I’ll just say it now before he turns us down: FUCK YOU, JOHN CALIPARI!