Friday, April 25, 2014

So About Those ELITE Quarterbacks...

"ELITE game."  "ELITE game to you, too."
Before we get into today's hot list of ELITE quarterbacks, can we talk about Andy Dalton for a minute.  Dalton has had a rough offseason with a lot of haters talking about how much of a loser he is and that he doesn't deserve to get paid and whatnot.  And they're all right.  Dalton isn't anything more than average.  He has better weapons than 90% of the QBs in the league and he still can't make a decent throw in the playoffs.  He's had three shots at the postseason and has been rancid in every one of them.  Last week, Dalton said that he is the face of the Bengals which makes me think that the Bengals are one of the worst teams in the league.  He also came out the other day and started quoting his own stats as a means to justify what a "great" quarterback he is.  It's all very odd.  Pro athletes usually don't publicly go after their critics.  If I'm the Bengals, I let him walk after this year.  Fuck him.  He's going to want ELITE Joe Flacco money.  I'd offer him 6-7 million a year tops.  Dalton is a big ginger turd.

Speaking of Andy Dalton, he comes nowhere near today's list of the top ten quarterbacks in the NFL in 2014.  I always say that I ignore fantasy relevance and, while factoring RB and WR, that was hard but it isn't today.  Numbers Never Lie but Ide does all the time and that has nothing to do with anything except for reminding everyone that Ide is a liar.  Anyway, my ELITE QB rankings are slotted the way that they are for three reasons:

1. Do you win?
2. Do I trust you to win a game (big difference from #1)?
3. And, of course, how biased am I?

There are some fairly big names omitted from this list today that will stick out big time.  I expect to be called out on some of these.  But at the end of the day (Craig Krenzel reference!), if I don't think that you're a winner, then there's the door, Matt Ryan.  Here we go:

10. Robert Griffin III - Look, last year was a nightmare while he was rehabbing his knee but he was the most electric player in the league as a rookie and actually led the Redskins to a division title.  Reports out of DC are leaking that he looks fantastic again by the way.
9. Joe Flacco - Ah, yes, Mr. ELITE himself.  Dude just makes the playoffs and had one of the best playoff QB runs ever two years ago.  He's a dork but I trust him more than ELITE Manning or Fatty Stafford.

8. Russell Wilson - I initially had Dubs at ten but then I heard that he is divorcing his honky wife.  Such a baller move!  Get rid of your missus before you sign the mega contract.  That's just good professional athletin'!
7. Colin Kaepernick - How do I put this sex predator and Aloe Blacc's BFF over Rusty?  Simple.  Kaep means more to his offense than Wilson does.  By that I mean he has to do more for them to be great.  Wilson has a pretty easy job (although he is a good at it).

6. Ben Roethlisberger - Yeah yeah yeah he's an idiot off the field and probably deserved way worse than what he got for what he probably did but the guy is a big game player.  The last few years have been tough but Ben is a playmaker.  DEAL WITH IT.
5. Andrew Luck - Old Amish Andy might even be better than advertised.

4. Aaron Rodgers - Am I crazy to think that Rodgers (Bo Ryan's best friend!) is just a tad OVERRATED?  I mean, he's really good and all, but outside of the Super Bowl year, he hasn't won all that much.  Then again, when you win a Super Bowl, you are ELITE.  What I'm trying to say here is that I have no idea what I'm trying to say here. 
3. Peyton Manning - We've been over this plenty of times before so I won't waste my time again.  The FACT is that he is definitely jealous of his brother's two rings.

2. Drew Brees - I love Brees.  I think that he is fantastic and I absolutely trust him more than I do Manning and Rodgers.

1.Tom Brady - No question.  He has the resume and the numbers and the smoking hot wife and the UGGS (like Larry and Ide AKA two faggots!).  He is a Michigan Man through and through which makes him better than the best Ohio QB ever in the pros: Mike Tomczak LOL!  Anyway, Brady is the one QB in the league that I would trust the most to win me a football game.  DEAL WITH IT AGAIN.

No Eli.  No Cam.  No Matty Ice.  No Weeden!  If I had to pick a #11, it would probably have been Rivers anyway.  I like his moxie and his lust for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Kirk Cousins #12 IMO.  This should be a fun day to EMBRACE DEBATE.  Come at me, bros, and don't forget to CARRY THE FLAG tomorrow night.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Too much credit given to Roethilsberger for his past. He's not even top ten in my opinion nowadays. I think he's going to be extremely mediocre the rest of the way. Other than that...no real problems with your list.

Red Wings are OBVZ done...Bruins are just a better team. Good experience for all of the rookies in their first playoff series though. Need to add a solid top 4 defenseman for next season and possibly a bruiser.

Pacers and Thunder (not nearly as bad as Pacers)...woof.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I think you nailed it. I don't see any bias, just solid reasoning.

I'm not going to get drawn in to debating Ben. He's been ELITE since Day 1; PERIOD..

I would pay to watch RGIII play everyday. I hope they surround him with the right pieces because he is special. I wouldn't give a dime to watch Flacco; his whole MO is to chuck it deep and hope for a PI call.

I don't care much about NHL hockey, but since so many of the regulars here are so invested in the Blue Jackets, I'm hoping they can pull this off.

GMoney said...

I hear that Mike Commodore is available.

Atta boy, Grump, way to go and buy a junior flag pole!

We all know about Joey ELITE but he makes the playoffs every damn season (but this one). As a fan, I would much prefer making it every season than to put up gaudy fantasy stats. I like to think that we all would. It's why Browns fans love Bernie Kosar. He was complete garbage but he won (that should get the peeps going).

Ben is a very POLARIZING figure, Colin T. No doubt about that. One might even call him a "riverboat gambler". But I am on the side of "dude is a winner" over "he is just lucky and should be in prison".

Mr. Ace said...

I would drop Ben in these rankings...to about 10. Kick out RG3 until he proves it this year, and move Cam in at 9.

Foles will be Top 5 after this year. Guaransheed.

GMoney said...

LOL Nick Foles. That is all.

Do you think that the Bears fans will whine about no Catler today? Or at least purr for a few minutes. Because that would be really amusing if anyone thought that Catler was a top ten QB in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Not enough ARM TALENT.

Jeff said...

Jack Johnson and James Wisniewski are ELITE power play QBs.

Nibbles said...

Why again is RGIII at 10 and Eli is not?

Prime99 said...

Marcus Smart attacks a fan- 3 game suspension.

Mitch McGarry rolls a doobie- full year suspension.

The Cat can be outside your biased top 10. I'd rather have him than a few dudes on the list, but the list is pretty solid. My only regret is that he doesn't have a twitter to do my weekly "Gmoney thinks you suck tweet." Maybe I'll tweet at Kyle Long instead.

Randall Stevens said...

This Raperburger argument is getting better and more clear as the years go by. I've always said that he was a glorified Dilfer drafted into the perfect position. Now that all of players that carried that team are old as shit/gone/retired, we're finally seeing the real Roethlisberger and that I was right all along.

Just like G$ said...that stats don't lie. In the last 3 seasons the Steelers are 28-20 with zero playoff wins. If Roethlisberger was truly ELITE, that stat wouldn't be so shitty. How can you trust a guy who lost to Tim Tenor the last time his sorry ass team made the playoffs?

Point to his two Superbowl rings all you want. The fact is that he has the worst QB rating of any Super Bowl winning QB in the history of the league in one of those wins. And it took a miracle throw in a comeback against a Arizona team that was 9-7 and a wildcard team on the second one. Not exactly ELITE. Unless you're a Steeler fan. Then those are the two most impressive Super Bowl wins ever.

Randall Stevens said...

And RG3 on this list is just as hilarious as McGary leaving for the NBA because of a positive pot test during the NCAA tournament.

Jeff said...

What about when Tom Brady LOST to the wildcard Giants?

GMoney said...

That Cardinals team was not a wild card team. Nice try but non-FACTS will not be tolerated around here.

You lead a team to three Super Bowls then you are better than most. That is hard to dispute but I'm sure that you will try.

9.3-6.7 with almost zero above average skill position players and an aging defense is bad? Funny.

I trust RG3 more than I do ELITE in 2014. Pretty simple. Bias is definitely factored in (but not a factorback) but ELITE has been pretty goddamn terrible the past two seasons and it doesn't appear that the Giants are going to be getting better any time soon. Thanks for playing.

GMoney said...

Are you arguing that Justin Tuck is a better QB than Tom E. Brady? I don't understand how that is relevant.

Jeff said...

RS, tried to devalue Ben because he almost lost to fictitious WC team in the SUPER BOWL when Tommy actually did lose to one.

GMoney said...

Oh, well if you're reminding Rando that he is a moron then I will allow it.

That's like saying that Peyton Manning is a better QB than the Sex Cannon just because he snuck by him on Super Sunday. No one would ever say that without receiving a gigantic facial.

Look, if you hate the Steelers (I do) and Ben (I can see why) then that is fine. But you don't get any points for bringing up the Seahawks SB performance while not acknowledging that he OWNED it in three road playoff games as a second year QB to get to that game in JEROME BETTIS'S HOME TOWN. This is why I get paid the big bloggin' bucks and you don't. Because I am an unbiased football historian.

Whether you like it or not, if you lead your franchise to three Super Bowls, you are an ELITE QB. That is a goddamn FACT whether you hate the bro or not. Was Troy Aikman a HOF based on his numbers? Fuck no and he had the greatest talent on his side in league history. But he won. And that is all that matters. DEAL WITH IT.

Nibbles said...

"Whether you like it or not, if you lead your franchise to three Super Bowls, you are an ELITE QB."

Oh. I guess appearing and winning only two of them does not.

Prime99 said...

Big Ben lost to the 6 seed WC Packers in the SB.

Jeff said...

Thanks for helping Rando, Prime. Ben won one as a WC also.

Back to square one. Dumb argument. Who started this one? Oh that's right, RS.

Prime99 said...

I help no one. As Drool mentioned once, I am the most UNBIASED commenter here. The argument was dumb, but if you are hating Brady for losing a SB to a WC team, just know that Big Ben did, too.

Big Ben is not a current top 10 QB IMO, though was once clearly ELITE. He gave his body, soul, and throbbing boner to win 2 Super Bowls and that is awesome. But I don't see him as top 10 RIGHT NOW.

Randall Stevens said...

Okay. So the Cardinals weren't a wild card team. It was just their shitty record that indicated that they were. My mistake. Forgive me for attempting to take anything away from the impressive nature of beating a 9-7 divisional winner in the Super Bowl.

"Whether you like it or not, if you lead your franchise to three Super Bowls, you are an ELITE QB"

And I'm questioning how much leading he did. What Roethlisberger was drafted into is a situation that almost no rookie QB gets the privilege of. That Steeler team was a playoff team that had one uncharacteristic bad season and drafted high in the first round because of it. All of Roethlisberger's career fuck ups have been glossed over and covered by an ELITE defense. Until now. Now that that defense is gone, we are starting to see who Roethlisberger really is. That defense isn't bailing him out like they used to and that's why the Steelers haven't won a playoff game in 3 years. ELITE QBs should get better...not regress when the pieces around them start to wither and die. The team around Roethlisberger is more responsible for those Super Bowls than he is.

GMoney said...

I must be misremembering (Roger Clemens hat tip) all of those extended playoff runs led by Kordell and Tommy goddamn Maddox.

That apparently horrible Cardinals team featured Warner, Edge James, Fitz, and Boldin AKA 4 hall of famers. They weren't shit even if they were on the Cards. That was an insanely hot team. Stop being stupid. If you make it to the Super Bowl, you're a good fucking team. Denver scored 8 points this year. Does that make them shit. Of course not.

Even today, like I say, I still think that he is a big game QB.

Tom Brady hasn't won a Super Bowl in TEN years yet we still all agree that he is great. Once you are ELITE, you are always ELITE even if you aren't ELITE anymore. That logic makes sense to people who are ELITE. Joe Montana as a Chief was still ELITE even with an elbow the size of a basketball. Joe Namath is still ELITE. ELITE.

Nibbles said...

"Tom Brady hasn't won a Super Bowl in TEN years yet we still all agree that he is great. Once you are ELITE, you are always ELITE even if you aren't ELITE anymore. That logic makes sense to people who are ELITE. Joe Montana as a Chief was still ELITE even with an elbow the size of a basketball. Joe Namath is still ELITE. ELITE."

Exactly, just like Eli Manning you crazy asshole.

Prime99 said...

I'll say this, without Big Ben making that YUUGE tackle vs. the Colts when his teammate (you know, one of the guys more responsible for winning) THE BUS fumbled on the goal line, kiss that first SB goodbye.

Prime99 said...

"If you make it to the Super Bowl, you're a good fucking team."

2006-2007 BEARS FTW!!!

GMoney said...

I see what you're saying now, Nibs. Eli will be forever ELITE--no guff--but that doesn't mean that I trust him.

No one can ever take away a man's ELITEness but that doesn't automatically make me want you to start lobbing wounded ducks to my receivers.

Randall Stevens said...

That makes zero fucking sense.

G: This guy is ELITE.

Guy: So does that mean you want him on your team?

G: NOOOOOO! I don't trust that fucker.

And I'm the idiot.

Nibbles said...

"I see what you're saying now, Nibs. Eli will be forever ELITE--no guff--but that doesn't mean that I trust him."

LOL @ trusting a black man for any reason whatsoever.

GMoney said...

I'm looking for a man to not show up to work today?--checkmate, Nibbles.

Go figure that Attic Man doesn't understand ELITEness.

Being ELITE is like herpes. It never goes away.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ WE ON!

--Drew

Cakes said...

OBVZ Hoyer belongs in the top 15. He took us on a magical ride for those 9 quarters last year. Plus, he's going to be a great teacher for Johnny Football because I'm now convinced the Browns are taking Manziel.

Everyone remember when Randall said he wouldn't watch a minute of Browns football if they drafted that acne-ridled GLOREEEBOY? Well I think Mr. Stevens is going to have a lot of free time this fall.

Nibbles said...

If the Browns draft John Football, consider me a fan 2014. He won't take them to the playoffs in Year 1, but the Browns offense will be the best its been since 2007.



Randall Stevens said...

So Shaun Alexander is ELITE? Same with Terrell Davis? Both were considered ELITE backs at one point so according to your idiotic explanation both are still currently ELITE. I can't believe the NFL Hall Of Fame hasn't enshrined these two ELITE ball carriers. Modern day tragedy right there.

Mr. Ace said...

This was a real tardfest.

GMoney said...

Running backs were last week, turd. What the hell are you talking about?