|Go ahead and glance at my bone, Brandi, I'll just be looking at them jugs.|
I really hate the people who whine about reality TV being the worst thing ever. No, it isn’t, because reality TV is a very broad culture that includes a lot of varying things. Sure, I agree that American Idol and Honey Boo Boo and other things that women watch are rotten, but there are still quite a few gems out there. Cliff “Uncle Cliffy” Robinson was on Survivor this season (already OUT which sucks)! Big Brother led the nation in racists last Summer! Restaurant Impossible is always enjoyable because Robert Irvine is great. Have you seen River Monsters? TERRIFYING! What I’m trying to say here is that not all of Reality TV is pointless, annoying, or bad. And it gets even better when you can find a mini-marathon on a weekend. Here are five shows that you should check out if you want to waste a day in an entertaining way:
Show: Shipping Wars
Why Watch: It’s basically five different truckers bidding on loads (heh!) and trying to beat deadlines. You might be surprised to hear that there are two really hot chicks on this that haul for a living. The men are grouchy old timers and that always makes me laugh. By the way, I don’t know if anyone still checks in on Storage Wars, but Barry is gone now (retired from the game) and now the show is pretty much Darrell being a moron and Brandi getting chunky. That fat German guy and his man-wife suck. They need to cancel Storage Wars ASAP.
Show: Undercover Boss
Channel: CBS for first air and I think Oxygen for the syndication
Why Watch: She$ got me watching this and it isn’t that bad. Although I think it would be better if the employees were bigger douche bags. There are too many happy endings and not enough firings for my liking. The wife always cries during this. I always LOL hard at the horrible costumes that they put on these CEOs.
Show: Naked & Afraid
Why Watch: HOLY SHIT YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS. OK, so the premise is that they dump two complete strangers into some uncharted hellscape for 21 days and that’s it. They are completely nude by the way. I would last maybe 10 minutes. They have no food. No water. No shelter. It’s basically a show where two naked people try to kill themselves slowly. It is fantastic. Terrifying but fantastic. These people don’t even get paid. They’re just challenging themselves!
Show: Treehouse Masters
Channel: Animal Planet
Why Watch: I, for one, had no idea that there were professional treehouse builders out there that built six figure homes in trees. It’s pretty cool even if the host/owner of the company is a big tool. I’m afraid of heights, can’t build anything, and hate the outdoors but I enjoy this show. The one where Cee-Lo showed up looking all tiny, fat, and black was a real hoot!
Show: Bar Rescue
Channel: Spike TV
Why Watch: WHY AREN’T YOU WATCHING THIS ANYWAY!!! John Taffer is the goddamn GOAT. His look, demeanor, and the way he talks is just perfect. I love him yelling at idiots (mostly bro and whore bartenders). He is easily the greatest thing to come out of Cincinnati. All of these situations are resolved in the same way though: the bartenders are giving away too much booze and they aren’t women-friendly at all. Taffer rules.
If you asked me when any of these shows aired live, I wouldn’t have a fucking clue. They are best binge-watched on a weekend afternoon while you try to squeeze a nap in. So let’s pick up the remote, scour through your guide, and identify some quality reality programming that can help us get through the weekends until football comes back. I think that MUDawg is a big Shark Tank fan and I hate that show. I should probably announce that I’m not trying out for Big Brother again. DEAL WITH IT. Since Gay Buke won last season, maybe Gay Money will roll this Summer.