Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!


"What.  This??  Oh...this is something I had just laying around."



About a year ago I started reading comic books again.  And fuck you.  Comics are awesome.  It's not just grown men dressing up in tights and fighting villains anymore.  There are a shit load more story arcs out there covering more than just super heroes.  I'm sure you anal warts will try and find a way to roast me for this confession but whatever.  I don't care.

So this last weekend I decided to go to a comic convention for the first time out of morbid curiosity.  I've always been intrigued by this whole other world dominated by the losers we all used to Richie Incognito while growing up.  Plus my brother lives in the host city so I figured why the hell not.  If nothing else I get to hang out with him for a weekend.  Oh boy.  Best $40 I've ever spent.  Here's a small taste of some of the shit that went on.



Every stereotype you've ever known about comic conventions is absolutely true.  These things are nerd fucking heaven, man.  Some observations over the weekend:

-This is nerd girl version of Halloween.  You know how every Halloween, slutty girls find new and improved ways to dress up like complete whores in 30 degree weather?  Well, replace slutty girls with nerdy slutty girls for comic conventions.  The first chick I saw in the parking garage when we pulled in was dressed in this white unitard/one piece bathing suit that barely held her tits in.  I'm not sure what the fuck she was supposed to be but if she was shooting for "Camel Toe Girl" then she slammed it out of the park.

-I'm not paying for your autograph.  They charged for celebrity signatures and it's insane how many people actually waited in line to pay money to get autographs of people who really don't matter.  Deputy Dipshit from The Walking Dead was there and he had about 9 people waiting in line to get his Herbie Hancock.  Nine.  The Red Ranger from a TV show cancelled back in the 90's had more people in his line for his worthless signature.  LOL.  Everyone hates you, Carl.  The convention was also charging for pictures on top of that.  Thirty bucks a pop.  No thank you and go fuck yourself.  Instead I was able to snap a few photos of my own FO FREE.  Like this guy:



He was signing 2x4's for fans.  I ALMOST got in line to get one.  ALMOST.  But then my smarter self said that $30 for a signed piece of wood was a really stupid thing to buy.  You almost had me, James.

-The coolest part about this whole convention was the guys selling their art.  Some of it was ridiculously expensive ($700 for a pencil sketch of Wolverine) and some of it was really reasonable.  It just depended on how famous the guy was I guess.  I was able to find a guy who sold me two original canvas paintings he did for $150 total.  One of Walter White and the other of Dexter.




Overall it was just as nerdy as I thought it was going to be but I had a really good time despite being surrounded by 3,000 virgins.  I would TOTES go again.  I suggest going if there is ever a convention near you in the future.  It's more than just dorks in costumes trying to buy comics.

Before I go, I really should mention just how fucking awesome the NBA playoffs have been so far.  I feel this FACT has been glossed over because of Don Sterling being a racist asshole.  Both top seeds in the East and West are in danger of getting first rounded.  I would guess if both ate shit that would be the first time in league history both one seeds failed to make it out of the first round.  Ace's Twitter silence had been both deafening and delicious.

The Blazers/Rockets series has been flat out tremendous.  Even though the Blazers have a commanding 3-1 lead, you can't argue with 3 of those 4 games going into OT.

Half of the series are knotted up at two games a piece as we sit right now and most of these games have been decided in the last 2 minutes of the game.  AND IT'S ONLY ROUND ONE!  If you haven't been entertained by the NBA playoffs thus far then you're probably a gigantic douche bag.  Here's to the Spurs (hopefully) going down 3-1 last night.  LOL Ace.

56 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

2-2 Fuckboy!!!

You say you recommend that people go and that it's more than nerds in costumes trying to buy comics...but said it's just a bunch of nerds standing in lines buying pictures/autographs + some tits. That's a hard sell.

You passed up a Hacksaw Jim Duggan autograph on a 2x4 in favor of a couple screen prints with paint splattered on them? What a hoooooooooooooooooooomo.

People watching had to be a premium there though. I imagine their was a giant LARP session at some point.

Grumpy said...

Everything we thought about you confirmed.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ reading comic books. Cakes even thinks you are a loser when he's nose deep in weather models with a Tribe game on in the background.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Agree with Drew. You are in your mid 30s...time to take it easy on the superhero worship, Comic Book Guy. Comics are for nerds. Always have been and always will be. You probably pre-cut your undies to make wedgies easier on your hiney.

Wait a minute--you bought a picture of Michael C. Hall? For what? A constant reminder that that guy does horrible work? Jim Duggan was giving out practical memorabilia! Autographed nerd smashers!

Don't lie: you TOTES waited for Carl Grimes. I bet that you had him sign a giant pudding can.

Gonna miss you, CBJ, that was a lot of fun.

Jeff said...

Nerd Alert!

Did you get any of Walter's blue ice?

See ya in October, CBJ! Youngest team in hockey has a very bright future.

Randall Stevens said...

If was more than nerds standing in line to buy comics. There were people selling art and guys selling vintage toys from the 70's and 80's. And Kevin Nash being tall and huge and live stage shows of people doing shit I've never seen before. What I'm saying is there is a lot of stuff going on there where the price of admission is worth it even if you don't read a single comic.

None of the comics I read have to do with super heroes, G$. Since you're blind and an idiot I'll remind you that today's comics books have more to offer than just super hero story lines. Something that was mentioned in the first paragraph of today's post.

Blair getting the boot for his boot last night was Redickulous-ly gay. The NBA is really trying to get this league to mirror the WNBA as closely as possible, aren't they? A couple more things from last night's game.

Danny Green sucks. Always has always will. I'm getting great joy out of watching him be shitty after last year's miracle playoff performance. Never forget that you are a Cleveland Cavalier cast off, Daniel. If the Cavs think you're ass then you must really be ass.

This league will be much better off without Ginobili. Every time that asshole gets touched he snaps his head back like he just took a lead pipe to the spine.

GMoney said...

Shitty art AND toys? Clearly, I've misjudged how much of a grown-up you are, Wolverine.

No, I remember you're claim that comics are different now. No idea what that means other than you require cute pictures to understand reading material. I read books because I am intelligent and can handle a plot without seeing Radioactive Man's word bubble. NERD.

Had you just said, "I went to see Duggan and Nash" that would have been fine. But you didn't so now you must face everyone's wrath. LOL COMIC BOOKZZZZZZ!!!

GMoney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Randall Stevens said...

The wrestling fan is giving me shit about reading comics. Isn't that hilarious?

Mr. Ace said...

You did a really shitty job of selling this comic convention as anything more than a nerdfest. And the only cool thing there, old school wrestlers, you ignore in favor of TV show art. Not cool, BRAH!

Aren't Ide and Prime comic fans as well? I don't really care if you're a comic fan or not, just don't try to convince me it's not for nerds.

Nibbles said...

Before this post, I envisioned these conventions as nothing more than a bunch of guys dressed up in Star Trek clothes talking in Klinger to each other.

After this post, I now envision that, just with Jim Duggan handing out 2x4's.


Randall Stevens said...

"You did a really shitty job of selling this comic convention as anything more than a nerdfest"

That's because I wasn't trying to do that. Try reading. To help you out I copy and pasted below. It's only a few words so you should be okay, Ace.

"Every stereotype you've ever known about comic conventions is absolutely true. These things are nerd fucking heaven, man."

I was simply saying that DESPITE being a huge nerd fest, it's still worth going because of other things going on there and for the sheer joy of people watching.

I didn't think this post would be that difficult to follow. Fuck.

Jeff said...

You lost us all at, "At a year ago, I started reading comic books again."

So you stopped, and then decided to start doing it again.

Movies are so unrealistic to you that you have reverted to the more realistic comics?

GMoney said...

It would be easier to follow if any of us normal people spoke Klingon or Dothraki, nerd.

It has to be really embarrassing for a guy who claims to be this massive Bad Boys fan could also own 40 different styles of pocket protectors. I mean, what would Laimbeer think of this?

GMoney said...

Today would be a great day for Seal to show back up just to call Randall a dweeby fag. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ trying to say your non superhero comic books make you less of a nerd than those adults that read X-Men. Must be some stirring literature!

--Drew

Comic Book Guy said...

Worst. Post. Ever.

Anonymous said...

If this post were in a newspaper I would make my dog shit on it.

Randall Stevens said...

A lot of these TV shows and movies that you love so much, Drooler, come from comic books. So to say that you enjoy the story in one form of media and not another is just stupid.

I would say you guys should pick up a comic and give it a try before being such close minded dildos about the whole thing but I know exactly the response I'll get.

So you guys get all boned up about Game Of Thrones. A book that is a comic book without the pictures. And that's okay and not super nerdy. LOL. Makes sense.

Anonymous said...

Fucking dork.

-Your Biggest Stan

Mr. Ace said...

"A book that is a comic book without pictures."

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? It's a book that can use descriptive storytelling in place of pictures? I don't get it. And I don't even watch the show.

Ginobili can do no wrong... but it's about time for that mono to hang it up.

Randall Stevens said...

My point is, Ace, that what the fuck does it matter if there are illustrations or not? If the subject content is good then it's good.

Now...If you're going to rip on me for subject content of comic books then you better not be watching GOT. A show celebrated by nerds across the globe based on a book made popular by nerds.

Prime99 said...

Randall, we need an intervention. Not because you like comics, but because your post says you know people won't dig comics or the convention, but you are trying to sell it. Just be comfortable that you enjoyed it.

Also, GOT is not a comic book without pics. It's a dense fantasy novel. Just because something is scifi, doesn't make it a comic book. It can be nerdy, but it's not a comic.

To be clear, I can see where this event would be fun, but it's not something I would have to go to (see the recent Sac Comic Con I didn't go to.)

GMoney said...

Thank you, Prime, sometimes Randall Stevens can stick his head so far up his ass that he becomes mentally challenged. I hope that your extremely correct words set him straight.

Saying that GoT is pretty much a comic book is like saying that Where's Waldo is just like Moby Dick because they are both books.

Now whose turn is it to give this nerd a swirlie?

Randall Stevens said...

No, G$. What I'm saying is that you're attempting to kill me about the subject content of comic books. That it's fantasy nerd shit. But then you turn around and drool over GoT. Also fantasy nerd shit.

But I'm sure you'll somehow fail to see how dumb that is.

Prime99 said...

Randall, do you like Dr. Who? I'm guessing not, but this applies to any scifi/fantasy that you don't like:

If you like comics and canvas art, why don't you like Dr. Who?!?!

This is a dumb question, because you don't need to explain why you like one thing and not another.

Randall Stevens said...

Point taken. But G$ is saying that liking comics AT ALL...regardless of any subject matter...is stupid. So there could be a GoT comic (which is a very possible reality) and he would never read it because in his idiotic opinion, comics are for losers. Even though he has already established he has a GoT erection.

GMoney said...

Comic books are for geeks, dweebs, and spazzes (ELITE SNL sketch). Period. I don't give a shit what sort of disclaimer and qualifiers you put on them, it's still true.

I love GoT and I tolerate The Walking Dead as TV shows. How they get their source material doesn't matter to me at all and has zero impact on whether or not I enjoy the one hour per work in which they are televised. If you want to go balls deep in TWD comics, that's great, but you need to know that you are a YUGE nerd for doing so. Because comic books are for Milhouse and Beaver Cleaver.

This isn't hard, Jughead.

Anonymous said...

Never got into comic books. I think I've owned like ten my whole life. However, the XMen cartoon was fucking ELITE and anyone who says different sucks dick by choice.

I probably would have waited an hour for a Hacksaw 2X4. Check that: definitely. Unless it was Hacksaw Bailey.

As DMX once prophetically said: Shorty can't eat books.

Ide

Randall Stevens said...

What G$ just said there makes about as much sense as his "once ELITE always ELITE" argument. You love GoT in TV format but think its gay in comic format. Just idiotic.

Anonymous said...

Its not in comic format. So I would too.

I liked Sin City and many of the comic movies as well. I don't care about source material.

GoT books are still great though. I say that having read less than 10 books that weren't for school in my entire life.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Randall may never recover from this day here today. Complete disaster.

--Drew

Randall Stevens said...

Like you assholes bother me. Who do you think I am? Seal?

GMoney said...

I really REALLY hate the NBA Playoffs in comic format. GoT is a book series that is a billion pages long. Not anything remotely like you say it is.

I am still not surprised that you are the only one who doesn't get the ELITE point. After all, you started talking about RBs for some reason. Being ELITE is like being a president. Once you are deemed ELITE, people will call you Mr. ELITE forever even if you are Jimmy Carter and thus not very ELITE. Not very ELITE is still ELITE. Joe Flacco is Millard Filmore.

ELITE analogy. If everyone here understands that except for one person then it might be time to get that one person a special needs blog.

Mr. Ace said...

Did you see that fucking gem of an Ide pic on Facebook?!?!?!?! Gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

Wait, what? I'm not on facebook. I thought you went through some deep digging to grab my sixth grade year book.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Woah, Silver just went scorched earf on Sterling.

Ide

Randall Stevens said...

I was using running backs as an example. I'll use quarterbacks if that makes you more comfortable.

From 1999 to 2002 Rich Gannon was considered ELITE. If you don't think so then I'll remind you he went to 4 straight Pro Bowls, a Super Bowl and was named league MVP in 2002. Sounds pretty ELITE to me.

Take a look at the rest of Gannon's career. Ass. Topped more than 2,000 passing yards only 3 times outside of his 4 ELITE years with Oakland.

So...and please correct me if I'm wrong here...according to your logic, since Gannon was an ELITE quarterback for a 4 year span out of a pretty awful 17 year career, we should mention Gannon's name when talking about ELITE quarterbacks in NFL history?

Randall Stevens said...

Silver hammer time'd Sterling.

It'll be interesting to see if he's forced to sell.

GMoney said...

LOL...Rich Gannon was never considered ELITE by GMoneyELITE (or anyone that wasn't a fuckwit). I have higher standards than that. He was a product of Racist Gruden's system. Probably read comic books, too.

Randall Stevens said...

See? There ya go again just makin shit up as you go along to try and hide how dumb your ELITE argument is. League MVPs are never ELITE, right? LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

GMoney said...

Let's form a line behind each of us: those that think that Rich Gannon was an ELITE QB, get behind the guy who is seriously disabled. Those who LOL at that notion, get behind your ELITE King.

Mr. Ace said...

If you use Rich Gannon to support any argument it is automatically invalid and you get punched in the taint.

Randall Stevens said...

That's my whole fucking point! Gannon is not ELITE. But for 4 years he was ELITE. He made a Super Bowl and won a league MVP while making the pro bowl 4 straight seasons. Just because you are ELITE for a portion of your career doesn't make you eternally ELITE.

Kelly Holcomb said...

Once ELITE, always ELITE.

GMoney said...

This is absurd. Go back to your pictures and word bubbles, Green Lantern.

Rich Gannon is no Joe Flacco.

GMoney said...

Your problem is that you've had your booger-filled nose in your Marvels for too long that you don't get what being ELITE means. It isn't black and white. There aren't qualifiers or milestones. It is almost too simple. Just answer the question:

Is _______________ ELITE?

Kurt Warner? Yes. Rich Gannon? No. Steve McNair? No because he's dead. Eli Manning? You better believe it, buddy.

Randall Stevens said...

Well since Gannon's MVP season wasn't considered ELITE by you, it's nice to know the league just blindly hands out those awards to guys who don't deserve it. What an ELITE league.

GMoney said...

This is the first time that I recall MVP awards being included in an ELITE discussion. It's almost like you're just making shit up. Then again, I'm more of a team guy as opposed to a me guy.

An MVP doesn't equal ELITE just like a SB trophy doesn't equal automatic ELITE either.

Other MVPs: Boomer, Joe Theismann's prostate, Brian Sipe, and Redskins KICKER Mark Moseley

I rest on your face. Quit being not ELITE, nerd. By the way, Jim Duggan = ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Bartolo Colon is ELITE.

Ide

Randall Stevens said...

A Super Bowl trophy doesn't make you ELITE...but having one more Super Bowl trophy than your older brother makes you more ELITE than your brother even though your career stats blow goats. Now I get it! /fart noise.

GMoney said...

Will somebody kill this mental defective already? I'll offer up 5 wallet-sized pics of 6th grade Ide for your troubles. Dude just doesn't get it.

Randall Stevens said...

Because it's a dumb fucking system with criteria that contradicts itself. That's why.

GMoney said...

Yep. "Are you ELITE?" is a real brain buster for criteria.

Anonymous said...

What a comment thread today. Laughed my ass off. I usually don't care so much when you guys bitch at each other, but today was gold.

Chad

GMoney said...

Thanks! The bitching can get tedious but every once in a while it works.