|She's Totally Saying Yes|
Naked and Afraid is one of my favorite shows right now. Madagascar, Siberia, Bolivia, or Compton, I don't give a fuck, I am watching that shit. (HOLY FUCK I just thought of the TV show ever! White people in Compton!) I watched the Madagascar episode this past weekend which featured a hippie and a Mormon, a match made in Christian Mingle heaven. These ass holes were able to kill two snakes, which is a dinner at Ruth's Chris compared to what most pairs eat. The first snake the Mormon clown cooked until it turned into petrified wood. The second time they tried to smoke it, but their smoker contraption fell over and started blazing, destroying their snake dinner yet again. I really fucking hated that Mormon, especially after he snuggled with a pretty hot hippie chick over night to stay warm and then went and prayed to Joseph Smith for forgiveness the next morning. Joseph put you in this position to bang granola gash and you didn't take advantage of his blessing. Joseph Smith hates you.
As I was watching this show I was also listening to music, because that's just what I do. And this got me thinking about what type of music I would bring with me if I were ever in the position to be stranded on some hellish place for three weeks. Would I just go with straight rap because that is 90% of what I listen to? Would I want some rage music to get me all fucking jacked to have mosquitos biting my scrote all night? Or maybe some classical to keep me calm when I haven't had clean water in 5 days? I am I firm believer that a good playlist can get you through anything.
|If she ever found herself on this show it would break every form of media.|
So the topic I came up with today is what three songs would you take with you if you were to be stranded on an island with another person for 21 days? And this would be just like Naked & Afraid; you don't know who your partner is, you can't use your music device for anything other than listening purposes, and you have to share this music with your partner, just like they do with the one item they get to bring with them.
Things that I had to factor in when thinking about what songs I would want are:
Length of song
General vibe of song
Do I give a fuck about what my partner might want to hear
3. Rage Against The Machine - Killing in the Name. I feel like in some crazy, unpredictable environment you need some FUCK SHIT UP music. Hacking your way through a jungle with a machete? FUCK SHIT UP! Paddling across the ocean on a raft made of balsa wood? FUCK SHIT UP! Going completely delirious and murdering your she-bitch partner? FUCK SHIT UP! RAGE is pretty much the only go to I have for that, I don't know dick about the hardcore/headbanger/scream rock genre, and I am also a fuck the establishment type of person. WIN-WIN. Also Killing in the Name is just over 5 minutes, which is pretty solid when most tracks are between 3 and 4.
2. Bob Dylan - The Hurricane. I love me some Golden Oldies and Bob Dylan is one of my favorites. A lot of fantastic music that guy has created. The Hurricane isn't my favorite Dylan song, but it is the longest and tells a great story. Denzel Washington was fantastic in the movie based on Rubin "The Hurricane" Carter, which begs the question "Why did Denzel have to be crooked before he took it?"(Anybody?) This story of horrible racism, white guilt, and redemption also happens to take up over NINE MINUTES! As I lay there combing fire ants out of my pubes, listening to the story of Rubin Carter might make my nightly hell more manageable.
1. Outkast - SpottieOttieDopaliscious. This is my favorite song of all time. You give me jazz horns, some synthesizer, and Andre 3000 and Big Boi? You have a musical orgasm, my friends. Who else really want to fuck with Hollywood Court? Thought so. 7 minutes of musical bliss can get you through anything. Between my freshmen and sophomore year of college I found a fucking horrible factory job making molded plastic parts for the Ford Focus'. Every night at 2 AM I would go to my car, crank this up, and pray for a meteor to destroy the plant and all the inbreds inside it. The meteor never came, thus spawning my journey into atheism, but I realized that all I really needed was some Outkast.
Other songs considered:
Tupac - California Love. Because you can never go wrong with gangster.
OAR - Crazy Game of Poker. Listening to this would take me back to great high school memories of Dut being the biggest homewrecker ever and videotapes of Nate fingerblasting skanks in his basement.
Coolio - Gangstas Paradise. I have no idea why.
Anything Biggie because he is the best. Don't try to dispute this, BIde.
So what say you Money Shot Maniacs? What 3 songs are you taking with you? I have some predictions.
G$: He wouldn't take any music because he is a soulless super hipster.
Ide: Something that just came out yesterday so he can tell his partner about how he discovered the song before the group made it.
Prime: All Green Day.
Randall: Blink 182 and Avril Lavigne. Probably Pink, too.
Drew: Eminem, Royce da 5'9", and D12. DETROIT WHAT!
Seal: Something racist like Nugent.
Cakes: Is there anything gayer than Spice Girls? That.
Dut: Whatever the next 3 songs on KISS FM are.
Lange: Body Head Bangerz.
Larry: Whatever his wife tells him to.
So come join in the fun and compliment me on my superior music taste. Or let everyone know how gay you are and call Kate Upton a cow or something.