|"GORDON" must be Ebonics for "narc"|
Somehow, both of these forgettable teams are in the news this week which is as uncalled for as it is unnecessary. Let’s talk about both stories briefly because the Cavs and Pistons do not deserve a ton of our time:
*Joe Dumars is expected to resign as Pistons Head Moron – Well it’s about fucking time considering that he should have been fired 8 years ago. The Pistons won the title in 2004 and I’m not sure that Dumars has done one correct thing since. Granted, he is beloved among the dwindling fan base and even the simplest fucktards still get his name shaved into their misshaped heads, but he should have been long gone for a while. You have to give Dumars a little credit for somehow having the safest job on the planet despite producing horrendous results. And these rumors of the Cavs having interest in his services better amount to nothing more than rumor. The last thing I need is a starting lineup featuring Kyle goddamn Singler. At least they probably won’t lose their lottery pick this year (thanks to LOL-worthy tanking). Darko Milicic...NEVER FORGET!
*Kyrie Irving…U MAD BRO – Kyrie has had a tough year. The team has sucked pretty much throughout with the exception of a hot streak once the season was pretty much over anyway. He has only missed a few games this season (around 10) which should lessen the “made of glass” stereotype. But there is no doubt that he has regressed a bit (that might not be the right word…how about plateaued). Usually, in year three, you expect a star to take off but Kyrie has mostly stayed stagnant outside of All Star Weekend. There were all sorts of stories being leaked from his “camp” throughout the year and all of it was annoying. Look, he’s probably going to stay for a few more years at a minimum unless an “injury-prone” player wants to risk all of his future earning potential to Joe Flacco himself next season (will almost certainly not happen…he’s going to sign some sort of extension because it makes NO SENSE NOT TO). Old Fatty Windmill himself, Brian Windhorst, let it leak again that Kyrie wants out which set the PG on a quite a Twitter rampage over the weekend.
He was pissed. The point of his message was “ask me…stop saying that you spoke with a source because they don’t exist…so ASK ME”. And that makes sense but athletes are liars so I highly doubt that that rant is going to change things. Then, for some strange reason, Browns WR Josh Gordon, put down his hash pipe long enough to unload some HOT GOSS on First Take (not Worst Cake) citing that he lives next to Dion Waiters and that Kyrie and Dion hate each other and that one will have to be traded because they can’t co-exist. So many questions about this:
1. Why is First Take even asking a football player about the relationship between two basketball players?
2. How awful must it be to live on the same floor as Josh Gordon and Dion Waiters? So much loud rap music!
3. Josh Gordon doesn’t know shit and he is breaking some serious BRO CODE.
4. Kyrie telling Gordon to “mind your own business” is exactly right. Who the fuck are you to be breaking TMZ scoops? I’m really looking forward to Ryan Raburn breaking the story that Joe Thomas leads the Browns in clogged toilets and it is causing a HUGE rift with Phil Taylor.
5. I’ve watched these two play all season (I am a hero for doing this). It was rocky as fuck for a while but they look fine to me now and have for months.
6. How high are you, Josh Gordon? Shut the fuck up.
I just don’t get his angle here. Why is he stirring shit up that has nothing—NOTHING—to do with him? Listen, pothead, a few years ago another pretty good (at the time at least) Browns receiver had a buddy who tried to start shit with LeBron and they sent his ass packing to the Jets ASAP. I’m not saying that it will happen again, just that it has happened in that city before. If Josh Gordon’s goal is to get Kyrie out of Cleveland, yeah, please don’t do that. Also: FUCK YOU JOSH GORDON. GIVE IT A REST!
Whoa! That was way too many words wasted on two terrible franchises. I must apologize for this. We’ll see these two shitty teams AGAIN in Secaucus, NJ for the lottery. Sorry, Danny Boy, you lying midget piece of shit. You’re a worse Dan owner than Snyder. GO (home) CAVS! And don’t forget to CARRY THE FLAG!