|Hopefully those are in attendance for Game 4|
You know the guy at the bar screaming about how Brandon Weeden needs another chance because he's a first round talent?Even better is the guy who is saying Colt McCoy didn't get a fair shake. Or maybe the guy at the Ohio Buckeye game who is demanding more intermediate passes because Braxton Miller is the best passer since Joe Germaine? Or how about the guy who is demanding that Devin Gardner be replaced by a true freshman because he's the reason Michigan can only muster -1.5 ypc? These are the worst fans that you can possibly encounter. They know nothing, think they know everything, and somehow enter themselves in every conversation. They are the Ide of sports fans.
I bring this up because I will be attending Game 4 with G Money. I'm not a hockey fan and I'm not going to pretend to be. I can name about 5 Jackets players off the top of my head. That doesn't mean that I can't go to the NWA and get rowdy as fuck while cheering them on. But I'm also not going to be talking about 2nd and 3rd lines like I know what the fuck I am talking about...because I don't, even though I was an ELITE street hockey player in my youth.
Being a casual fan is something brand new to me. Football, basketball, and baseball are sports I have been involved with for my entire life, as a fan, player or ELITE fantasy owner. I can hold my own in conversations about any of these sports, and even soccer to some extent. I imagine most of you have found yourself in similar situations, or maybe with the Jackets in the playoffs you are finding yourself in the exact same situation I am. Don't be afraid, I have some tips for you to not be a douche bag.
Lesbihonest: Don't act like you know everything. Hell, don't act like you know anything. Because you fucking don't. At some point next Wednesday G Money is going to lean over to me and talk about turnovers in the box or powerplay efficiency and I'm gonna be like, “Yeah, we totally need to score more goals than them” because I won't have anything else to offer. And that's OKAY! I have no shame in that. That arena is going to be filled with people just like me.
Don't Lie: People are going to know if you are full of shit. If you encounter a true superfan, don't lie to him about how many games you have made it to that year or how you followed goalie BOB while he was in Russia. Because he will know you are lying directly to his face, pull your shirt over your head, and beat the fuck out of you.
Know Your Role: Casual fans have to understand the atmosphere they are walking into. You're not going to just show up and take over your section like that faggot Fireman Ed. Take a moment, check out your surroundings, see how your fellow fans go about celebrating and cheering, and figure out your place. Don't go climbing up and down the five rows around you high-fiving people like some tard when “your” team scores. And if the team happens to lose, don't act like your dog just died. You have literally invested 3 hours in this team. You haven't earned your “Agony of Defeat” badge.
Stop Asking Questions: It's a fucking playoff game, nobody wants to explain all the penalties and corresponding penalty box time to you. Just watch the game and figure it out. Every time I watch soccer, ONLY TEAM USA, I try to explain to Mrs. Ace what offsides is. She never fucking gets it. Ever. I imagine hockey fans have the same experience all the time. GIVE IT A REST.
CARRY IT! No need for an explanation here. You aren't a diehard fan, you haven't followed the team all year, and a win or a loss isn't going to ruin your day, but you're there so act like a fucking fan. Get out of your seat. Drink as many Molson's as possible. Call Cindy Crosby a pussy ass faggot. If you are taking up a seat you better act like a real fucking fan. Being a fan isn't an observational experience, especially a playoff game. Be a part of the action and live it up.
This post should be read by every chick at a sporting event, especially the STOP ASKING QUESTIONS portion. Got damn that shit is annoying. But we have all been there before, being at a sporting event that we know like the back of our hand while listening to some mouthbreather talk about game theory. How do you handle that? Or how do you handle the Randall Stevens' of the world? Or how would you handle Paulina Gretzky?
(Holy shit was that a brutal loss. Being up 3-1 on the road and then losing 3-4 is an enormous kick in the dick...especially as a 7 seed. I have a feeling I will be saying farewell to the Jackets season come game 4).
|The only wrong answer is "No."|