Thursday, March 20, 2014

You Know What The Fuck We're Talking About Open Forum

Championship Bewbz!
I'm not going to come up with some clever post, like my top 10 theories about what happened to that Malaysian flight(IT WAS GHOST ALIENS!), because we all know exactly what the fuck is going on today. It's the most wonderful time of the year. March Madness is squarely upon us and we're not pulling out for the next three weeks. I unfortunately cannot take off tomorrow AND Friday, but will be leaving work early Friday to properly celebrate this holiday(And the fact that state basketball is this week which means GOOD BROS taking over Varsity Club). And yes, it should be treated as a fucking holiday.

I've decided to break this post down into three categories: Longshots, Chalktards, and Final Fo.

Longshots: Teams with a 10+ seed that are going to still be alive after this weekend.

Dayton. And I can promise you that this isn't a troll pick, or a homer pick as I am the Internets most famous Flyer. Dayton has 4 guys that hover around 40% from 3 point range, is a strong offensive rebounding team, and wants to kick the fucking shit out of Thad. I think they will get past the Fuckeyes and matchup really good against Syracuse. Most importantly, they have a guy named Scoochie.

Stephen F Austin. If they were playing any other 5 seed this would be a mega lock GUARANSHEED. But they are facing the Fighting Shaka's of VCU and that gives me pause. But SFU has ran off 28 straight W's, plays an aggressive defense themselves, and controls the ball of offense. I see them beating VCU's pressure consistently and running away with that game. Then that leaves UCLA or Tulsa. UCLA is coming in hot and will hold off Tulsa. But Jeremiah Trotter went to Stephen F Austin. Exactly.

North Carolina State. Ever since the bracket was announced I had NC State over Saint Louis. The first weekend is about ELITE players. TJ Warren is one of the most elite players in the game right now. I know Louisville is a hot pick because they were absolutely wrecking bitches down the stretch. But they haven't played anybody, somebody smart on the radio said they lacked front court DEPF, and somebody from that region has to lose if Michigan is going to make it out.

Chalktards: Top teams that are getting murked this weekend.

Wisconsin. I never buy the Badgers in March. Over the last 4 years they have made the Sweet 16 twice, which is pretty good, I guess. But I am buying into Oregon. This isn't the same Wiscy from previous years that kills it on D and controls the ball. Wiscy likes to score, but Oregon likes to score more and looked really strong closing out the year.

Syracuse. They have been in a free fall and I think Dayton takes them down.

Kansas. They just aren't the same team without Embiid. New Mexico is lead by two seniors who have seen this all before. One of those seniors is a 6'9" big body, Cam Bairstow, who will be occupying the same space that Embiid normally would. Also, Bill Self is not ELITE.

Villanova. I just don't think they are that good. The Big East wasn't good. The only reason I don't really really like picking against them is because I don't think UConn or St. Joe's are that good either. But I think UConn can beat Nova.

Final Fo.

Florida. Michigan State. Duke. Creighton.

Kills me to pick Duke to beat Michigan in the Sweet Sixteen, but they know how to shut Stauskas down and that's how you beat Michigan. I feel like Baylor might make it out of the West region, but I can't bet against Dougie McBuckets. Florida makes it out of the South because that entire region is ass. I really want to pick ISU to beat Sparty, but I watched both of these teams beat Michigan this year and Sparty is more impressive right now.

I've got Sparty beating Duke in the Championship. I obvs don't want to pick Sparty and don't want to go with all the ESPN clowns...but Sparty can beat you in so many ways

So there it is, folks. Follow this blueprint to PWNing your bracket pool. Feel free to tell me how awesome my picks are in the comments, or make your own asinine predictions and pick Kentucky vs Fuckeyes in the Championship. LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!

50 comments:

GMoney said...

By the way, it's bullshit that BYU can throw their churchy weight around and fuck over others more deserving. By all accounts, they should have been in Iowa's spot last night but due to Joseph Smith's Big Book O' Lies, they aren't allowed to play sports on Sunday. So the NCAA made them a 10 seed for Thur/Sat. This is true. This is WEAK SAUCE. Do you want to be in the tournament or do you not? Suck all the dicks.

I picked the Fuckeyes to win so there is a decent chance that they could cost me a billion dollars today. ASSHOLES THE WHOLE LOT OF 'EM!

Mr. Ace said...

I guess you're all communists who either hate March Madness or never pick upsets.

I was ready to pick Iowa to take down UMass if they impressed last night...and then OT happened. I will take UMass over Tenn.

Mr. Ace said...

I did not know that about BYU. Mormons ruin everything.

Anonymous said...

Where the fuck is my Nut Pool picks, I've got an early meeting and cutting out early for the games. It is looking less likely that I will have time to fill in the bracket.

DFL all over again.

Ide

GMoney said...

I got mine yesterday, queeflord.

Mr. Ace said...

You should probably learn how to use email.

Anonymous said...

Oh, shit. I thought he was waiting to send it out after last nights games. It was buried under Dammans bragging about Cal Poly.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ape, what ARE your thoughts on the Malaysia flight. My money is on the Boogeyman.

Ide, you are such an asshole. This isn't the first time that you've registered for something with "an email that I never check". Who does that? FUCK YOU.

Mr. Ace said...

As far as the Malaysia flight goes...I don't even know, man. I'm guessing they were all scientologists and tried to crash the plane back into the volcano where their alien souls were banished to by Xenu. Or somebody with bad intentions has been masterminding this for a decade, but something went wrong...but I find that less likely than volcanic alien souls.

We totes should have just let Ide bitch and not tell him it was already in his email.

Jeff said...

I also like S. Fuller Austin.

I'm with you on Nova too. They barely beat Kansas early in the year when Wiggins and Embiid weren't in form and got housed by Cuse and Creighton(twice).

Grumpy said...

When did the First Four become the First Eight? I thought the whole thing was about playing in to get the 16th seed. Why are #12 seeds (Eggs-avier) playing in the First Four (Eight)?

GMoney said...

Where the fuck have you been? It's been like this since they went to 68.

For you GAMBLORS:

Ohio is -6.5 against Dayton. The Fuckeyes may win, but I don't think that they've beaten a team by more than 5 points all year. That line seems really high to me.

I went HAM on the NC State Moneyline. HAM I SAY!

Anonymous said...

Malaysian Airplane theory day would be a good day here next week if they haven't figured it out by then.

How about Pitino ripping the selection committee for putting them against Manhattan in the first round. What a faggot....it's fucking Manhattan.

I love how Ape has talked himself into Dayton because they have FOUR guys that are around 40% on threes....even tho those four guys combine for a whopping 41 points a game. They make so many threes!!!!!!!

"queeflord" is a great term....especially for Ide.

--Drew

GMoney said...

41 points is probably enough to beat you brick-layers.

Never disrespect the Jaspers!

Mr. Ace said...

3 pt shooting is at a premium during the tourney. Especially against a 2-3 zone. And I think Dayton has the affletes to matchup with the Fuckeyes.

GMoney said...

I can't believe that I'm fucking working today. I am such a disappointing failure to myself. This is not the behavior of a man that carries the flag as well as I do.

Jeff said...

You better carry it extra hard today. It's fucking go time in the Metro. Aint nobody messin' around.

Anonymous said...

I just got to a bar and ordered up 25 wings for myself. I'm not fucking around today. I will be carrying it super hard tonight.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Ide's email skillz are pretty solid. If it was a black dong sucking nut pool, he wouldn't have missed it.

This tournament could get turned upside down. Such a wide open field. However, I was surprised that my billion dollar bracket didn't have more upsets.

When I win my billion, I'm chartering a private jet to the Reno RibFest in August for you guys. Drooler will wear a bikini most of the for a cool $20k. Randall Stevens will probably miss out as he will be in Hawaii again. Winning a billion would be so fucking awesome.

Mr. Ace said...

If I win a billion I am changing my name to Fuck You Money.

GMoney said...

And it being Dan Gilbert's money would make it even better.

GMoney said...

UD pulling an NKOTB AKA Hangin' Tough.

Prime99 said...

B1G representin' this morning!

GMoney said...

Interesting...RJ Umberger is a healthy scratch tonight.

Prime99 said...

Ya know what else was interesting? The Blackhawks buttfucking the Blues last night. Good times!

Mr. Ace said...

SUCK ALL THE DICKS

Anonymous said...

LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ at how terrible Aaron Craft and the Buckeyes are.

GMoney said...

FUCK YOU FUCKEYES!!! GET FLYERED UP!!! FIRE MATTA!

GMoney said...

That was an incredible finish. More incredible when Aaron Craft failed for the final time of his OVERRATED career. OVERRATED. AND you just cost me one billion dollars!

Anonymous said...

I'm happy Craft is done. He did so much to fuck that game up for us. I was screaming loudly the last 5 minutes of the game.

I've seen better shot selection in NBA Jam.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Sooooo OVERRATED, that Craft guy is.

Seal

Prime99 said...

Retire that man's jersey!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Prime wins today.

Seal

GMoney said...

I'll give Craft a smidge of credit...he carried them down the stretch and managed to get all of his shots to the rim like a big boy.

Anonymous said...

That intentional foul and 5 second lay up play with 20 seconds left in the game had me furious.

Ide

Anonymous said...

What made you furious - how stupid of a play it was by Craft?

Seal

Anonymous said...

Seal is slow at reading or trolling. Tough to figure out which if it's not both.

If its reading, you should really bone up on it since you'll have to read the custody docs if you decide to care for Nerlin Noels child your wife is carrying around.

Ide

GMoney said...

So you wanted him to hold on for the last shot? I thought that scoring immediately was the right play there. Even if he missed (something he is great at), at least you would still have a chance to foul and tie at worst.

Right call. Ide wrong. Hope those wings were tasty, queeflord!

Anonymous said...

OOOOOHHHHHHH burn!!!

Sorry I didnt see your comment about Craft before.

Seal

Jeff said...

Go Jackets?

GO JACKETS!!!

You guys better be on snapchat tonight when your teams get bounced!

Anonymous said...

Where's Drew?

Anonymous said...

You guys Snapchat?

G$ it was not the right call. How do I know? We fucking lost off of it. Now, I see what you're saying, but giving them 15 seconds to run a play is insane. You can shoot at 10 or 8 second left. Rebound/could if necessary. Clearly, leaving them 15 seconds was not the right move.

I was actually fine with him going for that his Mary.

Ide

Jeff said...

I think Drew is asleep. You know, with his new job and all, he has to get up earlier.

Anonymous said...

I'm always present after a beating. I am truly horrible to be around in real life. After my teams losses too.

Ide

Anonymous said...

No surprise that Drew is hiding.

Seal

GMoney said...

Of course you second guess that strategy, but you had the lead with 15-20 seconds left and one of their bench players trying to drive on Craft. I think that you would take that all day. He made it. The world celebrated. Oh well.

Drew is a yella-bellied coward. We already know this.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew got served on Twitter. He isn't showing up here.

Anonymous said...

Drew was at the bar all day long...you fucking pussies.

Ape....Drew did not get served on twitter..you still won't answer for your 3pt claim being the difference in the game.

Ide's a retard for being pissed at Craft during that game. He was the best player all game for OSU.

Bad loss...but, not a good team either. If this is what a down year feels like....I'd much rather deal with this tahn a Robert Morris NIT exit.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Don't worry, Drew, next year will likely be much worse.

Anonymous said...

What's cute is that you dont know what a good year feels like. Whereas We just celebrated a title 2 years ago. Go away loser.

Seal