Monday, March 17, 2014

Who Wants To Be A Billionaire (Regis Voice)!

LOLOLOLOLOLOL NICE LAG PUTT!
Alright!  The brackets have been unleashed for the masses.  It's time to seek perfection and take one billion dollars out of stupid Dan Gilbert's stupid wallet. I can think of nothing I'd rather do more.  He is the PERFECT asshole to make me a billionaire.   But before we look at the regions, pick winners, and name our champion that will probably lose in the second round, let's have a #realtalk about Aaron Craft as I feel like the 99 percent of mouth-breathing Ohio Buckeye fans are confused about why people don't like him.

Look, you may not understand this but there is a difference between hate and disrespect.  I respect how Craft plays the game.  I really do.  He doesn't always play smart (see: why is he the one taking the HILARIOUS final shot on Saturday) but he always plays hard and that is honorable.  But I hate what you people have made him into which is some sort of Great White Hope.  There are a lot of people (and this has been confirmed by LULZworthy radio callers) who consider Craft to be one of the five best Buckeye basketball players of all time.  ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?  Way to overreact to what you are watching now.  This notion that "he just wants it more" and "plays winning basketball" is really fucking insulting to his teammates who play equally as hard (except for Amir) and also can make clutch shots.  Let's call a spade a spade here but the other way around: dumb Ohio fans love Aaron Craft because he's white and has grit.  Period.  That is an absolute FACT.  If he looked like Jamar Butler, they would cheer still but there would be no memes and shrines or whatever.

Mike Conley accomplished more in one year than Craft has in four but you don't see the rubes buying Conley jerseys (or Ron Lewis!) for Little Billy at Christmas.  Trey Burke Sucks and Oladipo?  They played "winning basketball" as well (and significantly better) but they didn't get this weirdo mythical God treatment.  I don't give a shit if he wants to go to med school or does community service or has good grades or whatever.  That has nothing to do with why I HATE him.  It is because YOU PEOPLE have put him on such an undeserved and unearned high pedestal that I have no other choice but to root for him to fall off/fail.  Does anyone actually root for the goody two-shoes?  And that is EXACTLY why Saturday's one shining moment of a two foot three point shot was so great and I can't wait to see what Craft has in store to end his career soon.  If you don't want people to hate your athletes then stop giving us a million reasons to do just that.  Now, to be fair, I don't lump any of you guys in with the knuckle-draggers (maybe Cakes) but the 99 percenters are why everyone is "out to get you".  You people are shitheads and don't understand it.  Don't confuse passion with being a fucktard.  DEAL WITH IT.  Let's break down the brackets, shall we?

Midwest
Initial Thoughts - Holy shit!  The NCAA sure does hate Wichita State and wants to make sure that no mid-major wins the title, no?  Hell, even a second round potential matchup with the Slow Seals is tough.
WTF? - Fuck this...Louisville should have been the last one or the first two and they are a four.  That's fucking stupid and bad.  The Cards would be ten point favorites at least over Michigan, Wisconsin, and Villanova.
First of the Big Four Seeds to be beaten - Unfortunately, I've got to say Wichita State.
First round upset - Play-In game winner over St. Louis.  The Billikens are (Joe Namath voice) strug-guh-ling.
Who's going to the Final Four? - Louisville.  EASILY.

South
Initial Thoughts - It pays to be the #1 overall seed and the NCAA rewards you with nothing but teams that are trending downward.  There are some nice names in region but they production doesn't match the reputation.
WTF? - The CBS guys seemed to be all up in arms about New Mexico being a 7 seed.  Have you not seen this team play before?  They always suck cocks in March.  I found it offensive that anyone could defend the Lobos.
First of the Big Four Seeds to be beaten - UCLA.  Steve Alford's favorite hobby--outside of "being an asshole"--is losing in the first weekend
First round upset - Dayton over Ohio.  Oh man, nice work, NCAA.  These two teams NEVER play each other which is wrong and it is entirely because of the Fuckeyes.  This game means a LOT to the Flyers.  Either way, Ohio isn't beating the Syracuse zone in Buffalo.  Goodnight. Thanks for playing.
Who's going to the Final Four? - Kansas.  Florida is going to get caught eventually.

East
Initial Thoughts - I like this region.  There is a lot intrigue here.  I'm a big fan of UVa.  They PLAY THE RIGHT WAY!  My preseason champion pick was Sparty and them being a 4 seed seems odd but Izzo has them playing their best at the right time (like usual)
WTF? - Villanova...I just don't get it. 
First of the Big Four Seeds to be beaten - Villanova OBVZ.
First round upset - Harvard over Cincinnati.  As a UC hater, I was very pleased to see this as their opponent.  Lock it up.
Who's going to the Final Four? - Iowa State (over Michigan State).  I LOVE the Cyclones.

West
Initial Thoughts - This is, without question, the weakest region.  Arizona is shaky.
WTF? - Wisconsin didn't win the regular season or the tournament in the Big Ten and is still a 2 seed?  I guess that an early win over Virginia carries a lot of cache.
First of the Big Four Seeds to be beaten - Arizona UH OH!
First round upset - Give me NDSU over Oklahoma
Who's going to the Final Four? - As much I want to see Creighton in the Final Four...ehhhhhh, I can't do it.  I wanted to pick Oklahoma State to go to Dallas but I won't.  Creighton it is.

So I've got Kansas/Iowa State and Louisville/Creighton in my Final Four.  Zero one seeds!  I am so smart!  I'm picking Iowa State over Louisville for the title.  Fred Hoiberg is my homeboy!  Good luck with your billion dollar bracket and--should you win--don't forget about your king.  If you want a tip, here is one: 7 of the last 8 national champions won their conference tournament.  So if you're banking on Zona or WE ON or Duke or whoever...history says that you shouldn't.  Take it for what it's worth.  Let's tip this fucker off already!

21 comments:

Grumpy said...

As much as I hate UC, I don't think so.

GMoney said...

You just don't respect those lovable underdogs in life from Cambridge, Mass like the rest of us!

All of these wonks picking Sparty to win it all would have me scared. Do they forget that that is Dan Gilbert's alma mater (I think)? That man is nothing but a rich loser.

Mr. Ace said...

I like WE ON's road to the Sweet 16....that's about it. Sparty looked really good yesterday, but Michigan played some pretty terrible basketball and was still able to hang around.

That Midwest region is just fucking stupid though. 3 of the 4 Final Four teams from last year...and then Duke? Okay.

The Flyers will totes beat the Fuckeyes.

Listen to this shit. Saturday I was out celebrating with Dutdog and he asks me this question, "Do you think we will retire Craft's jersey?" I think my response was "For what?" But this illustrates exactly what you said at the beginning of the post. Craft is a role player, and a fantastic one at that. But lets not make him out to be anything more than that.

Grumpy said...

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/the-most-hated-player-in-college-basketball-gave-his-critics-more-ammo-saturday-001919012-ncaab.html

GMoney said...

Holy shit...you should never spend any time with Dut Dog if those questions circle his head. In FACT, you should move. Far away.

Unless he is talking about retiring that GIF. You know, put that bitch up in the rafters so that everyone can LOL for eternity. THAT would be fitting. IMO that 2 foot 3 point "shot" is just as amusing as the Butt Fumble.

Anonymous said...

Lots of DERP from G$ today. Bracket Monday means bullet-point style....

*The reason a lot of people natinoally dislike Craft is NOT because of OSU fans liking him...it's because of the treatment in the media. This may be your reason...but, that's a YOU problem. That's not the real reason.

*I have no problem with anyone that would like Craft more than Conley. He's been here for four more years...won the most games ever...and holds several records. That's a lot more memories, big plays, etc for fans to remember than one season.

*Retiring Craft's jersey is a retarded comment and Ape was right to look at Dut with a stink eye.

*Louisville would be a "10 point favorites at least" over B1G Champ Michigan, Villanova and Wisconsin? LOLZ WUT. The same Louisville that was a 3pt favorite over NIT SMU less than two weeks ago? Can we get G$ his own handi-capping site? I want to bet on these lines.

*Buckeyes are favored by a TD over Dayton. I hope Ape bets on the moneyline and loses.

*Lots of chatter about WMU knocking out Syracuse.

*I can't believe all 5 ESPN guys last night picked MSU to win it all. Weird.

*Sounds like Kyrie's season is done with a biceps tear....not injury prone.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I could never have a handicapping site because it would be too profitable. No book would take my action.

The nation hates Craft because the nation hates Buckeye Nation which is everywhere and is always annoying. Therefore, I am right. Plus, smart people tend to not like it when cocksuckers like Seth Davis tell you that you HAVE to like someone. So again, thanks for playing, get out of the way of us intelligent people.

I now have my favorite Craft memory!

WMU isn't going to beat Cuse in Buffalo.

We're getting closer to Kyrie playing a full season!

Anonymous said...

The most obvious reason to dislike Craft is because he isnt a great player, but gets great player attention. He is a decent player, but is also that hustle type that homers love (the Verejao and Noah type). You love him on your team, and hate him as a competitor. What it ultimately comes down to though is, again, yes he is a decent PG, but he wins because they better players around him. On most other teams he gets so much less pub. There is absolutely no reason he thinks he should have been taking that last second shot. He has a disgusting jumper and just proved minutes earlier that he is terrible when he bricked two FREE THROWS. The guy just isnt that good.

I love Iowa State, and you just totally jinxed them. Asshole.

Yes, the mid-west bracket is fucking nasty good. So obvious the committee hates Wichita State - gonna make them earn that trip to the final four. Winning that bracket deserves a title of its own.

I say it every year... God I fucking hate Doug Gotleib.

Seal



GMoney said...

Doug Gottleib is a pretty big sack of shit. No doubt about that.

Here's another reason to hate Craft: can we go five minutes without checking in on his parents please? And if we are going to do that, how about telling the viewers what race his dad is. Methinks that Johnny Apple Cheeks might have a little black in him!

Jeff said...

Daddy Craft gets his skin color from tending the fields in NW Ohio.

Jeff said...

Really like Clemson's draw of Georgia State.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ "thanks for playing" at my media comment for Craft...and then list Seth Davis and camera attention for his parents as more reasons not to like him. Wut.

--Drew

GMoney said...

LOL way to not get anything. One simple Seth tweet gets turned into a battle cry by the tards. Not hard to figure out. Then again, you are one of those tards.

His jersey will always be retired in your heart though. Homo.

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME!

Ironically, I don't have a ton to say about arguably the darkest episode of a dark series. They did a good job setting us up for that and I have to admit that I didn't see that coming.

Carol is the biggest badass on the show. Without question. Cold as ice, bruh.

Lizzie had to go. What a fucking nutjob. Just look at the flowers is just as bad as making flowers.

Tyreese forgives but will not forget.

I'm intrigued by that house fire.

Two episodes left and I assume that there will be some reunions coming fast. If they're going to start murdering kids on this show, Carl better be coming soon dammit.

Prime99 said...

Yeah, that was uncomfortable last night. Why they kept leaving Judith alone with the two girls is beyond me. Forget Lizzie being psycho, they aren't old enough to babysit- especially in the zombie apocalypse!

I'm those young girl actors will grow up just fine after acting this all out.

In the comic, the girls are twin boys and G$'s fave character handles business. That's right, Carl had to do what he had to do.

Charred zombies FTMFW!

Prime99 said...

I'm sure* those ^^^

Randall Stevens said...

Didn't watch TWD last night so I'm out for zombie talk.

Had a buckeye fan ask me if I thought Craft would make an NBA roster. I said he wouldn't for the same reason the NBA doesn't draft women. He can't shoot.

The reason Craft has won the most games and holds records is because he wasn't good enough to jet for the NBA. He was forced to play 4 years. You guys love him for the same reason you hated Hansbrough at UNC. School records and all.

GMoney said...

I still think he could simply because he has an ELITE skill: defensive troll. There are A LOT of shitty back-up PGs that can't shoot (Will Bynum).

Big fan of all the Big Lots Buckeyes (outside of Drool...he must buy his gear at Bass Pro Shops) going silent today because they know that I'm right and that they might as well be Klansmen.

Is Q Ross trying to set some sort of record for most technical fouls in one season? Do they give out The Sheed Award for that? Either way, he is more important to Ohio than Craft is.

GMoney said...

WEEDEN TO DALLAS! WEEDEN TO DALLAS!

Randall Stevens said...

Dallas needed a shit QB to replace snortin Orton.

By the way...first ever comment at 10,000 feet above sea level. This blog is all about making history.

GMoney said...

Is Aaron Craft still OVERRATED from that height AKA SKY LEMPH?