Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The Hockey Rink: America's Death Trap

Carry The Flag, you big dummy!
One of the real hot button issues in the world of sports this week has been on-ice hockey deaths. Well, sort of. Ironically, both big cases had deep Ohio roots which makes it ripe for a few hot takes from this site. Now Monday night, I’m enjoying Nasty Nate Horton’s first goal in a coon’s age to put your beloved CBJ up 1-0 over Dallas early in the first. I’m firing off a few fresh Tweets about how Stars goalie Tim Thomas is a terrorist (he is…probably doesn’t even eat Freedom Fries) when all hell breaks loose a few minutes later. By now you have already read/heard/seen the coverage of the Stars Rich Peverley collapsing on the bench from a cardiac event but I can say that it was one of the scariest things that I’ve ever seen in sports.

OK, so the Jackets TV coverage has Jody Shelley (who is ELITE and gets better at this every game) in between the benches as their Pee Air McGuire figure. You can hear him stumble and stammer his words out and there is screaming coming from the benches so you know that something is wrong. Like a boss, my immediate reaction is “that better not be one of our guys”. Jeff Rimer says that an official went down even though all four are visible on camera. Rimer is moron. You see a ton of medical personnel—with no time wasted at all—pick up a body and take it back into the locker room and the viewer is watching ALL OF THIS. The Stars players are shaking and crying. The Jackets guys are shook up as well. You could hear a pin drop in the deathly silent American Airlines Arena. There was literally no sound being made. Watching this unfold was super creepy.

Fortunately, we found out a little bit later that Peverley was conscious and on his way to the hospital and that is great to hear because that looked REALLY bad live. I mean, no joke, judging the reactions of his teammates, I thought he died. I was pretty certain that I just watched an athlete die on camera. It turns out that Peverley has a history of heart issues so I hope that he can walk away from the sport and focus more on the future and avoid any more episodes like what happened on Monday night. You have to chuckle when it was revealed that once revived, he asked to go back into the game. That is incredible. I wish him well. That being said…

*Rich Peverley’s heart attack totally fucks up the CBJ’s postseason push, bruh! – We’re going to have to wedge another trip down to Big D some time again during an already compacted final month of the season. Let’s be honest, we were going to crush Dallas on Monday. The first 7 minutes of that game looked like Team Canada vs. one of those little kid teams. I’m not sure that it would have been possible to restart that game after that scene, BUT we’re kind of the victims here. The CBJ are in the Cup-winning business and unnecessary road trips aren’t going to help with that. Oh well, it’s been awhile since the league office made things tough on their signature franchise. I’m used to it by now. I’m starting to think that this could be an inside job. I’m going to need to take a look at that EKG immediately. Or perhaps Richie couldn’t believe that Horton finally scored again. Either way, I smell Kahoots! I’m talking about the strip club now and can we go there?

*Ohio’s state hockey championship ended in a tie – By now, you’ve probably already heard about this travesty (and it is ironic because Drew was talking to me at Barley’s about how entertaining the HS hockey game he went to recently was) from over the weekend. After SEVEN overtimes, the OHSAA ruled the title game between Northview and St. Ignatius a 1-1 tie and that they would be co-champions. The reasoning behind this decision was “player safety” and that makes sense but COME ON. This is for a championship, dammit! I don’t believe that a shoot-out was the answer because a ring should not be awarded based on a skills competition, but they should have at least came back the next day. If anything, neither team should have been named state champion. How can you be #1 if you didn’t win the game? If you ask me, they are both losers. Well, not Northview’s goalie who had 83 saves. EIGHTY THREE! That kid is the real champion! It makes a little more sense after you saw what happened in Dallas the other night that you don’t want kids skating at a high level for four straight hours though.

There we go…some hot hockey takes on this Wednesday (snow coming again!). Hopefully, we can all laugh at Drew and the Sauls for being inferior NHL fans today as long as the CBJ didn’t give another opponent a life-threatening condition last night. Rumor has it that Drool and I met up at the game. Two times in one week? SO HOT! Feel free to talk about whatever you want. You know the rules by now: #1 Always Carry The Flag and #2 Seal Sucks.

53 comments:

Jeff said...

Carry it!

Yuuuge win and Yuuuuge night with NYR and PHI losing in regulation.

Sure det was depleted, but 2 pts in a 4 pt swing game is all that matters.

GMoney said...

After a sluggish start, that was no problem. Student Rush tickets 12 rows off the ice in front of all four Jackets goals? YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID.

Feel free to also talk about how great your awful team is for trying to win NFL free agency today. Because that ALWAYS works. Browns fans better start printing up their Offseason Champs tees now!

Anonymous said...

No Browns talk for me until the HOT TAKES start flowing live from the draft.

Man, what a game. Detroit can whine about injuries all they want, but Bob was a wall. Great win for us, though it would be better if that faggots heart didn't shit out on him. Had we won that we would've jumped the Rangers to 2nd place in the Metro.

18 games left to Join the Battle!

Ide

Anonymous said...

Hockey sucks.

Seal

Anonymous said...

The day after free agency opens and its a hockey post?

So I assume the day after the draft you will talk about tennis?

GMoney said...

Rule #2: Seal sucks. I'm not going to take criticism from a guy who volunatrily supports the Cleveland Cavaliers.

I ran into Drool in between periods last night and got to meet the woman behind the Commenter of the Year. Nice broad...reminds me of a female Dolph Lundgren.

This next sentence TRANSCENDS all sports: There is NOTHING better than watching your rival's asshole fans leave en masse with 5 minutes left in the game out of shame and embarrassment. Nothing.

Do we have any takes on the OHSAA's handling of the state hockey tournament? Thought that that would provide more takes!

GMoney said...

HERP DA DERP DUH DERP!

Keep reaching for that rainbow. Thanks for the constructive criticism now go back to Yelp and complain about the service at your usual truck stop glory hole.

Anonymous said...

Rule #2: Seal sucks. I'm not going to take criticism from a guy who volunatrily supports the Cleveland Cavaliers.

You're pretty much making fun of yourself here, cockbag.

Seal

GMoney said...

Danny G hasn't received a dime from me in years, bruh. Can you say the same?

GMoney said...

If you want to have some free agency #realtalk, Denver killed it yesterday by adding Talib and THE GREAT TJ WARD and soon to be DeMarcus Ware. Sure, they're going all in on this year, but that is one hell of a way to do it.

Anonymous said...

Actually I can... I havent paid for a Cavs ticket in at least 3 years.

Yea, holy shit Denver is ALLLL IN and going to be insanely good.

Seal

Jeff said...

Of course browns fans want to talk about their big free agency lands. I mean if Mike Greenberg and Adam Schefter think they were good it must mean super bowl or in the browns case 6 wins, which lesbihonest, is a super bowl comparatively.

Any championship game cannot end in a tie. It must be finished, next day or whenever.

Anonymous said...

I read and watched the replay of the tie game. 7 OT's and everyone on the ice/schools/districts/etc. agreed on it. I don't like the tie aspect, but I do respect the hell out of the mutual decision at the end. Finishing the next day would cheapen the title, imo.

Fatigue is an essential part of every game in every sport. Rolling 7 OT's deep turned that game into a battle of attrition. Now, I would have rather seen it go into more OT's rather than it be played the next day (the cost alone for that to happen made it impossible). But, looking at the look on the players faces when they did the hand shake, made it ok. Those guys literally gave everything they had out there and no one budged.

I get that it's sports and there always needs to be a winner. But holy fuck, could you even imagine the heartbreak of being on the losing team? Or the goalie who played lights out for SEVEN OT's and lets one go? It's easy to say they should have played, but I was actually really OK with the tie in that scenario.

Now pros, where they get paid? Fuck that noise, let them play all fucking night.

Ide

GMoney said...

I think that in HS, the periods are 15 minutes and the OTs were 8 minutes but still...lot of fucking time busting your ass out there.

Dear Browns fans,

I know from experience, dudes. Teams that win this week are always terrible in the Fall. ALWAYS.

--Redskins fan

The Broncos loaded up but they still have a gargantuan loser at QB. If they named Dysert QB1, I would put them down for an undefeated season of ELITEness.

GMoney said...

Hey, Slow Seal, remember how you said that Jairus Byrd wouldn't get 9 mill/year? TOTES did. I'm getting awfully sick of your insubordination. Fall in line or hit the bricks, BRAH.

Anonymous said...

You are so dumb if you think he is making 9 mill in the first year of that contract. Show me the details that says so. Once again, its going to be back end loaded and he will be cut before he gets the 54 mill.

But that's fine. Ill prove you wrong and leave. Later.

Seal

Anonymous said...

I seriously question both the sexuality and intelligence of any guy that thinks "hockey sucks".

I did see G$ last night...well before the 3rd period meltdown which was nice. While that 3rd period sucked, I had never seen Mrzak play goalie before...so that was cool. I liked his feistiness....the Jacket fans were getting very perturbed with his random punches being thrown.

Ide...who the fuck from Detroit was "whining" about injuries?

--Drew

GMoney said...

I understand how this stuff works and that these deals mean jack shit but 6 years for 54 million is 9 mill per. Even a non-chinaman can do that maff.

Anonymous said...

Drew, I do believe you did yesterday. Not explicitly, mind you, but saying "you guys have no excuses to win this one" definitely alludes to problems with your team, namely injuries. Unless, of course, you just think CBJ is naturally better than Detroit, which is certainly acceptable and ultimately correct.

It was also the lead sentence in the ESPN recap article.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I said it would be a "bad loss" for the Jackets if they lost. There was zero whining. I also doubt the AP writer that wrote an article for ESPN was "whining" for Detroit.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

See Drew is the type of person that covers all his bases before a game, like a pussy, so you cant talk shit to him. Because if you do, he has already made it clear that you were supposed to win, remember? But if his team wins, then you are obviously going to never hear the end of it. This type of fan before a game between two beloved teams of people are the absolute fucking worst. Makes excuses like a typical pussy.

Since G$ thinks I need to "get to steppin'", I will make this my last post for a while.

Seal

GMoney said...

You don't have to do any jivin' as long as you show the proper amount of respect for your superior.

I know for a FACT that Drew was getting punked by some old blue hair Jackets women fans last night.

Seal and others, while I am still suspect on your spending buffet yesterday, none of those new guys mean anything if you are just going to trot out Hoyer or Schaub. QB means everything. It's why teams like the Giants and Ravens will forever be ELITE. So while it's great to see your team addressing areas of need (apparently), the main area is still being ignored.

What I'm trying to say is that I am absolutely floored that the Redskins didn't do something incredibly stupid (yet). YET!

Anonymous said...

"Like a typical pussy"...believe me...taking your internet ball and going home "for a while" because you OBVZ think G$ was a big meanie to you is about the Queen Level of pussiness.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Can we not lose sight of the fact that Carrying the Flag remains the best thing an Ohio sports fan can possibly do? And that liking Detroit in any way shape or form is in bad taste and probably results in the love of boy penis.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide makes a great point. Hard to argue against that. I also find it hard not to think that Carry The Flag is the greatest slogan of all time. That is some real Don Draper marketing wizardry.

Anonymous said...

Good response to me completely calling you out. Just ignore it, as everyone can tell youre a pussy fan as well.

I can play this game too, watch.

The Browns are still a bad team and a complete wreck. They shouldnt more than 4 games next year so you cant talk shit to me about how back they are, as im saying it now. (but secretely in my mind i know that if they beat the lions or steelers, I can talk a ton of shit to you losers. But you cant talk shit to me because i said they were bad and knew they were going to lose. So ultimately i was right).

Complete pussy way out.

G$ knows im kidding, douche.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Here ill play it again just to amuse your pussy ass...

UK is playing really bad right now and shouldnt win any games in the tourny. (so now you cant talk shit to me when they lose because i was right and already knew they were going to lose - but if they win a couple games I can talk as much shit as i want).

Seal

Anonymous said...

Yeah...you were really kidding. You just said that you will "leave" in one post and in another that you it will be your "last post for a while". So kidding. LOLZ.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Keep ignoring it buddy.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Why would I stop posting? Dominating you on a weekly basis is way too much fun no matter what G$'s opinion of me is.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Yeah...so much domination. Just remember...I'm COY...and if we routinely disagree...that basically means you are the opposite of COY...also known as The Worst.

--Drew

GMoney said...

WHOA! Ide is still the worst with Jeff a close runner-up. Those rankings have not changed and you are not on the committee to change them anyway.

That being said, I think that Seal is winning the daily feud with Drew today.

Prime99 said...

That escalated quickly.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ. Slow Seal automatically lost at the internet today when he said he was leaving here (twice) and then tried to play the "I was just kidding". That still has me LOLZing.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Keep ignoring it buddy.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Ignore what? That you threatened to take a leave from here because G$ was being a meanie and then tried to spin it that you were just joking? I'm not ignoring that.

--Drew (COY)

Anonymous said...

That you are a huge pussy fan the way I described.

Seal

Anonymous said...

LOLZ...for the first time in my life I said yesterday that I thought the Red Wings were gonna lose to the Poo Jackets. So, for like the first time in over 100 games I felt that way...and that makes me a "pussy fan". Go read about the Kentucky basketball stalker of Rex Chapman...he's a perfect description of your kind. He's probably your Uncle or something.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Ok, pussy fan.

Seal

Randall Stevens said...

Cakes has to have cracked the top 2 worst by now. Time to redo the power rankings.

G$, you were at a blue jackets game with Napoleonite, BB. Since we're not using names I'll just say I hope you guys ran into her and I hope you bought her a hot dog.

I don't understand why high school games don't have shoot outs. That's the dumbest thing ever. A shoot out is not a skills competition. Break aways are part of the game and the ref doesn't blow the whistle to stop play when a guy gets one. It's not like they're "trick shotting" in a shoot out and trying to break those red bullseyes (do they still do that in the Allstar game?) Coming back the next day is an even dumber idea. You might as well just play the entire game over the next day if that's your decision. Normally I don't care about hockey...and I still don't. But you need to mirror your rules as closely as possible to the pro game. If the pros have shoot outs to break a tie, so should you.

I think all Browns fans would agree that it's just nice to see the Browns try instead of laying there taking it like a dead fish. I think they got better with both the defensive moves they made but OBVZ not better to the point where they're a lock to make the playoffs. QB is still a yoooooouge question mark but if, and I cant stress the word IF enough, Hoyer turns out to be decent then the Browns had a successful offseason. I've never been a big Hoyer fan and I remain skeptical but he can't be worse than than Weeden/Campbell nightmare. I definitely prefer him over Schaub, that's for god damn sure.

Randall Stevens said...

When I saw 38 comments at noon I should've known it was a Seal v. Drooler slap fight. No one likes hockey THAT much.

Mr. Ace said...

*pokes head into room* CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!

GMoney said...

RS, the NHL doesn't use the shootout in the playoffs because, YES, it is a skills contest and does not identify the better team. Just in the regular season to make the games more fan-friendly. FYI, the NHL is trying to get rid of it (or at least do something about the dreaded "loser point").

That state title game should have been settled like men AKA The Goalie Fight!

We did see Double B there as a matter of FACT! She and her likely gay BF were sitting on the damn glass a section over. We chuckled and then ignored her. She was not carrying the flag anyway so fuck her butt.

Grantland's Bill Barnwell was not a fan of the Browns "upgrades" as Whitner and Dansby are way more expensive than Ward and Jackson with equal production for the most part. Go figure: studs that watch the NFL closely think that the Browns were foolish while Browns fans are excited because "at least we're doing something".

Prime99 said...

But G$, they are trying so HARD!

Randall Stevens said...

Dansby was a massive upgrade over Jackson as long as he can still pressure the QB. Sure...Jackson gets a lot of tackles. But what good is that when 80% of them happen 6 yards past the line of scrimmage? We don't need London Fletcher in our line backing corps. We need a guy that can get to the quarterback and force turnovers. Plus it's not like Jackson is in his 20's. Dansby is a better player and only 2 years older.

I will give you the fact that whitner and Ward are essentially the same player. But I'm okay with it because Ward is an atrocious pass defender. From what I've heard Whitner hits like Ward but defends the pass way better. So I'm fine with paying a little more for that.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ at believing Bill Barnwell.

Seal

Prime99 said...

Hitler has massive upside in Camp.

Anonymous said...

Jesus, that's highly offensive. Takes brass balls dropping a Holocaust joke!

Ide

GMoney said...

He may be a husky bald man but he grinds more tape than you do. If all things are equal and it sounds like Hitner and Ward are equally terrible in pass coverage and hit like mack trucks, give me the younger and cheaper guy.

Anonymous said...

Let's bring today's post up to 50 comments.

Comment # 50.

--Drew (COY)

Anonymous said...

Comeau suspended two games for his cheating last night.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Having one of our goons brain your player senseless is fine by me.

Ide

GMoney said...

It would have only been one game if Brendan SMIFF weren't such a pussy ass bitch.

Oh well, we're used to Shanahan over-punishing us because he is jealous that he never wore the union blue.

The Deadspin article from today about how hockey players are no tougher than any other athlete is such a piece of shit. I mean, that is just awful writing.