Monday, March 10, 2014

THAT Is How You No-Show a RibFest

Written by a nubian princess!
I don't know about anyone else, but I was a little disappointed in the attendance at this year's RibFest.  I understand that everyone is busy (not true) or might not be sure if they are invited (also not true since I've said numerous times that you're all invited) but you missed out on an instant classic for year #3 of the now annual event.  Allow me to explain because this will probably NEVER happen again.

OK, so we all know that Ide owed Randall and Dut a rib dinner to be cashed in this past weekend (which Dut didn't show up to because he would rather go hungry than deal with Ide which makes a lot of sense).  So we're all hob-knobbing around my ELITE varsity jacket during cocktail hour when it becomes very apparent that Ide isn't there.  We got a good chortle out of just another in a long line of Ide lies and how this Lannister does not pay his debts.  Texts went unanswered.  In the end, we realized that his presence just would have depressed everyone anyway.

So Drew leaves before dinner to go to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese or whatever thus he missed out on the worst server of all time.  The Cakes/Iceman end of the table got their entrees before the way sexier G$/Ape/Grump/Jeff end even ordered our wings/balls.  Whatever.  The food was good although the ribs were a little tougher than I expect from a BBQ joint.  I think it was the hostess who came over while we were finishing up with a note.  She was black which made this all better.  Yep, Ide wasn't coming but he paid for ALL OF OUR MEALS (as you can see from the note above).  We were on our own for tip and drinks, but the food was on James Earl Ray Junior.

You know, I'm not in the business of complimenting total shitheads, but this was a BALLER MOVE.  I don't even care why your plans fell through.  That is how you make everyone forgive you for your constant stream of lies!  Well done, Ide, and just know that this will not be forgotten when it comes time to voting for the 2014 Commenter of the Year.  Yes, the award can be bought.

All in all, a good time but laid back and not too eventful.  We carried the flag and everyone went on their way.  Until next year, gentlemen, when many of us have newborns that we need to escape!  EXCELSIOR!

I just have a few short topics to address today.  Not much in terms of heavy lifting because I'm hungover and still in shock from our worst being overtly generous.  Why yes, I did tell She$ that my hangover yesterday was probably worse than all of her morning sickness combined.

Phil Jackson joining the Knicks front office - I have no idea why this was the story of the weekend.  Dude is a coach.  He isn't a scout or a talent evaluator.  I do want to take this time to chide the morons that think that Phil Jackson is OVERRATED.  No, he is not.  11 titles is 11 titles, bruh.  But I look forward to this disaster organization paying huge money to someone not even remotely qualified and still being awful.  Should be fun!

LeBron came back!!! - I didn't see any highlights from the Big Z number retirement on Saturday night.  Seal, I would like a full report on the evening's festivities.  Basically, how OBVZ was it that LeBron is dying to come back ASAP.  I'd bet that it was TOTES OBVZ.

I can't believe that I'm going to write this, but... - Joakim Noah should be getting way more MVP consideration than he is.  He is carrying that average Bulls team.  More important to them than Rose.  Yeah, ya heard me!

Aaron Craft played his last homo game - Whatever.  Shitbag Ted Valentine let him get away with two fouls on the last two possessions because shitbags gotta stick together.  They still aren't going to win anything this month and no one that matters will ever remember Craft.  We always hear legendary tales of Byron Mullens and KoKo around here.  Craft will be forgotten outside of the men's room wall at all central Ohio gay bars.  Way to be the heart and soul of the worst Ohio Buckeye basketball team of the last 8-10 years.  Yes, the NIT team was better than this blob of bricks and shit.

That will do it for today.  Plenty to talk about.  Again, it's always an enjoyable time to meet up with you Darren Sharper clones every once in awhile.  Since one of us may or may not be moving to Urban Meyer's old stomping grounds this Summer, Cakes and I were talking about maybe putting something together up in BG (Myles Pizza, BRAH!) before he rolls down south.  Cakes sucks.  For Life.


Anonymous said...

Ribfest was a good time besides the server having conversations with himself, asking one of us if he went to "Jared's" and trying to invite himself out with us.

Never met Ide but he's okay in my book.

Noah better get consideration for MVP. He's been a beast since the allstar break and is carrying the bulls by himself. Also, Thibs should win another coach of the year.

Look forward to next year


Anonymous said...

I have a job interview today at 9 am at a company that is offering double what I make. I had brunch and booze planned for tomorrow with a late flight back. So I vouchered the flight for my Easter trip.

I forgot they do separate checks and paying just $100 off the tab backfired horribly. But, I don't welch so I went through with it. Also, Dut: we're even.

Tiffany being black explains the lack of the word sweet back. Well played Nubian.


Grumpy said...

Since you nimrods have no social graces and never introduce your friends/lovers, I have no idea who Larry is.

Ide is a mensch. Look it up.

Rust Cohle did not disappoint.

Randall Stevens said...

This isn't the 30's Grump. Introduce yourself. Or the new people can locate that fleshy patch where their balls used to be and introduce themselves if they really care to know all of you shit heels.

Newcomer Larry had quite the strong RibFest presence in his first ever event even though he had to work at something like 5am the next day. I don't know...I was half listening and I just knew it was really early. Anyway. It was good to see such a newbie understand the importance of such a ground breaking event. You dick lickers can learn a lot about priorities from young Larry. Keep that "never met Ide" streak alive, buddy. You'll thank me for it.

The RibFest attendance may have been a little light but almost all of the heavy hitters were present so it was a successful fest in my book. Let's not let Cakes off the hook for pulling his classic vanishing move after dinner. Or Tonya for swearing she would be at this year's fest and pulling an Ide with the no show. She could have at least covered the drinks for us.

GMoney said...

How did I forget to mention Cakes going all Houdini on everyone? Classless move, bro. Fortunately, no one really cared. I guess it's our fault for not providing him with anyone to discuss Indians spring training with.

Drew is going to be pissed that he missed out on Ide's tab.

Craft sucks.

Mr. Ace said...

Well played by Ide. Even better that Dut missed out while living like 5 minutes from the place.

Phil isn't dumb enough to go to the Knicks.

I was listening to espn radio yesterday, Israel Gutierrez I believe, and he was saying the Bulls might be positioning themselves to move Rose, get Melo, and build around Noah. I think I like this approach for the Bulls. Have Rose come back for a year and hopefully be healthy and then trade him for a huge haul. I wouldn't want Melo this offseason though.

Jeff said...

Thanks Ide. Probably the only time will ever be said, but it is very deserved.

Joseph the server was the cream of the crop of servers. From getting Grump a fresh iced tea every time he took a sip, not getting individual plates for clearly shared apps, and not knowing who ordered what and just placed food and drink in front of me to pass out. He was definitely a BRAH fan.

Flag carrying was successful, per usual.

Yea, Cakes did fucking vanish.

GMoney said...

Ape, I was listening to that as well. Yeah, building around Noah makes a hell of a lot more sense than Rose.

That was the server that we deserved. If he wasn't on bath salts then I'll eat my hat.

That Stinger Bomb hit me a lot harder than I was expecting it to. Really bad hangover yesterday.

GMoney said...

Just to reiterate, this was easily the most enjoyable Ide has ever been. He is much easier to handle in paper form and not talking. Something something pollen.

Still waiting on that LeBron report from Seal...

Anonymous said...

So, they did a different game intro which was absolutely incredible.

You can watch it here:

You can watch the Z ceremony there too if interested (G$ - because i know none of you other dbags like the Cavs).

There was no sign of Lebron until the lights came back on after the ceremony. He snuck out for the ceremony, then stayed around for about 2 minutes after the ceremony and posed for some pics with Delonte (yes, Delonte), Boobie and some other old Cavs scrubs. The arena didnt really notice Lebron until he was walking back to the locker room area for what i assume was the celebration amongsnt the old players and coaches that were there.

He got a mix of cheers and boo's but it was really quick and nothing too exciting.

The ceremony was cool - and the chatter was that they went all out on the floor to try and put on a good show for Lebron.

Cool night, and glad Lebron didnt take any of the attention from Z.


GMoney said...

Just as I suspected...he's just dying to play in front of good looking people such as yourself again.

Cakes said...

ELITE move by Ide!

NON-ELITE move by me when I fell asleep on my sisters couch until 11.

Moral of the story is don't drink a million beers the night before ribfest. I should've listened to Ace when he warned me on Facebook the night before.

I'm sure I missed nothing.

Anonymous said...

It was 5 am and it was disappointing to have to leave at 10. Next time I'll make sure I do not have to work next year.

RS's brother made a good observation about drew looking like Ryen Russillio.

Not sure how I feel about getting rid of Rose and building around Noah. Noah is close to 30 so his window is not that much longer. If you trade rose and he ends up being as great as he was management would never be able to recover from that.


Anonymous said...

Ide...while I didn't get to partake in your free ribs, I will pay credit to where credit is due...and that's a fine move sir.

I don't know who Ryan Russillo is...just Google Imaged him...I guess I can sort of see that.

I like how the Bulls just keep winning games even after they traded away Deng Bang for shit and pissed off Thibs in the process.

I went to the basketball game yesterday and it was awesome. Great atmosphere. Craft was a baller and went out like how he should go out in his last home game.

G$...Remember when I told you that I had tix to Flag Carriers/Wings on the 25th? My girlfriend bought me those tickets for a birthday present and put the date on the fridge calendar. She got an email from Ticketmaster yesterday as a reminder that she has tickets for THIS Tuesday's game. So...thanks Ticketmaster...if it wasn't for your reminder emails I would have been sitting at home with two like 8th row seats going to waste. So, I will be there tomorrow.


Prime99 said...

Glad you gents had a good time. I'm impressed with Ide's debt payment. Does he have a brother and sister who are twins and fuck each other?

That's about it for me. I'm struggling with a cold, and doubt I have anything productive to say about The Walking (in circles) Dead.

Mr. Ace said...

Great call on the Drew/Russilo doppelganger.

I would be willing to bet on my franchise with Noah and whatever package I get for Rose and another max player.

GMoney said...

You can count on Noah. You can't do so with Rose. I'm also starting to become a believer in Jimmy Butler.

Anonymous said...

Good luck trading rose. No team will give up anything for him because of his injury and contract. To get Carmelo the bulls would have to get rid of Taj and possible Butler. I don't like that but we'll see what happens this offseason.

I wanted the bulls to tank but it is enjoyable to watch Thibs continue to win while management is getting rid of everyone. That guy gets the most from his players.


GMoney said...


Let's start with True Detective and their season finale because it's actually a good watch and doesn't have a retarded post-show hosted by Chris Limpdick.

*I thought the finale was just OK but that's fine because the season was terrific and you can't have a cliffhanger when none of the cast is going to be back.
*This season was disturbing but the worst part was the Spaghetti Monster making flowers on his half-wit cousin/sister. Incent = NOT COOL
*Rust has to be unkillable.
*The Carcosa scene was groin-grabbingly ELITE.
*Those black cops were assholes. Bunch of ingrates not even thanking Marty and Rust for doing their job.
*Great season and a great show...really hoping that season 2 has Urkel and Reginald velJohnson as the cops.

*Surprisingly, I enjoyed last night's slog of segregated walking. I must have been in a good mood or I just like seeing sweet angel Maggie.
*Sasha is stupid. Just because you don't want to know for sure if Tyreese is dead doesn't mean that holing up on a roof makes ANY sense at all.
*Bob is TOTES gonna make flowers on her.
*I like that Maggie is making blood notes for Glenn. Might want to write those in Chinese symbols though, girl.
*I actually enjoyed the funeral home scenes, too. That dirty one-eyed dog needs to become a series regular.
*Daryl likes pig's feet. LULZ!
*Daryl, stop falling in love with Beth. This is not a good idea. She actually thinks that PLAYING THE PIANO DURING AN APOCALYPSE is not a horrible idea. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? They only respond to sound!
*Daryl trying to sleep in a coffin = BOSS
*Once, Bob, sweet angel Maggie, and Sasha reunited, I expected them to exchange Buddy Bands.

Terminus is starting to become the Fireworks Factory from The Simpsons (two great episodes last night BTW). JUST GET THERE ALREADY!

Anonymous said...

TWD is losing me. I could barely pay more attention to that show last night than I was giving to random internet reading (not porn..that would TOTES get more attention than TWD). It's just not interesting right now.


Mr. Ace said...

I also liked TWD last night...but my expectations have been ratcheted down significantly.

Is Beth becoming hot? I can't explain it...but I have found her much more likeable/bangable. They have spent way too much time developing her as a character to kill her off right?

I haven't watched True Detective. Mrs. Ace is out of town this week so I might have to find the series online and watch all of it.

Nibbles said...

"Is Beth becoming hot? I can't explain it...but I have found her much more likeable/bangable. They have spent way too much time developing her as a character to kill her off right?"

My wife and I spent most of the episode debating whether she was 18+ or not, for purposes of allowing me to talk about how hot she was.

To answer your question, yes, she is very hot and bangable (assuming she's 18+).

Anonymous said...

She is 28 years old. So yeah, you can get away with it.

True Detective was great. I thought it was a good episode overall, and Errol was just fucking terrifying. That Carcosa scene was incredible.

HBOGo crashing was NOT COOL, BROS.


GMoney said...

What happened to Beth's country club clothes that she stole last week? RUINED THE EPISODE FOR THIS EAGLE-EYED VIEWER!

Does anyone know where this Terminus is supposed to be because it sure as shit looks like Atlanta to me and LOL they came from there!

Beth is not hot. Any good bro knows that you don't stick your dick in crazy and she is all sorts of CRAY CRAY. Again, plays the piano when everyone knows that silence is mandatory.

Grumpy said...

Pay attention. One of the black cops said to Marty in the hospital "We owe you guys on this collar."

GMoney said...

I don't listen to black guys talking jive, bruh!

Anonymous said...

How about our back to back the next two days, boys? Dallas and Deeetroit can both get fucked. Winning these two (unlikely) would be YUGE for our playoff push.


Nibbles said...

Looking like Browns will be picking up Donte Whitner in the next week or two.

GMoney said...

It's spelled HITNER!

Anonymous said...
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