Me by noon tomorrow.
-Rashard "Taliban Lover" Mendenhall has retired at 26. It's funny because Mendenhall is putting this spin on it like he's walking away on his own terms and doesn't want to be a "puppet" or an "entertainer". Whatever you say, shit bird. This is just a pussy's way of admitting that his body is broken and no team wants a RB that averages 3.2 yards per carry on two wobbly knees that could cave at any moment. You're a more hated version of Christ Wells which is really fuckin hard to do. Have fun writing that book no one will buy because you're not interesting and you hate America.
-I love idiots with big mouths. They make things like blogs possible. This past Sunday, Minnesota Representative Pat Garofalo sent out a insane tweet about the NBA and criminals. Here it is:
"Let's be honest, 70% of teams in NBA could fold tomorrow + nobody would notice a difference w/ possible exception of increase in streetcrime"
That's a tweet we expect from resident Rib Buyer, Ide. Not a State Representative. What's even better is that a guy named Kevin Draper from The Diss emailed this Garofalo buffoon to ask him if his Twitter account had been hacked. Not only did Garofalo say no, he continued to defend his position. Well wouldn't you know it, now Ol' Pat is super sorry and throwing half assed apologies out there. No one is buying it, racist. On the upside I'm sure Racist Gruden is now following you on Twitter. Here's some free advice. The next time you have one of those thought things creep into your brain space just remember:
"DON'T PRESS SEND!"
That's top shelf guidance, Herm.
-Someone should tell Oscar Pistorius that the Academy Awards are over. Someone should also tell him he's about to be butt railed for the rest of his life in prison by a gang member with a dick the size of a Pringles can. I've been reading about this case since the story hit the interwebs and it sounds like this nubby legged murderer is in deep shit. That's probably why Pistorius has been putting on quite the production in the court room. Tears, retching, puke buckets at his fake metal feet. Pulling out all the stops on this one, eh? Good luck, pal.
-Tracy McGrady is attempting a MLB career at 34 years old as a pitcher. Yeah...I bet your arm is real live at 34. For fuck's sake would you and your lazy eye just go away, McFatTits?! I'm sure this is nothing but a publicity stunt in order to get people to buy tickets for whatever horse shit team he's trying to play for but enough already. This is just ridiculous. And can you believe McGrady is only 34? It feels like he's pushing 50.
-Santonio Holmes was cut by the Jets yesterday. Now he'll have more time to spend with his first love. Weed. You guys remember when G$ said Holmes was one of the 20 best wide receivers in the NFL? LULZ! What a day that was! Keep in mind this is the same guy who says, Eli > Peyton. Basically what I'm saying is never trust G$.
That's all I've got today. By the time you all read this I'll most likely be sitting in an airport about to board a flight that will take me a trillion miles away from yet another fucking snow storm. I should be getting shit faced in a pool with the sun on my shoulders in no time. Enjoy the snow, dildos.