Monday, March 24, 2014

MMMMHT: Monday Morning March Madness Hot Takes

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Well, this tournament is living up to its unpredictable billing, isn't it?  There have been plenty of little subplots just dying for me to have a take on them.  I will oblige.  No more fuck around time.  Let's do this:

*Dayton's President knows the score - Dr. Death or whatever his name is was photographed crowd-surfing through The Ghetto after Dayton beat Syracuse on Saturday.  THIS IS WHAT MARCH MADNESS IS ALL ABOUT, PEEPS!  That is ELITE.  I am not a fan of the Flyers but I'm glad that they aren't taking their tournament run for granted.  This is a big deal.  You should celebrate it.

*Jim Boeheim is the absolute fucking worst - I've long since held the opinion that Boeheim was a douche bag and should not be respected by anyone and he proved that point after their failure on Saturday when he refused to give the Flyers any credit at all and blamed his players for the loss.  What a whiny little cunt he is.  Any decent human being acknowledges the victor and pays respect.  Not Jim.  Fuck him hard.

*On the other hand, Coach K is all class - Yeah, I mean it.  It would have been easy for him to have a pissy press conference and then go away.  But he was a man about it, walked into the Mercer locker room, and congratulated them for their big win.  He didn't have to do this.  He did it because it was the right thing to do and he has integrity.  You know, we all rag on Duke and Coach K for being elitist shitstains, but that move right there shows why ALL OF US should respect that program.  We will never support them, mind you, but they are good people.

*That being said, that loss is on Coach K - I think it was Clark Kellogg who babbled something about how "live by the three, die by the three" is a farce.  No, it isn't.  If you rely on 23 foot jumpers to win, then you aren't going to win more than 1-2 games.  It isn't something that can be sustained over long stretches.  I have no idea why Duke didn't attack the rim on every possession on Friday but it is why they aren't playing anymore.  You can't just chuck threes and expect to win a title.

*Dumbest play of the tournament - Easy.  The kid on VCU fouling the Stone Cold Steve Austin shooter for the game-tying four point play.  Sometimes, you can blame the coach for stupid decisions but I don't here.  An overzealous defender doesn't all of a sudden turn Shaka Smart into Shaka Dumb (looking at you, RS).

*People forget that Bill Self is a loser - They really shouldn't do that.  He does this almost every year.  The guy was born to fail.  Remember how 2014 was the greatest draft class ever?  It may still end up being ELITE, but Wiggins, Parker, and Embiid now all of a sudden don't look so can't miss, eh?

*The foul calls are getting to be absurd - These games are taking FOREVER.  On Friday night, UCLA didn't even tip off until 11:14!  Something has to change here.  I'm cool with getting rid of hand-checking but maybe move the one-and-one to nine fouls and the double bonus at 12.  Free throw shooting has been atrocious anyway (looking at you, Mark Gottfried!).

*Steve Fisher is on the money - The San Diego State coach may look like a dead lesbian, but he nailed the NCAA to the wall on Thursday night.  They were told that if they had lost to that ELITE NMSU giant, they were to go to the airport immediately and GTFO.  Even though they would not get out of the arena until 2-3 AM EST, they would NOT be granted a hotel room on the NCAA.  Fuck that.  Way to be unnecessarily greedy and kudos to Fisher for calling them out.  If you want 10 pm tip times, don't be niggardly with your never-ending bankroll and take care of the kids.

*So much for that dark horse - I told you after Jeff "Patriot" Orr got vilified for being an ELITE fan that OK State was a first round loss waiting to happen.  Then the genius analysts kept telling us that they could go to the Final Four for some reason.  They got their asses kicked by a dog shit Gonzaga squad.  Go home, Marcus Dumb.

*Michigan and Michigan State might be the two best teams left - They are both playing really well but, then again, Rick Barnes is a worse coach than me.  Also, did any of you pick Villanova to go farther than the Sweet Sixteen?  If you did, may I ask why?  You can't possibly have any explanation for that.

*Putting Aaron Craft into proper perspective - Twenty years from now, when we think back on Aaron Craft's college basketball years, it's going to be a very similar opinion to how we talk about Crystal Pepsi today.  A lot of "LULZ what the fuck WAS that"?

*Well, that was the game of the year - Wichita State/Kentucky was fantastic from tip to buzzer.  That is a FACT.  What a great atmosphere and both teams playing balls to the wall.  Yeah, Calipari scummed his was to victory and Julius Randle went HAM on America, but this should not discount ANYTHING that the Shockers accomplished this season.  They are a great basketball team that was rewarded with a tough as fuck draw against a team that has finally figured it out.  That's all.  Someone had to lose.  We all wanted it to be Seal.  But there is nothing wrong about Louisville and Kentucky playing this week.  NOTHING.

*Shut up, no one cares - Your bracket means nothing to everyone and you aren't even close to winning your contest anyway.  Stop talking about it "being busted".  The only time that you can complain is when NC State misses every goddamn free throw and it costs you actual money.  GODDAMN YOU, WOLFPACK!

*About Iowa State - So sorry, Cyclones.  I profess my deep love for your team and then Georges Niang breaks his goddamn foot.  That's typical of me.  I am such a mush.  I assume that Carolina held on.  Anything that happened after this game is not going to get analyzed just know that I'm rooting against Steve Alford.  UPDATE: YES!  "WE" DID IT!  WHAT A FINISH!  ATTACK OF THE CLONES!!!  I haven't been this happy since Ron Simmons retweeted me on Saturday night!  DAMN!

I don't know about you guys, but I'm basketballed out right now.  I've been overloaded.  I need a few days off before getting back into it.  Either way, this tournament has been really fun so for (Saint Louis excluded OBVZ because they are ASS).  I expect it to continue.

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

UNC choking dick at the end hurt. I stopped watching zombies, and we talked about the OSU loss Thursday and Friday. And I might top Kenny in the but pool.

I'm bowing out of today's discussion.

Ide

Grumpy said...

When Creighton implodes they go all the way.

I don't understand the Aaron Craft hate. I'm no fan of anything Ohio, but I'd take that kid on my team any day. Never takes a possession off, smart, great defensive player and a 3.9 student.

GMoney said...

Yeah, you would root for Minkus if this were Boy Meets World, nerd. ELITE analogy!

I can't believe all the pics and video from Dayton Saturday night. And to think, Mr. Ape calls that place his own but has never stepped foot on campus (probably).

Mr. Ace said...

Fuck you, Ide. Just felt the need to say that.

I have no problem with Craft, just the mythical hoops god Ohio Buckeyes/Media made him out to be.

I have been on Dayton's campus...once.

Speaking of Dayton, suck my taint so hard Droucher.

Sunday fucking killed me n the nut pool. Just brutal.

Grumpy said...

An analogy can't be ELITE if you're target doesn't know what the fuck you're talking about,

GMoney said...

In all of my years of being ELITE, the hardest thing that I've ever tried is The Nut Pool. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I can't even pick winners this year let alone coming close on the number. At least Ron Simmons and I are dawgs.

GMoney said...

Trust me, it's a good one. You seem like more of a Feeney guy.

Randall Stevens said...

The reality is that last year VCU got their tits blown off in round 2 and lost to a team round 1 this year they should've beat by double digits. If you're going to kill programs like Duke and Kansas for being chokers come tournament time then you have to at least put VCU and Smart in that discussion for what they've done in the tourney in recent years. That magical VCU final four run people always want to reference is starting to seem like a long time ago.

Mr. Ace said...

Grumpy's poor usage of you're makes me smile.

IT'S FUCKING VCU! Why would they ever be mentioned with Duke or Kansas.

Randall Stevens said...

Just looked it up...Shaka Smart has made it out of the first weekend in the tournament only once. Considering VCU has been as high as a 5 seed in multiple tournaments, that's pretty terrible.

Anonymous said...

Hey Drooler - I have taken your Robert Morris and live in the now not the past bullshit for a year now (even though I was celebrating a natty less than two years ago)... You can talk all that shit talk, shove it up your ass, and suck my fucking ass. GO CATS... and Flyers. Loser. Face it, I am better than you.

I understand the refs are just trying to get everything right, but the stoppage's in play has to end... or be taken care of quicker. Holy shit they are a buzzkill.


I had that Steve Fisher conversation on Saturday night and completely agree with you - I was fucking shocked to learn the NCAA wouldnt put a team up in a hotel for the night after a loss AT 2AM! What an absolute joke.

The four teams left in the mid-west are playing some damn good basketball right now - and yes that includes Tennessee. But holy shit Michigan looks good right now.

Multiple camera shots of Kansas fans crying make me happy.

I have been saying it for years - Bill Self is terrible and does not deserve the talent he pulls to that school. Shows how fucking stupid those kids are - the guy is a terrible coach.

This has been a stellar tourny so far and the match-ups coming this weekend should continue the pattern.

Seal




Anonymous said...

Oh and I almost forgot... LOLZ at the buckeyes and Drew, again.

Seal

Jeff said...

UK finally figured it out. Took them long enough, but did just in time. They have droves of huge bodies down low that can run, block, score, and rebound, not to mention one of them is Julius Randall. Add to that with some big guards that can shoot and drive. That team yesterday was the one everyone was expecting when they were the odds on favorite to win it all before the year. Those great early games sure did fade into shit shows later though.

I'll close with Poo Jackets. Sure did drag the flag through the mud this weekend.

Mr. Ace said...

I think Michigan can get past Tenn because they are just a slightly better version of Texas it seems...and Beilein with time to prepare is lethal. But I really really really don't want to see Kentucky. Just way too many affletes and matchup issues for Michigan. Go Cards!

Dayton in the Elite 8...I think it's gonna happen. But they are getting murked by Florida or Ucla.

GMoney said...

RS, you have got to be fucking kidding us. Duke/Kansas and VCU barely play the same sport. They've gone Final Four, doors blown off by WE ON, and then miracle loss to a team that won 29 straight. Three straight trips to the tournament and getting five seeds with less than ELITE talent is pretty goddamn ELITE to me. Your a idiot,, no offense.

As some hilarious person on Twitter said yesterday, Calipari will end up vacating yesterday's win eventually anyway.

I don't want to talk about the CBJ. If my last name was Verlander, I would have beaten the missus after yesterday's turd.

Anonymous said...

As some hilarious person on Twitter said yesterday, Calipari will end up vacating yesterday's win eventually anyway.

LOLZ! When did u become so douchey with your comments? Very original brah, get some new material.

Jealous much?

Seal

GMoney said...

Well, when he stops vacating wins everywhere he goes then...oh who are we kidding...it will always be LULZ.

GMoney said...

Here's a fun one for you all to try on:

Wichita coach Gregg Marshall looks like a grown up version of Billy Madison's friend from 3rd grade, Ernie. COUNT IT!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Slow Seal...can't take what you say seriously...because you are a PUSSY FAN.

Slow Seal comments...

Slow Seal on UK --"They are not good... and when a team is not good, they can't be overrated. If any of you put them in the sweet 16 in your brackets, you are dumber than Grumpy."

Sorry Slow...by your own definition if you say your team isn't good enough to do something "advance to the sweet 16" and then they do it...and you talk shit...you are the Slow Seal definition of a pussy fan.

You are a pussy fan.

--Drew (COY)

Anonymous said...

LOLZ!!!! The one time u can own up to obviously getting owned and you can't. Everyone and their mom knows UK is a completely different team the past two weeks than they were almost a month ago whn that was written.

Eat my ass- we are in the sweet 16 and you lost to Dayton! Haha loser.

Do u like being my bitch? How about coach cal's? Or maybe daytons?

Seal

GMoney said...

Seal has been killing Drew recently. This is about as one-sided as me destroying Browns fans.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Slow....you're a pussy fan. I mean...I gave you your exact quote. You can't say "well, that changed this weekend" after the game...which is basically what you are saying.

Pussy fan.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I don't think that that is fair, Drool. He is definitely a pussy, bro, but I wouldn't call him a pussy fan.

Anonymous said...

I would. Seal was making excuses through the second half until the tide turned. We made fun of Drooler for the same thing when he declared the Red Wings a lame duck (2 days to prepare your next excuse, twat) against the superior CBJ.

If they lost, then Seal had his own line of excuses ready to roll. Bad coaching, no cohesion, black, etc. He was grateful last night when they won (see Apes thread). No shade to be thrown, but he certainly didn't ride or die with UK.

The exact same could be said for me and OSU/UNC.

Ide

Cakes said...

Agreed. that Shocker/Kentucky games was amazing.

would much rather be watching the Buckeyes play but you cant hate on Dayton. those are two huge teams to go through on your way to the sweet 16. Mad props.

Im currently commenting on my phone. got to work today and the money shot was denied to me under the label "sex". Well done!

Anonymous said...

G$...Your plan to rid this place of Cakes Takes came so close! But, you didn't factor in his phone capabilities.

Ide...no excuses for tomorrow. I don't know how we keep winning/getting points (currently have more Opening Day Griffins on the Wings roster than the Griffins do)...but, we do. If we can beat Pittsburgh with these guys then we sure as hell should beat a team that just lost to the Islanders.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Seal pulled a classic reverse jinx. AKA the Anti-Cakes.

Ide makes a good point about Drooler using a similar tactic with the Red Wings recently.

I'm still sad about not receiving a billion $. Consolation prize is already receiving Quicken spam. Well played.

The tournament has had some great moments but I can't help not caring all that much.

GMoney said...

CORRECTION: just got SHUT OUT by the Islanders!

Cakes, you can blame fucking Ape and his porn posts for that.

I don't have a problem with Seal's course of fanhood action. Although I would have just not posted anything on social media instead of tempering my expectations. If you come out "wishing my belived Cats the best of luck against an undefeated team" you come off looking like a Cornball Cakes.

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME!

OK, that was still more walking and talking but I kind of liked it (probably because we visited more than one crew). We finally reached the fireworks factory and the finale is next week with everyone on the same path so let's get to it.

*Daryl, you are currently eating rabbit ass with a group that considers the "claim" rule to be effective. Good God, get out of there. CLAIM might be the dumbest thing ever. No wonder Jacob Hale is getting booted as Charming mayor. He sucks as boss. But it was nice to see that one jerk die. He was giving Daryl too much guff.

*Dr. Eugene Porter is mentally handicapped or something, right? I mean, who talks and acts like that? There is NO WAY that THAT GUY has all the answers to the world's problem. I can't believe that Abraham's flame head is falling for this.

*Rosita and Tara...I must watch this scissor session.

*Glenn and Sweet Angel Maggie finally got back together. How sweet. Glenn needs to die.

*INCREDIBLE scene for the Grimes clan last night. A balancing competition with a candy bar at stake! ALL THE EMMYS!

*So they reached Terminus. It has no locks at all and apears to be run by some creepy lady who is definitely not as sweet as they want her to be. I wonder what she's up to. It has to be ELITE.

Let's get this over with and get ready for our dragons and Mad Men.

Randall Stevens said...

If people are going to say Shaka Smart is as good of a coach as the likes of Bill Self and Coach K then he should be penalized the same way when his teams choke on dicks in the tournament. Shit...at least Mark Few was able to make more than 1 deep tourney run with a school that gets the same recruits as VCU.

Anonymous said...

So, wait...Ide and Prime (the most unbiased commenter here) agree with me that Slow Seal's actions resembled my comments a couple weeks ago on the Wings which brought on his rant...but, he thinks he owned me. That is incredibly LOLZ-worthy...what a trip it would be to live in that head for a day.

--Drew

Randall Stevens said...

I like how Tara outed her dykeness. It's about time you embrace it. Maybe if you play your cards right you can get a Maggie/Glenn threesome.

Something is definitely weird at Terminus. I'm thinking they're cannibals or something. I feel like once Terminus finally reveals that it's a terrible place everyone will kinda look around and say "The word TERMINUS should've given that away."

All I'll say about Eugene is that answers will be given most likely next season.

Overall I think it was a good episode. But some main characters better start dying if they're keeping my business.

Anonymous said...

When did Mark Few make a deep tourney run? I believe he has been to one Elite 8 in ten years or whatever of being a top tier seed. Shaka has at least been to a Final 4. Shaka's player made a dumb fucking play. It happens.

-Damman

Prime99 said...

I'm not sure if being unbiased is good. I need to give Chip a visit.

I think I know what that lady at Terimus' deal is, but I won't say anything because I believe I know because of the comic. Terminus is not in the comic, but I think they are going to use elements from a comic storyline. Needless to say, she's not on the up and up.

If Seal would just CLAIM Drooler to be an ass no one could do nothin' about it.

This episode was a step in the right direction. I hope the finale brings it home.

Randall Stevens said...

Maybe not final four deep but Few has better tourney success than Smart. Few has made 5 sweet 16's to Smart's one yet Few doesn't get publicly blown the same way Shaka Smart does.

Prime99 said...

Well, since we are being cavalier with the potential spoiler predictions, I also think Terminus will be a station of cannibals.

Anonymous said...

For the Columbus guys...here's a good website that will show you based on each day's games how that affected your playoff chances. Jackets are at a 56.6% chance right now. http://www.sportsclubstats.com/NHL/Eastern/Metropolitan/Columbus.html

--Drew

GMoney said...

That's better than I thought it would be for a team that just got shutout by the Islanders.

Coach K and Self get rightfully skewered because they have multiple lottery picks every year and lose to inferior teams. Again, how can you even compare their failures to Shaka losing a miracle-ass 5/12 game. This makes NO SENSE.

You may think that Shaka is OVERRATED slightly and that is fine but you can't deny that what he is doing at a school that no one can name what city it is (Fairfax maybe?), that is still really impressive.

If you think that what he is doing is a failure (considering the limits that he has to work with regarding budget, players, and facilities) then congrats on being the most fucktardedly delusional person on the planet.

GMoney said...

If you agree with Randall Stevens' stance on Shaka Smart then please never come back here again.

Mr. Ace said...

Zombies was good. Terminus is totes gon be cray. I can't wait for Darryl's crew to kill Rick.

Shaka Smart had been head coach at VCU for 5 years. He has made the tourney 4 of those years, has a 7-4 record in the tourney and won the CBI the only year he missed the tourney.

Mark Few has been at Gonzaga for 15 years and made the tourney 15 times and has a record of 16-15.

So in 5 years Shaka has a better win % in the tourney and made it further in the tourney. What are we arguing about again?

Prime99 said...

Both Shaka and Few have overcome to be great coaches (light skin and a grill you could fry burgers on, respectively.) Props should be given to both.

Anonymous said...

It really is too bad Coach K won that Natty four years ago. They've been bounced out of the tourney in the first round 3 out of hte last 8 years...and another time in the 2nd round. So, half of the last eight years they haven't even made the Sweet 16 with the amazing talent that he brings in each year. That's really not good when you think of their talent.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Name another coach does less with more than Bill Self? He's the fucking Mack Brown of hoops.

I think that it's great that two of the last 3 years, Coach K has been bounced by Lehigh and Ron Mercer, but I still want to give him credit for actually giving those kids credit. Jim Boeheim is such a piece of shit.

I just can't get over RS's stupid argument. DERP VCU got beat in the second round last year! Yep, to the team that finished runner-up and was a higher seed. They got beat this year! Yep, to a veteran mid-major that had a Wichita State-esque winning streak.

This is the sort of person who says things like "I knew all year long that the Shockers weren't no good dad gummit and they proved it as FACT yesterday".

Remember my post where I ranked the coaches (correctly, mind you) and had Shaka at either 5 or 6? I stand by that. He is that good. And now there are rumors that he could be taking the Marquette or Wake Forest job.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't Shaka have had the Illinois job a couple years ago? That's definitely a better gig due to the B1G and Chicago than Marquette or Wake. I wonder if he regrets that.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I assume that Chief Illiniwek would have much rather had Shaka than Groce. I would not take the Wake job. That's a dead end.

Marquette would be a solid job though because I don't see the new Catholic Big East going anywhere and he could absolutely own Chicago.

Randall Stevens DUMB. Never forget.

Anonymous said...

"I would not take the Wake job. That's a dead end."

Yeah...that's what Skip Prosser told me.

--Drew

GMoney said...

"So is Marquette!"--Al McGuire

Anonymous said...

Way to update, asshole

Ide

Jeff said...

FIRE RANDALL!!!!

Anonymous said...

OFF WITH RANDALL'S HEAD!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

My favorite Tuesday post yet.