Friday, March 14, 2014

G$'s OVERRATED Conference Tournaments Preview!!!

TREMENDOUS UPSIDE POTENTIAL!!!
In case you are incredibly dense, March Madness starts next week. YES! Oh, what a great time of year this is. Hoops on top of hoops on top of hoops…all played at an ELITE level now that Georgetown is nowhere to be found (they got their annual choke out of the way early this year to DeLOL). Sadly, this is the first year in forever that I’m not taking any time off to watch the games since She$ tells me that I can’t waste vacation days anymore. Fuck her. She’s not the boss of me. Looks like I’ll be hanging out in the lunch room all afternoon next Thursday and Friday.

Anyway, the conference tournaments have gotten underway and this is a very underrated weekend itself. You could probably make a case that this is BETTER than next weekend since wins this weekend give you bragging rights for the next 365. I mean, if WE ON wins the Big Ten and sweeps the conference this year, they’re going to enjoy that a hell of a lot more than beating Norfolk State and UNLV next weekend. But I digress. I figured that I would spend today getting everyone’s mindgrapes right and unloading a conference tournament primer for this weekend. It will help get everybody’s juices flowing so that next week we will all be prepared to start our quest toward Warren Buffett’s billion dollars! Let’s investigate the big 8 conferences in which you could easily see Final Four teams coming from:

ACC
Where is the tournament? Greensboro, NC
Who are the high seeds? Virginia (one), Syracuse, Duke, North Carolina
Is this usually fun to watch? Not really. Dick Vitale’s voice always gets strained and he is whisper screaming. Plus, there are always a ton of upsets which leads to some boring team like Florida State playing in the finals
What question needs to be answered? Is Virginia for real and should we, the public, be taking them seriously?

American
Where is the tournament? Memphis
Who are the high seeds? Cincinnati (one) and Louisville
Is this usually fun to watch? I have no fucking clue since this is the first tournament for this conference as currently constructed
What question needs to be answered? Is Louisville primed to make another title run? I don’t buy Cincinnati at all since they struggle to score so it is the Cards or bust out of the American (solid conference IMO).

Atlantic 10
Where is the tournament? Brooklyn…fuck you, Ide.
Who are the high seeds? Saint Louis and VCU
Is this usually fun to watch? I always enjoy watching the A-10 championship game on Sunday because Verne and Bill do it and either team is capable of an upset or two.
What question needs to be answered? Fuck if I know…How gay is Ide?  If you're a black man at his gym...VERY!

Big East
Where is the tournament? The Garden
Who are the high seeds? Villanova, Creighton, and Xavier
Is this usually fun to watch? You’re damn right it is. OBVZ, this conference is not what it used to be but the Catholic schools that remain can still play some entertaining ball. And if for some reason we get the top two seeds playing for the title, Doug McDermott averages about a thousand points per game vs. Nova this year.
What question needs to be answered? Is Villanova really worthy of a one seed and can any of these teams make it to the sweet sixteen?  UPDATE: LESLIE KNOPE!

Big Ten
Where is the tournament? Indianapolis…home of Charles Mulligan’s Steakhouse
Who are the high seeds? WE ON, Bo Ryan and the Klan, and Sparty
Is this usually fun to watch? Not really. The Big Ten isn’t known for its high-flyers. You get more possession grinding in this league and an especially high lot of that when you’re playing three games in three days.
What question needs to be answered? Are any of these teams actually any good? That’s the weird thing about the conference this season: everyone has HUGE flaws. I mean, WE ON won the regular season title EASILY without their best player. How is that possible? Nebraska is the goddamn four seed!

Big 12
Where is the tournament? Kansas City
Who are the high seeds? Kansas
Is this usually fun to watch? Nope. This is a Fran Fraschilla Fest and unless he is breaking down foreigners on draft night, he puts me to sleep.
KUBoobs? KUBOOBS!
What question needs to be answered? How fucked is Kansas without Joel Embiid? I’d bet a sizable amount that they don’t win this weekend. I wouldn’t mind seeing a little run by Marcus Smart and the Pokes since he seems to be a stable gentleman when the pressure rises.

Pac 12
Where is the tournament? Las Vegas
Who are the high seeds? Arizona, UCLA, and Arizona State
Is this usually fun to watch? Absolutely. This tournament always seems ripe with upsets and buzzer beaters.
What question needs to be answered? Does Zona have their shit together? They SHOULD come out of the West in two weeks just based on talent and coaching alone. But they haven’t been right since Brandon Ashley got hurt and they have no DEPF.

SEC
Where is the tournament? Atlanta
Who are the high seeds? Florida and Kentucky
Is this usually fun to watch? Not at all unless Marshall Henderson is doing a lot of Marshall Henderson things
What question needs to be answered? Can anyone beat Florida over the next month? This is a two team league and even that second team isn’t one that you can count on. The Gators shouldn’t play anyone within single digits this weekend. They probably shouldn’t until the Final Four.

I hope that that helped or at least got your mind where it belongs. It’s March, jerks, so start showing some respect. I’m not doing anything this weekend but laying on the couch and watching a fuck-ton of hoops, I cannot wait. This is also the time of year where Damman questions whether he should continue his March Madness NUT Pool. You’re doing it. You have nothing else important to do. DEAL WITH IT. Enjoy the basketball and we’ll be back on Monday to look at the brackets and predict who is going to RISE TO THE OCCASION and who is going to John Thompson III.

49 comments:

Grumpy said...

Final Two: Creighton vs Witchita State

Anonymous said...

Been in Indy since yesterday. Pretty sure Nebrasketball is gonna knock out the Bucks today, but I'm excited to go. I love coming here for this tourney.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Did you hear that, jerks? We've got a reporter on the scene!

Has there ever been a more underwhelming crop of potential one seeds? I honestly would not be that surprised if the Final Four was a 6,7,10,and 12 seed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @DUTDOG!!!

Anonymous said...

I will not be doing the nut pool this year. It is way too big of a pain in the ass. If someone wants pick it up for me, be my guest.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Quit bitching, Damman. You only hate doing it because you never win.

I have access to tickets to the A10 championship and, if it's worth it, I will check it out. I live a ten minute walk away from Barclay's anyway.

Beat Nebrasketball.

Ide

GMoney said...

You've got to be shitting all of us. QUITTER!

Tough loss for the CBJ last night but getting the loser point vaulted us into second in the Metro. I'll take that shit.

Jeff said...

If you don't play zone against ohio state you should be fired at the first tv time out.

After Clemson beats dook tonight for the second time this year we will be tourny bound!

I can dream.

As far as the CBJ, points are points, but Cam is making me nervous with his habitual shittyness lately. We're gonna need some production out of him.

GMoney said...

By the way, our boy Marshall Henderson had a real Randy Steve Special of a game last night. Made seven threes. SHOT NINETEEN OF THEM. 19 3 point attempts!

Anonymous said...

7/19 is light years beyond RS's 'wet' average.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Love that your boy Deagelo Hall is talking shit to Sherman. The bank account line was great.

The SEC should only get one team in, and will still win the whole thing. Florida is going to be an incredibly tough out.

Anonymous said...

Seal ^

GMoney said...

Thank you for the second comment to claim the first. Would hate for Seal to turn into something that he hates!

I, too, greatly enjoyed the Sherman/DeHall Twitter beef. DeAngelo reminding Sherm of his 4 pick game (against the Bears!) was great. Unless I missed it, he should have referenced his Pro Bowl MVP trophy as well. A Super Bowl is OK, I guess, but it means nothing without CASH MONEY!!!

Cakes said...

Drew better be live tweeting the shit out of the game.

Prime99 said...

I haven't trolled Mashall in too long. Great reminder (though I'm guessing he blocked me.)

Virginia are the Cavaliers, OBVS they are not for real.

Anonymous said...

Cakes...I'm already pretty drunk. Not many Nebrasketball fans out here. Gonna tell them to husk my cock cob.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Make sure you remind them that Bo Pelini hates them all and that they support Bo Pelini. That should burn more than your average at best cock cob smack.

Cakes said...

Being drunk is what makes Twitter fun. NO EXCUSE!

Randall Stevens said...

Henderson wishes he had my silky jumper. Anyone questioning my shooting skillzzzzz can challenge me to a 3 point contest. Or horse. Or one on one. Or anything basketball related for that matter. I have no doubt I can beat anyone on this blog at anything basketball related. And yes...that includes one on one vs Ide the fouling wrestler.

Randall Stevens said...

If Ide is ever dumb enough to play me I would consider playing strictly left handed just to really embarrass him.

Anonymous said...

You won't beat me. I'll bet my terrible sons on it.

--Michael Jordan, reader of this site since its inception and slayer of all things pussy related

Nibbles said...

I bet I could beat you at Horse.

I have zero jump shot or long range shooting of any kind.

However, I never miss a layup. They always go in.

At the first moment you miss your first jumper, I'll take control of the game.

I will always attempt and make layups. At some point, you'll miss yours.

The game may take 4 hours, but I'll always win.

Cakes said...

Sounds like Ben Tate might be a Brown by the end of the day. I'm not sure if this "Redskins" approach will work but it sure is exciting!

GMoney said...

YES! Ben Tate is easily one of the 50 best running backs in the league (not one of the best 40)! There are many teams with 3 RBs better than our new signing!

Cakes said...

Don't hate because we are beating you at your own game this offseason.

Tate could easily have a breakout year when he doesn't have to sit behind a vegan.

GMoney said...

Or he could likely be less than average on a worse offense!

If you are playing the Redskins Game just think about how foolish that is and how bad you will be for the next decade. Modeling your franchise after the Pigdicks is not a very good plan.

WE ON? WE ON!

GMoney said...

By the way, trying to eat Long John Silvers while driving might be the most impossible thing that I've ever attempted. I am covered in fish grease from head to toe.

Damn Catholic No-Meat Fridays during Lent.

Randall Stevens said...

It's better than McGahee. If Tate stays healthy he's a viable starter. I'm not saying he'll be a top 10 back...but he'll be good enough and potentially 1,000 back.

Cakes said...

He definitely has the potential to be a top ten back. 1,000 yards is attainable as long as he stays healthy. Dude is listed as the #1 free agent RB in the league. I'd be happy to have him. If not, EL GUAPO!

I love LJS but can only eat it once in awhile. That fried batter goes straight through ya!

What's the point in not eating meat for Catholics? I'm sure it's easily found on the interwebs but I'm lazy. Is that why people drive around with a jesus fish on their minivans?

Prime99 said...

It's a sacrifice for Lent (between Ash Wednesday and Easter.) Usually, you give up meat on Fridays and another thing.

The Jesus fish was secret code back when Christians were killed for their beliefs. If you met someone, you would draw a curve in the sand. If they drew another curve to complete the fish, both people would know each other was Christian.

The more you know.

Cakes said...

Thanks! I never knew any of that.

I feel like Prime might give me a pop quiz next week. I'll be ready!

GMoney said...

Well I suppose that Brandon Weeden also has the potential to not be a top ten dried-up stinky dick licker. That doesn't mean that he won't be.

Ape's dick to your b-hole, would you bet on Ben fucking Tate to be a top ten RB? Of course you wouldn't. Now get in line for some simian sodomy.

Your goal shouldn't be "welp, he's better than McGahee!" Because he might not be. I'd like to see more from Fozzy Whittaker, dammit!

I'm a once a year LJS guy. I'm good for the next 365.

Prime's got your MANswers regarding fish and the pope, bro.

Randall Stevens said...

Stop hating on Tate just because the Browns want him. You know he's a good back. While I'm not head over heels in love like Cakes appears to be, you cannot deny when Tate had his chances in Houston he looked like a franchise back. The only question is his durability as he gets banged up a decent amount. But the toughness is there so at least he can play through it. Dude played half a season with broken ribs for a awful team when he could've just packed it up for the year. He'll get 1,000 as a number one guy and that's the measuring stick for a running back, is it not?

Cakes said...

I was partial to Edwin Baker the touchdown maker.

Tate has been stuck behind Foster for two years now. Most everyone agrees that he has the ability to be special. You can't seriously think McGahee is close to Tate can you? No, no, you're just fucking with me. Right? RIGHT??

I'm convinced the Browns are going to the playoffs now and nothing anyone says will change my mind. RAY FARMER CAN DO NO WRONG!!!!

Prime99 said...

Well, I will say the Browns are faring better than the Raiders. Low measuring stick, but you're not the worst.

GMoney said...

NEBRASKETBALL!!! GO PELINI!!!

Fuckeyes be fuckin'!

GMoney said...

1000 yards rushing or receiving in this day doesn't mean all that much though. You only have to roll 75 yards per game which isn't easy but doesn't make one ELITE either.

#realtalk, yes that Ben Tate is better than what you had (and we don't know the dollars of the deal yet) but that doesn't make him a solution. And he isn't even close to being a top ten back nor does he have that potential. #DEALWITHIT

Nibbles said...

Cakes, you strike me as the type of guy whose fantasy football team is nothing but the Cleveland Browns.

Cakes said...

In a perfect world, I WOULD draft all Cleveland Browns. The only one I drafted last year was Gordon and that worked out just fine.

#doublerealtalk Yes, he has the POTENTIAL to be a top ten back. What's it take to be a top ten back in the league these days anyway? 1,100 yards?

That doesn't mean he will reach that potential. He seems to have a small injury problem at times.



Randall Stevens said...

But Tate is a solution. You have always said you don't need an ELITE running back to win football games since this is a passing league now. So why would the Browns need a top 10 running back? Wouldn't it make more sense to go after a guy who can get you 75 rushing yards per game that keeps the heat off the passing game?

GMoney said...

No. He does not. He has shown absolutely nothing since coming into the league that would make any sane person think otherwise. He's a platoon back that would compliment someone like Woodhead or Sproles well. Giving him 20 carries a game will not work ever.

Although if the plan is to draft Dri Archer for a little thunder and lightning, I could get on board with that and give them each 10-15 carries per game.

Point is that Ben Tate is not and never will be a FACTORBACK.

GMoney said...

You don't need an ELITE RB...if you have a very good to ELITE QB. We don't need to get back into that.

Randall Stevens said...

G$: Ben Tate isn't ELITE and therefore not good.

Me: but you said that teams don't need an ELITE running back to win in this league since it's a passing league now.

G$: *gurgle noise

Yeah. Shown nothing. In a complete backup role, not a timeshare, has rushed for 800 and 900 yards in 2 of his 3 seasons. Backing up one of the leagues best backs, no less. What a waste. I'm surprised the Texans didn't just cut him. So awful.

Cakes said...

Remember when the Buckeyes won today? That was awesome.

GMoney said...

I might even be able to talk myself into Trent Richardson being better than Benjamin Tate. Will need to spend the weekend grinding tape though.

If RBs are growing more irrelevant and OVERRATED by the day (and they are), then why are you excited about getting one that is average at best? That is my point.

Ladell Betts once looked terrific splitting some carries from Stephen Davis. Ladell Betts was always a shit sandwich.

You just signed Ladell Betts probably.

NOT A FACTORBACK.

Randall Stevens said...

Go back through my comments, shit heel. Show me where I said I was excited. I'm simply defending the move. Tate is better than what's currently on the Browns roster and probably better that what's available in the draft. I'd rather roll with a guy who has already produced in a back up role than a yoooouge question mark rookie.

Prime99 said...

Sharon Tate > Ben Tate

Have a great weekend!

Cakes said...

Prime wins! Murder jokes always win.

I LOVE the Tate move. Unless they are targeting Hyde. Then I LOVE that move. I basically LOVE everything about the Browns except their win loss record. DETAILS....



GMoney said...

Fuck Kyle Shanahan. I win.

Anonymous said...

Late comment that I'm sure nobody will see, but G$ I tend to agree with you about this weekend being as good or better than next weekend. There have been great games all day & several of these early evening games are entertaining as well. Either way the next 11 days are as good, if not better than any other week & half stretch all year in sports.

The Buckeyes have already surpassed the talking heads predictions in the Coach Thad Matta tournament. Don't be surprised if they beat michigan tomorrow & maybe beat msu/wisconsin on Sunday. I realize the glaring deficincies with this squad, but Coach Matta will get everything out of his guys over the next few weeks.

Beat michigan!

Go Bucks!!

Buke