"I'm not gonna tell you again. Fewer basketball questions, more hair product questions."
If you remember about a month ago, I wrote about how hilarious and dysfunctional the Cleveland Cavaliers were. Some of my finer work, if you ask me. You can revisit that gem here. So today it's only fair for me to dissect my own team in the same manner as we all give a collective giant forehead slap at the state of the Detroit Pistons. Among the multitude of problems violently tornadoing their way through the Pistons organization, a very troubling rumor surfaced last week. Tom Gores, or tardbag jizz for brains as I like to call him, is considering replacing Joe Dumars with none other than Mr. Grabby Tits himself, Isiah Thomas.
First let me say, what the fuck? I'll follow that up with, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! Give me a few minutes to collect myself...
How can anyone be that fucking dense? Has Gores not paid attention to literally anything NBA related in the last decade and a half? He should know how Thomas has failed miserably as a coach and GM everywhere he's been, right? He should know about Thomas and his sexual harassment case in New York, yes? If none of Gores' colleagues have mentioned it at least Google would have notified him, right? Or does he not have Internet? Because that would be really weird if a fucking billionaire didn't have Internet. Isn't that the only excuse here? Gores is Amish and shuns modern technology so therefore has no idea that Thomas is a grabby pervert and anything he touches turns into turd soup.
I just don't know what to think about this team/organization anymore. It's hard to believe that one of the most successful franchises in NBA history has fallen this far. And fallen to the point where they may not recover for 20 years. It's almost the NBA version of the Cleveland Browns. They can't find a decent coach. They continue to make head scratching moves every off season despite doing a decent job of drafting talent. And they can't seem to make the God damn playoffs or even come close. Currently this team sits in the 10th spot 3 and a half games out of the playoffs. Fucking Cleveland has passed them in the standings. Think about it...a team that has guys fist fighting each other in practice has a better shot to make the playoffs. Jesus Herbert Christ! Look for Gores to hire John Calipari in the near future. The only guy qualified to coach a shit team is a full on shitbag like Calipari. Match made in disaster heaven.