*First of all, this was a really nerve-wrecking experience for me. I wasn't all that nervous going in, but once we sat in the room, my paranoia set in and I figured that the OB-gyn would say "yeah, this baby is fucked and it's ALL your fault for being a cocksucker, pops". That's my kind of doctor. At least he's a straight shooter.
*So while waiting for the doc to come in, I'm just randomly looking around. I am checking out this air vent on the ceiling when I notice something familiar and fascist. Yes, there was some sort of stain on the vent grate that looked exactly like a swastika. Swear to God. I tried to take a picture of it but it doesn't show up very well. Just know that my wife picked a Nazi to deliver our baby. He is using subliminal air propaganda to get all of these newborns goose-stepping out of the uterus. I'm on to this guy. He is creating an army.
*He came in to start the exam. He looks like he could be Parker Bohn III's brother. I respect this man very much even if he is conducting medical experiments for Der Fuhrer.
*His name is Dr. Trout. I like that. It tells me that he is a real 5 tool doctor who is ELITE at everything. In a few years, he is going to be a 400 million dollar OB-gyn. I'm telling you, Mike Trout can do it all.
*The last thing that the doc did was look at the genitals. Look, bro, we're first timers here. I don't particularly care all that much about where the hands, feet, and kidneys are. Does everything look healthy? GREAT, now make with the gender. Also, an ultrasound is impossible to read. He kept pointing out body parts and I was thinking "how the fuck do you see that?"
*With all that said, no dong was found so unless something is waiting to drop, the Moneys are having a baby girl (Daenerys Estelle Costanza Money fingers crossed) at the end of July. If you loaded me up with truth serum, I probably would have preferred a boy simply because it is what I'm most familiar with OBVZ but in no way am I disappointed. I probably would have had a Carl Grimes anyway. There are still a ton of reasons why having a girl is better. I can claim ignorance on almost all girl things and thus the wife can handle most of the heavy parenting. Girls are the smarter sex. I'm probably TOO ELITE to have my own clone. The world is better off with a copy of She$ than a copy of G$ no offense to myself.
*And even though it's cliche, the important thing is that everything seems to be going well and that is all that matters. So any of you with girls, yeah, I'm going to need some advice (looking at you, Wig Master and OH Nate). Learning how to brush hair or saying the word "panties" doesn't seem like a lot of fun to me. And possibly going to a lot of girl's sporting events especially doesn't sound like a HOOT to this guy.
|First, we eat the pig and then WE BURN!|
The father of a girl...this seems like it won't end well. While the thought of worrying every day for the rest of my life about creeps like you is unsettling, it will be all worth it when I get to yell on a daily basis: