Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Big Black Gay Elephant In The Room


"Why is that mic shaped like a dick?  Is that supposed to be your idea of a fucking joke?"



It was only a matter of time before this happened.  Unless you've all been face first in a pile of dicks for the last two days or out lying to everyone about a movie deal you're about to land, you've heard about Michael Sam coming out.  I watched the interview with Sam two nights ago on that tabloid network called ESPN and here are some thoughts I had:

-Good for him.  Like I said before, eventually this was going to happen and it was always going to take a strong willed person to pull it off.  Listening to Sam talk about his past...what he's over come, what his family has been through, what he's seen...I have no doubt he's the man for the job.

-He came out to his teammates.  So they knew and didn't care.  Good for them.  That's how it should be.  It didn't matter to them and it shouldn't matter.  Dude was pretty sick on the field and helped them win a lot of games.

-He's not very well spoken and that bottom row of a bear trap he's calling teeth needs some serious dental work.  He also came off as incredibly nervous but for a pretty legit reason.  But still, all of the above mentioned things were kinda distracting.

-Being black before being gay...he's probably heard it all.  People are going to have to get pretty creative to come up with an insult that actually fires this guy up.  I can hear the rusty wheels in Ide's head grinding.

-Ryan Clark hates homosexuals.  I don't recall exactly what he said when ESPN called to interview him, but in my head it was something about hating gay people.  Because that sounds like something Pittsburgh guys do.  Hate gays and defend rapists.  I DO, however, remember thinking that Clark didn't handle the question very well and sounded very uncomfortable at the idea of Sam being a teammate of his.  Clark should just go back to worrying about his sickle cell AIDS blood.

-Speaking of hating gay people, I am begging Karma does us all a solid and finds a way to get Sam on the 49ers with Chris Culliver.  I would watch ever single 49ers game if that happened.  Mother of Baby Jesus that would be one of the best fucking things ever.  Even better than fake tits, maybe.

-Sam's draft stock won't be affected like some think it will.  Before this was even announced, Sam was graded out to be a 3rd round pick at best.  I don't think Sam being gay will scare off GMs any more than drafting a guy in the 3rd round with character issues would.  I think when it comes to NFL brass, talent always trumps everything else.  It's why the Browns burned a 2nd round pick in the supplementary draft on a guy who loves weed more than Pacman Jones loves stuffing one dollar bills up strippers pussies.

-What I'm seeing is that most seem to think his teammates won't care.  I don't know if I fully agree with that.  I played football for 4 years in high school.  My freshman year we had this huge, lardo of an offensive/defensive lineman we always knew was gay.  It was pretty obvious and he seemed to make it even more obvious by making awkward comments about girls and shit he wanted to do to them.  He was a combination of Andy from 40 Year Old Virgin and the bartender from Out Cold.  Years after we graduated, he came out and no one was shocked.  Now...while we played, we all made fun of him.  A LOT.  But not because we knew he was gay.  It's because he was fucking terrible and didn't belong on the football field.  No one ever was uncomfortable getting tackled by him...probably because he couldn't tackle a stationary dummy bag.  COUNT IT!  No one gave a shit if he was in the same shower.  Because no matter how crappy of a football player he was, he was our teammate and we respected him.

Now.  Without getting too corny, for those who have played high school football before, you'll understand exactly what I'm about to say when it comes to teammates.  Football is the most brutal sport you can join at the high school level.  It is, so stop trying to find a sport that demands more.  When you make a commitment to join that team, you know that you're putting your body and mind through the fucking ringer every single day you strap on the pads.  You also know that the guy to your left and right made that same commitment you did.  And that shit means something.  Even if you don't like every person on that team, you respect every person on that team because you know exactly what they're sacrificing to be there.  Gay, straight, black, white, yellow, smart, dumb.  It doesn't matter.  I have your back and you have mine.

Having said that...I believe that MOST guys in this league won't have a problem with Sam's homosexuality.  But some will.  Enough to make things pretty uncomfortable.  Because the NFL isn't high school football.  People don't always play for the guy next to them in the NFL.  That's what happens when money is involved.  Egos take over and egos hardly ever do the right thing.  Egos also have a tendency of getting people in trouble, especially when the egos are doing all of the talking.  So while I applaud Sam for what he did Sunday, that fucker better come ready to play and he better have the thick skin he claims he has.  Because things will probably get worse before they get better.  And if Sam crumbles under the pressure of what's to come, then everything he set out to accomplish by this decision will get buried and set this movement back at least another 20 years.  No pressure, bruh.


36 comments:

GMoney said...

Who is this Gay Cat that you are talking about? It's not me, is it? It can't be because you said that the Gay Cat was terrible at football yet I was ELITE. It was probably Mike Gray.

I disagree about his draft stock. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes undrafted now. Football teams tend to enjoy using the "we don't want no distraction" excuse and, yeah, this would be a pretty big goddamn distraction with The Village Voice showing up to practice everyday hoping to get a picture of Sam grinding his boner on a practice squad fullback. I hope that this isn't the case, but I have little faith in my NFL.

Then again, if he blows ass (no homo) at the combine then this will matter none.

I was listening to whatever horrible show Schlereth is on now last night coming home from a meeting and a caller actually said this:

"Sam shouldn't be allowed to shower with his teammates just like I'm not allowed to shower with the girls team."

He called into a national radio show to say this! ROLL TIDE! SEC leads the nation in gays.

Randall Stevens said...

Wow. Good job Schlereth. Schlereth showering with women shouldn't matter since the only person who hates themselves enough to fuck that ape is the woman/man dressed as a woman he's paying to be his wife.

The gay man I'm talking about is Jeff. I'll leave the last name out. I'm sure you can figure it out. He was big into choir. Could've been Gray, too.

Mr. Ace said...

Good thing I secured an interview with the very man for Thursday!!!

MUDawgfan said...

If he wants to continue playing football and being a cock-sucker, the ideal place for him would be New Orleans.

GMoney said...

Commenter Jeff! Got it. That guy played football? I don't even remember what his last name is (wait--it sort of looks like Tongues no offense). I thought that you were talking about Neil G and his love for sizing up dicks in the shower and then telling his girlfriend about what he saw. True story. He was a captain...examining dongs in the shower. No one liked him. He was also my neighbor!

It wasn't Stink that said that. It was some rube that called in. Stink, shockingly, was quite dismissive of this guy's weirdo take.

Speaking of gays, Uncle T hasn't accepted my FB friend request yet. He brought great shame to my D/LFL fantasy franchise this year though.

Anonymous said...

The gay player has to be G$, consider all kickers are gay and he brags about kicking extra points more than anything else. Its actually true... I have no idea what position you played, but I do know your gay ass kicked extra points.

Good post, Randall.

Seal

GMoney said...

Hopefully, Michael Sam's bravery will convince Aaron Craft that it's OK to be yourself. And then he'll spend all of warm-ups tonight licking Amadeo Della Valle's face.

GMoney said...

Thank you, Seal. My boot is legendary.

Anonymous said...

Let's call a spade a spade here.

Ide

Randall Stevens said...

(Commenter) Jeff only played his freshmen year. Then he realized his true passion was singing and dancing on stage in front of about 200 people. He was 6'5" 275 and was literally the worst player I've ever seen. Even worse than Stack Daddy Slayerstings.

I wish it was Schlereth that said it. But that comparison always cracks me up. I love how these homophobic guys think that just because Sam is gay, he'll be attracted to and want to bang everyone in that locker room. You could've let me shower with the girls softball team in high school and I wouldn't have flexed a single dick muscle. Gross. There's a difference between girls and girls you're attracted to.

Grumpy said...

I actually thought he was well spoken. If a team thinks he can help them win he'll get drafted. A guy recently projected as a 3-5 rounder isn't going undrafted.

I hope the Browns take him just so Ide's head explodes.

Anonymous said...

Agree with Grump....he's TOTES getting drafted.

Also, is there any doubt that whichever team drafts him....he will sell more rookie jerseys than any other rookie on that team and possibly more than any ohter player? If the Lions drafted him I would OBVZ be rocking the gay guy's jersey on Sundays.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I only wear big, brawny straight man jerseys like Portis and Griffin III.

Yeah, I love how all the Bible thumpers who are terrified of gays think that gay people are constantly thirsting for butthole and are nothing but rapists and deviants. Like they see a naked dude and can't control themselves, they absolutely must thrust.

Your senior year, the football team was probably worse than the show choir so Jeff made the right choice.

All I'm saying is that it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't get drafted. Most of the owners in the league are old, conservative white slave owners (probably). And they get the final say on these things.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ at the Browns.... most unpredictable franchise ever. Lombardi fired... which I like - would much rather have Farmar. And Banner steps down? Didnt see that coming...

Seal

Jeff said...

I'd be in the league if I was 6'5" 275. What a waste of a frame.

The Rooneys would TOTES draft this guy except for that fact that that would make the Steelers a lock for Hard Knocks (they may be anyways).

He should be a package deal with Incognito. Balance out the locker room landscape.

Prime99 said...

I heard the guy from Tennessee call in to Sedano and Stink last night. Dude tried hard to camouflage his hate for gays, but while he was making his point, it felt like he would boil over and yell, "fags are bad!" Schlereth passively disagreed then went back to plugging his chili sauce.

It'll probably be weird at first for some of the guys, but if Sam can play, no one will care in the end. However, detractors will try to take him down if his ability slips.

Agree with Drew on jersey sales. Every activist/gay non-sports fan will be a fan. Many will buy the jersey.

Anonymous said...

Yea and a lot of people will buy the jersey as a joke. I would totally get one for a guy in my fantasy league, because well... I can make fun of him for owning the jersey of a gay guy.

Seal

Anonymous said...

"Like they see a naked dude and can't control themselves, they absolutely must thrust."

If they're anything like the faggots that go to the downtown branch of my gym, then thats 100% true. Was that one guy at my gym an aberration? Heh, nope.

So, a couple weeks ago, when I was on a sabbatical from this place, it was snowing out like the dickens here. I read the wrong weather report, or the one Randall reads, and was unfit for outside walking. So on my way home, I needed to warm up desperately, so I stopped in my local gym (that infamous, gay black guy one (also the last time I went there)), to get inside and return my body heat to above 80 degrees.

I get pretty dry skin during the winter months, so I usually will grab a quick steam to re-moisturize. So, ever cautiously, I peek in the windowed doors, and see two guys sitting on the straight side (where they are visible, and not up to misdeeds), so I figure I'm safe. Wrong.

I sit on the opposite wall, which happens to be the gay side, as to not sit three deep on the one wall. All is well. Until the black guy decides to toss aside his towel. But, there's two of us! I'm safe! The other guy gets up and leaves. Fuck. So now, I'm super paranoid, and not even looking anywhere in that direction, and I catch him out of the corner of my eye sliding over. My body knew exactly what to do.

I leaned back, and I let loose the juiciest, wettest (steamroom, afterall), and loudest fart ever known to man. This thing vibrated the very foundation, and I'm quite sure some shit came out. Oh, it reaked something fierce. Like spoiled cabbage on a black girls twat. Just rank. I had the widest smile possible when this happened, and audibly laughed.

The fag got up and left, towel in hand.

The moral? Sam(bo) will absolutely be hunting some sweet meat in the mens shower.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Oh, and LOLZ Browns. I may take a year sabbatical from cheering for this team. I am starting to remember that 3 year window in the 90s where I didn't feel constant heartache.

Ide

GMoney said...

The Browns are so horrible. Just put Jimmy Haslam behind bars where he belongs and give the reins of this shithole to someone who isn't a felon.

I don't see the gays being as supportive as the God wads were for Tenor. One, because gays aren't big into neanderthal sports like football. And two, football jerseys aren't very fashionable. Unless they make Sam jerseys out of silk and expose the mid-riff.

Gays are allergic to flatulence. Good to know!

Cakes said...

Got to love the Browns! I'm happy with the move just not the timing of it. It sure as shit doesn't help our national perception but Lombardi and Banner had to go. Those fucking pricks didn't have any idea what the hell was going on.

Farmer is supposed to be a smart up-and-comer. Guess we'll find out. Nothing left to do but support the new regime and hope for the best. Man it's going to be satisfying when we win it all.

Oh, who gives a shit about gay players? Can he help my team win? If he can, I'm all for it.

GMoney said...

No one can help your team win. And it's nice to see that no matter how embarrassing the Browns get, at least one of their moron fans will never abandon them.

Take my team for example: our PR flack called the politician who is demanding a name change a racist because she is from a racist state. Smart thinking! And then we go out and hire Doug Williams for some "token" position. By hiring Dougie Dubs, that makes us even less racist because I don't see any other team that hired Doug Williams. FACT. Great franchise.

Anonymous said...

Buckeyes favored by 4 tonight over the Fighting Stauskas's.

--Drew

GMoney said...

That game better be good because I'm leaning toward just throwing up an open forum tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I'm not quite sure how OSU is favored tonight. Anyone shed light on this? Not that it matters at all. I guess M just got murked and OSU is now playing alright again?

Is anyone else seeing through IDE's extremely long winded lead in story as to why he continues to show up at a gay gym and this time decided to get naked to "moisturize" his sensitive skin?

To me today's topic just is for the media and history books to gobble on. There has been, and always will be gay players in sports. There was a report that NFL owners already knew all of this about him. Its not just for tabloids like ESPN to DRILL into the ground until you no longer recognize what even started the "story".

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Why wouldnt OSU be favored? Are you new at watching college basketball? Home court means a ton and they are only ranked 7 spots behind Michigan... Once again, home court means so much.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal is correct...home court means a lot and there is not much of a difference between the two teams. Hell...if you look at the RPI...OSU is actually ranked ahead of UM... #15 vs. #17. Michigan also has double digit losses in their last two road games. I have no clue who is going to win, because both teams have some weird results...but, I can see why OSU is favored.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Ide needs to moisturize because he has ashy skin like a black.

Randall Stevens said...

Speaking of sticking it in cheeks. So long Mo Cheeks. Another dubious hire by the biggest dipshit VP of basketball operations in the history of the NBA. You made it an entire half of a season before people realized the hire was idiotic to begin with. I don't see why anyone would want to play for Detroit.

Michigan is bad on the road. Look for them to lose by 15ish tonight.

Someone should ask a bible thumper like Tim Tenor what he thinks about Sam being a gay man. Should be a tremendous interview.

Mr. Ace said...

Ya, I don't think it's a stretch that the Fuckeyes are favored. Teams are starring to figure out our offense and the Fuckeyes should be more than capable of locking down Stauskas with their athletic/gritty guards. Which pretty much means our offense is Levert and Walton slashing every once in awhile and Irvin coming off the bench to drill a couple 3's and play terrible defense.

I have a feeling Beilein will have an adjustment and Stauskas will get his, but we will see.

Randall Stevens said...

Hopefully Matta copies Crean Pie's game plan and puts his point guard on Stauskas. Then hopefully Beilein will be smart enough to capitalize on it by posting up Stauskas.

GMoney said...

I miss Mitchell McGary. He was a one of a kind oaf. A real Hodor of a basketball player.

Anonymous said...

Simple Mitch is indeed fun.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Tonight's game should be a good one...I'm cautiously optimistic that the Buckeyes defense will be the difference in a 71-63 type of game. I'm giving 3.5 & taking the over 129. I would imagine that tonights game will bring the best crowd/atmosphere at the Schott this year, sparty on senior day will be a good one too...

Are any of you going tonight...Drew, Damman, Dut, Ape?

Go Bucks!!

Buke

Anonymous said...

I have not decided whether I'm going tonight...been keeping an eye on StubHub all day. It's 50/50...or I'll get drunk and watch it at a bar.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Watch it at home with some hounds.

Ide