Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Rings or Money?


Shortly after this photo was taken, Ide was banned from Canada for life.



A couple weeks ago, I was listening to Valenti and Foster on 97.1 out of Detroit.  Now, I know Drooler or Ace (one of the two..shit, maybe both) dislike Mike Valenti because he's an enormous Michigan State slap.  But that doesn't bother me too much.  I'm used to Buckeye fans bordering the clinically insane when it comes to sports conversations so Valenti is pretty mild by comparison.  Anyway, the show is fantastic and they had an interesting topic I want to throw out there.

The situation is this.  You're a professional AFFLETE in your professional league of choice.  You can make a million dollars a year for the next 5 years, win at least one title and compete for several others.  OR...you can get paid 10 million a year for the next 5 years and retire without a ring.  Which do you choose?

First of all, for me that league would be the NBA as I've always been a basketball player over anything else.  As much as I love to watch football over any other sport, I would never want to be an NFL player.  It's far too demanding and crippling.  I don't care to get my head mashed to a pulp multiple times to the point where I read at a 3rd grade level after I retire.  And I certainly don't want to be forced to wear a diaper while in my 50's.  I want to enjoy my money...not spend it on shit like a luminosity account or paying someone to teach me how to do things 9 year olds can accomplish with ease.

Second of all, It's the cash for me.  No question about it.  Maybe it's because for my entire organized AFFLETIC career, I've only played on one championship team.  As a 7th grader I was called up to the 8th grade team for the state championship tournament.  We won but I barely played because I was a 7th grader so I guess I really didn't appreciate it that much.  Since I don't know what it's like to be a real contributing member of a championship team...maybe that's why I really don't give a shit about titles.  Maybe I would feel different if I were a 3 time high school state champion or an NCAA champion.

Having said that, I think it would be WAAAAAAAAAY more fun/beneficial to be disgustingly wealthy than to walk around with a gaudy ass ring that screams, "I'm the biggest fucking asshole you will ever meet.".  I think all of us have fantasized at one point what it would be like to win the lottery.  While envisioning what we would spend the loot on, most of us have probably said, "I would be dead in a year".  I know those exact words have come out of my mouth before.  Well, this is my chance to "win the lottery" and I would have zero problem sacrificing a championship ring to do it.  I want a trampoline room in my house.  I want another room made of nothing but pizza.  I want a swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding, or grape Jell-O, or shit...I don't know!  Anything.  I haven't really thought about it a lot.  What I'm saying is that if I ever woke up one day and decided my life would not be complete without an '89 Chevy Beretta put on top of tank treads...I like the freedom of knowing I could probably get it done that same day.

Finally, If I'm good enough to rope in a contract that's worth 10 million a year then that means I'm probably ELITE or damn close to it.  That also means that one day I could potentially be a Hall Of Famer.  The perks that come with being a Hall member have to outweigh the perks that come with being a champion, right?  People remember the legacy of someone who has been enshrined as one of the best that ever played their sport.  They don't remember the 3rd string center who played the role of human victory cigar in the game that clinched the championship.  Unless your name is Mark Madsen.  EVERYONE remembers that fuckin guy.  Only because he dances worse than any drunk white dude trying to jam his jeans boner into the ass crack of whatever college co-ed he happens to be annoying the shit out of.

At the end of the day, I want to be remembered and I want to get paid.  It's because I'm vain and selfish as fuck.  And I have no problem admitting that.  That doesn't mean I'm going to go all Andrew Bynum on my team and just not give a rat's ass out there as I heave up another 40 foot sky hook while yelling "KAREEM!!!!!".  There's no question you'll get your moneys worth.  I'll play my God Damn dick off for every last guy out there and for the organization that decided I was worth top shelf coin.  But make no mistake about it.  I'm doing it for the cash and the fame just as much as I'm doing it for my team and for the love of basketball.  Because I can't play basketball forever and I will need a retirement plan to rely on since I'm sure I'll be pretty fucking stupid with my money.  At least right away when I get that first giant check.  I'll probably buy a camel or something dumb as shit like that.  I'll need to be a high profile/high money player so I can parlay that into some post career income.  Like birthday party appearances for stupid parents willing to shell out $100K per party.  I'll also need an underwear company to come knocking on my door offering me an endorsement.  Or when I'm in my 60's, a boner pill company.  Championship rings to role players don't offer that luxury after retirement.  Being high paid and good as fuck does.  And that's what I want.

30 comments:

Grumpy said...

Adult diapers aren't so bad.

Randall Stevens said...

50 mil buys a lot of adult diapers.

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous, no wonder people hate that guy.

First off, you have to assume talent is equal. So, playing for a team at a reduced rate for championships as opposed making more on a shit team is what I would do. It won't be for some colossal difference in salary (hi Lebron) so the question is moot.

I can take my reduced salary and invest it and make more in the long run than you do blowing your $50 million (closer to 30 after taxes, womp womp). This question poses a situation that wouldn't happen in the real world.

In almost EVERY instance, any player making amnesty money is almost certainly depressed and talking trade. You have played this game your entire life to win, not get rich. So, the thrill of winning has been in your mindset a lot longer than getting paid, and after the thrill of blowing your money gets old, and it will, then you're going to want to go back to winning.

Ide

GMoney said...

Remember when The Grumpkins drafted this selfish glory boy? Me too. What an awful draft pick. Cares more about his wallet than the team. We should just start calling Randall Haynesworth.

You always go with the immortality that winning titles brings. You lord that shit over Dan Marino and Chuck Barkley and Jut Verlander forever.

If you make it big, you get paid no matter what. Hell, the minimum NFL salary these days is 400K. By no means is that Fuck You Money, but it's a hell of a start if you hire the right people to manage your bankroll.

No wonder you think this way. You still believe that Peyton has had the better career than his little ELITE brother.

I would rather be Robert Horry than Amare Stoudamire. Because everyone loves winners and everyone HATES losers that collect fat stacks that they don't deserve.

It's a good thing that I pay you in expired war bonds.

Randall Stevens said...

So I would assume this is a WWE contract you're talking about, Ide?

Randall Stevens said...

Once again...shocking...Ide is concentrated more on shit talking than he is on actually reading the words on the screen.

The talent is not equal. Your choices are: be a middle of the road player that doesn't get paid and wins rings OR be an ELITE player that gets paid and wins zero rings.

The benefit of being an ELITE guy over a ring guy is that you can almost always parlay that into a secondary career that makes decent bank. Tell me Mr. "I would rather be Robert Horry"...what is dick suck Bob up to these days? High school janitor? Selling dildos online? Because ELITE players get endorsements post retirement. And analysis jobs from big time TV networks. No one wants Bob Horry selling their product because he is basically a nobody.

GMoney said...

Horry now works as a commentator on Time Warner Cable SportsNet.

Per WikiPedia. Not bad for someone with an education from ROLL DAMN TIDE. Winners always get jobs after their playing days are over.

You act like this is "lose forever for megabucks or win on welfare". That isn't the case at all.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't shit talking. But allow me to start.

"You can make a million dollars a year for the next 5 years, win at least one title and compete for several others. OR...you can get paid 10 million a year for the next 5 years and retire without a ring. Which do you choose?"

Where in this fucking drivel is talent mentioned? Point it out to me. I just unfortunately reread that article, and talent isn't touted once aside from being HOF good. Please, point out to me where I am missing this. Is it SUBTEXT?! Or was it something that paper clip on MS Word told you to write about and you ignored thinking we were on the same page? Or was it what Deeeetroits finest sports guy talked about that you assumed we all heard?

Oh, I see it now. It is in another paragraph where you don't fully build your argument, yet you prove it. Talent is mentioned when you say you would rather be a $10 MM/Year HOF man than a 3rd stringer. That was under the header of FINALLY. Three full paragraphs after your introductory paragraph, that by all forms of writing, is where you establish your hypothesis and base for your argument. You saved that for last, you sly little Faust, you. Pro tip: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU FORM A FUCKING ARGUMENT DIPSHIT.

Ide

Jeff said...

Give me big time MLB pitcher money. I'll take Clayton Kershaw's contract and all the Cali pussy over David Freeze's ws mvp and toothless meth mouths in STL.

Mr. Ace said...

In this situation I will take the cash. You're telling me I can get 10x the bank? Easy choice. Now, if the difference isnt so extreme, like say 4 mil and a ring vs. 10 mil and no ring I could see the argument.

Also, big difference in being a guy without a ring but made it to several Finals and being a guy who hasn't made it out of the 1st round.

"Fuck you money" is a great term.

Mr. Ace said...

Valenti is trash. In what way is his show "fantastic"? Because he's a much worse trollier version of Skip Bayless?

Anonymous said...

I would concede that if it is baseball and it's ARod money vs league minimum, then yes, but I was leaving baseball out of the equation, because the economics is completely different than the other three.

Ide

Anonymous said...

*Go figure
*that this loser writer
*would choose to get paid over production.
*Maybe he should start typing
*with his fingers and brain
*instead of his flapping pussy lips

--Your Biggest Stan

GMoney said...

Love you, Stan!

This basically comes down to: would you rather be Rusty Dubs or Tony Romo, right?

Anonymous said...

I don't mind Valenti because he agitates so many Wolverines...that's the quickest way to my heart. That being said, he's a schmuck.

Definitely taking the $50M over $5M....just too big of a difference there. As Ape mentioned...you bump that up to $20M or $25M then I'm probably leaning toward championship...but, I'm not turning down $45M.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Gotta get paid, son!

The DIFF is so great that I couldn't turn it down. If I was LeBron, would I take slightly less to have other great players come in? Yes. But in this scenario, I'll take the larger amount.

GMoney said...

This is just a really amusing topic because none of us will ever know what it's like to accomplish either side here. What a waste of a day. FIRE RANDALL!

GMoney said...

Or how about this instead to change your mind:

Make 10 million a year and lose always OR

make the NBA league average which is 3+ million per year and be a champion

Grumpy said...

Don't need the jack, Medicare will pay for your boner meds.

Jeff said...

Clearly the worst ever "Would you rather". Common Man and T-Bone are not amused.

Someone needs to call in and propose a would you rather to T-Bone:

"Would you rather die or would you rather die?"

Anonymous said...

Im taking the money as well.

"This basically comes down to: would you rather be Rusty Dubs or Tony Romo, right? "

Ummm no. Rusty is getting paid in the future.

I would still choose Romo.

Seal

GMoney said...

Lot of losers here. Not sure that I like the idea of my pick-up commenter basketball team having a bunch of players looking for handouts.

Anonymous said...

The Feds are now investigating Michigan's handling of the Gibbons' rape case.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

That is great news indeed.

G$ I'm in it for the titles, but lesbihonest, your payroll is compromised since you have a daughter on the way.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Regarding the rape case, good. If Michigan did something wrong then I hope those who did are punished to the fullest extent.

If I'm always a loser, but still guaranteed 10 mil, then I would absolutely mail it in every year. Because that meant my organization was ass.

Mr. Ace said...

Also 10 mil isn't an astronomical number where you would be the superstar of your team and receive all the media attention. All of these guys make over 14 mil: Bogut, Boozer, Deng, Gay, Randolph, Lopez, Okafor. Thiago fucking Splitter is making 10 mil this year. I could easily be his level of player and give no fucks about rings because the fans/media wouldn't give a fuck about me.

GMoney said...

Did Jeff announce here that he is having a Jeff Jr yet? I'll know in a week and a half. At least the wife stopped puking constantly. That was starting to get very irritating.

Ape, good for you. An Ohio fan wouldn't understand that thought process though because everyone looking into them is always a HATER.

So if a loser gets ten mill per year and most of you losers are cool with that over championship belts and still a lot of money. What is the least amount that you would accept per year to be a winner like me?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, because taking a stand against rape is TOTES comparable to trading excess memorabilia for tattoos.

Hater.

Ide

Jeff said...

Yes, a little brah is on the way. My wife has also started feeling a lot better and doing more chores around house. Bout time she started pulling her own/little brah's weight.

Randall Stevens said...

30 comments isn't bad for a topic that "sucked". I love it when people who criticize the material show to comment every Tuesday. It warms my heart.