|No, you can't see my demon tits.|
Pretty sure we are breaking into a new genre of blogging today at The Money Shot; The Paranormal. There isn't a single paranormal television show that I haven't watched. From werewolves to death worms, from mermaids to trolls, I have watched shows about all of them. A previous writer, that we shall not name, even claimed to be a medium and made contact with ghosts. I think it was the rumplemintz, but whatever. The point is, we here at The Money Shot love strange shit. But I often find myself yelling out things like "bullshit", "that's total bullshit", or "Why does every single witness on these shows come from Kentucky?" Today, a listicle based on the likelihood that these creatures might actually be real. (Former Damman hookups were not considered).
6. Mongolian Death Worm: aka Greg Oden's penis. It's a worm. From Mongolia. That brings death to people who come across it. It reportedly spits acid and kills people with electric shock. Or somebody got heat exhaustion in the desert and was tripping balls. Or maybe somebody watched Trimmers on acid...and was tripping balls. Either way, not real brah.
5. .Loch Ness Monster: This is probably one of the better known mythical creatures out there. I don't know why. I guess everybody wants to live with dinosaurs. But I have wasted hours, and probably days, watching shows and videos of "scientists" searching for this creature. THEY NEVER FIND ANYTHING! The loch isn't a suitable environment for such a creature, no actual footage, a million different, more plausible theories than a fucking Plesiosaur. Now give me my TREE FITTY.
4. Ghosts: I am not a believer in life after death, so obvs I don't believe in ghosts. Is there some other weirdo dimension where souls walk around aimlessly, but possess the ability to jump into our dimension for shits and gigs? I don't know. I seriously doubt it, though. Here's a tip, if you see or hear a disembodied entity, don't procreate and seek help now. Or read. Or become one of those preachers that performs exorcisms in front of the congregation.
3. Chupacabra: Known as the goat sucker in places that don't speak American, and not to be confused with Fagnasty, our resident goat fucker. This thing supposedly attacks farm animals and sucks their blood, leaving a dried up carcass as the only evidence. Sounds a lot like Brendon Gibbons to me.
2. Bigfoot: Another creature I have lost countless hours to. Those Bigfoot shows with a grown, marginally tardish man called Bobo are the worst, but I watch them anyways. I do have some expert opinion on this. I had an Anthropology professor who claims to have encountered a Bigfoot when he was in Washington. He said that he never saw it, but it threw rocks at where he was camping and made a growling sound that he had never heard before, something that sounded like a lion's roar but deeper. He struck me as a pretty well-rounded individual and always made fun of the sorority sluts that walked in late everyday. It's hard to believe that no physical remains have ever been discovered, but I'm going to take his word on this one. Also, pranking Bigfoot like a Jack Links commercial would be ELITE.
These things are out there, people. Share your harrowing encounters with these beings in the comments. Who's bringing the acid?
(This was brought to you via my phone, because my computer hates me. Hopefully the formatting doesn't get all crazy). #Dedication