Monday, February 17, 2014

Breaking Down All The Big Sports Stories From The Weekend

This needs to be Jonathon Quick's goalie helmet.
I wouldn't recommend it, but every once in a while ELITE husbands such as myself will do things that only interest the missus and not me at all.  Saturday night was one of those times.  We went and saw George Strait and Little Big League (or that's what they should have named themselves if they want to be taken seriously) at NWA.  This sort of thing is not my style at all but whatever.  At least Strait is a goddamn legend and not some fake homo country singer like Keef Urban or Luke "The Worst" Bryan.  He is legit.  Surprisingly, it wasn't bad a time.  I mean, I only knew about 10% of the songs but it was a perfectly cromulent evening.  There weren't many Obama votes or Michael Sam supporters in the arena OBVZ and watching those kinds of people is always enjoyable.  Commenter Jeff took his lady as well and we both concurred that it wasn't as awful as we were expecting.  It still felt like I was cheating on the Jackets though what with me being in their house when they weren't home.  The only problem that I had was the shithead sitting behind me who screamed like a little girl at the start of every song.  Dude bro, you are a grown man...stop shrieking.  He also spilled a little beer on my shoulder and absolutely did not apologize so I had no choice but to kill him. Rubes be rubes. 

The best part of this is now I have ammo to drag She$ to the Motley Crue Farewell Tour.  Deal with it, woman.  Anyway, let's do a good, bad, and ugly thing to recap what turned out to be a really fun sports weekend.

GOOD: USA Hockey!  Look, I'm not going to sit here and say "this is why hockey is so great and you are a fool to think otherwise".  If you don't like it, then you won't ever like it.  But if you are on the fence then you saw on Saturday morning why it is INCREDIBLE.  Especially in international competition.  USA/Russia was hyped as being an ELITE game and it lived up to it and then some.  I watched the first period before having to run baby-related errands with my horrible wife (widely chronicled on social media) but I did tape the replay.  THIS IS HOW IT IS DONE.  Folks, I'm not going to make any wild predictions for gold medals or anything, but there isn't any other country playing better than we are.  It sure as shit isn't Canada who is pure dog shit (much like their coach). 

I think that Olympic Hockey is so fascinating to the public because it is the one international team sport that we aren't and never will be the favorite.  Ever.  America will always be an underdog and America LOVES underdogs.  We also cherish athletic fat guys and Phil Kessel is a lardo.  Either way, this next week should be a lot of fun and I hope that we can keep this up.  If all goes well, Friday we could be playing those underachieving Canucks in the semis and, yeah, that's going to be intense.  Just know that I did not take a lot of joy after beating Russia on Saturday because of how many hurting Jackets were in that locker room.  In America, Bob shits bigger than TJ Oshie.  He came up short on Saturday, but Bob is still a pimp.  He is so fucking good at his craft.

Also, shootouts in The Olympics are DUMB.  You're playing a team game for gold medals so why are you deciding games with one on one competitions?  And why is the same guy allowed to go multiple times?  Just play 4 on 4 until someone scores.  Christ, even Bettman finds that rule dumb.

BAD: BBVA Compass! I spent my Friday night watching the Shining Stars Game or whatever the hell they call the Rookie/Soph game now.  Grant Hill's team beat C-Webb's (like usual) and this game continues to be the crown jewel of NBA All Star Weekend.  Andre Drummond battled illiteracy and barely any defensive challenge from domestic violence aficionado, Jared Sullinger, to record a 30/25(!) game and win the MVP.  Granted, it should have went to Dion Waiters as his ELITE play was the reason that they won (Drummond did most of his stat accumulating in the first half although a goddamn 30 and 25 is pretty impressive).  The Dion/Tim Hardaway Jr duel was really fun to watch.  Anyway, the sponsor was handing Drummond the MVP trophy, dropped it, and it shattered all over the place.  Andre had to hold up a wood block with shrapnel as a reward.  Basically, the MVP was given garbage for his efforts.  Which is really fitting because he lives in Detroit.  I LOL'd hard at this.

UGLY: The Dunk Contest!  I didn't watch this.  I saw the highlights (weren't many) and read the Twitter backlash though.  It seems like everyone HATED this.  And they hate it more and more every year.  Team dunking?  No real structure regarding who wins?  Someone on ESPN Radio had a good idea on fixing this since it will never go away: up the money.  No one good is going to do this when 25K is at stake.  Get some company to offer up 2 million for charity (or least seven figures) and then the LeBrons and whatnot come off like assholes if they say no.  I like the 3 point shootout usually but when Marco Belinelli wins it, yawn.  Who the fuck invited that guy?

I'm just so happy that hockey interest is growing rapidly at the moment.  It's a great game and deserves more sustained exposure.  Well, except for Mike Milbury who is a fucking idiot and should never be listened to.  He is pretty much the Islanders answer to Matt Millen.  Oh, who am I kidding, Gary Bettman will do something to fuck all of this up again.  How about another pointless lockout?  AMERICA FUCK YEAH!


Grumpy said...

I totally disagree about the shoot out; that was as dramatic as it gets.

Randall Stevens said...

Still don't care about hockey.

The award didn't shatter. I went back to the replay after I got done laughing my ass off. The award was fine.

Couldn't tell you who won the dunk contest. Still can't.

GMoney said...

Yes, you hayseed, the drama is great but it really shouldn't be the deciding factor on who wins Olympic games. These are the best players in the world on a monster sheet of ice...4 on 4 would have not taken long.

Randall hates America. And John Wall won.

Anyone else get a good look at LeBron last night postgame? You could see it in his eyes how much he is yearning to come back to CLE to team with MVKyrie, MVDion, and All Day Anthony Bennett. He wants to win unlimited titles!

But seriously, Kyrie and LeBron play REALLY well together. They go together like Busta Rhymes and a whole roasted hog.

Mr. Ace said...

The Pharrell prefame show was fantastic. Maybe because I have been a YUGE fan of his since...98? The fucking guy helped produce RUMP SHAKER! How the fuck is he 40? The night would havr been truly ELITE with a Clipse reunion and performance of Grindin'.

I tried to watch the dunk contest. Tuned out immediately after the team round. That was awful. That thing is dead.

Totes didnt watch the All Star game.

Busta Rhymes got FAAAAAAAAAAT. Still one of the greats.

I hear what you're saying about Hockey ending in a Shootout. But as a casual Hockey fan, I can't imagine a better conclusion. Seeing Oshie do that was awesome.

GMoney said...

From the comments of Peter King's weekly turd this morning:

1 hour ago
Smells like gay butt sex.


I mos def agree that that ending was perfect for the casual fan but it doesn't really decide anything.

Anyone can get up at 7 AM for a game against the Soviets. But did you get up at that same time the next day for Slovenia because I DID!!!

American or not, I hope that Dustin Brown breaks his leg over there. He's a shithead.

GMoney said...

Bobrovsky is way better than Bobrovski...not sure what the hell that was about.

Anonymous said...

That was hockey at its greatest. I flipped over to ESPN just in time to catch Barry Melrose drop HOT TAEKS all over the place. It was a sight to behold.

I dig that shoot out rule. And Bobrovsky made some sick saves. We need to pay him everything.

I'm sadly out again on the Zombie talk, but, House of Cards and TRUE DETECTIVE talk I am all in on.


Mr. Ace said...

I tuned into the Slovenia game just before the 2nd Period started. Then I realized how awful Slovenia was and watched a SyFy movie. Because Zombies and bad CGI>>> Slovenia.

Grumpy said...

Russians crying in the locker room is always a good thing.

Duck and cover.

Prime99 said...

U-S-and A! U-S-and A!

It feels weird to normally hate guys who then all of a sudden become American heroes. The Blues and Kings are annoying as fuck normally, but not bad when they for The Land of the Free.

Oshie's woman is smokin hot.

Michael Sam to the Dolphins would be LULZ for days, yes?

Ide's lack of commitment to Zombies is disappointing.

Anonymous said...

That hockey game was incredible. Loved every bit of it. I was upset when I learned that the R Bar downtown was packed for it...would have TOTES gone over to there and got my drink on that morning.

I like the Olympic Shootout rule and hope the NHL adopts it. Let's say the Red Wings and Penguins are in a shootout and it reaches 8 rounds. At that point we're looking at 4th liners or defensemen doing these would be much more entertaining if Datsyuk and Crosby are going back at each other.

Michigan and MSU lose home games yesterday...weird. Nebrasketball is rolling wiht Tim Miles and he seems like a very likeable fellow.

I've thought the Gators have been somewhat of a fraud this year, but was impressed that they went into Kentucky and won.

New dunk contest format was atrocious. Whomever thought that was a good idea should be fired and so should htat person's boss for going along with it.

All-Star game itself was pretty meh, outside of some real nice dunks.


Anonymous said...

Prime...I perved out Oshie's fiance's instagram page pretty hard. She's as good as it gets...basically perfect.


GMoney said...

Just as long as Vlad doesn't go HAM and start killing his players...that would not be good.

It's a weird thing though to root against guys that you root for all the time. I'm sure that Wings fans found it odd to go against Datsyuk. I really struggled with it because I heart my Jackets. I may have even muttered to myself, "God dammit, Todd Richards, stop telling your guys how to beat your goalie!"

Sweden as the one seed...LOLZ!

Anonymous said...

It was a little odd rooting for Datsyuk to miss in that shootout...but, I got over it. AMURRICA.


Cakes said...

I still don't care about hockey either but the social media response to 'Merica winning on Saturday was amazing. I spent a good hour on the iPad laughing Saturday morning. Nothing brings the worst/best out of our country more than beating the commies.

I will definitely watch when and
if the US gets to the medal round. Until then, Parks and Rec replays PLZZZZZ.

Are we going to waste the afternoon talking about the dying fad that is Zombies or can we start analyzing an awesome show like "True Detective"? I don't know when Matthew Mconaughey made the switch to ELITE actor but that dude is killing it in this show.

Prime99 said...

Rooting against Toews in that potential semifinal will be weird, but like Drooler said- AMURRICA.

I also get that pausing the NHL season is inconvenient for the league, but this press has to be good for the game. The NHL would be unwise to stop NHL players from going to the Olympics.

Hockey guys get their teeth knocked out and the heads bashed in, but it's totally worth it for the ladies they end up with. Hot damn!

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME (let's do better this week)!

OK, so now we know that everyone made it out alive. Good. Now let's move this story forward. I think that I liked this episode simply because The Grimeys weren't around to ruin it with their wooden acting and dumb intentions.

*Beth is back to being worthless and is now 400% more whiny! Terrific! Daryl should kill her. Speaking of Daryl, he needs something to do and, you know, to kill Beth.

*I will never grow tired of Tyreese swinging his hammer. Ty is the best. He should watch himself though. Even in an apocalypse, people aren't going to like seeing a black man running around in the woods with three white girls.

*Holy shit! Lizzie tried to kill Li'l Asskicker. Yeah, she's alive like we already figured but I wasn't expecting to see a ten year old girl attempt to smother a baby. That was dark even for this show.

*WHERE THE FUCK DID CAROL COME FROM! That made ZERO sense. Even in this time frame, she was banned from the prison for at least a week so we're expected to believe that she's just hanging out in the woods around it still and not getting on with her life? Fuck that. And she shows up JUST at the right time in the middle of a forest to save three little kids? DOUBLE FUCK THAT. I like the Carol character more than most, but that plot is absurd.

*Terminus could be interesting. I'm rooting for it to be filled with nothing but cannibals that Tyreese has to kill with his hammer of doom. Tyreese > Thor

*Maggie thought that Glenn was dead when everyone knew that he was not. They killed all the bus zombies. I hate Bob the black guy. Whatever. This plot was stupid.

*And of course, you have Glenn and the dyke fighting their way out of jail. Glenn with riot gear is apparently stronger than Mike Alstott because that was LULZ. They get free while Tara's tits are jiggling the entire time (sexy!) and then run into Honest Abe who looks like the kind of guy that would support Richie Incognito. Guarantee that he calls Glenn a gook within five minutes.

*According to the full-fledged fucking nerds that read the comics, Honest Abe is a bad ass so that could be good.

Like I said, now we know where everyone stands. It's time to move forward.

True Detective = excellent again

GMoney said...

Cakes, you are more than welcome to talk TD. I won't stop you. Yellow King better be an Asian.

Mr. Ace said...

Slow clap for titty jiggles.

That episode was entertaining, but just so full of bullshit. Everybody makes it out without even a fucking bullet wound? Totes BS. Somebody needs to die for this obvious oversight. Hopefully Rick. I am ready for Darryl to take over this show.

Anonymous said...

I will hop into TD Talk.

Christ, I did not see Reggie getting hit face blown off happening. Good God.

Below, I will link am article someone linked me yesterday, and it helps you understand A LOT about what they are pulling off here. And it is dark as shit.

Theory time. Rut Cohle didn't do it. Still too obvious. Though, him going apeshit seems inevitable at this point, I don't see him as the killer, because they haven't gotten him yet.

That preacher will be back in this show again, and I think he plays a huge part. Also that retard. Never trust retards.


Cakes said...

The preacher is definitely going to be back in some capacity. He was too good of a character to only appear in one episode.

I think I agree with you, Ide. I don't think Cohle did it either but he definitely knows something. I struggled to understand just what they were getting at in the end last night. The fucking cliffhangers in this show are driving me crazy.

I just read the warming glow article from this moring and this show is definitely going to get darker. There are some literary references that I need to catch up on to fully understand everything that is going on.

What happened to Ginger? Did he just kill him and dump him in a ditch? That was a little random.

"Captain of the Varsity Slut Team" was awesome.

GMoney said...

Yeah, have a 15 year old daughter who enjoys threesomes in cars is a fucking nightmare.

Good call by the one commenter at WG...since Rut (not Dut) was drinking Lone Stars during his testimony then everything he said is inadmissable.

But yeah, it's not him.

Prime99 said...

I agree that another setup episode was necessary, but goddamn lets get to it! Abraham will help in this regard.

Terminus sounds like a place to go to die.

Glenn is a crack shot with Molotov cocktail. He played tons of GTA, guaranteed.

I'm hopeful that action will pick up, though having Lizzie go full serial killer on bunnies and almost a baby was pretty intense.

Randall Stevens said...

That 5 second clip of Abraham gave me a full on erection. Pretty pumped for this character. Fun nerd fact: the first shot of Abe, Rosita and Gene was exactly how they they were positioned on the cover of the comic issue they first appeared in. Someone did their homework.

There are rumors an attempt is in the works to add Negan to the show. If that happens I'm done. A proper Negan can never be on network television. You guys should read the comic just for that character. He's that good.

Lizzie is a strange little girl. Something tells me she's going to go full on serial killer before the season is over.

Daryl! Cold as ice!! Hey...I know your dad just died and all. But I'm going to show zero sympathy. K? K.

I can't wait until Tyreese finds out Carol is the one who torched his prison pussy. I mean...the writers can't just ignore that, right?

Solid episode in my opinion.

GMoney said...

I believe that Lizzie also played Marty's normal daughter on True Detective last night as well. MVP of the night?

I have to say, when she was smothering the baby, I was actually disgusted. It was like, no, you can not go in this direction so please stop this.

I have to admit that I was kind of hoping to see Carl taking a huge pudding shit this week. Or maybe he could have shit in the big can and served it to his dad.

GMoney said...

Randall Stevens and Prime are in their mid-30s and read comic books. They probably watch Comic Book Men, too. Let's all give RS a big swirlie at RibFest and show him what bullying the weak pussies of the world is all about.

Nibbles said...

"*WHERE THE FUCK DID CAROL COME FROM! That made ZERO sense. Even in this time frame, she was banned from the prison for at least a week so we're expected to believe that she's just hanging out in the woods around it still and not getting on with her life? Fuck that. And she shows up JUST at the right time in the middle of a forest to save three little kids? DOUBLE FUCK THAT. I like the Carol character more than most, but that plot is absurd."

Carol explained that she heard the tanks from some distance away and arrived outside of the prison to witness the end of the "war", then she started searching for survivors around the perimeter of the prison.

What I've been wanting for the past several seasons is for somebody to offer a solid explanation for how this shit first went down. The closest we came was the scientist at the CDC whispering bullshit into Rick's ear.

Maybe Randall can give us an idea as to when the comics start to offer some explanation.

GMoney said...

"Wait a darn minute...that sounds like a TANK! I'm by myself in a beat up station wagon, I CAN HELP! Whoops...the fight is over so I might as well just abandon this ride in order to walk through constant danger! I will be the MVP of this day!!!"--apparently what Carol thinks

I'm not saying that you're wrong, Nibs, but that is some heavily flawed logic.

Randall Stevens said...

The comics never explain it. The writers were asked how it started and they openly admit they've never discussed how or thought about including it in the comic. They wanted to focus on the characters and how they adapt and survive. Not the cause of the outbreak.

Comics today aren't the same as comics years ago. There are great story lines and it's not all super heroes in tights. For example: I'm currently reading a comic where the main character is a homicide detective and gets clues about the murder by eating pieces of the victim. It sounds awesome because it is.

Nibbles said...

Not giving my explanation, just the way Scott Gimple sees it.

I hope Terminus turns out to be nothing more than an intricate trap laid out by Rick's crazy black friend whose wife ate his kid.

That guy needs to come back in a big way. He let Rick off easy by only shoving a six inch blade into his chest last go around.

Grumpy said...

Ide, thanks for the link. I noticed the preacher crossing himself backwards, but until now didn't attach any meaning to it. Same with the flock of birds; I missed that.

I think Ginger gets taken care of by his biker buddies when they realize he led the state police to their cooker.

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