Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Where "It Gets Better" Does Not Exist

I bait my hook with queers.
Before we get into the big site news today, I want to take this post to a place that it does not normally go: Eastern Europe! The Winter Olympics start in two weeks or so over in Sochi, Russia and, while most of you don’t probably care, there are HOT TAKES to still be had. I won’t watch any of the skiing or skating or any of that Shaun White nonsense, but I will watch the shit out of Olympic hockey. Man, that is so great. I can still picture Zach Parise’s game-tying goal late in the gold medal game’s third period from four years ago. Since I no longer care about Rick Nash anymore, I will be rooting hard against the Canadians as you all should. I’d love to see a USA/Russia Final with the Americans taking on BOB for the gold. That would be ELITE. I would probably root for the Soviets since the Americans are stupidly void of Jackets.

Anyway, enough about national hockey pride. Let’s talk about human rights issues. Now, I’m not the most well-versed on the whole controversy about this set of Games, but the gist of it is that Russia (and Vladimir Putin especially) doesn’t care much for the gays and don’t really want them around. Well, in this day in age, everyone has to love and respect everyone else equally so people are outraged by this stance. Putin has backed off a bit on his anti-homo hard line but now he wants all the gay athletes participating to (and you can’t make this up) stay away from the children as to not influence them. This is just terrific. This is Duck Dynasty but with gazpacho.

Here’s my one bit advice to all of our American athletes (and others) heading over to the former Soviet Union: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Or, to be more polite, GIVE IT A REST. You are going over there to represent your country in athletic competition. You are not there to foster change and force your own open ideologies onto another country. You are going to be there for two weeks and then you won’t return ever again. Stop demanding others to share your beliefs. We all get that their line of thinking is backwards and dated. But they don’t and they aren’t going to re-think their life based on the picket signs from Mary Pit-Hair. This is how their country works. Some raging American bull-dyke isn’t going to change their minds. So knock it off. Try to win your medal, come back home, and have as many same sex make-out parties as you want.

Never forget where you are going and why you are there. This is a place known for genocide and killing their own for barely any excuse. What do you think that they might do to someone who is constantly criticizing their way of life. For God’s sake, Putin stole Bob Kraft’s Super Bowl ring and won’t give it back! So while many of us admire the STREMPH of your convictions, you didn’t train your entire life to make a social impact on Russian society (that is falling on very deaf ears). You trained to be a champion and win the gold. Except for Sidney Crosby who aspires to win the gold medal for most holes stuffed by Russian dick (count it).

The Olympics are about competition and being the best in the world. They aren’t about making millions of comrades and ex-KGB all of a sudden yell “YES HOMO”. DEAL WITH IT. And FUCK YOU, Chris Kluwe. No one is listening to you anymore.

So how about that site news? Remember a few years ago when The Rock just randomly showed back up on Raw and it was great because no one knew about it? It was awesome because everyone likes The Rock and he had come back “home”. Well, I have reached an agreement for our own homecoming of sorts. Beginning on Thursday, January 30th, we will be re-joined by the one and only MR. ACE who has signed a very lucrative deal to take every Thursday from here until eternity! He is ready to come back (or so he says). And I am damn glad to take him back on staff. So starting next week, the rotation here will be $/RandySteve/$/Ace/$. That’s a good workflow and should keep things (and me) fresh.

Welcome back, Mr. Ace! Although I have a sneaky feeling that this comeback will be less The Rock and more Jordan on the Wizards. May The Forcier Be With Him...Always.

38 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

Allow me to reintroduce myself....and turn this bitch out.

VEGAN Recipe's every Thursday!

Jesse Owens would like to talk to you about the Olympics and their impact on social issues.

GMoney said...

Different time, bro. Plus, he let his Sambo STREMPH do the talking. And he was an Ohio Buckeye so no one cared about him.

Jeff said...

7 straight! Carry it!

Olympic hockey is tits. USA v Russia final would be awesome since it would mean the Canucks failed. That Canadian team is LOADED. I might be forced to become a vigilante and go fight terrorism by myself if something happens to any Jackets over there. That's about the only thing that can stop us, maybe.

Jeff said...

Oh and Ace, welcome back you son of a bitch!

GMoney said...

Where has Ide been this week? Not like anyone cares or anything, but he does carry the flag.

Jeff, I was listening to the second period last night while walking the dog and George and Bob were hilarious. They were just killing Jeff Carter and then he scored to tie it up (which sucked) and then they were like "guy has all the talent in the world...but he has earned every boo in this building". It was tremendous hate radio. The exact opposite of every time that TBone speaks.

Mr. Ace said...

I bet RG3 will be flying his rainbow freak flag proudly during the Olympics.

Anonymous said...

Just what we all need - to hear about the Eagles, White Sox, and Spurs...

Kidding, kidding - welcome back Ace. Looking forward to Thursdays.

Seal

GMoney said...

I think that Seal is going to name his kid Ace.

Prime99 said...

http://www.kpho.com/story/24502600/asu-fraternity-suspended-following-offensive-mlk-party

Mystery solved! Ide was at ASU!

As tempting as it may be to scissor on the podium while replacing the Star-Spangled Banner with your favorite Pussy Riot jam, I think G$ is right. You're only "impressing" liberals in the world that already agree with you. Russian bigots and regular bigots don't care so you're endangering yourself for no benefit.

Anonymous said...

Congrats to G$ for the Yankees landing TANAKA.

Also, I'm happy to have Ape back. We butted heads quite a bit back in the day...but, his HOT TAKES are some of the best around these days. Back in the day he was like a skunked Milwaukee's Best....now he's like a $14 wine that has been sitting on someone's shelf for a couple years....slowly getting a little better every year. Now it's time to drink and show us the evolution.

Putin's a crazy man. I like the fact that when he runs for office he has to disclose all of his incomes and everything he shows shows that he's basically worth $35,000....not missing any zero's there. Yet, pretty much everyone says that he's one of the top ten richest billionaires in the world. Just a tiny difference.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Sweet! TATANKA IS OURS! 7 years 155 million...the Yankees are BACK!

We needed this dude though. We couldn't get outbid by the Mariners AND the Cubs this winter.

GMoney said...

Back to today's topic: I get wanting to stand up for basic human rights and all that stuff. How Russia treats gays and people of that ilk is wrong. But that's not your problem, OLYMPIC ATHLETE.

Anonymous said...

G$...I agree with you on not being outspoken while they are there. But, what do you think of the U.S. having Billie Jean King leading the delegation. If she were to shut her mouf during her time there. Is that an OK kind of silent protest by the U.S.? Or is that even too much? I don't have a problem with them doing that.

Also, everyone cares about Jesse Owens....one of the GOATS and he just happens to be from THE Ohio State University.

--Drew

GMoney said...

The only reason we are sending that muff diver over there is for troll purposes. Nobama is pretty much sacrificing her for the LULZ. Putin will call his bluff and have her killed.

By the way, these games could be very high drama with already hearing that bombers have snuck past security. RUSSIA!

Randall Stevens said...

The Money Shot big 3 > Miami Heat big 3.

Ace is TOTES Chris Bosh in this situation. Wait...that makes me Dwayne Wade. Forget I said anything. Welcome aboard, ya filthy animal.

Never have been a big fan of the Olympics. Especially the winter Olympics. The only event really worth tuning into is that one where the people cross country ski for a mile with a rifle on their back then randomly shoot said rifle at some targets. How in the fuck do you land on that event when aspiring to be an Olympiad? "Well. I'm a demon on skis. And a crack shot with a bolt action rifle. I guess I was just born for this event." And it isn't cool anymore to pretend to like curling. So please stop, everyone.

GMoney said...

Randy, you could definitely be Wade. I'm told that you may or may not have an extra chair laying around your house these days courtesy of Jennifer McCarthy.

Cakes said...

Looking forward to Ace's HOT TAKES! I think he was already on hiatus when I stumbled on to this lonely corner of the internet so I'm anxious to see what he's got.

Russia is fucked up in the head but I agree with G$. Just go win some medals and get the fuck out of that barren wasteland. Maybe Putin should worry more about the raging war zone right next to the games rather than a couple of dudes kissing eachother. Whatevs. Just another reason to hate the commies.

All of this nonsense does get me excited for the new season of "The Americans" though!

GMoney said...

Good call from Cakes! Looking very much forward to season 2 of The Americans as well! Hopefully, it's better than season 2 of Homeland.

Anonymous said...

I don't get not being a fan of the Winter Olympics. It's some great TV.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Everyone, including myself, is always saying things like the Olympics are OVERRATED and then end up watching huge chunks of the action anyway.

Cakes loves the Winter Games because it combines two of his three favorite things: athletics and weather. The third is blowing truckers OBVZ.

Randall Stevens said...

Drooler loves the Winter Olympics for the ice skating. He's a big Nancy Kerrigan fan.

Anonymous said...

Could you imagine the boner Cakes would have if he was at a truck stop that was filled with truckers due to severe weather and he could blow them while listening to a Tribe game on the radio?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

FUN FACT: Tara Lipinski took classes at my high school. Not sure how that worked because it was never a full day or anything, but she trained for the Olympics at the skating club in the city...and randomly took a couple classes in school probably to get the fuck away from some over obsessive parents/trainers.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Not one person thought that was a fun fact.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Sorry Slow Seal...topic is Winter Olympics...we know you are a homosexual and extra slow due to your dismissive attitude toward hockey, so you probably don't like anything about the Winter Olympics either. I hope we have LOTS of Winter Olympic/hockey days coming up.

--Drew

Cakes said...

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. I only blow truckers for MONEY. BIG DEFFERENCE. It's more of a side job.

Speaking of weather, we are now in the midst of the snowiest January on record in NW Ohio and there are more storms on the way! I just upgraded my weather app on the iPad so I could follow it with more meteorological tools at my disposal. It's going to be tits.

Cakes said...

FUN FACT: Difference is now spelled Defference

GMoney said...

I don't even know who the hell Tara Lipinski is. Is she related to Jonathon Lipnicki the little shithead kid from Jerry Maguire?

Fun FACT: that 30 For 30 on Tonya Harding was hilarious. My favorite part was when she spent the entire time pretending that she was the victim. SHANE STANT IS THE GOAT!

Cakes said...

Has anyone seen the Tonya Harding porno? How is it? I'm asking for a friend.

Anonymous said...

G$...When we were in high school Lipinski won the gold medal for female figure skating at the age of 15...and according to Wikipedia that made her/still makes her the youngest ever to win that competition's gold medal. She was kind of a big deal back then, but I can understand high school guy's paying zero attention to that.

Cakes...I remember watching it a long time ago. I don't think it's very good at all.

Also, on the topic of porno....G$...I saw some more pics of Ms. Kennedy Leigh from the AVN expo/awards. I don't think she got a boob job.

--Drew

Randall Stevens said...

Seal made a kid. Proof he is MOS DEF not a homosexual.

If you want to know what the Tonya Harding porn looks like, just ask your fat, gross neighbor to borrow the home made porn she made with the Schwan's delivery guy. It's probably about the same. It can't be worse than the gay porn X-Pac made with that other guy wrestler a few years back.

Anonymous said...

Randall...Perez Hilton has a kid too. That means nothing these days.

--Drew

Cakes said...

X-Pac made a gay porn?! I remember him from my brief wrestling phase in high school. Actually, that sounds about right. I take back my bewliderment.

GMoney said...

He made it with Chyna. It was not very entertaining.

Tonya Harding's amateur porn was about as white trash as amateur porn gets. Almost turned me off of porn forever. ALMOST.

Drew, she implied that she got one and who am I to call Ms. Kennedy Leigh a liar?

Anonymous said...

G$...I saw some guy tweet at her asking her if her boobs got bigger...and she said something like "Ha...yes they did." I think it was just joking around. They look the same to me...still pretty.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I'm going to need to do more HD POV research.

Anonymous said...

Have you been to this site?

www.porn720.com

It's all full length HD movies...tons of Brazzers. You can adjust the quality lower if the 720 level slows down your browser too.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I watched the second half of the Tonya Harding 30 for 30. I thought it was hilarious how she was talking about Kerrigan. Obviously she has no remorse for what she did.

Olympic hockey is fucking awesome.

-NC Nate