|This is NOT ME.|
Now that we're done talking about the hottest team in the league, let's get rolling with the football talk! But first!
Not The Iron Sheik - Yes, I bought the Iron Sheik Alarm Clock app last week and I regret nothing. There is not a finer way to start one's day than to have The Sheik screaming at you to get out of bed. Best 99 cents that I've ever spent. I AM THE LEGEND! FUCK THE MONDAYS!
Guest Speakers - I didn't understand this story at all. So the guest speech on Saturday for the Broncos was given by teammate Wes Welker? How does he qualify as a guest speaker? Dan Reeves would be a guest speaker. A current player is not. And what did Wes have to say anyway? It was probably a commercial for Depends and Old Spice. Pointless story.
Omaha! - Christ, this was about the most annoying thing ever. CBS even had graphics for how many times Peyton said it during the first half. He has been saying OMAHA at the line for over a decade. OVER A DECADE. This is not new. I hate Omaha now. Nuke Omaha.
Feel Seems - There is no one worse than ol' Feel. I actually feel bad for Jeeeem. He tried to telestrate some receiver routes in the first half and wasn't even close which I found humorous. Do you know anyone that likes Feel Seems? I'd bet that you don't.
LeGarrette Blount - I said on Friday that if you are betting on NE, then you are betting on Blunt to dominate which would be a foolish decision. He was awful. He got benched in the second half.
Josh McDaniels - Browns fans, consider yourselves lucky (for once) because you just avoided hiring a guy that got dominated by Jack Fucking Del Rio. The Patriots offense was garbage until garbage time and lacked any creativity.
John Fox - I have no idea what this guy is thinking about in the 2 minute drill when it is time to manage the clock. Mark my words: he will screw something up in the Super Bowl. Randomly leaving 30 seconds on the clock in the first half was just the beginning.
Pussies - It was 63 and sunny in Denver yesterday AKA a miracle. I saw more than a few players wearing fucking sleeves. When you wear sleeves, you are a bitch. Period. In my last ever football game (a heart-breaking 500-0 loss to the eventual state champions), it was something like -30 degrees that night. I went sleeveless LIKE A MAN. In FACT, everyone on DeSales told me how great I was. True story.
Peyton Manning H8RZ - Not really. This was not going to be the week considering that the weather was perfect and Talib hurt his terrorist bones in the first half. This game was absolutely never in doubt. Denver was always going to win. We'll see how it goes in two weeks when the weather probably blows. Until the Patriots get a deep threat, they're not true contenders. LOL Aaron Dobson.
People that don't enjoy ELITE football games - Well, the NFC game did not disappoint. That was just terrific even if I feel like the better team lost. But it was a slugfest that came down to the end and the biggest asshole on the planet made a big play to seal it.
Gene Steratore and Crew - If all plays are reviewable then why can't you review all plays? This makes no sense to me. There were three toss-up calls and all three of them went against the Niners. That is fucking WEAK SAUCE.
Navorro Bowman - Poor guy...legs are not supposed to bend like that. Congrats on holding on to the damn ball there. FYI, I fucking HATE Seattle.
Vernon Davis - He did absolutely nothing. Kaepernick wasn't that great once they stopped letting him run wild, either but VD no showed like a mug.
Pete Carroll - If you root for Seattle then you root for this man and NO ONE SHOULD ROOT FOR HIM.
Russell Wilson - This guy still sucks. People like to rag on Brad Johnson and Trent Dilfer, and that's fine, but Rusty is in their class. Like I said last week, ANYONE could do what he has done the last two weeks. He'll get all the credit because he's an Uncle Tom and fat idiot writers like Peter King LOVE THAT, but the smart fan knows that he's garbage and Wilson is the least valuable player on that offense. FACT.
Richard Sherman - Finally, this fucking guy. What a goddamn baboon. It's because of this asshole that I don't entirely blame Riley Cooper for what he said. If Sherman was at that concert, I would have been all about Riley fighting him. What he pulled on Crabtree at the end was shit and his postgame interview was fucking dumb. Sherman is an asshole. His great talent is no excuse for celebrating like a (two quote South Park) slave that reached the north. I swear that line isn't mine; it's from Trey and Matt!
GAMBLING! - The public was all over the underdogs this week. The public knows nothing. I bet both favorites as well as DEN -3 1H and went 3-0. S MY D.
So we have Denver and Seattle in the Super Bowl which you would probably assume is my worst case scenario since I hate Seattle and rag on Peyton all the time. Fuck no. I'm ALL IN on Denver. I'll be goddamned if I ever root for Rusty OVERRATED, Dick Sherman, and Pete fucking Carroll. I know that most of us all hate the constant Peyton fellatin', but this Super Bowl has a distinct face vs. heel dynamic. Well, 27 years ago, I rooted for the Hulkster to beat Andre The Giant so I have no problem pulling for the good guy again. Poor BRAH. GO BRONCOS!