Monday, January 20, 2014

The Worst of The Conference Championships Vol.VII

This is NOT ME.
Before we get into yesterday's NFL games, we need to CARRY THE FLAG first.  Now, I know what butters this site's bread and it isn't NHL talk.  I get that.  So when I can squeeze some thoughts into a post that needs an intro, I'm going to do it.  That being said, SIX IN A ROW!  8 SEED (going into Sunday)!  AHEAD OF DETROIT!  Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn, this team IS going to the playoffs as long as BOB stays healthy (best goalie on the planet).  There is no doubt in my mind.  We absolutely are one of the best teams in the Metro and the final standings will prove that.  The CBJ are legit.  What seemed like sort of a fluke last year is being validated in spades this season.  Hopefully, the injury bug doesn't pop it's stupid head up again and we can get ready for postseason hockey in Columbus.  Because goddamn I want that so bad.  This Jackets team is good.  The rest of the world is going to have to DEAL WITH IT.

Now that we're done talking about the hottest team in the league, let's get rolling with the football talk!  But first!

Not The Iron Sheik - Yes, I bought the Iron Sheik Alarm Clock app last week and I regret nothing.  There is not a finer way to start one's day than to have The Sheik screaming at you to get out of bed.  Best 99 cents that I've ever spent.  I AM THE LEGEND!  FUCK THE MONDAYS!

Guest Speakers - I didn't understand this story at all.  So the guest speech on Saturday for the Broncos was given by teammate Wes Welker?  How does he qualify as a guest speaker?  Dan Reeves would be a guest speaker.  A current player is not.  And what did Wes have to say anyway?  It was probably a commercial for Depends and Old Spice.  Pointless story.

Omaha! - Christ, this was about the most annoying thing ever.  CBS even had graphics for how many times Peyton said it during the first half.  He has been saying OMAHA at the line for over a decade.  OVER A DECADE.  This is not new.  I hate Omaha now.  Nuke Omaha.

Feel Seems - There is no one worse than ol' Feel.  I actually feel bad for Jeeeem.  He tried to telestrate  some receiver routes in the first half and wasn't even close which I found humorous.  Do you know anyone that likes Feel Seems?  I'd bet that you don't.

LeGarrette Blount - I said on Friday that if you are betting on NE, then you are betting on Blunt to dominate which would be a foolish decision.  He was awful.  He got benched in the second half.

Josh McDaniels - Browns fans, consider yourselves lucky (for once) because you just avoided hiring a guy that got dominated by Jack Fucking Del Rio.  The Patriots offense was garbage until garbage time and lacked any creativity.

John Fox - I have no idea what this guy is thinking about in the 2 minute drill when it is time to manage the clock.  Mark my words: he will screw something up in the Super Bowl.  Randomly leaving 30 seconds on the clock in the first half was just the beginning.

Pussies - It was 63 and sunny in Denver yesterday AKA a miracle.  I saw more than a few players wearing fucking sleeves.  When you wear sleeves, you are a bitch.  Period.  In my last ever football game (a heart-breaking 500-0 loss to the eventual state champions), it was something like -30 degrees that night.  I went sleeveless LIKE A MAN.  In FACT, everyone on DeSales told me how great I was.  True story.

Peyton Manning H8RZ - Not really.  This was not going to be the week considering that the weather was perfect and Talib hurt his terrorist bones in the first half.  This game was absolutely never in doubt.  Denver was always going to win.  We'll see how it goes in two weeks when the weather probably blows.  Until the Patriots get a deep threat, they're not true contenders.  LOL Aaron Dobson.

People that don't enjoy ELITE football games - Well, the NFC game did not disappoint.  That was just terrific even if I feel like the better team lost.  But it was a slugfest that came down to the end and the biggest asshole on the planet made a big play to seal it.

Gene Steratore and Crew - If all plays are reviewable then why can't you review all plays?  This makes no sense to me. There were three toss-up calls and all three of them went against the Niners.  That is fucking WEAK SAUCE.

Navorro Bowman - Poor guy...legs are not supposed to bend like that.  Congrats on holding on to the damn ball there.  FYI, I fucking HATE Seattle.

Vernon Davis - He did absolutely nothing.  Kaepernick wasn't that great once they stopped letting him run wild, either but VD no showed like a mug.

Pete Carroll - If you root for Seattle then you root for this man and NO ONE SHOULD ROOT FOR HIM.

Russell Wilson - This guy still sucks.  People like to rag on Brad Johnson and Trent Dilfer, and that's fine, but Rusty is in their class.  Like I said last week, ANYONE could do what he has done the last two weeks.  He'll get all the credit because he's an Uncle Tom and fat idiot writers like Peter King LOVE THAT, but the smart fan knows that he's garbage and Wilson is the least valuable player on that offense.  FACT.

Richard Sherman - Finally, this fucking guy. What a goddamn baboon.  It's because of this asshole that I don't entirely blame Riley Cooper for what he said.  If Sherman was at that concert, I would have been all about Riley fighting him.  What he pulled on Crabtree at the end was shit and his postgame interview was fucking dumb.  Sherman is an asshole.  His great talent is no excuse for celebrating like a (two quote South Park) slave that reached the north.  I swear that line isn't mine; it's from Trey and Matt!  

GAMBLING! - The public was all over the underdogs this week.  The public knows nothing.  I bet both favorites as well as DEN -3 1H and went 3-0.  S MY D.

So we have Denver and Seattle in the Super Bowl which you would probably assume is my worst case scenario since I hate Seattle and rag on Peyton all the time.  Fuck no.  I'm ALL IN on Denver.  I'll be goddamned if I ever root for Rusty OVERRATED, Dick Sherman, and Pete fucking Carroll.  I know that most of us all hate the constant Peyton fellatin', but this Super Bowl has a distinct face vs. heel dynamic.  Well, 27 years ago, I rooted for the Hulkster to beat Andre The Giant so I have no problem pulling for the good guy again.  Poor BRAH.  GO BRONCOS!

51 comments:

Grumpy said...

I once slept in Phil Simms' childhood bedroom. FACT!

Mr. Ace said...

Tom Brady fucking sux dix. That is why they lost. His WR had nothing to do with it. NE had their opportunities, they just didn't show up when they needed to.

Niners got fucked in every way possible that game. Kam Chancellor is a bad man, tho. Even more so than Big Sherm.

I saw several people last night say Kap was basically Vick. He isn't even that good. Great athlete, rocket arm; but late in the game he always gets stuck on his first read and error gets bailed out or loses the game.

I don't get the Sherman hate. I fucking loved it. I have no idea what Crab said, and I don't care. I just want to thank him for inspiring that ELITE post game interview. Sherm is the ultimate heal. He's the best player in the world at what he does, he let's everybody know about, and, despite that interview and what RAY CESS claim, is very articulate and can hold up a degree from one of the best universities in the world. He is white people's worst nightmare. #THUG #LULZ

GMoney said...

I don't particularly care about Sherman's postgame comments. I'm all for guy's embarrassing themselves and proving that they aren't team players.

What bothers me is how we got there. For an eloquent individual with a STANFORD DEGREE, he sure as hell doesn't know what "choke" means. SEA was a 4 point fave, playing at home where they almost always win, and led by 6 with 30 seconds to play. NOT A CHOKE.

And I HATE that butt-pat attempt on Crab. You don't do that EVER. Even Cris Carter thought that that was awful and he is a cocksucker. Guy just got his heart broken (again), you don't taunt that. Go celebrate with your teammates. But then again, some of my favorite sports moments were when:

*Joe Carter hit the walk-off homer in the WS and then spit on Mitch Williams while rounding third
*Jordan hit The Shot over Ehlo and then kicked him in the nuts instead of pumping his fist
*Brandi Chastain kicked the winner in the World Cup and then rammed a dildo up the goalie to remind her who's boss

See? You don't do that.

I'm just pleased that YE SPORTS GODS aren't going to allow that shitstain to win the Super Bowl. Bet the Broncos.

Mr. Ace said...

Agree on betting the Broncos. And agree on going after Crabtree after the play. But this has apparently been brewing since the off season between them. I loved all of it tho.

And if throwing a pick in the red zone down 6 isn't a choke then what is it? Peyton Manning makes that throw and your entire post is about ELIte Manning being superior.

MUDawgfan said...

If you're wondering why I love G$'s writing more than anything its because he calls one player and Uncle Tom and then four sentences later calls another player a baboon.


What a ridiculous Sunday.

GMoney said...

If anyone doesn't like me writin', there's the door. If you can't handle the takes then get out.

Richard Sherman makes TO look like Peyton Manning.

There was no GUARANSHEED that SF was going to win that game. It took a ridic play to seal it. That isn't a choke. It's just another bad break for the 49ers who suffered nothing but them yesterday. Great game but unfortunately all we're going to hear about is the screaming diva.

MUDawgfan said...

Think the Bronco's might dial up a nice little pick play right for Sherman's kneecaps on Superbowl Sunday.


Sounds like a plan to me.

GMoney said...

Wesley Welker: Pregame Speech Extraordinaire knocked out Talib...he can do it to Dickie, too.

GMoney said...

I can't wait for Ide's thoughts on Sherman.

Prime99 said...

When CBJ fans say "CARRY IT!" I didn't realize IT = an extra 125 lbs. of body fat.

The refs were poop in the NFC game yesterday. That said, Kaep's INT toward the sideline in the 4th was awful. Assuming a decent drive ensued, the Niners would've been within 3 and very much in it. Even still, they had a chance but Dick Sherman handled that.

Cakes said...

Sherman is definitely a baboon but the dude made a super bowl saving play. His corner play is ELITE. IF that were the Browns, Haden would've fallen down at the goal line. I have no problem with him showing up Crabtree because Crabtree is a fucking prick as well. I didn't understand the choke sign he made either but it was some Grade A trolling.

Tom Brady was worthless in that game. He had two MAJOR overthrows that really cost the Pats. This made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Henson's backup has peaked. Can't wait to see the downfall of that team.

GMoney said...

Sherman did the same shit to Silverback Williams last year. He's a punk. I don't give much of a shit about "class" but I don't care for guys blatantly being cocksuckers on the field. That was uncalled for. We all know this. So what if Crab ddin't shake his hand at some passing camp? That's like if someone cuts you off and doesn't give an "I'm sorry" wave so you run his fucking car off the road and into a ditch.

Anonymous said...

Where's the MLK day open forum?

Anonymous said...

Richard Sherman can do whatever the hell he wants after his ELITE destruction of Skip Bayless a year or so ago. That's still one of the best things I've ever seen an athlete do during a TV interview. So, Crabtree can suck a bag of dicks.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drew does not agree with me today? Interesting. He must not like that COY award after all.

Anonymous said...

After reading this post, I actually said to myself - "holy shit, I think this is the first time ever I agree with everything G$ said today" (minus the gay hockey shit).

Pete Carroll is the worst and celebrates with his team like he is one of the brotha's. Outside of skittles (for some reason i dont hate this guys), this team is so easily hateable.

Sherman is a complete piece of shit. Shocker, that Drew likes him. The interview was over the top, but the worst was the ass slap and comment. This isnt the AND1 thug league. Go celebrate with your team, you ass clown. Im surprised Crabtree didnt react more than the face push. Typical fucking canoe... Speaking of canoe's, happy racist day.

BRAH is catching shit for being so animated on the sidelines, but dude should have been - they were getting shit on by Steratore all day long. I want a coach that acts like that, personally. Actually I just want a coach...

I hope Peyton throws a game winning TD to a reciever covered by Sherman, then walks up to Sherman, pats him on the ass and says "good coverage, N**".

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

I find this post to be MEDIOCRE.

GMoney said...

Heard that the 12th Man was throwing carp at Sherman following the game. Can't confirm if he ate it though. Yes I can. He did. Count it.

Seal, you and I are soulmates.

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal must like Skip Bayless...shocking.

I love that the guy with a 3.9 at Stanford and does incredible charity work with Compton youths...talks trash on a football field and white frights like Slow Seal think that makes him a "thug". LOLZ.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Now Seal being a Kentucky fan makes so much more sense.

GMoney said...

This wasn't the first time, dumbass. It won't be the last. Hope that those Compton kids are learning some valuable lessons about being a gracious winner. They won't ever win though. NBD.

Ray Lewis does a ton of charity work, too. Just sayin'.

Where someone went to college to major in football means less than this site. Jeffrey Dahmer went to Ohio State. WHAT ABOUT THAT!

Anonymous said...

Well, that obviously makes me a future amazingly disgusting serial killer. So, keep the COY's coming or you know what's on tap next.

Ape...good point.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Skip Bayless is a cornball cracker, but that doesn't mean anyone who makes a fool of him is then above criticism.

Dick Sherman is an obvious piece of shit that motivates himself by thinking the world is against him. He can now be the most motivated person ever.

I mentioned this on Twitter, but Pam Oliver's weave looks like a Chewbacca mask.

Randall Stevens said...

"Henson's backup has peaked"

LULZ. For shits and grins lets say Brady has peaked. If you peak at 36 with 3 Super Bowl wins in the NFL, you're doing alright. U just mad because no one from Ohio can touch Brady's resume. Losers be jealous.

Sherman is TOTES out of line. Like G$ said, there's a difference between being cocky and being a cock sucker. Guys that get loud like that just screams insecure. What are you trying to compensate for, Ricardo?

Cakes said...

Why is everyone so up in arms over Sherman? I thought it was hilarious. Have we turned into a bunch of pussies? I would love to have someone with his talent and bravado on the Browns.

That being said, it would be glorious to watch him get torched in the Super Bowl. I don't think its going to happen but it would be sweet.


GMoney said...

Just to set it straight again with regards to my hot take:

I don't care about the postgame rant. I'm not going to try to stop anyone from embarrassing themselves (although I TOTES could). I care about the butt slap and the double choke sign and how that is a total cocksucker thing to do.

Dude deserves to have a horrible Super Bowl and I hope that DUMBaryius torches him.

Anonymous said...

I was sure that I was going to root for the Broncos in the Super Bowl. But, just how mad Sherman has made this odd combination of racist pussies is really making me reconsider it. He sure rustled quite a few jimmies.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Oh man. A Super Bowl win would give Sherman unlimited troll fuel, especially if he makes some big plays. I think Denver will win, and I don't want to root for Pete Carroll, but I can't think of two people more deserving of a ring than Beast Mode and Big Sherm.

If you need something to be offended by, which apparently most of you do, then look at the video of the Seahawks player getting clotheslined on the sideline during punt coverage or how there were reportedly fans throwing things at Bowman as he was carted off the field.

Anonymous said...

Ape with a couple good more points. That dirty clothesline and the idiot fan that spilled popcorn on Bowman are way more "thuggish" than a guy slapping some ass and then acting like a wrestler in an interview.

--Drew

GMoney said...

If you want to root for Pete Carroll, have at it, hoss. There hasn't been a better Heroes Vs. Villains dynamic like this in the Super Bowl since every game that Bill Belichick coached in.

Plus, I think it would be nice if Peyton Manning could tie his brother in rings. It's about time that that family caught a break.

Prime99 said...

For the record, if Seal ever wins COY, he should say/type something to Drooler like Sherman did to Crabtree.

GMoney said...

I'll remember Drooler's opinions on this once Aaron Craft gets knocked out of the NIT and the PG at Toledo tries to embarrass him in the final seconds.

Just try to put someone you like in that position. What if he did that to Megatron? You would be singing a different tune. It would have to be in a regular season game though since the NFC Championship is not relevant for Detroit.

Anonymous said...

Sherman says he smacked Crabtree on the ass and said good game to him...he said he lost his shit when Crabtree told him to fuck off and pushed his facemask. He also said that he was mic'd up for the entire game, so if you think he's lying about that then it will prove what he says he said.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

There is zero doubt that Crabtree is also a douche. However, if you're saying Sherman was saying "good game" in a respectful, non-sarcastic way, then you cray.

GMoney said...

Yes, I'm sure that the guy who did the double choke two seconds later was all about class and integrity as he stalked Crabtree walking across the field. Maybe you should be called Slow Drool if you believe that?

Actually, my analogy about Craft is flawed. When he fails again this March, this time to Marshall Henderson, I will remember your stance when Henderson pulls a Sherman on him. Deal?

God, you are so fucking stoopid.

COY is now being awarded to me for putting up with this garbage.

Anonymous said...

Who cares if he said it in a sarcastic way? To say he was acting like a "thug" implies he went up to him and was saying shit like "What's up now bitch? Fucking cunt ass nigga". He doesn't like Crabtree...Crabtree doesn't like him...he went and did some sarcastic trash talk after.....and it seems to have made many of you mad for some reason.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Drew officially wins biggest fucking idiot ever for that last comment... Im sure Sherman was just trying to be a nice consoling guy with that after the game handshake. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...did you see where I said, "Who care if it was sarcastic"? It goes against your whole "thug" thing. You sound like somebody that must have hated the NBA in the late 80's/early 90's...when the Lakers, Pistons, Bulls and Celtics all hated each other and did "thug" things. You must like the new NBA where all of the players team up with each other...and then when a team gets knocked out in hte finals the losing players go out and hit the club with the winners. There was some good old fashioned hate on the field yesterday....with one of the ELITE players talking some mad shit to a loser that he hates for numerous reasons. It's refreshing to see.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I am a classy man and weep for Prime's son and Wig Master's kid(s) when this behavior is deemed satisfactory. Won't someone think of the children?

You don't see why this is a big deal to me? OK? I have said for YEARS how much I hate Richard Sherman. HATE HIM. He makes huge play to secure a win which is annoying enough and then goes all Howard Dean on TV after acting like a monster shit-heel.

You just don't "good job, good effort" your enemy two seconds after you win. It's not funny. It is pathetic. FACT.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of the NBA....the Pistons and Cavs are playing games right now, but it appears that both teams decided to take the day of in honor of MLK.

--Drew

Cakes said...

I'm trying to put myself in that situation but we all know the Browns will never be in a conference title game. I thought it was hilarious but the universe has a way of balancing shit like this out. I'm sure Pey Pey will carve him a new one and we can all point and laugh afterwards.

Anonymous said...

G$....If the Cavs knocked the Heat out of the ECF...would you like it if Kyrie gave one of hte Big 3...any of your choice...the "good job, good effort" butt slap?

--Drew

GMoney said...

If you touch Wade's ass, he would go into a coma. Poor example because that would never happen.

Now I'm not one to compliment old Jut Verls but he said that he would plunk Sherman in the brain (or something like that) for his performance last night. That is all I need to know. No wonder Damman follows Jut on Twitter!

Anonymous said...

Shekie opinion > Jut opinion

(This doesn't make sense, but I'm pretty sure he's saying he has no problems with Sherman)

The Iron Sheik ‏@the_ironsheik 3m

The @RSherman_25 play with heart. The last night he get Iron Sheik heat. He respect the sport and that the people that way I respect him

--Drew

GMoney said...

He also called Sherman "intelligent Jew" so I'm not sure how to take Sheik's takes.

But I like the idea of Jut whipping fastballs at the heads of my enemies. Did I just hire an assassin? I might have!

Mr. Ace said...

I love me some Richard Sherman. Does he go too far sometimes? Sure. Do I think he stepped over the line this time? ...I honestly don't think so. It's a rivalry. I loved every minute of it.

G$, imagine there was some queermo from Defiance, or some other team that you hated more, that you despised and he despised you. Lets say you lit this guy up on the play that sealed the game after he was talking shit all game. ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T DOG THAT MOTHER FUCKER RIGHT THERE??? Of fucking course you would. You would probably sit on his face right there in the endzone. Stop acting like you don't fucking get this.

Great points by Drew and the NBA. Didn't we all watch the Reggie/Spike 30 for 30 and get boners for early 90's NBA? You want them to form a handshake line and exchange jerseys? They were just out there trying to destroy each other for 3 hours. Big Sherm made the biggest play of his life in the biggest game of his life while owning a player he hates. No fucking way I'm just going to celebrate with my team. I'm probably air wanking and blowing it in his face.

Anonymous said...

Yea and then imagine he takes the mic from the announcer and tells everyone in the stadium THAT HE IS THE BEST EVER!!! RAHHH EAT MY ASS MOTHER FUCKERS FROM DEFIANCE!!!

Stop acting like G$ and myself want them to hug after the game.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

G$ said his issue was with how he went after Crabtree after the play, not the interview. Thus, the example.

The point is I don't care what you want them to do after the game, and neither should Richard Sherman. If loud black people make you uncomfortable it's okay. Just go live with Ide(Really disappointed in his absence).

GMoney said...

As I keep mentioning, I am all class. I would have celebrated with my teammates since football is a TEAM GAME and I am not above that even with my ELITE status. Then after it was over, I would have sought out my enemy and we would have prayed together.

It doesn't have to be "eat his children" or "act like BFFs". If you want to stare down a guy, do it. But you don't SEXUALLY HARASS another man. Too far.

I don't see how you don't see my stance. Guy I hate did something that I hate and I hate him even more for it. It's pretty easy. If you like him, great, you're part of the problem. They call me The Solution.

Prime99 said...

All class rankings:
1) Lovie SMIFF
2) G$
3) Everyone else
4) Drooler
5) Richard Sherman
6) Ace

GMoney said...

You might think that I would be targeting Lovie but I'm not because that man is ALL CLASS.