Thursday, January 02, 2014

Penn State Is A Shit Job

ELITE ambition, Bill!
I predicted on Monday that Bill O'Brien was going to end up taking the Houston Texans job.  It wasn't a bold prediction or even a HOT TAEK or anything--it just made perfect sense.  O'Brien just feels like a pro coach and he always has to me.  And Houston is a good job.  You've got no shoes to fill since Kubiak was a loser.  You have superstar players still in their prime including the best defensive player in the league.  There is very little pressure since no one actually cares about the Texans.  They're a QB away from being a legit AFC title contender again (and they are going to upgrade that position this Spring).  It was the best opening in the NFL and he was the hottest name available.

My problem is with the lover scorned in this case: Penn State and their knuckle-dragging pro-pedophilia fans.  By now, we've all heard or read the quotes from last month in which O'Brien is told that the Paterno supporters aren't that happy or whatever.  His response was perfect: FUCK THEM I'M LEAVING ANYWAY BRAH.  And he is TOTES right.  Fuck those people.  Fuck them good and hard.  This is a big problem in college football and it always leads to poor decisions.  The boosters have way too much pull for things that they should not be making decisions over.

I understand that if you're rich and white, the world should hear everything you say, but then you end up demanding a "Michigan Man" or compare everything to the Paterno Days and then you make a horrible hire.  People that want a repeat of the past are fucking idiots.  Joe Paterno is not walking through that door.  He isn't because he is DEAD and BURNING IN HELL WHERE HE BELONGS.  It's time for your program to make NEW history; not hope to repeat old history.  Paterno is gone.  He fostered a culture of child rape anyway so who fucking cares about his legacy.  This isn't goddamn Paterno's program so stop acting like it.

***Unrelated but amusing: Cowherd was talking about this yesterday and how some people are built for the NFL and others for college.  He asked if you could imagine Bill Belichick coaching college: kissing the asses of 18 year old high school kids and glad-handing boosters.  I'll tell you what--that would be hilarious to watch.  Belichick being nice to strangers would be incredible.  Good segment, Colin T.  Dare I say it was a TRANSCENDENT segment???

Basically, O'Brien left the program in way better shape than when Paterno left.  FACT.  He took an impossibly tough situation and did a fantastic job.  He shouldn't be chastised for being "disloyal" to people who apparently weren't appreciative of him anyway.  He should be applauded for doing everything that he could to keep the Penn State program relevant.  If the Paterno Pack thought that he was going to stay there for life then, Christ, how delusional can you be?

What I'm trying to say here is that even after the shower wrestling and massive cover-up, Penn State fans are back to being just as fucktarded as ever.  Who will they get next?  I think it's pretty simple.  These awful people deserve one awful asshole.  WE ARE!  IDIOTS!

Penn State and Greg Schiano fit together better than an old creep's penis and a young black kid's b-hole no offense.  If these dickheads had a problem with O'Brien then they are going to LOVE being Schiano Men.  Pop by tomorrow where we will begin our annual NFL Playoff Spreads contest and probably talk about Noah Spence's issues with masturbating in public that Tim May keeps trying to cover up.

53 comments:

Grumpy said...

Or a "Miami Man". Fuck that. I just want a winner.

Mr. Ace said...

BOB went out like a G. I respect that. I don't know if the Paterno peeps made any difference at all in his decision, but fuck them anyway.

Lovie Smith bringing Tedford and Marinelli to Tampa? Seems like a good fit. Win 8 games and don't be a fuck and you can stay in Tampa forever.

Who moneylined NEB, SPARTY, and UCF yesterday? THIS GUY! Missed on some Twitter NBA/NCAA picks, but killed college. Hooray 2014!

Pro tip: Bet first half UNDERS. Double that bet if a team has a backup QB starting. After this long layoff teams are getting off to slow starts. I didn't do it in the UCF/BAY game because those offenses can score. But went 2-1 on the other games I played it.

Anonymous said...

I like your moxie, Ape. I shored up my twitter gamblors yesterday so, I should be active for this week in HOT PIX.

BOB telling everyone before the season was over that he was totes outz was great. It sounds like just a shit situation for any coach. Walking into a school with Olivia Pope and Associates in full crisis mode forcing you to act accordingly has to blow. Leaving at 11th NYE is an ELITE fuck you to fans. Well done.

Somehow, I am friends with quite a lot PSU alum out here, but none responded to my LULZ BOB texts. It REALLY sucks to be a PSU fan/alum. I find it great.

Ide

Nate said...

Penn State just lost the best thing they had going for them.

Going 8-4 and 7-5 after that mess is impressive. Add to that, bringing in elite talent in recruiting halls is beyond belief.

Not sure how these folks could expect more than that, but for a program that until O'Brien, only had two coaches in 90+ years, they better get used to much more turnover at the head coaching position.

The Pro-Paterno people that caused this are now being referred to as "JoeBots".

JoeBots.





GMoney said...

Here's a fun FACT: Bill O'Brien did more for Penn State in 2 years than Joe Paterno did in his final 20.

I think that Ape has a gambling problem.

FYI, Drooler came through on his promise and cabbed down to Mongolian BBQ last night to eat alone drunk. I like his ambition, too.

Mr. Ace said...

I have a WINNING problem. I really need to get up on my hoops knowledge if I want to keep this whole gambling thing going thru the football offseason. Blindly trusting Twitter wise guys probably isn't going to cut it.

Fuck snow.

Dantonio already agreed to a new deal with Sparty. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Go somewhere. Who was the clown on here questioning Narduzzi? LULZ to you.

GMoney said...

Thank you for bringing up Dantonio. There is NOTHING more cornball than his little Rose Bowl video. That was TOTES corny. Just because it played out like he wished does not make it less lame.

David Shaw ought be ashamed for not playing STANFORD FOOTBALL thrice this season. Although you could argue that Sparty out Stanford Footballed Stanford Football.

Jeff said...

Ape crying about Dantonio on twitter yesterday and here today is great. He knows that Sparty will PWN meesh as long as he's there. #LittleBitch

Hey Nameci, How's the Sparty fight song go again? I bet you were singing it yesterday.

Grumpy said...

I think Drew (COY 2013) cabbing it downtown for an all you can eat deal is ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Drew cabbing it for a solo meal is solid hustle. I hope he was belligerent, please let him be belligerent.

Also, I forgot to mention that when I was selecting my gamblers last night, I noticed that 9/10 of them were followed by Scott Van Pelt. I like my sportscasters to be avid gamblers.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

It's not that I think Sparty will PWN while Dantonio is there. It's that under Hoke and Co Michigan will never win a Rose Bowl. I don't really think we will make it back to the BCS. I just have no faith in our coaches ability to get the most out of our talent, which is something Dantonio and his staff do at a ridiculous rate.

I was rooting for Sparty, but only because I saw value in betting on them. I did not sing the fight song. I bet Paul Wall could make a fine remix of that song.

Anybody else think AJ McCarron is going to go HAM tonight? I just see SabeCakes turning him loose and letting him shine in his last game. And Katherine Webb obvs.

Mr. Ace said...

I enjoyed all the cappers on Twitter last night talking about how they could tell who Musberger bet on by the way he reacted to scores. I especially enjoyed it when the Over was covered.

GMoney said...

Brent and Al always tip their gambling picks. I was disappointed that Brent didn't get a boner and talk about it at all yesterday.

AJ McCarron is gonna shine tonight, eh? Nope. More like:

It's Fresh and stunna and we like brothers, We shine like paint Daddy this our summer

That's how he shine tonight.

And can we just change Jim Caldwell's name to "Rooney Rule" already?

Anonymous said...

I'm going to stick with my other nickname for Caldwell, thanks.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Josh McDaniels is interviewing with the Browns. So awesome.

G$, great recap of the PSU situation. Powerful booster being upset with the way BOB while comparing him to a man that allowed a child rapey environment is total LULZ.

I wonder if BOB ever dunked a basketball by age thirty? My guess is that if you haven't done it by 18, the odds go down from there. I was dunking at age 15. No chance I could dunk today.

GMoney said...

As long as it isn't "Washington Redskins Head Coach", I will allow it.

GMoney said...

One of my greatest regrets in life is that I could never muster the STREMPH to dunk (or even come close).

Maybe that was BOB's entire job interview: dunk this ball and the job is yours. It is how I would run an HR Department.

Anonymous said...

7 year deal for Cutler. Not sure how I feel about this. Need to see the figures first.

Larry

Anonymous said...

MVP for UCF: Baylor secondary. I lost track of how many PI's they were called for. I think as a team, they were flagged 17 times.
Penn State will regress a few years with O'Brien leaving.

NC Nate

GMoney said...

7 year deal for a guy with 9 lives! I don't think that I like the sound of this (if I were a hideous gargoyle Bears fan).

Baylor did have 17 penalties last night which is incredible. Art Briles is clearly the perfect coach for DeAngelo Hall! JK, please don't hire that guy.

I was footballed out last night so I watched Die Hard 2 instead. Great decision by me.

Mr. Ace said...

If Briles goes to DC you have to stop being a fan, right? Just root for the Jags or something.

Anonymous said...

The announcers were discussing the possibility of Art coaching your Redskins, but decided it was not a good fit since RGIII is such a divisive player on the team.

NC Nate

Prime99 said...

I feel great about the Cutler signing. 7 years in football contracts just means "until you're of no use to the team anymore." Probably a good size signing bonus and $10-$13 mil a year. Half of it guaranteed.

Anonymous said...

It's a deal that is going to help the bears with cap space. Also will be the first time that the bears will have a long term qb and Jay will finally have consistency in offense philosophy which he has never had. What is there alternative plan if they did not sign him to a long term deal? Draft one thru the draft? Yeah because that has worked so well in the past. Playoff team next year if they can fix the D

Larry

GMoney said...

I lived through Zorn, I could handle Briles although it won't be him. Mike Zimmer is my guy. I want a defensive head coach.

Bears fans have a strange relationship with The Cat. Larry and Prime think that he is a superstar and ELITE or has the potential when he isn't and never will be. Has he ever even played a full season? Giving a guy a 7 year extension because "who else are we going to get" is awful front officemanship. The Trestman system pretty much proves that Cutler isn't a necessity so a big money and years commitment such as this is a bit of a scratching post to me. Unless the NFL is getting rid of the football in lieu of a ball of yarn then it would be a genius move.

What I'm trying to say here is that the Bears should commit to Tebow. He is the answer to all questions.

Anonymous said...

PSU fans are the worst...still obsessed with JoePa. I like that BOB hates them.

Dantonio is the man. Sing that fight song!

Mongolian is as good as always.

I think Grumpy should go sledding in this fresh powder today..

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Lindsay Duke (Blake Bortels GF) is giving Katherine Webb a run for her money when it comes to college QB girlfriends. If you haven't googled her yet, I recommend it.

Anyone else notice how terrible refs are at spotting the ball? There were at least three times yesterday where the spot given wasn't even close to where the guy got tackled.

Not a bad day for the B1G yesterday.

-Damman

Grumpy said...

I would love to go sledding if I had a sled and a couple kids to go with (no pedo). Kids make sledding fun.

I must try this Mongolian BBQ. Who's going to invite me?

Grumpy said...

Blake Bortles to Cleveland, where he will tear his rotator cuff in a pre-season game.

GMoney said...

I want to have a take on another potential college to the NFL coach:

Kevin Sumlin...sucks. I don't find him to be a good coach at all. His defenses always blow and his only STREMPH seems to be recruiting ELITE QBs. That's it. And he always looks confused (and black).

I'm going to have to spend the rest of my day on this Lindsay Duke broad. Sounds like a winner although if Damman is recommending her, she probably weighs 3 bills. Classic jokes! Jables will probably give me a virtual high five for that one.

GMoney said...

OK never mind and my apologies. Lindsey Duke can GET. IT.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I said he was ELITE or a superstar. Yes he does have the potential to be. Especially in this offense. Durability is a huge question mark and a concern which is why I was leaning towards the franchise tag option. When said and done this deal will probably be 5 years 85 million. That's not terrible.

The "who else are you going to get" assessment was mine, not the front offices. Emery fixed the Oline and gave Cutler weapons in two offseason so I'll take his side over someone who predicted the Redskins to go to the Super Bowl.

Larry

Mr. Ace said...

I am a fan with the mindset of "if you're not elite, you're shit" when it comes to QB's. How many playoff wins does Catler have? NOT ELITE! I would rather have Nick Foles. And even with Foles I want the Eagles to go out and get a QB because Foles is NOT ELITE.

Maybe I see it differently because my perspective was shaped during the Reid and McNabb era in Philly. McNabb was twice the QB that Catler was, but I NEVER trusted him to win big games. Even when he was winning playoff games, I never trusted him in the end. I wish the Eagles would have traded him and made a move to actually win a title. It was great owning the division and getting to the playoffs every year, but I'm done with that shit now. Get to the Super Bowl or win 2 games. Maybe the Eagles consistency jaded me, but I just don't understand Bears fans who like the Catler deal.

Prime99 said...

Ape- name a better QB the Bears have had in my lifetime. You know why you can't? Because Cutler just set the franchise all time passing record this year.

Gotta have some rainy days to appreciate a sunny one. I've seen Jonathan Quinn, Craig Krenzel, Henry Burris, and Chad Hutchinson start for the Bears. That's enough for me to like this deal.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Prime. I guess living through the days of RGIII Kyle Orton Jim Miller Eric Kramer has lowered my qb standards. By Ace's assumption you are able to go out and get an ELITE qb by the snap of the fingers. Would I rather have Bree's, Rodgers, Brady or Manning? Of course but unfortunately none of those guys are available.

Larry

GMoney said...

Jay Cutler absolutely does not have the potential to be ELITE or a superstar. He has been in the league for almost a decade now and has done nothing. NOTHING. He got punked by Josh McCown's flat top this year fer chrissakes!

Let's face FACTS here...Jay Cutler is a JV Tony Romo. And you just committed to JV Romo for 7 years.

You need to stop thinking about all the garbage you've had under center in the past and look at the future. The Bears just gave the reins of their team to a brittle turnover machine. And I don't care much about the money. It's the years. I like Cutler but he is most definitely not a franchise QB.

I would have tagged him and allowed him a year to Flacco himself. The Bears just rewarded him for playing another half season of no playoff football. OK?

Anonymous said...

People get caught up on the years, it's the NFL so the 7 years is not guaranteed. It will be back end loaded with a large signing bonus. He will not see the end of his contract. Cutler has been playing with a terrible offensive line and no weapons since he arrived in Chicago and still managed to put up decent numbers. He's Was Romo without Romos weapons.

What should have the bears done since you seem to know? If they franchise tagged him that would have killed their cap space and they would have been stuck with an awful defense again.

Larry

Anonymous said...

The Bears are going to be an 8-8 team for a long time now. Cutler does not possess the ability to win the big game and gives the ball up too much to keep his team in the league (AKA JV Romo). He almost makes Stafford look above average and Stafford has sucked ass (I love me some Fatty Fatford). I saw a stat where he is INT ratio is comparable to Sanchez and Fitzpatrick. Congrats to the Bears!!!! Plus he is a god awful fantasy quarterback and that trumps everything.

----Lange

Prime99 said...

First off, Cutler is better than Romo.

Second, I would wipe my ass with length of NFL contracts if I could. They can likely cut him after three or four years if he's not getting it done.

Third, I don't care money. It's not my money. I care about cap space and this deal doesn't hamper them.

Fourth, the Cat was funny on The League. MEOW.

Fifth, Cutler has won as many playoff games as the Redskins since '99. One.

Six, GIVE IT A REST.

-- Prime (COY 2012)

Larry Ward said...

If his INT ratio is similar to Sanchez and Fitzpatrick then guess what, so is stafford's. Cutlers is 1.38. Stafford's is 1.49. Not that much of a difference and if Stafford couldn't win the NFC North this year, he never will

Larry

GMoney said...

The tag would have cost something like 15 million for one year which isn't going to do dick to your cap flexibility.

It's not the years? Great, you're already counting down when you can get rid of him!

You've just made a commitment...to injury prone inconsistency. Cat can't even make it through a Lions game without getting broken by Suh!

If your signing a franchise QB based on his playoff success compared to the Redskins then holy shit that is not smart. Let's also not forget that Cutler can't even beat the Redskins which is why he should be paid in catnip.

Honestly, I just don't think that the Bears need this huge risk-taking gunslinger under center that clogs up the payroll. A game manager like the great Trent Dilfer who can make ALL THE THROWS and not turn the goddamn ball over is all they need.

Wait a minute. Wait one goddamn minute!

Kirk Cousins. A fraction of the price, way more sex appeal, he's a local, AND he won't turn it over. Let's start the bidding at three first round picks!

But seriously, Cousins would have been a nice fit for the Bears had they gone that route instead of giving Catler a (nine) lifetime contract.

GMoney said...

You Bears fans need to get out of grill class and join the rest of the intelligent world.

Anonymous said...

Stafford is 25 going on 26 with almost 2 seasons missed. He needs to work on reading the defense as a quarterback and stop being Cutlerish but maybe a coach with some knowledge could help that. Plus his offseason program needs to consist of not eating desserts. I'm done arguing about our two terrible teams.

----Lange

Prime99 said...

This all coming from a guy that still thinks RG3 is straight.

RG3 getting dissed by this wife on camera was pretty funny last night.

Mr. Ace said...

The Bears have a coach that is probably one of the best in the NFL at working with QB's. You don't need Catler or to spend this much money on a QB with almost a decade under his belt.

I'm a fucking Eagles fan. You are making the exact same argument I made for McNabb...who, remember, is way fucking better than Cutler. I supported McNasty because he was the best our franchise has ever had. I saw Koy Detmer, Ty Detmer, Bobby fucking Hoying, Jeff Garcia LOL, Rodney Peete and Bubby fucking Brister. We let McNabb hang around about 4 years too long. You guys just signed up to do the same with a QB who isn't nearly as good, is shit in big games/playoffs, isn't coming off a Super Bowl appearance, and has been in the league longer. Congrats? Hooray you guys.

GMoney said...

I don't want to keep beating a Junior Seau here, but when I win arguments (daily) I must make the losers cry.

Jay Cutler will never QB in a Super Bowl. We know this. You paid him like you don't already know this.

Yes, I believe that the Redskins are closer to the Super Bowl than the Bears are because our QB ceiling is way higher and we're about to hire Bill Belichick probably.

It's like dating a girl that you kind of secretly hate. Sure, she looks good sometimes and exectues a flawless rusty trombone, but she sucks as a person so just walk away. You know that it isn't going anywhere so rip off the goddamn band-aid.

All I do is win.

Prime99 said...

Cutler was pretty fucking big in the last game of the year. The D was the problem.

Out of everything, the injuries worry me. If he stays healthy, he will be very good/great with the current O Line and weapons.

Mr. Ace said...

You know who else would be really good to great with your O line and weapons? Josh fucking McKown and 15 other QB's. How much could it have costed to sign Matt Schaub? Seriously. Schaub, up until this year, had a higher passer rating every single year than Catler. Give Schaub 18 mil for 3 years, fix your D, get a young QB to groom, and get the exact same results. How the fuck am I not a GM!!!

Prime99 said...

You are a GM... Of a 6-7 fantasy team that missed the playoffs... Again.

GMoney said...

Ape sounds like Bill Simmons. HOW HAS NO PRO TEAM HIRED ME AS THEIR GM!!!

Anonymous said...

Okay everything Ace just said lost all credibility after saying they should sign Schaub. Houston had talent and they lost 13 straight

Larry

Prime99 said...

Ape has been losing credibility for YEARS.

-- Prime (COY 2012)

Mr. Ace said...

Schaub and Cutler are the exact same people. You are just deciding to pay one them twice as much money as the other. You win I guess.

I was just going to through Schaub out there as an example, and then I looked at his stats. HE'S JUST AS GOOD AS CUTTY!

I prefer Sill Bimmons.

As Colin Cowherd would say, it's about value. The Bears are not getting their best value with this deal.

And my credibility is endless. Never forget that. I was basically a unanimous choice for COY but was DQ'd for my pro boner work here.