|Feel free to take a rock hammer to this face every Tuesday.|
Here are the current standings in our little contest. No one went winless but no one went undefeated. Not a very TRANSCENDENT or VISCERAL bunch here.
3-1: Seal, Mr. Ace, NC Nate, Prime, Damman, Andrew B, and Drooler
2-2: G$, Jeff, Grumpy, Dut, Randall Stevens, JSaul, and Larry
1-3: MUDawg, Ide (turd), J from JBeanie, and Buke
Someone is going 4-0 this weekend. I can feel it. UPDATE: It’s going to be me. Why? Because yesterday I called up AT&T to get them to give me free shit and they upgraded me from Express Internet to ELITE Internet. I like the sound of that. The porn is going to be coming fast and furious now. The games and the lines and—remember—you’re picking against the spread. FYI, for all even spreads, tacked on a half point to avoid the dreaded push.
New Orleans @ Seattle -8.5
The Saints showed a lot of heart and GRIT last Saturday but let’s call a spade a spade here: the Eagles are a fluky joke. Beating them is not hard. Still, though, a road playoff win for a team that blows on the road is impressive. There is a pretty big difference between Philly and Seattle however. We all remember the last time that NOLA went up there and they got slaughtered. I think that Mark Ingram is the key player tomorrow (can’t believe I’m typing that). If I feel like Mark Ingram is the key for the Saints than this game is going to be a bloodbath. My head picked Seattle to win the Super Bowl (my heart was much dumber). Can’t go back on that now. By the way, the forecast for this game calls for 30 mph winds and heavy rain so, yeah, bet the under. Seattle 17, New Orleans 7
Indianapolis @ New England -7.5
I have no idea how to properly rate the Colts. Last weekend just destroyed every pre-conceived notion that I had about them. They sort of feel like a team of destiny but Amish Andy Luck only believes in God and manual labor. I should probably check and see what the weather is like in Boston tomorrow night but I don’t care that much. Fun FACT: FagNasty is in Boston right now. He’s probably being nasty. I think that New England wins but by closer than the experts think. New England 27, Indianapolis 23
San Francisco -1.5 @ Carolina
The first time that these two teams played out in Fagville, it was a goddamn brew-ha-ha of ELITE physicality. The Niners are on a roll now that Kaepernick has all of his weapons and the defense is still great. I do root for horrible things to happen to Donte Hitner because he is an idiot and a liar. I’ve said for the past month or two that I buy the Panthers but this is not a great matchup for them. At least it is at home. This game does feature two of my favorite coaches though with Jimmy BRAH and Riverboat Ron. Everyone seems to like the 49ers in this game. I do, too. I'd be fucking damned if I picked a team whose fans are sending death threats to THE NATURE BOY. San Francisco 20, Carolina 16
San Diego @ Denver -9.5
And here we go…the annual Peyton Manning first playoff home game choke and then I show up on Monday reminding everyone that his little poopy pants brother is better than him. This is why he is a loser, folks. Never doubt the powers of Woodhead and The Bolo Tie, BRAH! Chargers 23, Broncos 21
These games should be fantastic as The Divisional Round Weekend usually comes through with some bananas games. Enjoy the football and we’ll be back on Monday to break it all down like usual.