Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Another Hilarious Loss For The Buckaroos...and other stuff!

OMG Cotton Bowl fan, that is the best sign ever.

I'll start today off with a mini rant. If any of you have been watching AMC, even for two seconds, in the last month...you'll know exactly what I'm about to talk about here. I've fucking had it with these commercials with celebrities tossing out guilt trips for starving kids in third world countries/preventing animal abuse. I love how they reduce the donation down to a specific amount of change per day so they can really drive home how big of a piece of shit you are for not donating your money. The commercials might as well go something like: "These. Two. Quarters. That's all you'll be asked to give up per day, you selfish, fat prick. You spend more than that a day on just candy bars, you son of a bitch. I bet you regularly throw away leftovers too, don't you? Just letting perfectly good food slide off of your sausage fingers into the trash while a satisfied, greasy smile glosses over your chubby fucking face. Meanwhile these kids are DYING! These animals are getting their heads caved in while you stuff your fat fucking face with empty calories. GOD! You are so fucking worthless and self absorbed. All that can change if you give us your money." And these commercials play every two fucking seconds to make things worse. The best combination I saw was an animal abuse commercial hosted by Alyssa Milano directly followed up by a commercial hosted by Susan Sarandon about donating cows to Africa so the kids can have milk and slaughter the cows for tasty hamburgers. Irony at its best. Hey! Assholes! You're not getting any of my money so GIVE IT A REST! Now that we've established that...onto the second week of bowl games.

I guess that makes TWO teams in the country Ohio can't "hang" with. #causedbycakes. I think it's safe to say Ohio would have been turned inside out by FSU. Shit. Probably Auburn too. It looks like UBRZ is in the midst of a newer, better streak. And I'm not talking about the brown streaks in his Hanes nut hugging briefs. Will this loser ever win another game? I think we can all agree that he won't. The latest report has Buck-A-Roo Broxton Milner coming back for his final Buckeye season. That's another full season of fake injuries and unnecessary ambulance rides. Matt Millen is just bursting at the crotch seems, thinking about another Buck-A-Roo season of Milner. How bad was the commentary of that game, by the way? Only Millen can successfully make watching football uncomfortable.

I also love how Ohio mouth-breathers can queef things like "that was not an interception" or "we were hurt by injuries".  The only thing that makes Ohio embarrassments better is when they get to make excuses for being an embarrassment.  If you have no depth then apparently recruiting means nothing.  That is not an excuse.  In other words, SAMMY WATKINS SICK! The FACT is that Clemson is better than you are. And so is Michigan State. #FIREMEYER

Duke had one of the most gorgeous collapses in all of college football on New Year's Eve. One of the Saul boys...GSaul. JSaul. FSaul. QSaul...whichever Saul is the closet Duke fan, will be pretty upset. I can't keep them straight since it feels like there's fucking 60 of those little shitheads running around. Anyway. The legend of Johnny Ballsack continues to balloon after his heroic comeback that led the Aggies to an improbable victory. John Shitlips is gonna be a terrible pro. It makes TOTES sense that most mock drafters have the Browns taking him. I'm sure most Browns fans are currently trying to talk themselves into that hilarious move. Liquor helps, guys.

When you're in the redzone seven times (Georgia) and only score one touchdown, even teams (Nebraska) that define average can beat you. Seriously. Do Nebraskans even like watching Nebraska? Taylor Martinez looks like he pees the bed and has been one of the most OVERRATED college QBs I can remember. Tommy Armstrong looks to be following in those same footsteps with his LULZ 6-14 passing day. The most exciting thing about Nebraska is that Bo Pelini has a brother who sucks dick for crack. Not surprising since the Pelini's are from Youngstown. I bet Maurice Clarett is Carl Pelini's dealer. Or Jim Tressel.

Lester and the boys were able to hold off a pesky Iowa team.......*sigh*. I can't even fake this one. It's so painful writing about such a boring game. I blame Iowa. My only question is did Lester give himself a celebratory swirlie? Did he have a bottle of toilet water from 1984 he was saving specifically for a game like this? Did he share with the room? I'm sure Iowa gave Kirk Ferentz a raise after this game because that's a very Iowa thing to do. Rewarding mediocrity.

My favorite part of every South Carolina game all year was watching Jadaveon Clowney just fucking mail it in. Has a college football player ever been more disinterested in playing a season than Clowney was this year? He continued that trend against Wisconsin in the Capital One Bowl. I guess Spurrier should be happy he doesn't have to make excuses for Clowney to the media anymore or try to come up with a better explanation than, "He's a lazy black guy that wants to make a lot of money in the NFL next year and doesn't want to jeopardize that by getting hurt." Because isn't that what was really going on all year?

It looks like Stanford failed to play Stanford football for the third time this year in the Rose Bowl. Or maybe...Michigan State just out-Stanforded Stanford and played Stanford football better than Stanford themselves! Did I just blow your mind? If I were a Sparty fan, the fact that losing to Notre Dame was the only thing keeping my team out of the national title game would seriously keep me up at night. State was Tommy Rees'ed back in September for their only blemish. Think about that. That one has to sting. Dantonio has to be happy since that win gave him a handsome raise and he will now be one of the highest paid coaches in the Big 10. It's awesome to think that before the Rose Bowl, Dantonio was on the same pay scale as Tim Beckman.

Southern dreamboat A.J. McCarron goes out with a loss in his last college football game. He didn't do himself any NFL favors either with a pretty assy performance from top to bottom. Look for Bob Stoops to take the Cleveland Browns vacancy and get fired after 20 games. Then either come back to Norman with his tail between his legs or latch on to another program somewhere else. I bet everyone is on this Trevor Knight fella's ballsack at the beginning of next season.

Missouri won, so did UCF and so did Vanderbilt. I'm done for the day so feel free to put your two cents in on those games if you care enough. The national title game was last night so we can toss some opinions out about that game as well. So plenty to talk about this Tuesday. This is the first time in a long time the BCS national championship game hasn't been live blogged to perfection. The end of an era for now. I'm sure I'll have no problem talking the new Tuesday guy into it although he'll never do it with the same grace and panache of the old Tuesday guy. Lastly, don't forget to discuss how Urban Frank Meyer will never win another college football game in his career.

Second lastly, I'm curious to know who Jeff rooted for in the Orange Bowl.  I mean, he's been an Ohio knuckle-dragger his entire life but the best years of his existence took place in SC.  My guess is that at some point he was internally pulling for the Tigers.  Also, now we know why Ohio schedules dog shit teams...because they can't hang with anyone that has a pulse.  OHIO FOOTBALL IS AS OVERRATED AS THEIR HEAD PIGFUCKER COACH.

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thx for the recap of games that happened in 2013.

Can there please be a word count limit put on Tuesday posts? This new Tuesday writer smells just like the last one. Shitty.

Anonymous said...

Early hatred in.

So my fucking cable goes out on that 49 yard apparent horse collar play. Jimmie were rustled. I had to watch the last minute via Twitter feed on my phone. Not great, and Prime was there to offer some lulz.

The only thing that baffled me on the OSU losing streak is the apparent lack of adaptation on offense. Not running Hyde like a owned mule against MSU and letting Braxton do it all was retarded enough, but committing to Hyde, when that's ALL Clemson practiced for, and not switching to a more pass heavy attack, for the second week in a row, is just astronomically stupid.

Even with our injuries, the defense did enough to get us a win. Everyone expected 40 plus to be hung on us, so to get a couple key stops/turnovers was all we could have hoped for. And LOLZ for saying that's not an excuse to lose two All B1Gs at key positions, you stupid fuck. Namely, our all american who would have had to cover Watkins. I bet you blamed Andy Reid for that KC loss on clock management alone. You are the PK of college blog writing.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Also, that stuffed nacho wrap thing from TBell is ELITE.

Ide

GMoney said...

There is no NEW Tuesday writer. TOTES different styles!

Can we hold off on hoops talk today and just fire that fucking pigskin instead? I know you all want to discuss that "blockbuster" Bulls/Cavs deal but fuck you no.

Jeff said...

ACC ACC ACC ACC!

I abandoned my roots and pulled for the alma mater. The decision was easy after all the shit talking I received from family and friends when the game was announced. It was a very surreal feeling. Plus my resume is much better than anyone else's around here now.

"Namely, our all american who would have had to cover Watkins"

Cause Roby would've shut him down? Roby was "hurt" because he didn't want his draft stock to drop anymore after being torched again on a national stage. Real speak.

Jeff said...

Also, first time ever OSU has lost when scoring 35. Can that be true? Crazy

GMoney said...

You knew that Roby wasn't playing or probably wasn't for a month. Coach these 5 star athletes up, Kerry Coombs, you excitable moron.

I just have a hard time buying the depleted roster EXCUSE when you have top 5 recruiting classes each year. Either the players blow or the coaches are doing a shitty job. One or the other.

I was a real man and watched the Jackets/Rangers over the first half of the football game last night. I regret nothing. Welcome back, Bobby, you beautiful sonofabitch. We're just better than them.

Great finish though. I bet that Paul Finebaum's booger eating show will be major LULZ today.

And Jesus Christ, GIVE IT A REST on Winston's weird interview skills. He was born in Alabama for fuck's sake. Not everyone interviews like Charles Howell III or some other white person.

GMoney said...

Deep down I knew that Jeff would go #TeamDabo. Now we just need to keep him from going back to knuckle-dragging and carp-eating past. That game meant so much more to Clemson than it did to Ohio anyway. They're a program that needs to keep momentum more than the Fucks do.

OHIO SUCKS.

Jeff said...

Clemson did need that game A LOT more. Especially since we lose EVERYONE.

Ohio State didn't miss a beat on the recruiting trail and that win should hopefully help land some undecideds for Clemson.

Randall Stevens said...

I really hope in 2014 the person holding the gun to Anonymous's head forcing her to read on Tuesdays finds something else to do. I say "her" because only a woman would bitch this much about something she has complete control over.

You mean the All American that was fucking roasted all game by Jared Abbrederis, Ide? Yeah. Real difference maker.

I don't care how "south" or "county" Winston is. His interviewing skills are #1 in LULZ. God, I can't wait for him to get drafted. Just add that interview to an already sterling resume.

Anonymous said...

I'm not at all saying that Roby would have saved that game for us. But don't be a retard and think that there would have been no difference. I do think having a bone bruise keeping you out over a month is soft, though. So fuck him.

I wanted to talk hoops today, but that would seem foolish in light of tonights game. Tomorrow should be a hoops day. I'll bring my HARD TAKES on why UNC can't fucking win against unranked opponents. And LOL Duke.

Ide

Nate said...

"You mean the All American that was fucking roasted all game by Jared Abbrederis, Ide? Yeah. Real difference maker."

I think it's hilarious so many of you think you know more than the NFL GM's that will end up drafting Roby high.

For most of the season (in particular the Wisconsin game), Roby was not able to man up underneath, because our safeties were dreadful at making reads and getting into position.

This forced us to keep Roby in a soft underneath zone so he could be counted on to make the pass vs. run reads the safeties could not.

By doing that, it made it easy for intermediate routes to open up for receivers like Abbrewhatever.

Put Roby in a defense with quality receivers, and allow him to man up one on one and he'll be just fine.

GMoney said...

We can maybe get a few games of Double Dribble going tomorrow.

No one does less with more than FagNasty Fickell. Better give that guy an extension. He has probably 4-5 NFL guys on that defense and can't divise any scheme at all to stop Lunchbox Boyd from going HAM.

Speaking of that, it's pretty amazing that Clemson dominated that entire game and did whatever they wanted and were losing at halftime and needed some hilarious turnovers at the end to seal the deal. That's so Clemson.

Milner is making a mistake. There are like 4 qbs in this year's draft. He should have left. You aren't winning a title next year either, bro-heeeeeem.

BUCKAROO! BUCKAROO! BUCKAROO!

GMoney said...

The best part was watching Joseph Bosa kill himself out there while hurt and Ro-ME sits to protect his fragile draft stock and ego since he knows that Watkins would have murdered him. ELITE teammate!

Randall Stevens said...

Didn't know Nate was an assistant defensive coordinator for the Ohio Buckeyes and is well versed in all of their formations/schemes. It couldn't be that maybe Roby is a tad OVERRATED? Nahhhhh. Couldn't be that. Ever. In the world.

Jeff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeff said...

How about the Auburn guy who didn't hedge his $50,000? What an idiot. I'm guessing he took advice from the betting school of Ace. At least Ace's new job coincides with his betting philosophy. Non-profit.

Nate said...

It's not hard to figure out where the problem was this year.

Meyer retains Fickell at $750K per year.

Everett Withers leaves his $450K per year position to take HC job at James Madison for $250K per year.

Withers was also our safeties coach this year, and was abysmal.

If Fickell was underachieving as much as you say he was, do you really think Meyer would have kept him around?

GMoney said...

I have no idea why Meyer keeps him around. He's a great recruiter! Oh yeah? Well your defense keeps getting worse every year. He's a good DC! No he is not. His wife is a cunt! Yes she is.

James Madison is going to make the leap to FBS soon so it isn't as bad of a job as one might think. Plus, winners want to run their own show.

Ape sucks at wagering.

Anonymous said...

Jeff with the burn of the day.

Nate gives a clear and concise answer on to why Roby has been playing weaker than last year, and you reply with NOPE HES OVERRATED, JUST A TAD. Trolling a good argument with hands over your ears screaming NOPE UR WRONG LULZ, is the worst.

Ide

Randall Stevens said...

"How about the Auburn guy who didn't hedge his $50,000? What an idiot"

What was even more dumb was putting $100 on a team that went 3-9 at the time the bet was placed. He didn't deserve that money.

Randall Stevens said...

Ohio fans bitch about Roby all year and how he gets cooked by just about everyone who lines up against him. Then when a non Ohio fan suggests he's OVERRATED it's an absolute preposterous notion. Sounds about right for an Ohio fan.

You're the guy that publicly trashes your degenerate drunk brother but tries to fist fight anyone that does the same.

Jeff said...

Jacket time!

Time for some ICY TAEKS.

BOB is back! He is an ELITE netminder, no doubt. He made shootout saves look effortless. He out dueled the highest paid goalie in the league in his first game back from injury. Lundqvist was pretty stellar too though.

This team needs to work on damage control. They tend to play like shit for a 10-15 stretch every game and give up goals in bunches in that time period. BOB can't save you forever.

They need to quit taking stupid penalties at very inopportune times. Being up 3-1 is not a good time to take a delay of game or anything in the last 5 mins of the game, which they like to do so often.

This is a playoff team when healthy with Calvert and Gaborik on the ice.

8 of the next 11 at home. 3rd in the Metro by the Olympic break is very realistic.

CARRY IT!!!

Anonymous said...

GSAUL is the DUKIE. I believe there is only 1 more ALPHA CHARACTER-SAUL than there are Van Husens. Keep up on your Napoleon folklore.

How can Jeff cheer for better recrutiing wins for Clemson and still spend most of the year cheering for OSU. Pick a side?

Urban Meyer can't win big games at OSU. His 2 year resume points to this. He went undefeated in a year where the B10 was abysmal and never had to deal with BCS preasure. Then, the first year he can make waves he loses to little brother in the B10 title game and loses a BCS game. #selectivestatistics.

I hate ESPN, but I hate them even more after last nights SEC dick sucking fest. Musburger was incoherent because he couldn't formulate tangible thoughts with that big southern dick in his mouth. The post game banter about "THE MIGHTY SEC STREAK IS OVER" and "Don't forget, Jimbo USED to coach for SABAN and this is essentially an SEC modeled team and is basically SEC!!" SEC!!

Just terrible last night. But, this is the B10's fault. The B10 network is not a national stage and they let the SEC team up with the biggest voice in sports.

And don't even get my started on that SEC Slider party they hosted on ESPN (David Pollack is a fucking loser).

Rant over.
- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Its cute how when one of Drooler's team's is bashed on here after an embarrassing loss, he is late and only comments sparingly... but when someone else's team loses he is the first one to the party. Nut up, pussy and show your face!

GMoney said...

They seem to love going through horrible stretches of stupidity. The penalties are almost always moronic. STOP TRIPPING PEOPLE.

I thought that last night was YUGE. We were starting to slip and the hole was getting deep.

It would be nice if these assholes could all get healthy.

No shit, Rollie, all year everyone kept talking about how much Roby sucked and now HE IS THE BEST AND MVP!

Anonymous said...

Wow, someone is jealous of the SEC...

Seal

Anonymous said...

Who?

-ACC

Anonymous said...

23 comments already? Hot takes Tuesday I guess.

I hate ANY sort of commercial that breaks down how it only costs pennies a day for that service/donation. Then again if people fall for that shit, then they deserve to get deceived.

A few comments on the other games before Buckeyes...

*A.J. McCarron can get fucked. I like how he tweeted last night how he was rooting for Auburn and even put "War Eagle" at the end of his tweet. WHAT A GREAT RIVALRY....LOLZ!

*I would have liked to have seen MSU's defense in that game last night.

*That Tim Jernigan...LOLZ at that slob taking plays off all second half. I bet people can't wait to draft him.

*Clowney did indeed checkout the entire season. I look forward to seeing how he does in the NFL.

Buckeyes....

*Disappointing game...as G$ noted, even tho Clemson was seemingly in control for most...somehow the Buckeyes were eitehr winning or within striking distance.

*Why wasn't Vonn Bell playing all year over Pitt Brown? Good Lord.

*G$...we haven't been bringing in "top 5 recruiting classes every year". We are now with Urban tho...and that's why the future is extremely bright. On pace for back to back top 2 classes.

*I do hope Braxton is indeed coming back. You don't just replace the back to back B1GPOY.

*Buckeyes are underdogs by 5 up in East Lansing tonight...seems about right. Should be a real good game, but it's ridiculously hard to beat a top 5 MSU team in the Breslin.

--Drew

GMoney said...

The funny thing is that while we all laugh at Clowney's mail-in season that would have made Albert Haynesworth cry tears of joy, Roby phoned in 2013 equally as LOLZ. Except that he isn't all that good.

Truth Bomb.

Anonymous said...

I thought Braxton already said he was coming back?

Ide

Anonymous said...

Let me tell you something, Mike, I'm getting tired of seeing these Buckeye fans like Drew re-Tweeting some guy named Ramzy like his word on college football is the gospel. Oh, I'm sorry--THE KORAN. Let me tell you about this guy, Ramzy, he helped hijack those planes on 9/11, Mike. He's a terrorist is what I'm trying to say. He doesn't know anything about football. Dirt soccer with goat teammates maybe but I've never once seen him grinding tape at 4:30 AM.

Maybe these fans would actually win a game once in awhile if they stopped translating this enemy's tweets from Arabic to English and started watching more football. I said the same thing to Aqib Talib and he got the point. Has only been arrested 6 times since, Mike.

These so-called Americans make me embarrassed to be from the great state of Ohio. We don't acknowledge Mecca where I come from. Football is for the Jimmy's and the Joes and not the Ramzys and the Osamas.

--Racist Gruden

GMoney said...

Ide, yes he did say he planned on coming black/back to get killed again for free.

Racist Gruden, welcome back! That was a HOT TAKE! I wish I knew who you were talking about but if he writes about the Fuckeyes then I am positive that he knows nothing and you are right.

Anonymous said...

Ide and G$...I don't think Braxton has said anything yet. It's just been "sources"...unless I missed it...which would seem odd.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Looking like James Franklin to PSU....would be a home run hire.

--Drew

Randall Stevens said...

The only thing I saw about Miller was a source said he was coming back. And it was on ESPN so I guess we can chalk that up to nonsensical tabloid fluff.

Anonymous said...

Spence likes to get his roll on...can't blame him.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I already tweeted at Tim May like a boss asking if ecstasy was indeed an "unapproved supplement". Tim May is a rube.

SI's Pete Thamel reported the Miller thing. Not sure if SI is more reputable than ESPN though. They do employ Peter King after all.

Noah Spence is a loser and his dad is apparently quite the character as well for leaking this and supposedly filing a lawsuit against the Big Ten for his son being a dumbass. Good luck with that.

HEY MR ACE WHEN ARE YOU PAYING OUT FOR THE MSFL. CHAMP WANTS HIS BANKROLL.

Anonymous said...

I'd wait for Braxton to say something before "sources".

--Drew

Anonymous said...

LOL at Spence. The PED part is interesting, because, if a certain ex - NFL player (black) who used to frequent the Stube is to be believed, Jamaal Lewis used to take Ecstasy before every game.

Ide

Anonymous said...

^^^^ definitely believable that Jamals took ecstacy before games.^^^^
Best story ever!

GMoney said...

Correct me if I'm wrong but Hacksaw ButtNaked never played with Jamals Lewises. He is being a Chatty Cathy and spreading hot goss instead of FACT. He should work for ESPN.

Anonymous said...

If you ever saw him on channel 10 featuring that dead hot girls dad, then, no, he should NEVER be on ESPN. He was very big, very black, and sweated HARD.

Ide

GMoney said...

that dead hot girls dad

Bro! That is weak sauce. Even for you.

Mr. Ace said...

The payouts are coming. What are the payouts that were decided? I'm sure I sent it out via league email, and I thought I said something in the FALL chat, but I can't find them.

Can't believe Auburn lost. Gus Malzahn is thee best coach in college football. That moneyline would have been a beautiful thing.

I don't think Braxton comes back, even if he previously said it.

HILARIOUS seeing Fuckeyes defend Roby and Fickell on here. You guys probably think Borger deserves an extension.

Ide said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I couldn't remember Dom Tiberi's name at the time (haven't seen him in well over two years, not that I watched/cared for him much anyways (his billboards were gay)), but I did remember that his daughter was a female driver at one point.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Ace claims he is the best commissioner ever!

/doesn't know payouts....

//doesn't collect money from one of the league members...

Pretty good game last night. Fourth best game in the last three days.

Mr. Ace said...

#StillDaBest

Randall Stevens said...

official.