|Iceman say what?|
Most OVERRATED team - (Ice) Easiest question I'll answer all day...Brooklyn. When you raid Boston's Depends closet in order to try and build a title contender, you're going to lose and with some God Damn flair. I would say this team misses the playoffs but the East is just too shitty. So they'll probably get in but expect them to lose first round. Hopefully in a sweep.
($) Oklahoma City. Yeah, I said it. They have no DEPF outside of Durant, Ibaka, and a gimpy Westbrook. Let's not forget that Scott Brooks kind of sucks. It's sad but I think that Durant might already have a foot out the door in OKC. Their window is closed. James Harden slammed it shut on the way out. Yeah, they may make the West Finals, but I just don't see the Thunder as a legit title contender anymore.
Most underrated team - (Ice) Dallas. The Mavericks barely missed the playoffs last year and did most of it without Dirk, who missed half the season. They lost Orange Juice Mayonnaise to the Bucks but added Jose Calderon and Monta Ellis. Two very solid players. Plus Shawn Marion and his weirdo fuckin girl shot can still produce. The only negative is Black Frankenstein, a.k.a. Samuel Dalembert, appears to be the starting center. Despite the grossness of that, Dallas should be back in the playoffs this year with a healthy Dirk Nowitzki.
($) New Orleans. First of all, Dallas is trash. Monta Ellis has never played on a team who won more than 4 games. He plays loser-ball. I like the Pelicans. They have an interesting lineup. They fleeced Philly for Jrue Holiday and have Unibrow, Ryan Anderson, Tyreke (not a big fan), and hopefully a healthy Eric Gordon. That's a legit lineup.
Most OVERRATED offseason move - (Ice) In order to avoid redundancy, I will avoid Brooklyn's hilarious move to get "better". Instead I will say Andrew Bynum to the Cavs. I get that Cleveland signed him for dumpster scraps. I also get that they protected themselves with the deal. But that now gives Cleveland TWO centers that can't stay on the floor. Did getting Bynum make them any better? I'm not sure it did since most likely by the All-Star break they'll be starting Tyler Zeller's huge nose in the middle. I just don't trust Bynum's body and Varejao's gayness.
($) Dwight Howard. He's a cancer. That is Harden's team and he is going to act like an alpha dog anyway. Houston is absolutely not a title contender.
Most underrated offseason move - (Ice) Without question it's Paul Millsap to the Hawks. Millsap is the fucking trash man and just cleans glass for 40 minutes. Dude can score too and proved it in a very crowded Utah front court last year. Millsap is a helluva nice player has been pretty invisible for most of his career because I think they have about 7 TV channels in the entire state of Utah and they play re-runs of Sister Wives on 6 of them. Look for Millsap to have his best year of an already really good career.
($) JJ Redick and Jared Dudley. The big knock on the Clippers last year, outside of Vinny Del Negro being an idiot, was that they had no three point shooters other than the criminally insane Matt Barnes. Problem fucking solved now. Redick and Dudley are too damn good role players that will space the floor better and make Paul and Griffin even better. Plus, the less touches for Deandre Jordan, the better.
Breakout Player: (Ice) Homer pick and Drooler boner alert! Andre Drummond. The ONLY reason I'm putting him here is because now that Larry Franks is out of Detroit, I'm assuming Mo Cheeks, Mo Problems is going to be smart enough to play Drummond at least 30 minutes a game. Something dickless Franks should have been doing instead of getting into public slap fights with Rodney Stuckey every 2 weeks. If, and when, Drummond plays starters minutes, he is going to be a fucking animal. He's been tearing up assholes in the preseason and watching him get better every day mystifies me as to how he dropped to the Pistons at the 8th spot.
($) Chandler Parsons. The Rockets are going to be on national TV a ton this year which will give Joe The Plumber the chance to see that Parsons is just as valuable to Houston as their "Subpar-man". Plus, he's white and has TV Guide's sent to his apartment addressed to Ms. Chanandler Parsons.
MVP - (Ice) It can't possibly go to Lebron again, right? RIGHT?! One of these days Kevin Durant is going to find a way to win it over Lebron. He's just too God damn good not to. And I think this is that year. Kevin Durant takes it home in a close one.
($) Since Spike Albrecht is still in college, I guess I'll give it to LeBron before he comes back home like a good boy.
Rookie of the Year - (Ice) Victor Oladipo. I think just by sheer volume of minutes he's going to get and overall lack of talent on the Magic, he has a clear advantage over everyone else.
($) Cody Zeller. I was going to pick Trey Burke Sucks because this award seems to always skew toward PGs, but I'll go with the other Crean Pie product instead. I mean, Michael Jordan wouldn't draft a turd, would he?
Worst team in the league is - (Ice) The Phoenix Suns. I flirted with going with Orlando for the second year in a row but since the Suns didn't improve their already ass roster from last year, they get this dubious award. And no...Eric Bledsoe is not an improvement. Not sure where all these Bledsoe boners are coming from. Cue Seal sprinting to defend the honor of Eric Bledsoe.
($) Philadelphia 76ers. Phoenix is an inspired choice but I feel like they are too dumb to properly tank. They'll actually be stupid and play hard. The Sixers no what's at stake, BRAH, and they are more than happy to flush 82 games down the shitter for Maple Jordan.
Fantasy Sleeper is - (Ice) Derrick Favors. There were far too many mouths to feed in Utah's front court last year and Favors appeared to be the runt averaging 9 and 7 while logging only 23 minutes a game. Now two of those fat little pigs have moved on to different teams and Favors hasn't wasted any time kicking ass. Imagine what 9 and 7 would be extrapolated to over 30 plus minutes a game. You're welcome.
($) Evan Turner. He's a pretty good all-around player and somebody has to put up stats for this team. I'll say that old Uncle Tom puts up a nice statistical season before he walks out the door when his contract runs out.
East winners - (Ice) Heat. It will always be the Heat until Lebron leaves.
($) Knicks. LOL J/K they blow. Fuck it, I'm picking the Bulls to win the East because I want LeBron to leave now.
West winners - (Ice) This qualifies as a bold prediction as well. With the Thunder banged up and starting Kendrick Perkins on purpose and the Spurs old and dumb I'm gonna roll the dice and say the Rockets. What the fuck...get nuts, right?
($) The Los Angeles Clippers. You may think that Doc Rivers is OVERRATED, but you can't deny that he's a massive upgrade on the bench. I already mentioned Redick and Dudley, but the Clips also signed THEE BYRON JAMES MULLENS AKA Triple Threat. This team has no holes! I was going to pick the Warriors but Andrew Bogut looks like a guy I know and that guy is a total faggot.
Champs - (Ice) Heat 3 peat.
($) Bulls by default. This world was not designed to handle an LA Clippers championship.
(Ice) Now onto the Pistons. As you remember last year I boldly picked them to make the playoffs and win at least a series. Yeah...that was pretty dumb. Well it's playoffs or bust for Detroit this year with that off season overhaul and Dumars better be praying every single fucking day that it works out or HE GONE! As long as they stay healthy it should be relatively easy to do. But there's enough talent on this team to be at least the 6th seed in the East...and that's about where I expect them to be.
($) Now onto the Cavs. I'm just like every other expert out there...I have no fucking clue what to expect from this team. There is no doubt that they have a ton of young talent but I have no idea if it is ready to win. Kyrie is great but I think that he's a little OVERRATED. I think that Mike Brown Pt. 2 is an upgrade on the bench. These idiots need to learn how to play defense. And I think that they will. I've seen us ranked anywhere from a 5 seed to just missing the playoffs. OBVZ this should be an interesting year but I'm going to play it close to the vest. The Cavs miss the playoffs again and win something like 38 games.
Iceman picked his and Kid Rock’s Pistons to make the playoffs again! This year he has them being even better! Can’t wait to see how it shakes out! As a reminder, he has Heat over Rockets (man, that would be awful) and I picked the Bulls over the Clippers (nice opening night loss to the no-name Lakers, Doc!). But really the only things to concern yourself with during this upcoming NBA season are LeBron’s desire to come back home (a guarantee!) and Austin Carr’s continued excellence on the microphone. IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED THEN THROW THE HAM-MA DOWN!!!