|Imagine the performance enhancing powers from the antlers of this creature!|
Is there any doubt that Jim Harbaugh was behind this story leak? He’s probably just getting back at John for making up those rape charges for Mike Crabtree. I’ll tell ya, the prank war between the BRAHs is getting heated!
Also, in his certain LOL-worthy interview with THEE Dr. Phil McGraw airing today, Ronaiah Tuiasasopo revealed that he fell in love with Manti Te’o. HAHAHAHAHA!!! What a swerve! Everyone wanted to believe that Manti was gay but, in reality, it was actually the Catfisherman who was looking to get his anus hooked! And you know that this guy was beating off constantly while Te’o was saying comforting things to “the love of his life” while "she" was "dying". Notre Dame = gay.
With that out of the way, let’s get into my Top 10 favorite prop bets for the Super Bowl!!!
MVP – Let’s get this one out of the way first since it is a total crapshoot. You are going to be tempted to bet money on Ray Lewis here. DO NOT DO THAT. He’s not going to win it. That’s a waste of money and it makes no sense why his odds are the 3rd lowest (+800). The 49ers can’t win the Super Bowl without Colin K being the MVP. FACT. The Ravens can win the Super Bowl without Flacco being ELITE. I sort of like Boldin and Torrey Smith at +1500 if you want to take a flyer on this prop.
10. The number of times Ray Lewis mentions God in his postgame interview: OVER 3 - This is a fucking lock if Baltimore wins. It is never going to happen if they lose and he is too "heartbroken" to speak much. By the way, this is one of the best props of all time.
9. The number of times that the announcers refer to the game as the Harbaugh Bowl, Har-Bowl, or Super Baugh: UNDER 2.5 - You would think that this would be an easy over but I honestly don't think that the CBS booth will say it more than once. Nantz is a pro who doesn't usually get sucked into sideshows (Butler Cabin excluded) and Simms is such an idiot that he probably doesn't even know that these coaches are related.
8. Colin Kaepernick’s 1st TD pass: UNDER 13.5 yards - I've just got a feeling on this one. I don't see either team really airing it out early (lots of dink and dunk AKA The Todd Haley Special).
7. Torrey Smith receiving yards: OVER 65.5 - I'm a big fan of this kid. The Ravens are going to throw it deep. They always do. They usually only throw it to Smith. And I've seen Carlos Rogers play enough to know that he enjoys getting burnt.
6. Colin Kaepernick first rushing attempt: OVER 5.5 yards - I really like this one. He's going to be nervous and will not hold on to it on a zone read unless the hole is wider than Tony Siragusa's ass.
5. Will either team score in the first 6 minutes: NO - Neither one of these teams has gotten off to good starts in either of their playoff games.
4. Alicia Keys National Anthem Length: UNDER 2:05 - Last year, Fat Ass Kelly Clarkson sang it in 1:34. Even though Keys is way more talented, can she tack on an extra 30 seconds? Hells nah, BRAH. I also like the prop that Keys won't screw up any words. She's a pro, dammit!
3. How many times will “Harbaugh” be said during the game: OVER 20.5 - Are you kidding? Why would anyone bet the under? Has there ever been a football game where the head coach was just ignored by the broadcast booth?
2. Total combined pass completions by both teams: UNDER 38.5 - In the playoffs, Flacco averages 19 completions and Kaepernick 16. They are both facing better defenses than anything they've seen the past month. The under is an easy play.
1. First half total points: UNDER 23.5 - Don't even think about it. I proved last year that this prop is a lock.
I don't like many of the yardage props this year simply because both offenses are unpredictable and inconsistent. So I'm sticking with QB props and betting on both of them being nervous. That seems like a winning strategy to me. Tomorrow, I get to unleash my annual 15 pronged prediction generator to determine who wins the Super Bowl (and unveil the Bowl Mania Standings!). Just admit it...you're falling in love with me.