|Have a nice trip? See you next FALL!|
Flynn-sanity - The first game was dog shit and, for once, it wasn't the Lions' fault. I was barely paying attention which is not like me at all. Congrats to the Lions for winning once on Thanksgiving this decade.
DeMarco Murray - I have always been adamant that this guy sucks and Thursday he had a very Bettis-like 3 touchdowns on something like 6 rushing yards. Typical Cowboys...squeaking by Matt McGloin at home. I look forward to their annual December collapse.
Trent Dildo - Mr. QBR Inventor had the nerve to say that Tony Romo is a top 5 QB. Based on what? Smiles? Backwards hats? Number of Starter jackets owned?
Shaun Suisham - That was great when he forgot how to do his job and just decided to start his kicking motion before the ball was snapped. And then they lost by 2. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Ray Rice - He is probably the worst skill player in football this year but I'm not really sure where else to put this so it's going to be here: The Ravens offense is the best. It is a real Rex Grossman Special. When in doubt, chuck it deep! They do it EVERY play. It is truly amazing. I don't think that they run anything but fly routes. Hitches? Outs? Nah, fuck it, let's go long!
The Saddest Play of the Year - When you look at the box score, Old Man Weeden wasn't THAT bad but his limp dick kick out of the end zone for a safety was definitely LOLZ. Man, that Josh Gordon is an ELITE receiver. It's too bad that you can't trust his hemp blood.
Joe Haden - Who shuts down the best receivers in the game but gets toasted by THEE Cecil Shorts? THIS GUY! Way to lose a home game to the Jags. That stadium was just packed to the gills with invisible people. You could have bought a ticket to this game on Thursday for 6 bucks. The Browns are shit.
Trent Richardson - YA BENCHED! Dude kind of sucks and all that jazz, but let's be honest...the Colts can't run the ball at all.
Last Year's Rookie QBs - They've ALL come back to Earf this year. It isn't just RG3 either. Luck has been simply OK. Rusty Dubs isn't exactly carrying his team. Tannehill sucks. Weeden sucks. If you consider Kaep in this group, which you shouldn't, he hasn't been consistent. Just saying that all of these guys aren't really on a rocket ship to stardom as it once appeared. And that's good. That's how it is supposed to go for young QBs and Doopy Pantz.
Not Matt Cassel's mustache - The best in the business, folks! That thing is beautiful. The Bears are a weird team. They rack up enough offensive yardage that they should average 40 points but then you look and they struggle to score 20. Is Cutler due back soon? Because Josh McCown just isn't a winner...which is probably why he is a career back-up. Great insight there! I have made one bad move all fantasy season long on the waiver wire and that was dropping Alshon Jeffery after week 3 in the MSFL to keep Hakeem Nicks. This haunts me because Jeffrey SICK and Nicks blows.
Rex Ryan - If you are going to bench your rookie QB then you need to do it in favor of someone who is not a rookie himself. That sends a shitty message That is why you have veteran back-ups in the first place.
Carson Palmer - To be fair, he was getting blindsided all goddamn day but they win that game if they don't go -3 in the turnover battle. The Eagles are still garbage and we know this. I truly feel like Arizona is a better team but whatever, they weren't yesterday.
Analytical Ron - I do not care for this man. I do love me some Riverboat Ron though. Stop kicking field goals! You're supposed to always go for it on fourth down! I am buying a lot of stock in the Panthers and their Sunday Nighter next week in NOLA should be fantastic. That is a really good team.
The Houston Texans - Spirited effort yesterday but they lose their tenth in a row. Did you know that if the season ended today, Houston would have the #1 pick? That's bananas. They aren't this bad. Bridgewater or Mariota or whoever would be walking into an ELITE situation. Can't wait for Thursday's Texans/Jaguars game this week!
Not Fred Jackson - I don't give a horse's ass about the Bills/Falcons game, but I do love me some Rob Ford and he went to the game in his finest (definitely stained) Bills #22 jersey! Nice fumbling at the end...good team you got there, Canada.
Vernon Davis - You got tackled by your dick, BRAH! Coach Jimmy is going to have a good chortle at that play at his next stag party! Big ups to Jeff Fisher for running some weirdo fake punt reverse from his own 20 that failed miserably. Riverboat Ron, you are not!
Antonio Gates - I always root against my least favorite college basketball player of all time so it's nice to see him have a crushing fumble and also hand an interception to the Bingles. Nice road win for Cincy who is clearly the best team in the North.
Eric Decker - You asshole. Go do another reality TV show with your whore. I say this because whitey has clinched my bet loss with Drew. I now must join Twitter. SHIT. Thanks for nothing, Wes Welker, you cock. I'm going to spend the next few weeks crying like Knowshon Moreno listening to the National Anthem. I'll probably sign up some time between the end of week 17 and the start of the playoffs. Nothing but HOT TAEKS coming at you from @RealTerrySchaivo!
The Redskins - I will assume that we lost last night in front of a 70% filled stadium. Because we suck OBVZ.
FANTASY! - The only game that actually mattered this week was in the G$FL and if I can't beat Mingo with Brees and Vic Cruz against Rusty Dubs, I'm going to be furious. I ended Iceman's season in the MSFL to finish a 12-1 season and a 1 seed. LFL and OTHER LEAGUE are probably losses, too, but my seeding in each is all locked up. Bye week coming in the MSFL and LFL because I'm better than you.
I thought long and rock hard about flipping days with Iceman this week since the college game had an incredible weekend, but we have a schedule around here for a reason so you must wait (Plus afternoon TWD finale talk!). Personally, I can't wait for tonight's game. I would really like it if Breesus would shut up Team Dirty Piss. Either way, hold your breath for just one more day and you can fire all of your ammo tomorrow. God bless.