Monday, December 23, 2013

The Worst of Week Sixteen Vol.VII

FUCK YOU
I assume that we all have smart phones now which means that we should have apps, right?  I can safely say that the new, updated ESPN Sportscenter app is the worst fucking thing ever.  What was wrong with the old one that, you know, was terrific?  I will never stop complaining about this piece of shit.  It takes forever to load.  It doesn't give you a page of "your teams" which are all that matter.  You can't personalize it which means you get stupid NBA scores at the top.  It's the worst.  It is the Jeff of apps.  There is no way that anyone prefers this over the old ESPN app.  KILL ESPN.  Let's worst it up right quick:

SW Ohio - I was at my parents house for CHRISTmas yesterday and was stuck toggling between CLE/NYJ and MIN/CIN.  It was a dark day because those games SUCKED.  Please accept my heartfelt apology, Scott Hanson, just know that I missed you so much.

Richie Incognito - It was TOTES OBVZ to me that the reason why the Dolphins got shutout(!) by the Bills(!!!) was because of his racist bullying.  TOTES MCGOTES.  I'd bet that Drew's buddy pissed his pants good after that game.

The Torg - OMG will this guy please get another job in a different city already.  Christ, he was trolling Bengals fans all day under the guise of #pokethebear and he just came off looking like a moron as usual.  I would un-follow him but I want to be there when he loses his health insurance again.  Cagey move by Li'l Strut starting Andy Dalton yesterday in the MSFL Super Bowl.  Did it work?  POSSIBLY!

Alex Smith - Small Hands is not going to win in January.  Sometimes people need to be reminded of this.  Dude sucks...likely because he is an Urban Meyer Guy.

Rex Ryan - Savvy move by the pussy-tuber to fire up his team by telling them that he was going to get fired.  How the fuck can the Jets fire him?  They're 7-8!  They should be 2-13 with that offense.  If they're going to send Rex packing, I would gladly take him in DC.

Stupid NFL Rules - So the Steelers got hosed for some incorrect illegal batting call. LOL fuck 'em.  It didn't matter.  Maybe Ryan Clark would get the calls if he didn't have AIDS blood no offense.

Sean Payton - He truly coached like a moron.  Onside kicks!  Fake field goals!  Playing Mark Ingram!  The Saints don't like to talk about how bad they are on the road BUT they are really bad on the road.  I continue to insist that the Panthers are for real but losing Steve Smiff hurts.  ICE UP, SON!

Tom Brady - Yo record gone, BRAH!  The Sheriff (trademarked by Jonny G) is now your NEW touchdown passes in a season record holder.  51!  Holy shit.  The Jets have thrown 53 touchdown passes in the last three SEASONS.  I still think that Brady's record season was more impressive but Peyton may have just helped me win the MSFL.  DID HE?  MAYBE!

What I've fucking come to expect - The old man knew when the Skins went up 9 on Dallas that they would lose by 1.  We've seen this franchise for far too long to think any different.  I HATE losing to the Cowboys but the unfortunate side effect of this season is that I am numb to everything.  I expect the worst because the worst always happens.  We should have saw this coming anyway.  T-Bone Romo doesn't fail miserably in week 16 on regional coverage.  No, he saves that for the finale and national coverage.  Can't wait to see what he's got cooking next Sunday.

Jim Schwartz and Matt Stafford - They're losers.  They just are.  Schwartz is as good as gone. He should just box up his office tonight.  Stafford is Eli Manning but with zero accomplishments.  How do you let this season happen.  Aaron Rodgers has been a pussy for two months.  The Catler missed a ton of time and the Bears defense is dreadful.  If you can't win the North this year then you never, ever will. And you know that this is true.

Russell Wilson - HAHAHAHA YOU SUCK AND ARE NOT AN MVP CANDIDATE.  YOU ARE BARELY A TRUNG CANIDATE (absolutely horrible Redskins RB from the past).  Someone on Twitter said that he was too focused on his baseball contract which made me LOL.  I fucking hate Seattle.

Rex Grossman - Poor Sex Cannon, he is no longer the answer to the trivia question "Who was the last QB to win in Seattle?".  Still a hero though.

Aaron Rodgers - I had a HOT TAEK on KSK last week in which I argued "Let's be honest Matt Flynn brings his lunchpail everyday while Fraudgers is still stuck in grill class".  I am very proud of this comment.  My point is that we all know that Rodgers isn't playing so stop acting like he's going to show up.

Justin Tucker - Feel free to apologize to all of those fantasy owners this week, bro-heeeeeem.  Joe Flacco is a turd.

FANTASY! - Unfortunately, I will not be placing in the money in the LFL.  Injuries and black dudes getting suspended for drugs (as well as below average Brees play) just killed me.  I will collect my division winner title and hopefully Jeff can beat Lange for the title.  What's that?  Oh, I see...

I AM THE MSFL CHAMPION!  I AM THE MSFL CHAMPION!  I AM THE MSFL CHAMPION!  I went 14-1.  No one came close to my ELITEness.  Li'l Strut defeated me early for my only loss so I beat him twice including yesterday.  I guess it's not over yet but if Phil Dawson and the Niners D put up 53.5 points, I will suck my own dick.  So barring a miracle, I won yet another title because I'm the best at this.  Oh, I remember on draft night when FagNasty and Ide kept calling me out for drafting like a moron and having a big bankroll toward the end.  LOLWUT?  Bunch of haters if you ask me.  Can't recognize excellence OBVZ. 

That's it for today.  I think that we're giving out fictional gifts tomorrow but Gerald Rollie might be busy combing jizz out of his hair.  I'll have to check into that.  THE BRAHS ARE YOUR KINGS!!!

39 comments:

GMoney said...

Just a heads up: I have no won a title in every fantasy league that I've ever played in. None of you can say that (maybe Lange) because you are all inferior.

Nice game, Bears.

Does Ape "want Dallas"? I can not WAIT for next Sunday night. It's going to be chock full of LULZ.

There is no way that the Philly fans want Dallas more than the CBJ faithful "WE WANT MASON".

Mr. Ace said...

FLY EAGLES FLY! Destruction Terror and Mayhem last night, all inside Primes b hole.

Only the fucking Redskins could make Tony Romo clutch.

I will mail out the MSFL packages sometime in January. They will be great and only bolster my positioning as greatest commish ever.

I hate Ice, Man.

Anonymous said...

Aaron Hernandez is getting the call up to the big time tonight. Because, I am an asshole. And I refuse to root for Prison Tats.

Peter King on twitter yesterday! Man am I happy I follow him. That was just classic stuff; praising Keuchly, bashing non stop on Cammy Cam, then backtracking gloriously at the end.

According to science, Peyton should be playing next week because he can also break the single season yard record. LET'S GET IT PEYTON.

That new Sports center app is so fucking bad. I don't have time to cycle though bullshit to find MY TEAMS. And stop shoehorning NBA scores in my football!

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide, thank you for actually agreeing with me for once. That app is SHIT. That Ape is also shit.

I forgot to mention Peter King going all subliminal racist yesterday toward the Panthers. Loves his white LBs; hates his blue gums.

Mr. Ace said...

Twitter shit all over the Sports Center app update a month ago. Nice COLD TAEKS

Anonymous said...

Yahoo's 'sportacular' is the go to sports app. It's all scored and no BIG ESPN fluff. Customized favorites page and a trending page. All sports no BS.

It's been my go-to ever since I determined espn blows.

-j saul

GMoney said...

Oh please...stop acting like this site is timely with our takes.

Yahoo, eh? I've also heard good things about CBS but I don't want people to think that I support Jim Nantz.

Prime99 said...

Goddamn the Bears shit themselves. As a fan, I of course want them to beat the Packers and go to the playoffs. However, they will get DESTROYED by whoever their wild card opponent would be.

As bad as that Bears loss was, the Lions getting eliminated was even more LULZ-worthy.

The CBS app is solid. Yahoo's is good also.

Decent game from Kap and Boldin tonight will hook me up with 3rd place. I really owe that to my division draft which was panned at the time. My team was not Murder Panties' level of ELITE that we all have come to expect.

Anonymous said...

I guess the app is just called 'sports' by yahoo now.

Jeff said...

At least PeyPey and Pierre showed up for me yesterday. Tonight is YUGE. I got Big Vern and a 8.5 pt lead against SF Def and Phil Dawson.

Anonymous said...

Sup BRAHS....COY here.

Just a complete collapse from the Lions, Schwartz and Stafford. With all of the things that went their way this year, they should be playing for a bye...instead they are already eliminated. Losers they are. Schwartz better get the axe...then hopefully we raid O'Brien from the pedos and hopefully he can coach up Stafford.

The Bills defense was ELITE yesterday.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Like I say here weekly, everything Detroit = loser. Nothing new seeing another loser team is that loser city fail. LOLZ at your loser fan base.

The new app blows... the only thing that I like better is they have the spreads on the games. Yahoo Sportacular is much better- and has always had the spreads.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...like I say here weekly...ALL of my teams are better than your teams....and so is my commenting. Deal with it.

--Drew (2013 COY)

GMoney said...

You're about to get some north beach justice tonight, bro, when Bynum takes a big shit all over ya boy, Mr. Drummond!

"Sports"! How creative!

It does seem like Billy O is gone from Pedo Valley, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

LOLZ at you bragging about loser teams that win nothing. Whatever makes you and your loser fan base happy, bud.

Seal

Anonymous said...

And if I remember correctly, I have won a championship more recently than you, loser. Lick Calipari's nuts.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Drew + inflated COY ego=WIN!

Hopefully the success gets to him and he pulls a Clarrett/any dead wrestler.

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal's getting angry that his Cleveland teams are inferior to Detroit teams.....again. Just a typical Monday at The Money Shot.

G$...indeed a big game tonight in the Q. I think "THE DIFF" for the Cleveland tards is gonna be getting a big workout tonight. Still LOLZ at "THE DIFF".

--Drew

GMoney said...

I'll tell ya what, Seal's commenting blood pressure has never been higher. Love it.

THE DIFF tonight will be like Uncle T's last AIDS test...positive.

Anonymous said...

Im glad you just ignored by championship comment, Drooler. Makes your COY award look dumber and dumber.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Pistons/Cavs, eh? I do believe that is my cue to deliver some HOT COLLEGE TAEKS.

Hoo boy, where do I start. Firstly, I was at MSG for the OSU game, after an ELITE meal at WD50 (Wylie Dufresne, yo! (god, I watch too much Food Network)), that cost more than my trip to Carolina will. And, Jesus, what a fucking game. I was already bracing myself for a long night, but, since I'm a REAL FAN, I stayed until the end. The last minute was really a blur, of me screaming, jumping, and wondering if we were going to pull it out. Easily the best sporting event I've ever been to. Even if it was meaningless (then again, getting Gerald to buy me ribs is NOT meaningless).

Belmont will go to the Sweet 16, unless they play a team of apes. I found myself watching the Belmont/UK game in its entirety, and the all white knights of Belmont were playing lights out. In the end, the size of UK finally wore them down, since I think Belmont managed something like 10 boards all game, but their shooting and that PG were phenomenal. Major LULZ to UK relegating to playing backyard ball in the second half. That team is really complete dogshit with 5 ball hogs, and a pass last mentality. It's going to be great to watch them get dismantled by better competition. Calipari didn't even run a play that whole half, I'm certain.

The circus tent of UNC kept its streak of hilarity going. Barring black afflete PJ Hairston from ever playing at UNC for accepting free rental cars from a guy named "Fats" (lol), is pretty ballsy. I guess when Butch Davis comes in and runs a snake oil business out of Kenan Stadium, certain measures must be taken.

Jabari is really fucking good. Is there any question who will be number 1 in the draft? Unless, of course, Cleveland gets it, they will likely pick Napier from UConn or someone equally hilarious. Cavs are always looking for the next Scooter McCray.

Conference play needs to happen ASAP. Because, ribs. But, more importantly, I'm tired of playing the sisters of the poor and the UK's of the world, and want to play some real teams. Also, watching other teams stumble along the way will be good (get a fucking clue, Oregon, YOU'RE NOT GOOD).

Ide

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...Phil Robertson thinks that Kentucky championship from a couple years ago should be vacated due to the homosexual sinning behavior that video showed that went on in the locker room.

Do Cleveland fans need THE DIFF at Indians games too? "If the Tigers have 8 runs...and the Indians have 1 run...how many runs are we losing by? I don't know..let's look for THE DIFF".

--Drew (2013 COY)

Anonymous said...

Ide....how is a December basketball game against ND "easily the best sporting event" that you have ever been to? Was it also your first sporting event? I mean...the cumback was great...but, yikes if that's the best ever.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Seal, don't ever question the authority of The Commies selection committee. They are just as powerful as the LFL Rules Committee if not more. You may not like it, but you must accept it. Just like your wife when you're feeling frisky.

Keep eating up Belmont's shit. EVERY year they are the hot team to get to the sweet 16 and every year they lose by 20 in the first round.

Very disappointed that a below average team like ND failed miserably. Even more disappointed that you enjoyed yourself.

GMoney said...

Thank you, Drew, Ide is as lame as Gerald.

Anonymous said...

In terms of the game, it was the best, yes. I always seem to miss the last second come from behind victories (Burke got to take in the Wiscy and Xavier game, some time back). The closest games I've been to were against Purdue (missed the game tying shot as time expired) and MSU (soclose!). I have been to droves of blow outs, and all the OSU football games I've been to were blow outs or crushing defeats. So in the view of just the game itself, then yes, it was the most exciting game that I've seen since we came from behind to win in the fourf quarter to win the division and get into the playoffs in high school.

I have an AWFUL track record of live sporting events.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...Phil Robertson thinks that Kentucky championship from a couple years ago should be vacated due to the homosexual sinning behavior that video showed that went on in the locker room.

Am I supposed to care about this? Congrats, you just won another award! Most pathetic comment of 2013.

So Ide I actually agree with most of what you said, but you sound a little stupid when trying to say UK is terrible and what not, right after talking about how lights out Belmont, their phenomenal play, and how they are a sweet 16 team. Im pretty sure UK won that game, unless I missed something. So lets get this straight... UK is terrible, LOLZ not good, but they beat a phenomenal, sweet 16 calibur team who played lights out? Hmmmm.....

UK is not that good, but you did make your argument good enough to sound legit. Its their offense that blows.

Youre absolutely right about Jabari, though.

Seal

GMoney said...

Does anyone know why Willie Cauley-Stein has blonde hair? LOL Man of the Year.

Once again, Big Lots Browns fan Ide ignored his team when they came to his neck of the woods. Could have seen a GREAT game if he wasn't such a cunt.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely made the right call, again, by not going to the hell hole known as the Meadowlands to see the Browns lose. Unlike you, I'm not a glutton for punishment (anymore than being a Browns fan would allow). Paying good money to go to New Jersey sit in a smog festooned shithole with assholes is not my idea of a good Sunday. If we win, I get the shit kicked out of me. If I lose, I will likely still get the shit kicked out of me. If I go, then I'm still in fucking New Jersey.

And you have ZERO idea what kind of special breed of retard make up the Jets faithful. They are a violent version of Steelers fans. No. Fucking. Thank. You.

Seal, that game was closer than it should have been for 38 minutes. It wasn't until the end when they had to start chucking up 3s because their rebounding took the day off (size had most to do with that). I'm not saying Belmont is a better team, but they did beat UNC at home and took you guys to the wire (if you claim the last score indicates a blowout, you didn't watch the game) until the physical mismatches started to take their toll.

That blonde hair is LOLZ. UK is certainly making a pro gay movement. Sequined jerseys are coming soon.

Ide

GMoney said...

Remember when I won the MSFL? Me, too!

Prime99 said...

I remember when I won the MSFL... A bit fuzzy on the crown you say you won, G$.

Fuck Chip Kelly. Dude is dead to me. I'll have to find my insider info elsewhere from now on.

Anonymous said...

Taylor Lewan being investigated for assault:

http://ohiostate.247sports.com/Article/Michigans-Lewan-Accused-Of-Assault-167623

Anonymous said...

Lewan is a huge piece of shit/Michigan Man, but I can respect beating up a Buckeye fan after losing that game.

--Drew (2013 COY)

GMoney said...

An Ohio fanboy site is not a reliable source of news. We have covered this already. The only reputable sources are none.

Remember kiddies, Santa Blogs is coming tomorrow!!!

GMoney said...

Most of you regular commenters should check your e-mail. Just a heads up.

Anonymous said...

Romo out for the year. Orton will start vs Philly on Sunday. Sorry Ape, the Romo december hilarity will have to wait until next year

GMoney said...

ROMO DEAD!!! The Skins did something right this year. Orton = Super Bowl.

Anonymous said...

Garrett says Romo is day to day & he isn't ruling him out for Sunday

GMoney said...

Jason Garrett is an idiot.