SW Ohio - I was at my parents house for CHRISTmas yesterday and was stuck toggling between CLE/NYJ and MIN/CIN. It was a dark day because those games SUCKED. Please accept my heartfelt apology, Scott Hanson, just know that I missed you so much.
Richie Incognito - It was TOTES OBVZ to me that the reason why the Dolphins got shutout(!) by the Bills(!!!) was because of his racist bullying. TOTES MCGOTES. I'd bet that Drew's buddy pissed his pants good after that game.
The Torg - OMG will this guy please get another job in a different city already. Christ, he was trolling Bengals fans all day under the guise of #pokethebear and he just came off looking like a moron as usual. I would un-follow him but I want to be there when he loses his health insurance again. Cagey move by Li'l Strut starting Andy Dalton yesterday in the MSFL Super Bowl. Did it work? POSSIBLY!
Alex Smith - Small Hands is not going to win in January. Sometimes people need to be reminded of this. Dude sucks...likely because he is an Urban Meyer Guy.
Rex Ryan - Savvy move by the pussy-tuber to fire up his team by telling them that he was going to get fired. How the fuck can the Jets fire him? They're 7-8! They should be 2-13 with that offense. If they're going to send Rex packing, I would gladly take him in DC.
Stupid NFL Rules - So the Steelers got hosed for some incorrect illegal batting call. LOL fuck 'em. It didn't matter. Maybe Ryan Clark would get the calls if he didn't have AIDS blood no offense.
Sean Payton - He truly coached like a moron. Onside kicks! Fake field goals! Playing Mark Ingram! The Saints don't like to talk about how bad they are on the road BUT they are really bad on the road. I continue to insist that the Panthers are for real but losing Steve Smiff hurts. ICE UP, SON!
Tom Brady - Yo record gone, BRAH! The Sheriff (trademarked by Jonny G) is now your NEW touchdown passes in a season record holder. 51! Holy shit. The Jets have thrown 53 touchdown passes in the last three SEASONS. I still think that Brady's record season was more impressive but Peyton may have just helped me win the MSFL. DID HE? MAYBE!
What I've fucking come to expect - The old man knew when the Skins went up 9 on Dallas that they would lose by 1. We've seen this franchise for far too long to think any different. I HATE losing to the Cowboys but the unfortunate side effect of this season is that I am numb to everything. I expect the worst because the worst always happens. We should have saw this coming anyway. T-Bone Romo doesn't fail miserably in week 16 on regional coverage. No, he saves that for the finale and national coverage. Can't wait to see what he's got cooking next Sunday.
Jim Schwartz and Matt Stafford - They're losers. They just are. Schwartz is as good as gone. He should just box up his office tonight. Stafford is Eli Manning but with zero accomplishments. How do you let this season happen. Aaron Rodgers has been a pussy for two months. The Catler missed a ton of time and the Bears defense is dreadful. If you can't win the North this year then you never, ever will. And you know that this is true.
Russell Wilson - HAHAHAHA YOU SUCK AND ARE NOT AN MVP CANDIDATE. YOU ARE BARELY A TRUNG CANIDATE (absolutely horrible Redskins RB from the past). Someone on Twitter said that he was too focused on his baseball contract which made me LOL. I fucking hate Seattle.
Rex Grossman - Poor Sex Cannon, he is no longer the answer to the trivia question "Who was the last QB to win in Seattle?". Still a hero though.
Aaron Rodgers - I had a HOT TAEK on KSK last week in which I argued "Let's be honest Matt Flynn brings his lunchpail everyday while Fraudgers is still stuck in grill class". I am very proud of this comment. My point is that we all know that Rodgers isn't playing so stop acting like he's going to show up.
Justin Tucker - Feel free to apologize to all of those fantasy owners this week, bro-heeeeeem. Joe Flacco is a turd.
FANTASY! - Unfortunately, I will not be placing in the money in the LFL. Injuries and black dudes getting suspended for drugs (as well as below average Brees play) just killed me. I will collect my division winner title and hopefully Jeff can beat Lange for the title. What's that? Oh, I see...
I AM THE MSFL CHAMPION! I AM THE MSFL CHAMPION! I AM THE MSFL CHAMPION! I went 14-1. No one came close to my ELITEness. Li'l Strut defeated me early for my only loss so I beat him twice including yesterday. I guess it's not over yet but if Phil Dawson and the Niners D put up 53.5 points, I will suck my own dick. So barring a miracle, I won yet another title because I'm the best at this. Oh, I remember on draft night when FagNasty and Ide kept calling me out for drafting like a moron and having a big bankroll toward the end. LOLWUT? Bunch of haters if you ask me. Can't recognize excellence OBVZ.
That's it for today. I think that we're giving out fictional gifts tomorrow but Gerald Rollie might be busy combing jizz out of his hair. I'll have to check into that. THE BRAHS ARE YOUR KINGS!!!