Alternate Uniforms - OK, these have to stop. They have gotten out of control. WEAR YOUR UNIFORMS. Don't wear some other version. Stop trying to sell merchandise to idiots. Those white Minnesota unis made me root for Jerry Kill's epilepsy. Ohio Buckeyes look like garbage with those really wide helmet stripes. WEAR YOUR REGULAR UNIFORMS GODDAMMIT.
Penn State - Ya fucked, BRAHS! Your savior coach is gone. I expect Bill O'Brien to take his butt chin to Houston which is an incredible job opening. You can do a hell of a lot worse than walking into JJ Watt, Andre Johnson, Foster, and the #1 pick.
Black Monday! - Oh man, do I love this day. Coaches are assholes and there are few things better than a day where a bunch of assholes get shit-canned. The Money Shot will be your home of Black Monday firings. I expect at least 5 pink slips today. Mike Shanahan better be one of them.
Jimmy Haslam/Mike Lombardi - If you weren't sold on Chud then why did you hire him? You work/own the Browns. You aren't getting a great coach to come there. You gave Chud the worst QBs in the league and no running backs. What did you expect? If they fire Chud today, well, they'll be just as big of a joke as they usually are. UPDATE - They did. As some hilarious mug said on Twitter:
The Browns are what happens when a criminal billionaire and Bill Simmons podcast take over a team.
Pretty much. This franchise is forever fucked. No one has a goddamn clue what they're doing. They have officially lost the Trent Richardson trade because the Browns never win.
Jim Schwartz - I like the guy but he should have been fired last year and now word is coming out that he might keep his job after a monumental collapse. This makes no sense. Nice loss to the Vikings. FYI, Cordarelle Patterson is going to be GREAT if he ever has a good QB.
The Rams - FUCK YO COUCH! Houston earned that #1 pick--not you scumbags looking for handouts.
Ryan Tannehill - Not only did they miss out on the playoffs because they couldn't beat the Bills OR the Jets at home (got slaughtered in both) but the QB got caught picking his nose by an ELITE cameraman. Nothing wrong with picking your nose, bro, but you got to wipe your boogers on Jonathan Martin.
Joe Flacco and Andy Dalton - Worst starting QBs in the league? Can you believe that this is the first time that Flacco has not made the playoffs? Dalton might make worse decisions than Ryan Leaf. He is SO DUMB. But still, I expect the Bengals to win by 50 next weekend.
Not RedZone - God bless those guys. They didn't show one live play of HOU/TEN or WAS/NYG. Good job. Good effort.
It's over - I'm done complaining about the Redskins. It's high time to focus on who our next puppet head coach will be. My guess is Lane Kiffin. He could bring his dad in to run the defense. Nepotism is a real thing in DC. Thank you, London Fletcher, you will be missed but not that much because we went 3-13 with you this season.
BLOG BREAK! - Heading down to #DEFENDNWA now! BEAT THE PENGUINS! Sidney Crosby gives great head! Postgame - SHIT! AND I apparently missed an ELITE slate of finishes in the later games. Let's scan the box scores...
Poor Prime - I called that. The Bears would lose. It sounds like it was heart-breaking but why would you expect something good to happen when you've watched that Bears defense suck all season. They lost to the goddamn Redskins for fuck's sake. I get the feeling that they are going to let The Cat walk in free agency.
Terrelle Pryor's Agent - LOLOLOLOL the Raiders want my client to fail! WHO SAYS THAT?
FUCK YOU STEELERS - LULZ! I was in a suite last night and it was pretty much all Pens fans who were watching the Chargers/Chiefs game with great interest and white trash vigor. They were so pumped when the Chiefs got into field goal range and then that American hero pushed it and they lose in overtime because Chase Daniel gives no fucks about the line of scrimmage. That was terrific. Steeler fan silence and dejection at a hockey game. Unfortunately, Faggot Crosby woke them up a few minutes later.
Christ, Chargers! - That was classic San Diego right there. Should have lost a home win-or-go-home game to a team that plays the second half of preseason games. I was expecting to see Norv Turner show up. I'm looking forward to more hilarious Philip Rivers faces though. He should have plenty in Cincy next week when they are losing by 35.
Oh come on, Browns - Targeting Josh McDaniels? THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU HIRE HIM LAST YEAR! Do you not remember that he traded back into the first round to draft Tim Tenor? HE DID THAT. Move this team to London.
FANTASY! - Shit. Ide won the G$FL for the second year in a row. Peyton Manning is a hell of a drug. I'll tell you what, if you owned Peyton this year and didn't win your league (Jeff), you should stop playing (Jeff).
I'm just going to assume that Dallas loses because there is no way that Kyle Orton can come back from a second quarter ten point deficit, right? Whatever, I'm tired and I'm calling it quits for today. There will be plenty of LULZ to go around anyway. One thing is certain, I'm getting really sick of watching the Jackets lose in person but, then again, I GOTTA SEE IT LIVE!