Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Worst of Week Fourteen Vol.VII

The Yager Stadium of the NFL!
If Mike Shanahan is still the coach of the Redskins today then I will shave my ass and glue the fallout to Seal's head.  I'm sick of this Mickey Mouse show.  Normal teams have bad seasons and just fade away into the offseason.  Not my team!  They make sure to blow cock every Sunday and then make frontpage news the rest of the week high-lighting their dysfunction.  This week, we found out that Shanahan wanted to quit after last season.  You know, the one where we won the division and hosted a playoff game for the first time since 1999?  That one!  But he came back because he didn't want to quit after our QBs injury.  Thanks for your selflessness, Mike, I would have hated not going 3-13 this year while you rake in 7 million dollars.  Life is fair!

Mike Shanahan is a great football coach who might go into the Hall of Fame one day.  I have supported him for 3+ years now.  But you know what, fuck him.  Fire his fucking ass.  HOW HAS HE NOT BEEN FIRED YET?  HE is the one who leaked that story about leaving.  Who else would?  He is the one that announced that the season was over last year after a 3-6 start.  He quit then and he hasn't tried since.  We went on that bananas run in spite of him.  And now he's not naming a starting QB this week because he is worried about RG3's health!  FUCK THIS GUY.  Again, HOW HAS HE NOT BEEN FIRED YET?

Don't get me wrong, I will almost always blame Dan Snyder for everything.  But this year isn't on him.  It isn't on Griffin.  This is ALL on Mike Shanahan because he hasn't given one fuck about this organization and it's all because he's jealous that the franchise QB is more popular than him.  One more time, fuck that guy and fire that asshole.  On to the worst (the Redskins show up again)...

Jeff Triplette - This guy is the worst referee in the game and he should be fired immediately.  He completely botched the final 2 minutes of the Skins/Giants game last Sunday because he didn't want to take the time to get a call right and yesterday he gave the Bengals a touchdown for no reason at all.  Seriously, Law Firm was tripped and he was short of the goal line.  EVERYONE saw that.  Well, except for one guy.  This hick sucks.  More Booger, less Triplette.  Also, the Colts are trash.

Adrian Peterson and The Honey Badger and Rob Gronkowski - Ya'll bros are DEAD!!!  That should swing quite a few fantasy playoffs (including mine!  YAY!).

The Snow - Normally, I like games in the elements but Sunday was just horrible.  That was just awful to watch.  Fix your weather, east coast.  Granted, most of those snow games ended in incredible fashion so I should probably just stop complaining like a little bitch.

The Redskins - What a fucking joke.  This entire franchise is total shit from top (Dan Snyder's wallet) to bottom (everything else about Dan Snyder).  He is the worst owner in sports.  The players have all quit.  That coaching absolutely awful.  Just watch the punt return and kickoff return touchdowns that they gave up (which is mighty impressive).  No one tried to make a tackle.  Pathetic. I'm done.  I love this fucked-up team too much to watch shit this bad.  What I'm trying to say is, "I'm gettin' too old for this shit".

Jerome Booger - Hey!  Speaking of poop-dick officiating, that PI call on McFadden which led to a miracle Patriots win was such garbage.  We need to change the PI rule to 15 yards.  Spot fouls are ridiculous.  That was a very Browns way to lose.  I'm sure that it will inspire another thousand YouTube fan videos about how awful their life is.  Those videos have jumped the shark.  GIVE IT A REST.

Aqib Talib - He has shut down pretty much everyone this season but not Josh Gordon.  I don't get it.  The Browns have zero weapons outside of Gordon.  Why is he not being double-teamed on EVERY play?  That doesn't make a lick of sense to me.  Gordon is a stud...let's just hope that he can keep his piss clean.

Pretty much everyone on the Lions not named Jeremy Ross - That was a strong garbage showing by the NFC North leaders.  6 fumbles!  8000 rushing yards given up!  In a game and climate where it is obvious that you can't pass the ball, how can you let Shady just gash you over and over again?  I just don't get it.  Nice weekend, Drooler.

Reggie Bush - Is there a more Reggie Bush thing to do than getting hurt in warm-ups due to slipping on the snow?  Other than taking money from boosters, I say no.

Antonio Brown - LOLOLOLOL!!!  What a dumbass!  It's a little more than fitting that the Steelers season ends on a sideline issue a week after Mike Tomlin is an idiot on the sideline.  Karma BRAH!  What amazing field awareness of Brown.  He didn't learn that in the MAC.

Defenses in the Vikings/Ravens game - It led to Johnny BRAH being near tears on the sideline.  He's going to hear about that display of pussydom at Christmas.  Even Crean Pie will probably give him the business.  Bananas finish and made me jealous of the Vikings because at least they are still trying which is more than I can say about my racists.

Eli Manning - Still sucks and the Giants have been eliminated from the postseason much like they were 8 weeks ago.  Earlier last week, Eli was asked if he remembers why he was a baby and did not want to play in San Diego.  He said that he did not remember which makes sense because he is Simple Jack.  I think it was more because NYC has an FAO Schwartz.

Wes Welker - DEAD!  Two concussions in three weeks!  Denver needs to put up one of those Reggie Ray Concussions Left Before Dying countdowns on their scoreboard.

Rusty Wilson - FUCK YOU!  ANYONE could do your job.  You have the best healthy RB in the game and a drug-addled defense.  Please stop acting like Wilson makes them tick, lamestream media, because he does not.  He's good.  He isn't great.  He lost to a real BRAH.  Good day for the BRAHs!

Richard Sherman - I still hate this guy so much and it really pisses me off when he does that "you so crazy" motion on the field.  The 49ers only beat you because of bad calls, eh?  As a Stanford man, you could have at least blamed the loss on not playing Stanford Football.

Cam Newton - I still think that the Panthers are a good bet for January and it's hard to win in NOLA, but the guy still blew.  He must not have found the right lucky stick of gum.

FANTASY! - I had no meaningful games this week but I was able to end my G$FL season on a nice note by caving in Ide's asshole.  It gets real this coming week as I face the crooked commish in the LFL (Dut vs. Jeff in the other AKA The Gay Orange Bowl) and it doesn't matter at all who I get in the MSFL between Burke/Ide and Nate (LS vs. Prime in the other semi).

In conclusion, you know it's gotten serious when I'm thinking things like "I wish that Jim Haslett was our interim coach".  Mike Shanahan is clearly trying to get fired and the team hates him so FIRE HIM ALREADY.  Jesus, who would have ever thought that Snyder would be too slow to shit can an asshole?

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you guys want to relive Grumpy play fantasy football, look at Nate this week. His bench had the highest score IN THE LEAGUE. That takes a special kind of bad.

Got my first round bye. See you on twitter, fuckface.

Much like yesterday, I am over that loss. Apparently, two days is my allotted grieving time over heart wrenching losses. Man, I wanted that game to be in Cleveland. That place would have trumped bottlegate.

LOLZ GRONK.

Ide

Grumpy said...

If you want proof the NFL is fixed, look no further than that PI call on the Browns to hand Pretty Boy a win.. Revolting.

Nate said...

I am so fucking pissed right now.

I could have done ANYTHING different than I did this week and I would have won in fantasy football.

Instead, Adrian Peterson and Gronk combine for 6 fucking points.

I've enjoyed fantasy football, but really hate how big of a factor luck plays in the whole thing.

Mr. Ace said...

Luck? YOU STARTED DARREN FUCKING MCFADDEN WHEN HE WAS INACTIVE! Plug in anybody from your bench and you win. In fairness, you were probably still crying from the previous night. But that is on you.

That Eagles game was the most fun I have had watching a game on tv in a long time. That was the kind of win that can give us some serious MO to close out the season. KKKooper is the best.

Suck all the dicks Drooler.

Shanny wants fired so bad. Like Bo Pelini bad. Hopefully Snyder didn't let him off easy.

Welcome to December, Romo. Great to see those true colors even though I picked them to cover.

I agree that the spot foul is stupid for PI.

My car couldn't merge onto the Highway this morning. Probably time for some new tires.

Anonymous said...

G$'s distaste for snow football is un-American (weird way to spell that out). Those snow games were ELITE and I hope that the Super Bowl is half of what that Iggles/Pussycat game was.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, has anyone read the rules for it? Holy shit, it is on par with the Third Reich. No tailgating, no WALKING TO THE STADIUM, no cabs/car services, and no eating/drinking outside of your car. Also, if you want to take a bus (which you have to unless you park ($1300) or get a hotel shuttle) it is $51.

Thank God the Browns aren't going like we planned.

Ide

GMoney said...

That's why the Redskins are terrible, Ide. Didn't want to hose me on parking/eating.

To be fair, the first halves of those snow games were brutal. And it is very American of me to not delete what I already wrote.

I love blaming me some Romo but that team is flawed WAY beyond the QB.

Never got above 20 mph on the drive in this morning. Took 75 minutes. NOT ELITE.

Grumpy is a HUGE Browns fan.

Grumpy said...

No, but that call was outrageous. The Browns deserved the win.

Also, Fuck You Ide.

GMoney said...

The Browns never deserve to win. Heartbreak at all costs is what they deserve.

Why don't you go step out of bounds like an idiot, you idiot. BURN!

So since Nate sucks, I guess that means that I get Ide and Burke this week. To dust off this classic chestnut, it's always nice to take care of two faggots for the price of one queerbate.

Prime99 said...

Watching a game where the Bears have zero turnovers and no punts is great entertainment! Alshon is the fucking man.

As fun as that was, the Bears D is awful. Jason Garrett gets the opposite of coach of the year for not going up to the booth and skull fucking Bill Callahan into running the ball on every down.

GMoney said...

Jason Garrett is too classy to skull-fuck. He's a straight missionary guy.

Has Mike Shanahan been fired yet? WHY NOT?

Anonymous said...

Hating snow football games is very un-American. The first half of that Lions/Eagles game was great TV.

I don't think not allowing tail-gating at the Super Bowl is that big of a deal, because basically zero fans go to it anyways. It's corporate as fuck...which makes it suck on it's own. I don't think I'd have any interest in going if the Lions ever made it...which is something I don't have to worry about anyways.

As I said here on Friday...I didn't expect the Lions to win in Philly or cover the spread. They didn't disappoint in that regard....more #predictionsdrewmade , right Prime?!?! Herpaderpa fag.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Thank you for clarifying that stance of you attending a mythical Lions Super Bowl. I was about to jump down your throat. I'll just my penis back in there instead. I'm sure you're cool with that.

Anonymous said...

AP calling Baltimore fans the worst was great.

Sure the Browns should have won as the game looked more fixed than any other game I have ever seen, but not shocking to see us lose like that. The intentional grounding call on Campbell when he made a throw from the NUMBERS and the ball landed 5 feet from a receiver was so terrible. Also, who cares, we need to keep losing for draft status.

LOLZ at the Steelers and their stupid fucking fans. #HereWeGo right Grump?

Seal

Prime99 said...

LULZ, Drooler!

Jeff said...

Seal, have you once smiled in your life? You must be the bitterest person on the face of this earth, but I guess being a Believeland fan can do that do you. (LOLZZZZLOLZZZLOLZ at you and your dumb ass fans for coming up with that)

I imagine that you probably celebrated UKs last title by going out back and shooting puppies with a shotgun.

GMoney said...

Great take, Jeff! Seal's wedding photos all have him strangling cats while getting kicked in the nuts by his groomsmen. Best day of his life!

Anonymous said...

Jeff....that's called finding dinner in Kentucky.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"....more #predictionsdrewmade , right Prime?!?! Herpaderpa fag"

You're in his head.

The most LULZ thing on here today is Nate bitching about being unlucky when he started a guy who didn't practice all week and was pretty much ruled out on Friday. SO UNLUCKY! I've heard it all.

It's crazy how numb I am to Cleveland football. Nothing they do surprises me or angers me anymore.

Even more hilarious than any of the terrible penalties was the decision to put Greg Little on the onside recovery hands team. HAHAHA! The fuck?! That might be the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life.

GMoney said...

Yeah, Nate, just admit that you weren't paying attention. You were still choking on your tears from the night before.

Nate said...

It doesn't matter anyways. Even if I would have won this past week, I would have been fucked without AP. Zero RB depth with both my RB1 and RB2 pretty much toast.

I need to be a fan of an NFL team next year, but everybody around here seems to be miserable about theirs. It appears being a fan of the Bills, Browns, Lions, Redskins, or Steelers will turn you into nothing but a sad panda.

Eagles seems like the only other team that's brought some happiness, but couldn't stomach the thought of having more in common than what I currently do with Ace (nothing).

I'm a small market type of guy, so maybe I'll try being a Bengals fan next year.

Anonymous said...

What do I have to be nice about on a site where we see who can puff their chest out the biggest regarding their favorite team everyday? When something hilarious happens to someone's team on here, it makes for fun commentary... to tell you guys that you look like assholes while laughing at your prospective team.

Sorry I didnt massage your balls when the red sox won the series.

Since when are we supposed to be happy and nice around here?

Anonymous said...

And what the fuck do any of us have to be happy about, while on the topic...

OSU just shit the bed...

UM blows and is only happy when another team fails...

The Tigers choked... again...

All Cleveland teams completely blow ass every year... so obviously our only fun is laughing at our rivals doing something stupid.

Like people care about hockey...

Jeff should have taken much more advantage of winning a WS this year... you should have shit on all of us losers.

We all suck, so telling each other we suck is the only thing that makes this site fun. If we liked each other, this place would blow.

Eat my ass.

Seal

Anonymous said...

SINCE THE BUCKEYES LOST ON SATURDAY. DID YOU NOT GET THAT MEMO?

Besides, Ape's chest is the biggest due to all that soy he eats on a daily basis. His voluptuous man chest has all the girls at his inner city school blushing.

I wanted to talk about that Browns loss, but after two absolutely soul crushing losses this weekend, I lost all ability to look at sports.

Oh, and grats on CBJ shitting the bed against the Pens last night. I was getting re excited after beating the Wild over the weekend (I only caught the box score in between depression bouts), but alas, no excitement can be sustained as long as you cheer for teams in Ohio.

Ide

Anonymous said...

The anon was obviously me... clarifying because I hate anon posts.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Soy bewbs are the best bewbs.

Nate, there is always room on the Eagles bandwagon. You want to cheer for an innovator like Chip and you know it. Don't become a fucking Browns/Bengals/Lions fan. You have made it this far in life without falling for a horrible local team, don't do it now.

If you're a Browns fan and you still care...I don't even know, man.

Angry Seal is the only Seal.

Lolz at Braxton not getting invited to NYC.

GMoney said...

Seal, with logic like that, someone is making a late push for Commenter of the Year!

Nate, I would never advise anyone to support Mike Brown although rooting for Nugent and Dane could be appealing to you. Maybe the Bingles are a nice fit. Plus, Touchdown Bengals is the greatest song ever.

Ide, the CBJ played well last night. It's just that the Pens are better. We were on national TV and didn't embarrass ourselves with a back-up goalie. If anything, I would say that we dominated that game but Crosby had a fluke goal and Malkin made a Malkin play. Just got to bide our time until Bob, Horton, and Gabby get back. Beat the Devils tonight and all is well.

Anonymous said...

Was he supposed to after missing a quarter of the season? Hell, I thought Hyde deserved it more than him anyways.

Ide

GMoney said...

Whoa whoa whoa...we can talk about the Weisman (and the lesser Heisman Trophy) on Friday.

GMoney said...

Looks like I will have to defeat Megatron in both the LFL and MSFL this week. Fortunately, a got a BRAH on my side who is more than willing to throw down some bounty money on Monday Night.

I do admit that the thought of getting Tron'd is terrifying.

Anonymous said...

Too bad he isnt playing the Browns... we all know that Haden would shut him down, AGAIN.

Seal

GMoney said...

Atta boy, Seal, keep fucking that chicken

The Iceman said...

I like the resume Seal is putting together.

Anonymous said...

BREAKING NEWS: Mack Brown is stepping down at Texas.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I hear he wants to focus on his auto repair business in Naptown.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, you mean "Stepping down". Find it hard to believe this was his choice.

Anonymous said...

Ape....truf. This is per the famous Chip Brown over at Orangebloods.com. Supposedly, he will be like a special assistant to the Prez at Texas and make a cool $ 500K a year...but, still obviously way less than he's making now. He is saying the announcement is supposed to happen Thursday...with their football banquet being a Mack celebration on Friday.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Bruce Feldman ‏@BFeldmanCBS 16m
Mack Brown to 247: "I'm in FL recruiting. If I had decided to step down I sure wouldn't be killing myself down here." Said not stepping down

This is awkward.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...they probably should get that done sooner as opposed to later. Same thing happened when Brown broke the news that their AD was "stepping down" a month ago. He put out a pissed off statement that he wasn't going anywhere....and then within 48 hours he was gone.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Typical Drooler spreading his lies and unconfirmed hogwash. Maybe Orangebloods meant to say that Mike Shanahan was fired.

Jeff said...

Hey MuDawgFan,

Pat Narduzzi wins Broyles award given to nations top assistant. IN REAL LIFE!!!

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